ive looked through this board, and been too scared to post anything! i just want to ask a few ?'s. and tell a little about myself , im a recovering alcoholic, 1 year in january! i have many other addictions as well. i struggle every day... one of the hardest parts of not drinking, is the social part i struggle with. i am soooo bored, and it seems i dont enjoy anything, unless im loaded. believe me im busy, i have a 10 year old son, and 14 year old step-daughter. but anywayz, i know this gets easier, but when. i feel such an extreme loss, and i have to keep my STRENGTH! but sometimes i just want to go WILD. i guess im feeling like im missing out on something. not to mention the holidays, being really hard. i learned alot in treatment, and went to meetings for awhile, but i cant stand to talk in groups, i never felt comfortable in the meetings. my friends drink little to none, and never around me. im sick of water, and coffee. this is SO HARD!!!! i have days im sooooo damn pissed, and angry, cuz why do i have to deal with this. k, i have soooo much more to say, but i dont want to bore you. basically, can a bunch of addictions run into one another ex: being an alcoholic, eating disorder, drugs etc. and does the craving, and social life eventually get better. thanx for reading this-----hope it makes sense, :wave:

hey serenity111,

i feel kinda strange writing encouragement to you because i'm a "newbie" on this board myself. i've mostly just been a lurker.
there will be many goood and nice people writing to you soon much more knowledegeable than me. Some will have very similar "problems" as you. Some have found ways to beat it, some are still triing. What caught my attention about these people was they had such similar problems as me. Some of their words(thinking) were exactly like mine. I thought i was the only one, alone in this world going through this shi*, and thinking the way i do.
Its sad, but comforting to know you arre not alone after all... John 3:16 is an especially nice Lady, who will definitely give you support and concern. And she is still staying just one step ahead of her problems, yet finds time to try and help other people!
I too have a host of problems,but i feel i'm too young in my recovery to be able to give much advice to anyone. It really is hard to change a way of life...... But it can be done, and i firmly believe that!!!!
I wish you sucess and even if you can't answer me now, i'll keep my eyes open on how you are doing.
Take Care,Serenity111, and keep believing.......

kindaunwell----still....

Serenity---boy can i relate to you!!!! I always feel like i am missing out on something by not partying. And you know the only thing we are missing out on is a hang-over and sickness. I really try not to put myself in situations that i will drink and it has worked for me for about 7 years or so now. Pills are my new demon. But the same rules seems to apply. I wish you the best and keep on the right track. Don't feel like you are missing out cuz you're definitely not!
LISA

I have the same problem. Every Friday I get this feeling in my gut that I just want to party my *** off. What else is there to do on a Friday night. Watch TV, you do that all week. Go to a movie, boring!! That is hard question to answer. My question to every one is partying once a week a bad thing?

Muff-

The question is are you capable of pratying once a week. Will it become 1 & 1/4 days a week then 1 & 1/2 days a week, ect, ect. That is what I have found my problem is. I'm such a good sales person that I can even con myself.

Good Luck,
Rudder

Hi Serenity,
I am sorry you are having so many "problems" after a year of being sober~ it would seem as if things would be "calming down" for you somewhat. I sensed a little bit of anxiety in your post...do you take anything for anxiety or depression? I AM NOT trying to be a pill pusher, but if you are still feeling that anxious, angry, confused, etc., you may want to see a doctor about getting on an anti-depressant and/or something for anxiety. I have an opiate addiction and am now on Lexapro (for depression) daily and Xanax (for anxiety attacks) as needed. It has helped some! I can't relate to alcoholism but can relate to "craving" my particular crutch and I know it can be mentally draining. I am sorry you are having to experience this. I would suggest talking to a doctor and see what they suggest. I have my faith to fall back on and suggest to anyone who has a faith to pray and rely on God's strength more than your own, because we always seem to fail. I know I have! Try exercising and getting involved in something you enjoy doing that will take your mind off things. I know it is hard and am glad you finally posted and hope you will use this board to you advantage! "Vent" anytime you need to! :) Sometimes, that is all I need~ to get things off my chest. Everyone here is great~ very supportive!

Hang in there and take care. Keep us posted as to how you are,
Michelle

serenity, sobriaty is boaring some times you get use to. By the way I am Stacey I am here every day I like to help were I can it keeps me clean, By the wat congrads on your year proud of you. and what ever you want to write we will read it some one will I ramble all the time. It gets easyer after a while you do not even think about the "good times" you start thinking why your staying clean and how much better your life has become. It is good your friends don't drink around you those are friends. lett me know if you just want to ramble i'll answer know matter what.
Goddess Bless you
Stacey

Serenity,
Thanks for your message of honesty. You have a lot of courage and it takes being honest with yourself to maintain sobriety. I've heard said that our addictions are but a symptom of our problems. It was a way to help me find relief from my problems. It takes time, but I've found that you can have more fun being sober. Like it's fun to watch what drinking does to other people at a party. Everything is real quiet at first, then as you watch people start drinking, they get loser and pretty soon, you see some of them start to lose control. It's like being on the outside viewing a movie. Dancing is much more fun because the music is more clearer and the rhythm more lively. Everything is much more clearer and even sex is so much more beautiful and intense because there is nothing to numb you. I was so very shy at first, going to meetings and at social events. Slowly I started liking the meetings as I got to know the people and they got to know me. I used to hate social events and family gatherings and now I look forward to them. Slowly I felt like I was a part of, instead of feeling like I was always out of place and so self-conscious. It takes time and sharing yourself with others. My old sponsor, who died earlier this year, told me that the greatest gift you can give another human being is your time. I thank you for taking the time to post your message and share yourself with us. We all have our bad days, that is life, but remember that they are not terminal, the bad days, that tomorrow is always a new day. As far as the cravings, I still have them from time to time but they don't last long because my higher power has removed the obsession to use. I just try to stay in the "Just for Today Mode" and when I do things are never that bad just for today. I've learned that all I have is a daily reprieve from my addiction based on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. The key for me is trying to maintain a relationship with God on a daily basis and talking and sharing with other addicts like myself. Your message makes a lot of sense and I look forward to hearing more from you. I really appreciate your honesty! Take care and thank you!
David

WOW! thank you everyone, for all your support. there was a ? if i take any meds----yes for about 13 years! for depression. right now im on wellbutrin/ celexa. it helps me a little. i have to agree, that living in sobriety is a clearer way to live.... i think alot of my issues is what drives me to drink or want to numb out. i have low self-esteem, loving myself seems impossible! and suffer from depression for as long as i can remember. this is why i loved getting out of reality! i have everything in the world to be "happy" about, but this is within. ive been to numerous counselors, and im fed up with that. i am thinking of going back to some meetings, its just getting the courage up to go. im quiet, and i hate when i am misjudged by people----which has happened alot in my life. i came to find out about myself though. i am adopted, and i was born heroin addicted! my addictive personality stems obviously from that. i suffer from an eating disorder as well. i do agree all the support you can get really HELPS. after i got out of treatment, i figured i could do it on my own, and relapsed several times. i lost my fiance, when i went into treatment. and then a year later we got married. sometimes i wonder if i didnt have him, would i fall again------i guess i get a little negative thoguhts sometimes. thanxs for reading this. i love to be able to relate to people! thanxs again for all the responses. :wave:

Serenity,
Thanks for your message of honesty. You have a lot of courage and it takes being honest with yourself to maintain sobriety. I've heard said that our addictions are but a symptom of our problems. It was a way to help me find relief from my problems. It takes time, but I've found that you can have more fun being sober. Like it's fun to watch what drinking does to other people at a party. Everything is real quiet at first, then as you watch people start drinking, they get loser and pretty soon, you see some of them start to lose control. It's like being on the outside viewing a movie. Dancing is much more fun because the music is more clearer and the rhythm more lively. Everything is much more clearer and even sex is so much more beautiful and intense because there is nothing to numb you. I was so very shy at first, going to meetings and at social events. Slowly I started liking the meetings as I got to know the people and they got to know me. I used to hate social events and family gatherings and now I look forward to them. Slowly I felt like I was a part of, instead of feeling like I was always out of place and so self-conscious. It takes time and sharing yourself with others. My old sponsor, who died earlier this year, told me that the greatest gift you can give another human being is your time. I thank you for taking the time to post your message and share yourself with us. We all have our bad days, that is life, but remember that they are not terminal, the bad days, that tomorrow is always a new day. As far as the cravings, I still have them from time to time but they don't last long because my higher power has removed the obsession to use. I just try to stay in the "Just for Today Mode" and when I do things are never that bad just for today. I've learned that all I have is a daily reprieve from my addiction based on the maintenance of my spiritual condition. The key for me is trying to maintain a relationship with God on a daily basis and talking and sharing with other addicts like myself. Your message makes a lot of sense and I look forward to hearing more from you. I really appreciate your honesty! Take care and thank you!
David


David,

What an encouraging post. I know you helped Serenity along with many other, myself included.

Serenity, I try to think about the reasons I wanted to quit using when I start to feel as if I am missing out. I know I am not missing a thing. Also, remember this time of year it seems as if there is much more focus on parties and partying. Doesn't it feel good to wake up in the mornings not hungover or regrets about using?

It is good for all of us to see that even after a year, we will still have "thoughts" of using and thank you for posting your struggle here. David's post made a lot a good point about how if you keep going to meetings you slowly start to feel a comfort level. It is hard for me also to attend groups and share.

Patty

Serenity, your definetly not alone there are many of us who feel the way you do, we have to remember that this addiction didn't happen overnight and it won't unfortunatley go away overnight. I don't have the answers but I know I take it one day at a time, I only have 5 months clean time as of today. Please don"t give up hang in there and have a safe Happy Holiday.