Hey all --

2 1/2 years ago, i was into Ectascy use. I would use it every weekend for about 8 months.. thats how long my usage lasted. So in total, i probably did about 90 pills within that time period.

Ever since i stopped, my nervous system has never been the same.
Im not even anxious about ANYTHING whatsoever.. but my body always seems to go into full anxiety mode so easily... and i can get out of it.
My muscles get tense, i get waves of 'pain' throughout the body, like my nerves are going on overload....
Its just all out of wack....
I've still accomplished SO much while feeling so terrible over these years..
But.. i would so love to have my old body back.

My doctor has tried anti-anxiolytic drugs on me to no avail...

Can anyone relate with me, or did anyone experience something similar?
And if so... did you finally get back so that you body felt normal again.

Im starting to wonder if im stuck like this.. and now im totally regretting ever doing what i did in the past.

Any support is appreciated...

Drew

Drew - I wish I could help you but I have absolutely no experience with X. However, there is another post on here where a guy describes your symptoms and he said his was due to X too. Try to find it but I don't know his name. It was about 2 weeks ago. He was going to get tested for panick attacks. I wish you luck and I'm sorry I can't offer any advice other than to be honest with your doctors.

I can only be honest with you and say that I never did. I started on opiates in my teen years and quickly progressed to methadone. I was on the program for 5 years. In spite of having up to 5 years drug free at times, I was never the same after I got addicted. Always achy, have difficulty sleeping and a general mental depression.

Thirty years now have passed since I got off the methadone. I have done fairly well in my life in spite of the addiction. But it is always there and always will be. Now at age 49 I am on suboxone. I am trying to taper off but I may need to resign myself to the possibility that I could be on it for the rest of my life.

Drew,
How long has it been since you used the drug? Nerves take a long time to heal, I know that from experience. I had radial palsy and my right hand went dead. I lost all use of it for about 6-months. The neurologist told me it took so long because nerves heal approximately 1-inch per month according to her. I haven't drank in 13 years but I remember, especially the first year, being just a bundle of nerves and having a lot of anxiety attacks for no apparent reason. It takes a lot of time for the body to heal, especially after the way I abused it. I know that I'm going to have to struggle with this addiction until I die whether clean or using. And I also know, that it only gets worse if I keep using. It's a progressive disease that I know, I'll never recover from completely. But I've been able to arrest it and live comfortably under my own skin most of the time through a higher power and a 12-step program of living. Hope this helps in some way. Take care!
David

Thanks for your responses everyone...
its been 2 1/2 years since i used anything...
And i dont plan on doing it anymore obviously.
And i exercise, and eat healthy...
So it all doesnt make sense to me.

I guess my main fear too is, will all this stress on my nerves have consequences later?

drew, I know nothing either about x But what could be going though has nothing to do whith what you think talk to your doc. About a mood stabilizer some people after drugs even short perids of time there minds get out of wack and are never the same mainia and depreesion are most common but it takes at least 6 month being clean to have you doc. make the desision talk to him more let us know how it gose.
Goddess bless
Stacey

Drew- I dont know if this will help. I also was on X. After not doing it for awhile I too noticed a "panicky" type feeling. I have switched addictions a lot. I have gone from just pot to coke to X to opiates. That is why this might not help because it was a number of things for me. After finally quitting everything except pot, I was left feeling empty and nervous. It is very difficult for me to be out in public. I have always been outgoing--(high) And now I cant even look other people in the eye.
I am starting to change that, though, I am beginning to realize that I am not the same person as i was when I started using. I am 27 now and I started using at age 12-(hard drugs) No one is even near the same mentally as they are from age 12 to 27. Your body and mind go through so many NATURAL changes alone with out drugs. Anyway, my point is , is that I have to mentally become a whole new person. I have to decide if I want to be that person who is scared of everything and everyone or if I can face life head on with a jaw clenched smile.
I think the irreparable damage that we have done to our bodies has been done. There is no going back. We can only try to fix that and tweak it so that it is just right for who we are TODAY.

No more Pills,
:wave: I completely agree with you about the wreckage being done and no going back. We have a choice today whether to continue living the way we did and tolerate the anxiety and remorse from what we've done or to change. It just takes a lot of time and a little discomfort to change (change is never that easy for me). But there is light at the end of the tunnel. It is really nice to live comfortably under your own skin most of the time. It just takes practice and time to change. I remember I had to walk through a mall (as one of my assignments at a recovery program) and smile and make eye contact with everyone I passed. It surprised me that most people (almost all) smiled back and greeted me just because I smiled and from that I learned to do it regularly and now it has become natural to greet everyone I pass with a smile and greeting (makes me feel good). Thanks for your message. How easy it is for me to forget what's involved in changing old behaviors. It reminds me that I need to do it in other areas of my life. Take care!
David :wave:

Hey that sounds like a good therapeutic exercise!!! Walking thru the mall is one of my big scares- so walking thru it and actually making eye contact and smiling sounds very challenging. Thanks for the suggestion :D
I am in the midst of reshaping my life as we speak- It has been rough so far discovering things about myself that were sad and things that I wished I did not know. But it is worth every minute of it. I cant wait to see the new and IMPROVED me!!! :cool:

There are a lot who have totally recovered. Although I have to say 2.5yrs does seem to be a long time, there are people who took loger.

I think you will get better, but you may require some CBT and medication. That's what I'm doing. Sadly I up this month and did 9 pills, but I thinkI can stop for good now.