My mother has Alzeimers Disease. It has been coming on for years but she is now deteriorating very quickly. Lately she has been very persistent in asking where my Dad is (he died 4 years ago). She expects him home at night and when he doesn't show she says he is seeing another woman. None of the family members know what to say when she brings my dad up. Is it best to correct her or just go along? Any suggestions would be appreciated.

Carole,
My grandmother had AZ. and she was pretty
lucid about everything except she had a
thing about my grandfather; she thought
that he was cheating on her too. One day
the woman in the bed next to her in the
nursing home died, and she told her family
the next day that the lady had gone home
with Jess and was sleeping with him in her
bed. Other than that one delusion, she
was quite Ok and plesent to be around. The
family just could not diswade her thinking
so they just said, "Yea, isn't it a shame?"
and changed the subject (this avoided a
fight as to who was right and who was wrong).
So, take a hint; and do the same.
The last 6 months of my mom's life she was
diagnosed with AZ. She went bullistic every
night about 5 or 5:30 and wanted to go home.
After some questioning it was determined that
"Home" was over 60 years ago and her mom and
dad were waiting for her and of course they
have been dead for over 30 years. The more
that I fought with her, the more hysterical and angry she became. Trying to convience
them that they are wrong will only make the
situation worse. I took some hints from the
Geri-Phyc Nurses and tried to defuse the
situation. She was so scared that her mom
would be worried if she didn't get home, so
I said that I would go call and explain why we couldn't be there until tomorrow. If she
wanted to talk I said that the phone was broke and I had to use the phone down the street. Next day I said, "Ok, I'll take you
after dinner". Next day it was, you can't
go home with that cold, let's get you well first, then it was Oh, lets wait until the
weekend, that way we can stay for the whole
weekend instead of hurring right back. But,
my favorite one was, "Couldn't you visit
with me a little longer, I'll call your mom
and make sure that it's ok with her".
That one did the trick---she stopped asking
after that, she was content staying with me
for a while, we played games and we were very happy for a short time.
Do what you have to, to make the present less
stressfull for her,,,,,and for you.
Don't think of it as lying, just think of it
as being reassuring, lessening the stress level, and easing her mind.
A saying that helped me during this period is "The worst thing about Alshiemer's is that they don't remember anything, the best thing about Alshiemer's is that they don't remenber anything". Gosh, isn't that the
truth !!!
So, try to think of where your dad would be
if he wasn't dead and if he wasn't home.
What she really wants in her disconnected mind is to be reasurred that she is alright, her husband is alright and everything will be fine. When you can ease her mind about those things, she will be a lot happier.
One more trick that always helped me is,
"the mind yank", they have a short attention span too, so change the subject.
TAKE CARE
AND GOD BLESS



------------------
Gizmo

Carole,
My grandmother had AZ. and she was pretty lucid about everything except she
had a thing about my grandfather; she thought that he was cheating on her too.
One day the woman in the bed next to her in the nursing home died, and she
told her family the next day that the lady had gone home with Jess and was
sleeping with him in her bed. Other than that one delusion, she was quite Ok
and pleasant to be around. The family just could not dissuade her thinking so
they just said, "Yea, isn't it a shame?" and changed the subject (this avoided
a fight as to who was right and who was wrong) So, take a hint; and do the
same. The last 6 months of my mom's life she was diagnosed with AZ. She
went ballistic every night about 5 or 5:30 and wanted to go home After some
questioning it was determined that "Home" was over 60 years ago and her
mom and dad were waiting for her and of course they have been dead for over
30 years. The more that I fought with her, the more hysterical and angry she
became. Trying to convince them that they are wrong will only make the
situation worse. I took some hints from the Geri-Phyc Nurses and tried to
defuse the situation. She was so scared that her mom would be worried if
she didn't get home, so I said that I would go call and explain why we couldn't
be there until tomorrow. If she wanted to talk I said that the phone was broke
and I had to use the phone down the street. Next day I said, "Ok, I'll take you
after dinner". Next day it was, you can't go home with that cold, let's get you
well first, then it was Oh, lets wait until the weekend, that way we can stay
for the whole weekend instead of hurrying right back. But, my favorite one was,
"Couldn't you visit with me a little longer, I'll call your mom and make sure that
it's ok with her". That one did the trick---she stopped asking after that, she was
content staying with me for a while, we played games and we were very happy
for a short time. Do what you have to, to make the present less stressful for
her,,,,,and for you. Don't think of it as lying, just think of it as being reassuring,
lessening the stress level, and easing her mind.A saying that helped me during
this period is "The worst thing about Alzheimer's is that they don't remember
anything, the best thing about Alzheimer's is that they don't remember anything".
Gosh, isn't that the truth !!!
So, try to think of where your dad would be if he wasn't dead and if he wasn't
home. What she really wants in her disconnected mind is to be reassured that
she is alright, her husband is alright and everything will be fine. When you can
ease her mind about those things, she will be a lot happier. One more trick
that always helped me is, "the mind yank", they have a short attention span
too, so change the subject.
TAKE CARE
AND GOD BLESS

------------------
Gizmo

[This message has been edited by gizmolove (edited 05-19-2001).]