I understand how you feel and have been going through similar. It is a different kind of suffering. You came to the right place as far as I'm concerned. Chronic pain or illness can lead to major depression-hand in hand. Chronic pain changes a person’s personality and focus changes and shifts. The focus tends to be, please G-d, let me sleep through the night and grant me the mental energy required to get through it and another day or another hour... Yes. I hear you loud and clear. It's not difficult getting sucked into the pain that is looming and dooming. It is not a happy place to be, not easy to hear about and a downer. I'm dealing with that. The body is fighting me and I do what I can, try to get better but sometimes It is out of my hands. Hearing somebody say, chin-up, push forward, look what I have, look what you don't does not help. Don’t kick em when there down or rub some ebsom salt in that gaping wound.

Friendships require investment of time and that takes availability and energy both ways. When in pain, we are needy and it is unpleasant to dwell on. We don’t dwell on it because it’s part of life. That is one big difference understanding can make. Needy in the sense that we are overwhelmed with it and the outpouring of description is a relief valve for us, but a bomb to the listener. The thing to change is to not have it (the pain) be the focus. It is taxing to others to hear it is the major focus in our lives. We are different but everyone is human. When I have a good day I am thrilled and happy because of it but days like that tend to be short lived. When they end bouts of crying follow. It's continual adjustment and re-adjustment. I don't want to be that way but when in pain there is nothing else on my mind but killing the pain. Not placing a phone call, not planning a visit-killing the pain, waiting for something to help so I can think or have a conversation with someone. By the time that happens, it is sometimes to late then recycles and before you know it months go by that turn into years. You are not alone.

The man you have been corresponding with would not say something to hurt your feelings. He could be dropping a hint. Sometimes I don't pick up the phone because it tends to be a call with bad news and I have not yet dumped my trash. He has pain of his own, may be drained whatever the reason, he's not going to tell you because of your history which is thoughtful. He may be letting you down gently. Leave it as that and let him go.

You had friendships that drifted everyone does. They do and it happens. This happens and there is a way to remedy it. Not to expect things to return as they were but into something new. Touch bases via a short note to let them know you are thinking of them. Remember birthdays with a note. Not for a shoulder to lean or cry on but to reach out to them and leave open the door. If you are well enough to see a movie go to one and make an invitation. Create options and open yourself up to them. Alternatives. You can’t jog but can play cards. They should not hold physical limitations against you. Find out what is doable. I went fishing over the summer. Wow-wee fishing! Watch out! Exciting stuff happening here! lol Anyhow, I took a chance. A chance I would end up having to return home early. I could have decided not to and let pain govern life. This way I had options and ended up enjoying myself and company and company enjoyed me! It could happen!

We people in pain need to also understand that the people who love us suffer with our pain as well. The pain steals the old healthy person they once knew and replaces us with an imposter. It's a thief. It is good exercise when well enough to extend and reach out. It is important to let them know what they mean to us, that they mean more to us then our pain. Everyone has needs. I catch myself when I'm talking about medications or pain and limit it and I cut myself short. This way they are clued in without pressure. I don't have the support I would hope for but do understand. Start small and it will snowball from there. That is what I have been doing. It is working. Valentines day is near and would be a good excuse to send a cute, warm note. What opportunity awaits!!!

I am very aware of this aspect of not feeling well. Psychologists need consultations with other psychologists after all the sessions they have. I think a support group is your best outlet for discussing pain and everything that comes with it. Chronic pain sufferers understand because they are in the same boat. I'd keep it to that and understand that distance does not mean death of a relationship, just transformation of it. I don't want pain to be what I'm about but talk to these people. That is what is on the brain.

They may not understand but you could help them understand. I say, its...like a migraine in your foot that won't go away or if you pinched yourself and didn’t let go or something they have experienced. This way they can relate. Some people are fair weather friends. That's a hard fact to accept.

If you give up hope you give in and have given up. I refuse to succumb to this pain and immobility because it simply is not a lifestyle. If I were to lose hope and faith I would not be here. You can have hope and chronic pain. To accept things will never get better is putting yourself in an elevator mindset heading directly to the basement. I understand this is terrible and awful but throwing in the towel is not a way to manage it. If you have that mindset I can see why someone would pull away. I'm not steering clear from this because I understand it and have been there and fight it. Twofold one from not feeling well, the other from trying to work through some things on my own. Depression is a dark dreary place where there is absence of light. Get help for the depression. This is your life and very real.