Andrew29
01-07-2004, 01:29 AM
I'm just generally bad at 1-on-1 conversations with people. It's NOT that I'm shy, nervous or uncomfortable, but I just can't think of anything to say. I'll be thinking "what should I say now". And I just come up blank. If there's more than 2 people, I have no problems at all. Anyone know what I can do?
Sponsor
bassie
01-07-2004, 09:24 AM
Hi Andrew
Interesting mail!
Just some ideas: If you know in advance you will be 1 on 1 maybe you should have a few questions ready. You don't have to feel you have to do the *talking*.
Most people like it when someone shows interest in where they grew up, what their occupation is,the family they come from, the school they went to etc.
I don't mean that you rattle it off one after another.
Imagine you say "I'm always interested to know where people come from?"
The other person answers (hopefuly :D ).
You might know something about the place or not have heard of it before so you respond with a comment or further question like "that would be a cold place I imagine" or "what a great place to live" or "that's one place I've never heard of". Almost always you will get a response that you can get along a bit further with.
If it runs a bit dry have another *indication of interest prepared*. It really is true that people do not get asked much these days. Many people have no time to listen to others. I mean listening to the simple things of life. If you become someone who does you will be enriched.
Once people are on a roll of recollections it usually takes only a slight indication of "go on.." and you get them feeling you really want to know.
Try to give a relaxed impression like having your hands loose and leaning or lounging a bit.
Hope it helps.
Interesting mail!
Just some ideas: If you know in advance you will be 1 on 1 maybe you should have a few questions ready. You don't have to feel you have to do the *talking*.
Most people like it when someone shows interest in where they grew up, what their occupation is,the family they come from, the school they went to etc.
I don't mean that you rattle it off one after another.
Imagine you say "I'm always interested to know where people come from?"
The other person answers (hopefuly :D ).
You might know something about the place or not have heard of it before so you respond with a comment or further question like "that would be a cold place I imagine" or "what a great place to live" or "that's one place I've never heard of". Almost always you will get a response that you can get along a bit further with.
If it runs a bit dry have another *indication of interest prepared*. It really is true that people do not get asked much these days. Many people have no time to listen to others. I mean listening to the simple things of life. If you become someone who does you will be enriched.
Once people are on a roll of recollections it usually takes only a slight indication of "go on.." and you get them feeling you really want to know.
Try to give a relaxed impression like having your hands loose and leaning or lounging a bit.
Hope it helps.
Andrew29
01-08-2004, 10:17 PM
People always say "ask questions". But I can't ask the same person the same questions all the time. Especially, if I know them already. Questions may work if I'm talking to someone I JUST MET. But what about people I know already? Someone please help me out, this is so frustrating.
bassie
01-08-2004, 11:57 PM
But I can't ask the same person the same questions all the time. Especially, if I know them already.
True. Can you give an example of the type of people you get cooped up and have to converse with? This might make it a bit easier to respond.
Is it your neighbor or a workmate or who?
True. Can you give an example of the type of people you get cooped up and have to converse with? This might make it a bit easier to respond.
Is it your neighbor or a workmate or who?
monday
01-09-2004, 01:27 AM
It sounds like the situation of being with just one person and feeling the responsibility to keep the conversation going may be part of the problem. If you are worrying about what to say you can't really focus on what's being said and just enjoy yourself. If you know the person you can think of what there interests are and ask questions about them. Think about what interests you.Ask them if they know about it. If thev've read a certain book, or seen a certain show. I wind up having conversations about TV shows or movies all the time. It's a common interest a lot of people share. Mostly I think you need to focus on what is being said at the moment rather than focusing on what to say next. And don't worry about awkward silences everyone experiences them. You are only responsible for one half of the conversation. Let them take care of some of it. There is a book called "conversationally speaking" it was a great help to me.
Monday
I'm just generally bad at 1-on-1 conversations with people. It's NOT that I'm shy, nervous or uncomfortable, but I just can't think of anything to say. I'll be thinking "what should I say now". And I just come up blank. If there's more than 2 people, I have no problems at all. Anyone know what I can do?
Monday
I'm just generally bad at 1-on-1 conversations with people. It's NOT that I'm shy, nervous or uncomfortable, but I just can't think of anything to say. I'll be thinking "what should I say now". And I just come up blank. If there's more than 2 people, I have no problems at all. Anyone know what I can do?
Andrew29
01-09-2004, 04:35 AM
The people that I have trouble talking to are mainly the people at my work. I have a lot of "small-talk" conversations with them that might last just a few minutes. So it's NOT like they're complete strangers to me. I would classify the relationships as "aquintances". It has to be something wrong with me instead of them because there are lots of "talkative" people there. And it seems that they don't have much to say to me. I was trying to have a conversation with one the other day and she pretty much knew what questions I was gonna ask her. So my conversation topics have become predictable. Gender is not a big issue, but I guess I do have more problems with females. More advice would definetly be more helpful. Some of the relationships I've had have disappeared because of the lack of conversation.
P.S. - Topics that I have no problem talking about: work & school. They're boring conversations though.
P.S. - Topics that I have no problem talking about: work & school. They're boring conversations though.
joym525
01-23-2004, 04:55 PM
I too have the same problem. I have always had troble talking to people. I believe it started when I was young because my parents never had conversations with me. I have the same problem at work. I notice everyone else around me talking and I just don't know how to jump in. Just wanted to let you know you are not the only one. Could be a social disorder. May be talking to a psychologist may help. I never have but have thought about it. Luckily I have been married for 10 years and have 2 wonderful children that I TALK to everyday.
VoodooQueen
01-24-2004, 03:29 AM
Hey! Let me join the club!!!
I have a terrible time trying to get to talk to people. I live in Toronto where i've been for 5 years, and it's so bad that i still don't have any friends. I rarely have conversations with co-workers or even at school because i just don't know what to say. I soooooooooo understand your frustration Andrew!!!! God it's awful!
Hopefully you'll get some help on that because for me, it got to the point of depression and isolation where i just stop interacting with people. I hope you will find a way to overcome it and avoid what i've been going through.
VQ
I have a terrible time trying to get to talk to people. I live in Toronto where i've been for 5 years, and it's so bad that i still don't have any friends. I rarely have conversations with co-workers or even at school because i just don't know what to say. I soooooooooo understand your frustration Andrew!!!! God it's awful!
Hopefully you'll get some help on that because for me, it got to the point of depression and isolation where i just stop interacting with people. I hope you will find a way to overcome it and avoid what i've been going through.
VQ