Merv
01-08-2004, 08:26 PM
Hi I'm Merv,
I have had Donna as a client for three years now. Donna has Multiple Sclerosis. Donna is taking morphine for pain from M.S. & arthritis. Donna also drinks wine like a fish. I feel she is slowly loosing her mind. She shows narcissistic tendencies & other personality disorders. Her family threaten to commit her continually. I try to stay out of that part as I am not related. This is a second evening job & I work fulltime day job. Donna as you might guess is a very difficult person to communicate with. She turns every conversation either into a argument or makes it about her. She feels she is much smarter, attractive, experienced then anyone else. This does not bother me, either let it go in one ear & out the other, tune her out. Or when she becomes impossible to talk to or deal with. I turn everything off make sure she is o.k. and leave. No other way at times & is easier & safer then being drawn into an argument. Which is her goal always. Here is what bothers me. If I leave or if im unable to get there (snowed in last two days). I suspect but can't prove, she will hurt herself. Y-day went out on ice fell & broke hand. Now will guilt trip me over it. Donna should have at least one other person there during the day. She consistantly runs off other providers. Three or more other women in the last three years have quit because of her sarcastic personality.
Donna is 52 years old and very mobile. At times I wonder if she even has M.S. or arthritis. I deal with her firmly & won't take her crap and I'm no longer afraid to say "No Donna". She has fired me & rehired me several times. I need to find new & better ways to deal with her.
Thanks for advise
Merv
I have had Donna as a client for three years now. Donna has Multiple Sclerosis. Donna is taking morphine for pain from M.S. & arthritis. Donna also drinks wine like a fish. I feel she is slowly loosing her mind. She shows narcissistic tendencies & other personality disorders. Her family threaten to commit her continually. I try to stay out of that part as I am not related. This is a second evening job & I work fulltime day job. Donna as you might guess is a very difficult person to communicate with. She turns every conversation either into a argument or makes it about her. She feels she is much smarter, attractive, experienced then anyone else. This does not bother me, either let it go in one ear & out the other, tune her out. Or when she becomes impossible to talk to or deal with. I turn everything off make sure she is o.k. and leave. No other way at times & is easier & safer then being drawn into an argument. Which is her goal always. Here is what bothers me. If I leave or if im unable to get there (snowed in last two days). I suspect but can't prove, she will hurt herself. Y-day went out on ice fell & broke hand. Now will guilt trip me over it. Donna should have at least one other person there during the day. She consistantly runs off other providers. Three or more other women in the last three years have quit because of her sarcastic personality.
Donna is 52 years old and very mobile. At times I wonder if she even has M.S. or arthritis. I deal with her firmly & won't take her crap and I'm no longer afraid to say "No Donna". She has fired me & rehired me several times. I need to find new & better ways to deal with her.
Thanks for advise
Merv
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suzi47cmt
01-09-2004, 07:46 PM
Hi Merv,
Sounds like this person is really causing her own stress and difficulties. From what you describe, she does seem to be narcissistic, and needs some professional help. Hard to know, without experiencing this persons behavior in person but judging just by what you describe, I personally would look for another person to care for. Unless you are being paid and exorbitant amount of money, this job just does NOT sound like it is worth it to stay with her. You may need a caregiver, if you stay with her too long. LOL (just kidding). But seriously, if I were you, I think I would give "notice" and begin looking elsewhere for another client. I do not know HOW I would handle this person, but it sounds as if you are doing an excellent job of it, and are on the right track with the management of her treatment towards yourself. All I can think of, is that she is either mentally breaking down, OR the abusive way she behaves toward others is just her way of getting attention and keeping it.
Take care, and let us know how things are progressing (or NOT progressing)
Suzi
Sounds like this person is really causing her own stress and difficulties. From what you describe, she does seem to be narcissistic, and needs some professional help. Hard to know, without experiencing this persons behavior in person but judging just by what you describe, I personally would look for another person to care for. Unless you are being paid and exorbitant amount of money, this job just does NOT sound like it is worth it to stay with her. You may need a caregiver, if you stay with her too long. LOL (just kidding). But seriously, if I were you, I think I would give "notice" and begin looking elsewhere for another client. I do not know HOW I would handle this person, but it sounds as if you are doing an excellent job of it, and are on the right track with the management of her treatment towards yourself. All I can think of, is that she is either mentally breaking down, OR the abusive way she behaves toward others is just her way of getting attention and keeping it.
Take care, and let us know how things are progressing (or NOT progressing)
Suzi
Angel77
01-13-2004, 05:38 PM
Merv dear, you must have a heart of gold!! I know people like this and I'll tell ya, you are the highlight of this woman's life. They don't want someone to cow down to them, they want someone with fight....the only problem with that is that it's as hard on you as it is enjoyable for her.
I would suggest you level with her and tell her, "Donna, I love being here and enjoy your company but this constant need you have to make things hard is causing so much stress that it either has to stop or I have to find another job." She needs to know she's valued but that doesn't make it okay for her to wipe her feet on ya.
Hiring and firing you sounds to me like she gets fed up with you standing up to her and then once you're gone she realizes how much she is responsible for it and what a loss it would be, so she hires you back. She definately may have a mental disorder. Is she on any type of meds for that or if not, would she be willing to go to the doc for it? I really think your leaving will be crushing on her but also may be what she needs to realize that she needs help and needs to change. She has gone through others without a care, yet even after continually firing you, she always rehires you...so she knows what she has, maybe a serious chat on you leaving will make her realize you're not coming back if she doesn't get off the soap box.
If you tell her you're leaving, do it. Don't linger because it only encourages her bad behavior. Leave and cut contacts and leave the ball in her court. Tell her, "I have to stop coming here because of the stress. If you decide you want my help again, it will be w/ ....and add your requests" if not, I wish you well.
I don't envy your situation. My grandma is somewhat the same. She's an awesome woman but has severe issues with control and loves to guilt trip.
Bottom line...if Donna goes out and brakes her arm, leg, whatever, it's not anyone's fault but her own. She chased off all willing to help and chances are some of the situations are self inflicted for the guilt trip that's headed your way.
Not much help am I? I see it from both sides. But if I were in the middle I think it would be in your best interest to leave...if she truly changes, you can always go back....if not, you can enjoy life!!! Have fun, keep smilin' and go around the other corner, cause a guilt trip is around the other.
I would suggest you level with her and tell her, "Donna, I love being here and enjoy your company but this constant need you have to make things hard is causing so much stress that it either has to stop or I have to find another job." She needs to know she's valued but that doesn't make it okay for her to wipe her feet on ya.
Hiring and firing you sounds to me like she gets fed up with you standing up to her and then once you're gone she realizes how much she is responsible for it and what a loss it would be, so she hires you back. She definately may have a mental disorder. Is she on any type of meds for that or if not, would she be willing to go to the doc for it? I really think your leaving will be crushing on her but also may be what she needs to realize that she needs help and needs to change. She has gone through others without a care, yet even after continually firing you, she always rehires you...so she knows what she has, maybe a serious chat on you leaving will make her realize you're not coming back if she doesn't get off the soap box.
If you tell her you're leaving, do it. Don't linger because it only encourages her bad behavior. Leave and cut contacts and leave the ball in her court. Tell her, "I have to stop coming here because of the stress. If you decide you want my help again, it will be w/ ....and add your requests" if not, I wish you well.
I don't envy your situation. My grandma is somewhat the same. She's an awesome woman but has severe issues with control and loves to guilt trip.
Bottom line...if Donna goes out and brakes her arm, leg, whatever, it's not anyone's fault but her own. She chased off all willing to help and chances are some of the situations are self inflicted for the guilt trip that's headed your way.
Not much help am I? I see it from both sides. But if I were in the middle I think it would be in your best interest to leave...if she truly changes, you can always go back....if not, you can enjoy life!!! Have fun, keep smilin' and go around the other corner, cause a guilt trip is around the other.
Merv
01-13-2004, 08:33 PM
Hi Merv here.
Thank-you both Suzi47cmt & Angel77 for your help. It is a continual struggle with this woman. The best way to describe her personality is naturally sarcastic. Then add booze & pain meds & other meds to the equasion and you get a very difficult client. Apparently from what she says she was perscribed mood altering medication for depresion in the past and took herself off them because of the way they made her feel. I would like to see her get to know a someone in mental health. I think she would benifit from counceling. I may get courage to suggest this soon as I believe she is progressively getting worse. She was evaluated last year and given a clean bill of health mentally. Go figure? I think I will talk to her nurse who visits once a month and suggest this.
Thankyou Kindly
Merv
Thank-you both Suzi47cmt & Angel77 for your help. It is a continual struggle with this woman. The best way to describe her personality is naturally sarcastic. Then add booze & pain meds & other meds to the equasion and you get a very difficult client. Apparently from what she says she was perscribed mood altering medication for depresion in the past and took herself off them because of the way they made her feel. I would like to see her get to know a someone in mental health. I think she would benifit from counceling. I may get courage to suggest this soon as I believe she is progressively getting worse. She was evaluated last year and given a clean bill of health mentally. Go figure? I think I will talk to her nurse who visits once a month and suggest this.
Thankyou Kindly
Merv
tmbr1592
03-15-2004, 09:29 AM
Well just a thought, and I'm not a doctor or caretaker except i took care of alcoholic parents as a child who had psych problems, as well as an AA member and counsler. Anything they give her is going to either be dangerous with the booze, cause strange things with the booze, or not be very helpful. Does she get worse when she drinks? then lets call her what she is...an alcholoic. In which case....I personally don't think the abuse of you will stop. If she were acting this way only younger, would you think it the booze or old age? I'm not saying its impossible either way, but I haven't seen too many alcoholics who have been drinking for that long who go AA. In which case, the abusive, use 'em, it's all about me behavior cycle continues. I agree with the lady above though. It does sound like she's smitten with you. You don't back down.