I am trying to find some way to help my daughter stop throwing up. She is 14 and at the beginning of last summer she weighed close to 170 lbs. She went on a big "diet", practically starved herself, and exercised religiously about 3 times a day, and lost about 30 lbs. She looks good now. I did make her eat when I seen that she hadn't eaten anything. She started doing better with her eating habits for awhile, then she went back to her OLD eating habits, eating constantly, and I could see the weight was coming back on, and I would try and help her, when I seen she was eating too much or too often, and just remind her that she really didn't need it. Sometimes she wouldn't eat it, other times she just ignored me. But now I have just recently found out, she has been throwing up. She eats a big lot, then goes and throws it up. I had a talk with her, she knows the dangers. But she will not stop, and I am so scared. I don't know how long its been going on for sure. She says not long, but I know she will lie, cause she tried to lie when I confronted her with it. I don't know what else to do. Anyone have any advice on this issue? I am afraid to tell her father. He doesn't do very well in serious matters, and to be perfectly honest, he could be a big part of the problem, although he was only playing, he kidded her alot about her weight, not realizing what it was doing to her. What can I do?

Sorry about the situation...but dad needs to know. I would also suggest you get her into counseling NOW!! My friend has struggled with eating disorders all her life. She is now 30 and has horrible health problems because of it. It is not a problem with food, it is a problem with self-esteem, maybe depression, I don't know for sure.
You are right to be scared. Some people stick their heads in the sand until it's too late. You may need to put her in an in-patient facility if you do not see results with a counselor and maybe meds. What you do now may save her life. Her dad is only part of the issue. As a teen they tend to take everything to heart. You saying, you don't need that, and dad teasing about being chubby on top of teen issues and self-esteem can be disastrous. This is not saying that you or hubby are the cause, you're just realizing that she's not the type of kid who can not internalize those things. People who have depression or anxiety also tend to hear it come across differently, like....Gee you're a cow, do ya really need that extra helping...when all that was said is you need to give it some time to see if you're still hungry before you eat more.
I hope she does well, but expect some serious resentment for a bit. Please also keep it in confidence. Anyone not directly involved does not need to know. If she feels like everyone thinks she's a freak or knows that she has a problem it will likely cause her to become worse and she'll just get better at hiding it. If she does go in-patient, let her tell friends ahead of time that she's going to visit an out of town friend or relative. Give her an out. Don't put her down and remember just how fragile a teenager can be.
You can also encourage her self-esteem by staying away from weight issues completely. Even a comment about looking great or congrats on dropping a couple of pounds can turn into I have to lose more and they'll think even better of me. It's a vicious cycle and won't be broken easily or on your own. I would suggest you visit a counselor first alone to get an idea of how to help your husband understand, then bring him to the next one so the counselor can reiterate how important it is for him not to blow up or make matters worse. He needs to fully understand the gravity of the situation and how it could go either way and the best outcome will only be with lots of love and support.
After you and hubby visit the counselor I would sit down and decide if one, the other or both parents should approach her. I personally feel that if she knew how concerned both parents were about it and that they still love her no matter what, she will handle it better. Have the tissues ready....there'll probably be lots of tears....or even sheer anger. Try not to react to her anger. She's not angry at you, she's angry at her secret being exposed and at the shame she feels about it. She probably knows it's a problem but doesn't know what to do.
I would also suggest that you visit support groups for people with eating disorders...you'll find people in various stages of healing and people on the outside trying to help the one struggling. It will give you more insight into her and help you along your journey. I think there's even a board here on eating disorders.
Best of luck, give baby girl hugs from me. I hope you all do well and I pray she gets better.

Thanks for the encouragment. The thing was, I knew how she acted when she would eat too much. She would get depressed, and I thought if I could help her not to overeat, she wouldn't be so depressed. And her and dad kid around all the time. To watch em, you would think they hate each other. But...I guess, she is so sensitive about the weight. I can understand. I was overweight as a child and I know the feelings well. But I am afraid to tell her father. He does not respond well to problems. Especially if he thinks he's being accused of something.

Give him an out. Don't point the finger, say something like, "I am really concerned about our daughter. She seems to be having a hard time with adjusting to being a teenager and I didn't realize that she may be internalizing things that were meant in fun, but hurt her. I know that I have said things meant to help, but maybe it didn't come across the way I meant. I think we should talk to a counselor who understands the inner-workings of teens and help us understand her and help her. But for know, since her weight seems to be such a sensitive issue I think we should all avoid anything that seems remotely weight related." That way, no fingers are getting pointed at anyone and it leaves an open dialogue with him.
What exactly do you mean though about his handling of situations? You may be surprised...my FIL can be an utter pain!! and in a situation that you think would make him detonate he handles it better than everyone else does...shocks the heck out of me every time!! Little things get blown out of proportion, the biggest things are handled gently. Who knows??? What's the closest situation to this you've been in with hubby and what was the response? How was he raised?

You should tal to he father and let him know what is going on so he will know no to tease her about her weight. There is also a eating disorder board on this site maybe you should let her log on and let her read some of thier stories and talk to them it could probably help alot if she knew what she was getting in to. You should also talk to her doctor and see what they tell you. Wish you luck and hope you dont keep this a secert from her father. She will need the support from both of you.

If your daughter has bulemia you really need to set her up with a professional to talk to. She may be dealing with issues even the best of mothers can't correct. When you go to a professional let her go in first. then you can follow up with her and the doc later. You and your family should get to the root of why she's not eat and how she feels about herself. Being a Teenager is tough.
Maybe she doesn't feel incontrol in her life as a teen she has her bulemia to feel in control with..
My sister had bulemia and is 27 now, She is dealing with many health problems.
So go take her to a professional, You can look up doctors in the phone book, Also call your insurance company and have them give you a list of specialist that may be covered by your insurance. Plus educate yourself too go to the library read books on, search the internet.
Good luck and write back and let us all know how you and your daughter are doing :)

If your daughter is bulemic, get her to a doctor ASAP! A woman I know wasted away to a mere 67 pounds (she is 5"6) because of bulemia and has become the most bitter person as a result of it. She is completely obsessed with her weight. I hope you can help you daughter out.

I agree with you need to talk to her father and let him know that she is having problems. She also needs to be seen by a therapist for depression, low self esteem, and eating disorders. She needs help now before it gets worse.

Hi.
I am now 37 but I was 16 when I was anorexic and I lost 70 lbs in 3 months. I went to a 96 lb. Duckling. Diffetnly not my size as I was skin and bones.
I thought I was fat though when I looked int he mirror, I saw a different image of what I looked like and I only thought I needed to lose more weight.
I was so proud when I could fit into a size 0 pants.
Then My parents started getting worried and they told me I needed to eat. I told them I was eating. I ate at Work (at the time I was working at Burger King). The people at work I would tell them I was eating at home...so no one knew that I was really not eating anything.
On my 17 birthday I did not even want a cake. For that matter I did not even feel up to celebrating.
I cried all the time. My immune system was so down. I did not have a period any longer and I started growing hair on my body. They tell me this is what happens when you have no hormones or immunity to act on.
My face started breaking out and was dry around my mouth and eyes.
My stomache sunk in instead of out and I bruised very easily.
Finally my parents told me if I did not start eating they would take me to the hospital. Well, I immediatley got out a jar of peanut Butter and some chocolate chip cookies...and I ate them all. After wards I felt terrible. I had to get rid of it so I went to the bathroom and I threw it all up. It hurt so bad this was the start of my bulemia and I went from one extreme to the other.
It was awful. Peanut butter is one of the hardest foods to throw up. It gets stuck in your throat and hurts trying to come out.
I could go on and on...but for the next 9 years I continued to be bulemic....and everything I ate I threw up and I ate 10 more times of anything I ever ate before.
In April of 1993 I became pregnant. It was the happiest time of my life. I had a reason to eat and not throw it up and I didn't. I had my 9.5 lb baby boy 21and 1/2 inches long in March and I did not throw up much more after that time....
I am along way from being skinny after gaining 63 lb. with Kayde but I have proof as to why I have my weight and he was worth every lb. of it.
Good luck to you and your daughter. It is diffently a struggle, but one that needs to be taking with care and patience.
I was able to overcome my eating disorder of 9 years on my own. It wasn't easy and I still struggle with my weight but I am not binging an purging anymore and that is good news.
I always said if I di not start losing in the first place I would not have a bad image of myself.

MANK ;)

this is something i would not play around with for too long! and certainly seek professional help! and if that dont end it...admitt her to a hospital...do what you have to, this can and (for some) has been deadly!

Try being the Devils advocate:

The cheeks swell lager than normal the parathorid gland/saliva who wants to look like a skinny body with chipmunk hamster face.

Health wise it is going to cause osteoporosis common in anorexia and bullemia, female reproductive problems and eventually death of the heart muscle if she goes way down to less than average BMI. So going from one end of the spectrum to the other is going to kill her just as well. And it is a cycle.

Make it a family issue do atkins with her for a month or become a vegan with her or join the work out center with her and may be just maybe y'all should get a personal trainner for her, instead of killing her organs within her body unintentionally she would be in total control over every muscle and she could eat what she wanted. If she is anxiety eating then maybe she needs a b-complex vitamin once or twice a week, not every day.

When choosing a counselor to take your daughter to, please make sure to find a reputable counselor who specializes in eating disorders, they are out there.

My sister has been bulemic for 15 years and has been to several counselors. Sorry to say, most did not help because they did not have experience dealing with the complexity of eating disorders.

If you find an inpatient treatment center they will be able to give you names of the counselors that specialize in eating disorder treatment.

Please don't wait! They say that however many years you have been struggling with the eating disorder prior to getting treatment is how many years it will take you to over come it. So the sooner your daughter gets help the better off she is going to be.

Good Luck!

Please get your daughter help. She is part of you. What's that saying? Blood is thicker than water. It's true...if it were my daughter I wouldn't care what my husband thought, she'd be getting help immediately.