Well, this is my frist time back in a while. I don't quite know why I am back. If you were to ask anyone they'd say I'm doing fine. But lately something has been nagging at my conscious. I went off my pills all by myself. I know it sounds like a horrible idea, but they just dulled everything. I'd much rather feel alive than just drifting throuhg. Now that school has started agian I get worried. I feel like I am still manic most of the days of the week. I like it though. I can make it through the day and get everything done. Usually I can stay on track. Sometimes it feels like I'm getting a little out of control. Other times I feel terribly down. Not just a normal blue day, but the "not wanting to get out of bed or move" days. I know that feeling far to well. It scars me. I dont want anything to wrong agian. I couldnt take that. I dont know. I just get so confused and no one seems to understand. Does anyone have some advice?

Hi Lizzers4u. My advice might not be so good, but if I quit taking any of my meds, I would let my doctor know. Lithium is the only medicine I want to use to stabilize my manic, depressive. or mixed moods. If I quit lithium, I'd most likely become very manic, and possibly have a manic depressive episode. In my opinion I think you should at least take a stabilizer, and let your doctor know that you stopped your meds. I've read about people, here on the board, who say mood stabilizers, like lithium have kept them stable for years. I know alot of certian meds make things dull, and I won't take stuff like that, since I went through alot of meds over the years. What ever you do hang in there, you sound like you're doing alright. :)

If you had a friend who had been diagnosed with diabetes, and they told you that they had stopped taking their insulin medication, what would you tell them to do??

Our chemical imbalance is just as much a disease as diabetes and we NEED our medication just as much.

I do understand the dull feeling. It took me 4 months to reach down to the pits I hadn't been to in years in order to cry when my dad died.
But withOUT my meds I have a rollercoaster life, bad relationships, shaky friendships, bad job performance, and in my case psychotic breaks with reality during mania.

Dull or Disaster?
I chose Dull. I still feel things, I laugh, I enjoy ice cream, I just don't go off the rail....
Do I miss it? Sometimes, just not more than leading a depression and mania free life....

I say talk to the doctor... You may need the pills still...

Well guess what...i did the same thing. I was on meds for a bit over 6 months this time...and I had to get off them...gained 30 lbs, had no clothes to wear...broke from all the copays and meds...more depressed that i had to rely on meds to get me through the days and nights...deeper depressions, bigger flipouts...ect....so i wanted to go back to just me without meds for a while...its working out great...its been 4 weeks...just a bit of anziety to work through...but knowing that i have no pills to count on to get me through....im not looking for anything for help...yea a glass of wine is good sometimes for that!! :) I was also in the emergency room with stomach pains, they recomended i go off the meds to see if thats the sideeffects...my doc said he did not mind if i tried to go off....i actually told him i went off and his oppinion did not actually matter...glad he agreed with me :)

So untill i hit the bottom of the pits again ( cross fingers thats a thing of the past..lol) then I wont be medicine queen!

I say you do what you want for your own self...meds work differently with everyone! :)

Lizzers4u, have you thought about just taking a lower dose of meds rather than go off them completely? In Kay Jamison's book she says that she would constantly go off her meds due to that dull feeling, then crash and have to go on meds again. Finally she worked it out with her doctor that she would take less meds and put up with having more symptoms. Maybe that's something you can consider.
You didn't say how long you've been off meds, but it does take a while for them to leave the body, so you might feel OK for a while but eventually crash again. That not wanting to get out of bed depression could be a signal that you're going to crash. I hope not, but if you do, maybe when you're put back on meds you can go for different meds or a lower dose so you still feel like yourself.
Hope this helps.

Hey Lizzers, I can understand where you are coming from. I am currently taking Lamictal and Wellbutrin, and I have been thinking a whole lot lately about stopping them. I know the Dr's wont be too thrilled. But, i just keep wondering if I really am bipolar, or if they just want my money, and im just moody. So, yea, I don't know. I am just scared of having some crazy depressions again (the hypomania was fun :) ) . So, if you feel like you are doing alright with no meds...then that is wonderful. I'm just wondering if you or anyone else on here gets really freaked out by the thought that they might have to be on these the whole rest of our lives. Just not a fun thought. SO, yea, Lizzers, i do agree that there are many reasons to stop taking medication. But, also, keep yourself in check and make sure that you are doing alright without them.

Everyone is different and if you feel going off meds was right for you, then that's great!

It sounds like you are doing a good job monitoring your moods and I hope you keep that up. The second you slip into an episode, you're just doing to be counterproductive and potentially destructive to yourself and others.

Please tell your doctor your choice. It's your body and he can't force meds on you, but it would probably be a good idea for him to know so he can also help monitor you and make sure you are doing okay.

Bi-Polar is a disease. And while it isn't as diagnosible as diabetes... like the other poster said... it still needs to be treated. Many people stay on mood stabilizers their whole lifes and live happily and healthy!! Just keep that in mind.

I guess being that I just STARTED my mood stabilizers and seeing how much BETTER I am on them, even if I am a little "off" and I zone out at times, I'd much rather be a little on the numb side than running around charging up my credit cards or locking myself in the bathroom to bawl and consider all the harmfull things to do to myself because I am so low.

Again, good luck and let us know how you are doing.

I know you don't want to be on those meds, but we know what I'm here to say. Liz, you need to be. I know I can't be with you all the time, and since I transferred schools we have drifted apart. However, nothing is more important to me than your health, and these crazy days you've been having can't be helping.

I care about you and love you so much, and I don't want to see you sick anymore than you want to see yourself. Talk to your doctor, like one of the posts said, and see if lithium or somethign will work for you. Don't let life be dull, but you know it has to stay under control.

Thank you for clueing me into this board. I'm sorry I haven't been there for you lately like you probably had hoped. I miss you and I want to be there now. Take care of yourself Liz, you're the only one who can! Keep me in touch and up to date. You know that I am always always here when you need a shoulder or an ear!

~Frosty Sarah

Thanks to everyone who gave me some great advice. I really appreciate all the insight. I have to say I regret posting just a little bit. I know that it sounds drastic going from meds to no meds. It is a disease and it doesn’t make sense to some to just stop treating it. However, ultimately it is my own choice. Of course things have been a little rough lately, but just because I have this diagnosis hanging over my head immediately I think something’s wrong. Really when you look at it a few things have just gone wrong in a row. It’s perfectly normal. I just let it get to me.
Hypothetically if there was something wrong Pullman is not the place to deal with it anyway. I learned my lesson. You just don’t have major issues here. It’s a college town. Everyone is wrapped up in his or her own issues. I know that people see me differently as well…flawed…unstable. I know that’s not true, but if I have a bad day everyone jumps to conclusions.
I got a little off track there, but the bottom line is I’m fine. I had few rough days and that’s all there is to it. I don’t need to take my meds. I’m learning to toughen up and control my own emotions and the thoughts that create them. That means way more to me than popping happy pills, even if to the outside that’s all I do! Thanks again!

I’m learning to toughen up and control my own emotions and the thoughts that create them.

Controlling your emotions if you have a chemical imbalance is like shooting up a normal person with drugs and then JUST as the chemicals are reaching their brain... telling them to "control it".