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Hello board,
I am not sure if my wife is bi-polar or not, so maybe you could help me decide by evaluating our problems.
We have been married only 7 months. Soon after the wedding, she began obsessing about having a baby and started going to fertility doctors and getting on all these fertility meds. I wasn't very comfortable about starting a family so early into our marriage, but she pressed on. We fight a lot about almost anything. The biggest deal with us is that she constantly thinks that I am mad at her or is always asking me what is wrong. I assure her that I am not mad and nothing is wrong, but she keeps on and on about it until I get frusterated that she wont believe me. We finally had it out about the baby thing and we talked about getting a divorce, her saying that I didnt want kids and she did (I do want children, just not this soon, especially with all the fighting that we do). She finally decided to wait a while for kids, but immediately started looking for a new car. I bought a new mini van a few months back for her. Now she says she looks dumb dringing it and wants something a little more sportier. I told her no, that we havent had the van long enought to sell it and getting another car was out of the question until later. She wouldnt listen. She took it upon herself to start shopping for a car and started applying for car loans with my credit without me knowing about it. (Her credit is ruined from her past spending habits. One reposessed vehicle and several credit cards that are maxed out and she wont pay.) Am I wrong for getting very upset about this? I dont feel like I can trust her because she is doing this behind my back and I only found out some of it because I ran a credit check on myself. She does go shopping a lot and spends money on stuff we dont really need. We have discussed many times about paying bills off, but thats as far as it goes. Any extra money that we have is spent up when she decides to go shopping. I am very concerned about our financial well being, but she doesnt seem to be. She is also rather cold with her sense of humor. There have been times I would come home and tell her about my hard day at work and she would say "dang, it sucks to be you". I think that is rather rude and I would never say that to her. If I did, I know it would make her mad. It's like it's ok for her to say things like that, but if I say that kind of stuff, she gets mad. We've fought about that several times. I've told her if she cant take it, dont dish it out. She also has very bad road rage. I wont ride in the car with her if shes driving because she scares the hell out of me. She cusses people constanly and thinks everyone else on the road is an idiot and getting in her way. I dunno what to do here. By the way, we are both 33 years old. She isnt physically abusive towards me and doesnt cuss me, but some of the things she says does make me wonder if I made a terrible mistake. Shes not very affectionate and is usually not very responsive to affection that I try to show her. I also think she feels like she must be in control of everything. It's ok for her to go out on her shopping sprees or wherever else she may want to go, and I'm fine with that, no problem with me at all. She gets mad if I want to go to a friends house or got do something and calls me several times on my cell phone while I am gone. Makes me think that shes checking up on me, I dunno. I feel trapped in a dead end marriage and am already wanting out. Am I being a jerk to feel like this? I feel like I do love her, but after all the fights and arguing and apologizing afterwards, I know it will happen again. I do know that she always wants things her way and is usually very aggressive in getting whatever she wants, when she wants it. I do think she does have some impulsive spending problems and I dont know what to do about that and all the other issues I've listed here. Sorry for writing a novel. Any advice will be greatly appreciated!
Sounds like a younger me!!!!! I still have some of the things you mention about her that i carry with me to this day..I do alot of reading and have a very strong desire to change for myself and my kids so i am what you would call tame compared to a few years back.I recently started therapy and was told i have bipolar tendencies and am not presentlly on meds for bipolar but for depression...My husband could have wrote your post early on in our marriage that was me !!!! I would strongly suggest you ask her to check into getting some help ..monsters live in the dark.If you dont talk about it it will never stop!!!! I am sorry to be sounding negative ..That is the truth as i see it!!!
Best of luck keep us posted..
SP68

I don't know if she has a mental illness or if she is just an unreasonable human being.

Maybe suggest some marriage councelling before it is too late!

i think id say something along the same lines as thickman...she doesnt really sound bipolar to me......but thats just my interpretation. she sounds unreasonable and like she has a lot of control issues.....id suggest marriage counseling......

The only thing that points to a possibility of her being bipolar is the spending--manic people can do that. But otherwise it doesn't really sound like she's having mood swings. Even so, some counseling would be in order, as the other folks have said. Only a psychiatrist can really determine if someone is bipolar, or a therapist might suspect and urge a person to see a psychiatrist.