I stopped, i had stopped binging and purging, judging myself and i started loving how good it felt to be back, back to being the me that was NOT controlled by an ED. It feels so good once you get yourself on the right track, and start taking care of yourself and appreciating yourself. But I took it for granted that I was getting better. I basically stopped talking about the ED I had all together, feeling almost as if it had all been a dream, a nightmare. I thought, im all good now, and I was happy and healthy. The thing is I tripped up, once, several days ago, and it all seems to have come back to me. Im not sure what triggered it, but since that day, I have not stopped, it has been three days of non stop binging and purging and its as if I keep on punishing myself after I had been taking care of myself.
But I realized something today. I can do it, I can get better because i did and I was. I messed up once and instead of akcnowledging that I did and continue on the path of good health that I was on, I punished myself. Why? Because I hate this eating disorder, I cant stand that I have it and it hurts, it hurts to have something like this that continues to eat away at you. I cant continue to punish myself. I know that and I feel it. Our bodies get so tired from all the stress we put on it, all the physical abuse we do to it. There are so many better things one can be doing with their life, its just about looking for those things. Stepping away and out of our own little worlds that we hide in when we start binging, or purging, or not eating. Those worlds arent real, they are a false, and hurtful illusion. Im ready to get out of it. I hope you all are too.

Daniela,
Good for you that you had that revelation. Write it down and keep it! Because as you can see the road to recovery is a hard one and you will have many ups and downs. Keep what you wrote for the down days to remind yourself that there is life out there. :angel: