Hey, I've just been thinking. My ex and i broke up a few months ago, but the reality of it all is just now actually hitting me. and it sucks. I'll give you a little bit of background, he's my first real love, i thought we were going to get married, he was my best friend...and he cheated on me with a girl that hates me, and didnt tell me...Oh, and i was also my first as far as sex goes. It was always a really emotional thing, in a good way, for me atleast. Well, lately it just feels like he never even thought of anything as "making love." How could he just cheapen everything and cheat on me with her? I just cant stop crying over this...this weird upsetness, i guess you'd say, started a few days ago. I used to have a cutting problem...well, sucks because it has definitely resurfaced. I just cant deal with this. and i got put on a different med to help with how i used to feel...now theyre gonna wanna switch again... which makes me not even want to tell them!!! Plus, last time i cut, my therapist wanted me to show her. I said No though. But that was still really awkward. I was just wondering if anyone else with bipolar deals like this with old relationships...like it just takes a really long time to just come crashing into mind. Take care.

Curls {{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}]
I really feel for you...I am assuming you came here for honest help!!! I am very sorry that you are feelin a loss right now!!!! I dont know how old you are and it doesnt matter to me ..Pain is pain.... This was your first love !!!!
Your first everything!!!.You are justified in feelin that pain.I would say to myself ....{ HE CHEATED HIMSELF outta having a very beautiful very loving and caring person} He is the one with a problem!!!!!The problem is we dont always get what we give and it is actually ~~~~~ HIS LOSS~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! His~~~ stupidity!!~!!!Please occupy yourself with excersizing, reading.. even dancing!!!!! Ipersonally love this therapyLOL,LOL... What ever it takes girl!!!~~Anything just replace the time you spent thinkin about this on something more positive.I still after bein on zoloft for 1 month...Sometimes I still catch myself goin back in time and thinkin things and obsessing about it .Not as much right now but it still happensThe only way i have found to make myself come back to reality.. is....{I know some may say this isnt healthy...I have been in counseling for just 2 months and this is what i need to do for now to stop all the talkin in my head so to speak}..I repeat a word ..any word just so long as i am blockin out the present painful thoughts thats all that matters.I cant sing a song cause that will throw me back into the going into the past mode sometimes too.Just focus yourself on whatever works for you then dont allow yourself to go back to those thoughts get busy doing somethin..You have2 choices the way i see it!!!You could continue to waste your energy on the past ..OR..You could put your energy into your future happiness!!!! He is gone and i say ALL THE BETTER FOR YOU..Be glad you found out now instead of later.....He is a slime to do that to you!!You deserve better treatment and you will find it ..Its out there ..You wont see it if your always lookin back!!!!!!...I was told i gotta replace old behaviors with new more positive behaviors to help me to deal w/feelings of loss..I recently broke off a friendship w/ bp friend..He wouldnt stop abusing me verbally however he had sooooooo much good about him that i miss him terribly.I am giving time time because you see he is 22 and i am 35 I am married he is not...He was the absolute best friend i have ever ever had .He was loyal ,honest and true about takin down walls and letting me even be his friend.I couldnt deal with him though when he had a hard time expressing how he felt he would slip into his rages..I would try to calm him and talk him through it.. He just had such intense feelins for me that i couldnt deal with him anymore!!!You see he fell in love with me and wanted to be with me .I have been married for 17 years and have a family and he is only 6 yrs older than my son.It could never work..So i had to say g" bye to him...Like i said ..I miss him terribly but i know he is gonna bring more negative energy to me than positive and i had to make a choice!! Iam working very hard right now on leavin that behind me..so you see i really truely feel your pain right now and can only share w/ you what i am doing to try and move forward and ease my pain as well....I hope someone else reaches out to you as well being in the same boat i couldnt just skip o n by and not respond...I hope i have helped and not harmed..
SP68
SP68

I can't handle breakups at all...

Maybe that is why I stay in extremely flawed and emotionally damaging relationships :(

I can't handle being rejected, but it is even humanly possible for someone like me to even get into a relationship to start with??? impossible, we are bound in life to be alone.

Lieph, we are bound in life to live alone? oh nooooooooooo......... i soooo don't want that......... someone will be able to love us someday.

Oh! and Sweetpoison, Thankyou so much for all the nice stuff you wrote! i printed it out and im going to read it when i get upset. And thickman, thanks for responding too.

I went to see my therapist today...she wants me to call my pdoc and ask about my meds (because of the sudden cutting again). She does think that this is all "delayed grieving." I think it is just purely me being stupid and being unable to control myself, and just digging myself deeper... ok. i need to stop. i hope you all have better luck in relationships than the past!

Lieph, we are bound in life to live alone? oh nooooooooooo......... i soooo don't want that......... someone will be able to love us someday.

Oh! and Sweetpoison, Thankyou so much for all the nice stuff you wrote! i printed it out and im going to read it when i get upset. And thickman, thanks for responding too.

I went to see my therapist today...she wants me to call my pdoc and ask about my meds (because of the sudden cutting again). She does think that this is all "delayed grieving." I think it is just purely me being stupid and being unable to control myself, and just digging myself deeper... ok. i need to stop. i hope you all have better luck in relationships than the past!
Curls
Thanks curls . I hope i have better relations in the future as well ...Starting w/myself..Your not being stupid.you have feeling that you need to deal with.i say the person that says he has no problems is the stupid one!!! you at least realize you have some things you need to deal with and i think that takes a very strong person to admit that!!!I hope your doin ok..
SP68

ohhhh you guys, this really sucks so bad. today i did something stupid. i had one of my friends IM him and act like she didnt know him. and he said he is in love and had her move in with him!!!!! OUCH...this just hurts so bad. and tonight im supposed to be hanging out with some guy, and i just feel like my ex needs to mail me a package with all of the internal parts of me that he still has. oh i dont even know what to do. i can't cut though. i cant let myself. and i feel like its the only thing that is going to make this stop hurting. i hate myself for being so sad about this and completely dwelling over everything with him. i do though, i am such a dweller. ok, yea, i dont even know exactly why i posted this......i just needed some kind of outlet i guess. blah--

ohhhh you guys, this really sucks so bad. today i did something stupid. i had one of my friends IM him and act like she didnt know him. and he said he is in love and had her move in with him!!!!! OUCH...this just hurts so bad. and tonight im supposed to be hanging out with some guy, and i just feel like my ex needs to mail me a package with all of the internal parts of me that he still has. oh i dont even know what to do. i can't cut though. i cant let myself. and i feel like its the only thing that is going to make this stop hurting. i hate myself for being so sad about this and completely dwelling over everything with him. i do though, i am such a dweller. ok, yea, i dont even know exactly why i posted this......i just needed some kind of outlet i guess. blah--

Vent away... Sometimes I feel we get Complusive thoughts when negative things happen to us...

It will pass... I dont have any better advice except hang in there...