Hi, I've been lurking on these boards for some time, and finally decided to post. This will be short, due to the fact that my family is due home in a few minutes. I am married for almost 6 years, with 2 wonderful girls. I have been trying to deal with depression for years, without medical help. I can't really afford the dr. appts. I try to "be the good wife and mother", and I try really hard to hide my depression from my family. I feel I am obese, and I have tried everything to lose the weight, but now it has evolved into desperation. I am currently 5'2" and about 220 pounds. I called this morning to get an appt with my dr, but can't get in for almost 2 weeks. I have spent all day crying, and eating. It finally hit me that I have been self-medicating myself with food. I want to stop, but I don't know how, or what to do till I can get in to see my dr. I probably won't even tell my DH that I have the appt because I know he won't understand. I am very quickly reaching the end of my rope. Like I said, the family will be home in minutes, and I dread it. I will have to put on the "I am so very happy" face, and pretend all is well. Any responses will be greatly, greatly appreciated. Thanx

I thought that I was hiding my depression and my OCD from my kids, but they know. I finally went berserk one night and broke a bunch of dishes after screaming at everyone. Finally ended up laying on the bathroom floor crying. I decided then to tell my doctor how I was feeling, and that was a hard thing for me to do. I hate to talk face to face with people about this stuff. But he prescribed me Effexor, and it was the best thing for me!! I haven't yelled or gotten mad at the kids since the day I started taking the med. I don't know if it really works that fast but, I just had to "go with it". If my mind is telling me I am better, then essentially I am. Don't be afraid to tell your doctor. I eventually told my kids I am on meds (they are 16,20,and 22). They said they already knew I was crazy, lol!! Honestly though, they said it lovingly and jokingly. If they only knew that they were the only way I have made it through the past few years. Without them, I would probably be dead by now. Let your family be your strength.

Hi soconfused72,
It's good that you finally got to post with us here. A lot of people here can help. Sometimes I can, but sometimes can't. It helps to be able to relate and honestly I can't do that now. I mean I am not married, no children, my weight is fine, though I love to eat. I try to watch what I eat, but usually once a day I have a fast food lunch. You know, low in cost, high in calories. No, actually it doesn't have to be that way. There are many alternatives. Sandwiches, salads, and so forth. But man can't live on salad alone. I also take vitamins and an aspirin everyday.

Please don't take me the wrong way here, but I understand that weight can play a big part in a persons life. It's tough to lose no doubt. I'm not a doctor and would never play like I am. I guess I'd just mention to you about a book Dr. Phil wrote (about losing weight) that has helped numerous people. They swear by it. If you like to read and can get ahold of his book ( sorry, forgot the exact name ) then give it a shot. I bet every book store has it by now.

I do think your attitude is better than mine. I mean about "putting on a happy face". It very hard for me to go out and smile around people. I know if I could do that then other people and myself would enjoy each others company more. It's hard to fake it. And I am bad at faking. I say what's the use, I get nothing out of it. But it could help. And I believe it's good medicine. Go ahead and talk to your husband about what's bothering you. You should tell and be heard. Get that out of the way before something more negative happens down the road. Take care. Wish you luck. MV

Thanks for the responses. I really do appreciate it. Tonight was really rough for me. I wish I could get into the dr sooner. All I know is I need to do something about this depression. It is really worrying me. And as far as the Dr. Phil diet book, my sister is now obsessed with dieting, and has just bought that book, along with the Souch Beach Diet book. I hope to borrow them soon! Again, thanks for the responses. Right now, this is the only place I can turn for help until I can get into the dr.

Hi, I've been lurking on these boards for some time, and finally decided to post. This will be short, due to the fact that my family is due home in a few minutes. I am married for almost 6 years, with 2 wonderful girls. I have been trying to deal with depression for years, without medical help. I can't really afford the dr. appts. I try to "be the good wife and mother", and I try really hard to hide my depression from my family. I feel I am obese, and I have tried everything to lose the weight, but now it has evolved into desperation. I am currently 5'2" and about 220 pounds. I called this morning to get an appt with my dr, but can't get in for almost 2 weeks. I have spent all day crying, and eating. It finally hit me that I have been self-medicating myself with food. I want to stop, but I don't know how, or what to do till I can get in to see my dr. I probably won't even tell my DH that I have the appt because I know he won't understand. I am very quickly reaching the end of my rope. Like I said, the family will be home in minutes, and I dread it. I will have to put on the "I am so very happy" face, and pretend all is well. Any responses will be greatly, greatly appreciated. Thanx

How brave of you to finally share here, particularly with your family getting home any moment. These things can be painful to type into words and post to others, and I don’t know how in the world you do it every day—putting on a happy face for your family. The only time I have to do that really is when I see my parents, which is a few times a month for a few hours. At work I can sort of get away with hiding in my cubicle, lying low, and sometimes getting grumpy.

I am sorry that you have to wait 2 weeks. I know 14 days feels like an eternity when you get to the point where you actually make the appointment.

I am not a mom but I know what it feels like to gain too much weight and to be depressed over it. These are some of my ideas, and I hope some of them would work:

1. As Mission Void already said, please consider talking to your husband. You can rehearse it ahead of time, and put it in a way that he will most relate to. He may surprise you. My husband has been supportive through my depression. For sure, he doesn’t get it, and when he listens to me, sometimes he gets nervous, and just doesn’t know what to say but it is out in the open, and that is so important with your spouse. If you do bring it up with him, I would emphasize the fact that you want to change, that you are doing this for your marriage as well as for yourself, that you want to him to be attracted to you always. He may welcome the honesty.

2. Obviously, you know your hubby better than we do. If he is not a man who can handle this, choose a friend who you trust. I believe you need someone in your life to support you, who you can call or see when you want to eat a second piece of chocolate cake or don’t feel like going on an exercise walk today.

3. Library books. They are free, and there are plenty of them out there to help you, both with diet/exercise and with depression. Look for Susan Powter’s books. Did you see how she looked before she started tending to her health? Oprah Winfrey’s exercise and nutrition book also is very motivating to me.

4. Women’s websites. If you do some surfing, you will find some great ones out there with free articles, tips, and message boards.

5. Give yourself a break. It’s only food. My form of self-medication has been alcohol. At least you haven’t chosen that one. Did you read mermaid’s post on this board that says, “It’s not your fault”? I love that post. Do not waste a moment kicking yourself. Just look forward to what you can do to change. Be glad you are ready to do this while you are still young enough to do it.

6. Take some small steps too boost your self-esteem for these 2 weeks. Get some red fingernail polish (or a manicure if you can afford it), buy a new pink blouse, get a haircut or maybe a color change, give yourself a facial with one of those packets at the drugstore, listen to comforting music (new age or jazz), give yourself a pedicure. I think during these 2 weeks it is time to do some simple, gentle stretching of your body wearing loose comfortable clothing, taking deep breaths, getting ready for the new year ahead. Even buy yourself some new pajamas that feel really good on. And start drinking more water now. Don't think about the weight for now. This is going to take time. Think about the person who you are inside and who you want to be on the outside. (These things all help me, and a couple may help you for now.)

7. I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS. You wouldn’t have made the doctor’s appointment or finally posted a message here unless you were finally serious. You want to be around for your kids for a long time, and you want to make them proud.

Uh oh, I know I am starting to sound way too much like a cheerleader (which I never was). My heart goes out to you. In some ways I don’t know how you feel but in many I do.

~~Josie

So glad you found this place to let it all out. Your depression may be the cause of you overeating and once you get some meds & get that under control, you may find that food isn't all that interesting. The new med I'm on makes all the food taste weird, so I have been losing weight just cause about the only thing that tastes right is citrus fruit, so that is good in a way.
You have to decide if it's safe to tell your husband. I have a friend who is afraid of her husband, he constantly berates her in public & denies she has depression, so he is a big part of her problem. Only you know if it will be ok to tell him. If you think he'll be understanding, then find some websites & print out some info about dep. There are tons of websites with much info to help him to understand, as much as one without dep. can understand. I have a very supportive husband too, he tries, but there is no way he can understand. He also loses patience with me at times & I know it's hard living with someone with dep. Most times I'm fine, but my old med wore out, I got immune to it & since Oct. been trying new ones, so I know I've been difficult to be around. I also know only too well about putting on the happy face. Christmas was the Academy award performance for me!! Boy, all the kids & grandkids were here & they had NO clue how bad off I was.
You will feel much better once you go to the doctor. Just knowing you're going to try to get help, should be a relief in a way for you. You can keep posting here & talking to us, that will help you til you get into the doc.

Thanks again gals. You don't know how much your words have helped me. It is so nice to have someone to talk to about this. I did finally talk to my sister about the whole situation yesterday. She is also very helpful. Her husband is so much like mine it is scary! She agreed that I shouldn't tell DH about it for now. I know it's probably not right to keep him in the dark about it, but at the moment, we really can't afford the dr visit, but I am going anyways. I will try to keep you all posted on how things are going. Thanks again for all your help.

Thanks again gals. You don't know how much your words have helped me. It is so nice to have someone to talk to about this. I did finally talk to my sister about the whole situation yesterday. She is also very helpful. Her husband is so much like mine it is scary! She agreed that I shouldn't tell DH about it for now. I know it's probably not right to keep him in the dark about it, but at the moment, we really can't afford the dr visit, but I am going anyways. I will try to keep you all posted on how things are going. Thanks again for all your help.

Also, explain your financial situation to your doctor, they can often give you enough samples to get you thru for quite a while, or check with your county, for county assisted medical help & also help with getting meds. Let us know how things are going.