FutureSkiBum
01-30-2004, 01:20 PM
I'm not feeling too badly about it. Let me explain:
Firstly, he beat us as children. I know he was beaten by his parents so he was just repeating the behavior but the bottom line is I spent my first 14 years scared of him constantly. Then I called the police once and he stopped. Years later he would still make jokes at me for calling the police that he didn't deserve it but I did.
During the next 20 years he'd rarely speak to me unless he had a computer question as I'm a computer teacher. He never made any effort to get to know my son because I didn't want my son to be a Mormon (like my father) so my Dad literally just dropped us both from anything.
Now one year ago my father was diagnosed with cancer and suddenly I'm a dear friend. At first I was shocked and felt a loss... but as this last year has gone on and my Dad has become nice (for the first time) I find myself not really caring that he is dying.
I feel like I should really be upset but I'm not. I have fantasies of speaking the truth at his funeral or telling him he's a jerk on his deathbed.
Outside of him beating us as kids he still (today) lives his life as a racist and a sexist.
All my focus is going toward my Mother and Son who are both upset he is dying... I just keep trying to comfort them and keep my mouth shut but I really am a bit relieved that my father is going to be dead soon.
Firstly, he beat us as children. I know he was beaten by his parents so he was just repeating the behavior but the bottom line is I spent my first 14 years scared of him constantly. Then I called the police once and he stopped. Years later he would still make jokes at me for calling the police that he didn't deserve it but I did.
During the next 20 years he'd rarely speak to me unless he had a computer question as I'm a computer teacher. He never made any effort to get to know my son because I didn't want my son to be a Mormon (like my father) so my Dad literally just dropped us both from anything.
Now one year ago my father was diagnosed with cancer and suddenly I'm a dear friend. At first I was shocked and felt a loss... but as this last year has gone on and my Dad has become nice (for the first time) I find myself not really caring that he is dying.
I feel like I should really be upset but I'm not. I have fantasies of speaking the truth at his funeral or telling him he's a jerk on his deathbed.
Outside of him beating us as kids he still (today) lives his life as a racist and a sexist.
All my focus is going toward my Mother and Son who are both upset he is dying... I just keep trying to comfort them and keep my mouth shut but I really am a bit relieved that my father is going to be dead soon.
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worknmom
01-30-2004, 10:00 PM
I'm not feeling too badly about it. Let me explain:
Firstly, he beat us as children. I know he was beaten by his parents so he was just repeating the behavior but the bottom line is I spent my first 14 years scared of him constantly. Then I called the police once and he stopped. Years later he would still make jokes at me for calling the police that he didn't deserve it but I did.
During the next 20 years he'd rarely speak to me unless he had a computer question as I'm a computer teacher. He never made any effort to get to know my son because I didn't want my son to be a Mormon (like my father) so my Dad literally just dropped us both from anything.
Now one year ago my father was diagnosed with cancer and suddenly I'm a dear friend. At first I was shocked and felt a loss... but as this last year has gone on and my Dad has become nice (for the first time) I find myself not really caring that he is dying.
I feel like I should really be upset but I'm not. I have fantasies of speaking the truth at his funeral or telling him he's a jerk on his deathbed.
Outside of him beating us as kids he still (today) lives his life as a racist and a sexist.
All my focus is going toward my Mother and Son who are both upset he is dying... I just keep trying to comfort them and keep my mouth shut but I really am a bit relieved that my father is going to be dead soon.
I'm so sorry your father is dying. I can see where you feel the way you do. Although my father never beat me or even hit me he did something even worse. Let me explain...He and my mother got divorced when I was almost 8 years old. Soon after that he remarried. He would come to get me and my sister every weekend. Then it went from that to every other and so on until one day he told me to have my mother have a lawyer draw up some papers to give up all rights on us. This was the idea of his new wife I'm sure. This really hurt and it wasn't the first time of being hurt. I was done with him until I got married and my husband wanted to meet him. From that point on they wanted us to come over and visit and they would visit us. Then I had my first child. They were wonderful with him and was with the second. Then it came to a hault when one of THEIR daughters had a child. I told him while she was pregnant that he just better not show any difference between the grandchildren. Well, he did and I was done again with him. All the visits stopped both ways. He and only he would come to my house on my boys birthdays and at Christmas. Then this past year he was told he had prostate cancer. This hit me hard. I would then start going over to check on him. His wife wasn't taking care of him like she should have been not in my eyes or other family members. He lost so much weight so fast it was unreal. They were going to do surgery but something showed up abnormal on an EKG. Post poned. There for he had more time to think about it. They said if he didn't have the surgery he'd only have 6 months or less to live. He didn't even last that long. It started spreading in a matter of 2 weeks like wild fire. When it reached his pancreas and liver it was too late to do anything. He passed away on the day they were going to let him go home. They were putting him in the car. I always said it wouldn't bother me when he died. This has been the worse 2 months that I can ever remember. He died 2 days before Thanksgiving. To make things even worse now my mother has been told that her cancer has come back. It may not hit you right away, but it will hit you believe me. Just be there for him, your mother and your son. Try to enjoy what time you have left. Try not to dwell on the past or the bad memories. Try to remember all the good, I'm sure you have some good memories as well. I wish you all the luck.
Firstly, he beat us as children. I know he was beaten by his parents so he was just repeating the behavior but the bottom line is I spent my first 14 years scared of him constantly. Then I called the police once and he stopped. Years later he would still make jokes at me for calling the police that he didn't deserve it but I did.
During the next 20 years he'd rarely speak to me unless he had a computer question as I'm a computer teacher. He never made any effort to get to know my son because I didn't want my son to be a Mormon (like my father) so my Dad literally just dropped us both from anything.
Now one year ago my father was diagnosed with cancer and suddenly I'm a dear friend. At first I was shocked and felt a loss... but as this last year has gone on and my Dad has become nice (for the first time) I find myself not really caring that he is dying.
I feel like I should really be upset but I'm not. I have fantasies of speaking the truth at his funeral or telling him he's a jerk on his deathbed.
Outside of him beating us as kids he still (today) lives his life as a racist and a sexist.
All my focus is going toward my Mother and Son who are both upset he is dying... I just keep trying to comfort them and keep my mouth shut but I really am a bit relieved that my father is going to be dead soon.
I'm so sorry your father is dying. I can see where you feel the way you do. Although my father never beat me or even hit me he did something even worse. Let me explain...He and my mother got divorced when I was almost 8 years old. Soon after that he remarried. He would come to get me and my sister every weekend. Then it went from that to every other and so on until one day he told me to have my mother have a lawyer draw up some papers to give up all rights on us. This was the idea of his new wife I'm sure. This really hurt and it wasn't the first time of being hurt. I was done with him until I got married and my husband wanted to meet him. From that point on they wanted us to come over and visit and they would visit us. Then I had my first child. They were wonderful with him and was with the second. Then it came to a hault when one of THEIR daughters had a child. I told him while she was pregnant that he just better not show any difference between the grandchildren. Well, he did and I was done again with him. All the visits stopped both ways. He and only he would come to my house on my boys birthdays and at Christmas. Then this past year he was told he had prostate cancer. This hit me hard. I would then start going over to check on him. His wife wasn't taking care of him like she should have been not in my eyes or other family members. He lost so much weight so fast it was unreal. They were going to do surgery but something showed up abnormal on an EKG. Post poned. There for he had more time to think about it. They said if he didn't have the surgery he'd only have 6 months or less to live. He didn't even last that long. It started spreading in a matter of 2 weeks like wild fire. When it reached his pancreas and liver it was too late to do anything. He passed away on the day they were going to let him go home. They were putting him in the car. I always said it wouldn't bother me when he died. This has been the worse 2 months that I can ever remember. He died 2 days before Thanksgiving. To make things even worse now my mother has been told that her cancer has come back. It may not hit you right away, but it will hit you believe me. Just be there for him, your mother and your son. Try to enjoy what time you have left. Try not to dwell on the past or the bad memories. Try to remember all the good, I'm sure you have some good memories as well. I wish you all the luck.