A couple months ago I decided to go see a psychologist and a psychiatrist b/c I have had issues with controlling my anger (getting so angry about the most smallest, minute things) since I was about 14. Both said that they definetly thought I had depression but needed to get into it deeper b/c they thought it could also be bipolar disorder.

So now it is months later and I tried Lexapro, which didn't do anything for me except make me tired, and now I am on 300mg of Wellbutrin a day. I don't feel that my anger issues have been helped at all. I don't even feel like I am any less depressed. (Well, maybe sometimes it helps my depression a bit.) One minute I am excessively crabby (or depressed thinking life is pointless) and will snap at anyone that crosses my path and then 5 minutes later I am in such a good mood that I want to be around everyone and help in anyway I can. And at these points I talk peoples ears off.

It seems my docs have left the bipolar theory behind. I have been trying to read up on it through the internet (although I am aware some internet sources are incorrect) and from all the things I've read it seems I may be bipolar. This may be a stupid question but can you be mildly bipolar? I ask this because I think my manic times may not be the typical. I don't always get that I'm on top of the world feeling or so euphoric I don't know what to do with myself. I was thinking that maybe my manic times were when I became enraged for no good reason at all.

I also read what I think was one girls account of how she feels when mania comes on. It was like she was writing about me.

I guess my question is... to all of you that have been officially diagnosed; does this sound anything like how you are/were? And if so how might I bring this up again to my docs without them thinking I am overreacting?

All advice is greatly appreciated.

Thanks, Inspirations

You don't sound bipolar from your description. There are 6 different types of bipolar, type I and II being the most common--depression with mania, and depression with hypomania. Mania is described as a mood where you are elated, feeling really good, racing thoughts, hypersexuality, less need for sleep, increased goal directed behaviour, reckless activity, disinhibition, excessive spending etc. etc. Hypomania is all the above, but to a lesser degree.

Does this happen to you ever?

It's hard to know if you're bipolar, because most bipolar people's mood swings take place over periods of weeks to months. There is a type of mania called dysphoric or mixed mania which can involve irritability, severe anxiety, and oversensitivity to stimuli. But again, for most bipolar people, this could last weeks to months before they cycle into a period of normal mood or depression.
Certainly you should bring up your concerns with your doctor, and if he/she isn't receptive, you should ask why. A good doctor will also be concerned that the medications you've been taking haven't seemed to work for. Ask questions! You have a right to the answers. After all, it is YOUR health.
Hope this helps.

After doing some more studying I am beginning to think that I may have what they call mixed episodes. I become severly irritable but at the same time so depressed that I am acting the way I am. Unfortunately I find it uncontrollable.

Regardless of whether I am bipolar or not I have printed out some literature on depression, euporic mania, and disphoric mania. (Thank you Wobbly. I never knew there were so many different types of BP.) I decided to highlight all of the things in the articles that happened to me. (Moods, actions, physical changes, etc.) After doing this I realized I had highlighted many things in all of the catergories. I plan on bringing the paperwork in with me to my pdoc on the 10th for him to review. I feel like this is a better way to go about bringing up this subject matter since I have a hard time talking to strangers about my life. Although I am aware that this will cause him to question my life in detail.

Whether I am depressed, bipolar, or whatever other disease I may have, hopefully this will help to find the solution b/c the AD's alone are definetly not helping.

Butterfly: I agreed with you for a very long time that I couldn't be bipolar because I seldomly have that "On top of the World" feeling. But when I began to delve deeper into being bipolar I have found through the readings that not all people display their manic stage that way. Several display it with irritability, impatience, brutal honesty (which I have a particular problem with), and impulsiveness. As wobbly said this is called dysphoric mania. I am not trying to "proove you wrong." Just trying to share some information that I have learned.

Thanks for the help guys.

That's the thing though, what I was describing to you was mania...there is also hypomania (a milder form of mania that i mentioned) and also, I listed to you all of the things that can be possible if one is manic--a person doesn't have to display every symptom. Plus, impulsivity, and "brutal honestly" (I like how you put that :)) all fall under disinhibition. In the mixed state that wobbly mentioned, s/he's absolutely right that there can be elements of both depression and mania. We're often told to use the whole MATT approach...mood, activity, talking, thinking. In depression, all four of those things are decreased, and in mania all of them are increased. Although mixed state has other characteristics, often you'll find that, with the MATT approach, there will be certain things increased, and certain things decreased.

Also, I mentioned before that there are 6 types of bipolar disease:

Type I - depression plus mania
Type II - depression plus hypomania (hypomania isn't always bad...because it's a milder form of mania, often patients just feel good, and they're able to do more goal oriented activity, and they're disinhibited enough to function well in society, but not be overly intrusive. To be honest, a lot of the time, hypomanic patients can be very productive members of society! (i.e. Winston Churchill!) It's the depression that's the worst part.
Type III - cyclothymia (rapidly cycling bipolar)
Type IV - depression with antidepressant induced mania
Type V - depression with a strong family history of bipolarity
Type VI - unipolar mania

types I and II are by far the most common, and then comes IV.

Doctors are the best people to figure out WHAT you have...

Just remeber, they make mistakes too!

inspirations, I think that is a great idea to bring your highlighted list to your doctor. Sometimes I think they do better with a concrete type of presentation than with us just describing subjectively how we feel. And don't be afraid to tell him/her that you think you might be having mixed episodes. A good doc will not be upset at you for "diagnosing yourself." You have a right to be heard. Also, if it is mixed mania, than you will definitely need a mood stabilizer along with (or instead of) your AD. I have mixed mania and an unknowing doc put me on an AD alone--bad news! Mood stabilizers have helped me pretty good. (That and a laundry list of meds.)
Let us know how your doctor visit goes!

Just wanted to thank all of you for your help. After all this reading up on it and all the comments that all of you have given me I am thoroughly confused. All I know is that something about me is definetly not right. The reason I began with bipolar disorder (after depression) is because both of the doctors thought it was a possibility in the beginning. Who knows what is actually happening to me? All I know is that Wellbutrin is not doing what I hear it is supposed to do. This last month has been h-e-double hockey sticks for me and everyone around me. (Not that it isn't always like that, this month just happened to be particularily bad) It is just so strange how quickly I have gone from one mood to another. And they are extreme changes. I am in such a wretched angry mood and then I am as happy as lark walking around work whistling. One minute I am reaming my boyfriend out for god knows what and then I just lay there and cry because I hate myself for treating him the way I do.

The point of the matter is that no one around me should have to put up with this crap. They do it because they love me and they know deep down there is a sweet rational girl inside of me. Even I know it. She shows up every once in awhile. I'm just sick of it and I need to find the "cure." So, hopefully this is the start.

Inspiration,
It took 2 1/2 years before I was properly diagnosed with type II BP. My family physician had been treating me for depression with various drugs. None of the anti-depressants that they put me on helped me. I would still have these days where I can be happy and content and *SNAP* I'd be pissed at the world and *SNAP* back to happy again. It wasn't until I was properly diagnosed by my family physician and sent to a psychatrist, did I get the proper medication for my illness.

If you aren't getting the results you wish at the doctor you are currently seeing, then by all means, change doctors. It is good that you are educating yourself about an illness, but you haven't been properly diagnosed yet. It is quite easy to read up on symptoms of an illness and say to yourself "yes, I have these symptoms, therefore I have BP". Please seek a second opinion if your doctors are not listening to you.

Best of Luck!
P

Polaris-

I guess a lot of people might think I am jumping the gun since it has only been about 3 and a half months since I started seeing the psychiatrist. I just want to be "fixed," and fast because I hate what I am doing to the people that love me. So if I have to do my own research and studying to help out, then I will. All I know is that depression is definetly not the only problem I am having. I'm not saying I definetly have BP, I just read some of the symptoms and believe it to be a possibility. As I said, I just want to try and help out the doc because hopefully that will lead to a quicker, accurate diagnosis. May not be BP, may not be depression, but it certainly is something.

As far as my doctor not listening... I can't say that. I have a hard time telling him the things that happen in my life as far as emotions, reactions, etc. So obviously I can't blame him for a "wrong" diagnosis. Plus, as I mentioned above, I have only been seeing him for about 3 and a half months and as you said these things can take time. So I'm not ready to give up on him yet.

Thanks for your support,
Inspirations

Polaris-

I guess a lot of people might think I am jumping the gun since it has only been about 3 and a half months since I started seeing the psychiatrist. I just want to be "fixed," and fast because I hate what I am doing to the people that love me. So if I have to do my own research and studying to help out, then I will. All I know is that depression is definetly not the only problem I am having. I'm not saying I definetly have BP, I just read some of the symptoms and believe it to be a possibility. As I said, I just want to try and help out the doc because hopefully that will lead to a quicker, accurate diagnosis. May not be BP, may not be depression, but it certainly is something.

As far as my doctor not listening... I can't say that. I have a hard time telling him the things that happen in my life as far as emotions, reactions, etc. So obviously I can't blame him for a "wrong" diagnosis. Plus, as I mentioned above, I have only been seeing him for about 3 and a half months and as you said these things can take time. So I'm not ready to give up on him yet.

Thanks for your support,
Inspirations

Inspirations,
I guess I missed the part about only seeing the doctor for 3 1/2 months. And yes, you are correct, that it is too soon to give up on the doctors. Keep up the good work with the research you are doing on the illness, make sure you research any medications the doctor puts you on and keep a journal of any changes you might experience while taking the medications (good or bad).

I can say from what you wrote, it was almost a complete description of what I had been experiencing for 20+ years before the wrong diagnosis of depression was givenand 3 years of antidepressant medications before I was properly diagnosed with BPII.

It might be easier for you to write some things down when you are feeling bad and take the papers to your doctors so he/she can see what you are feeling when you are up/down. Sometimes it is easier for me to explain in written words, because my words get jumbled up when they are exiting the mouth sometimes and I sound like a babbling idiot. :D

Good luck to you!
P

I just want to be "fixed," and fast because I hate what I am doing to the people that love me.
I know that you'd really like to get some answers, but as with any mental health problem, especially bipolar, just remember that it's a lengthy process. You've already heard a couple people talk about long time-frames, and you're really lucky that you're aware of a problem at 14. This will give you a much better situation than many, but you need to keep in mind that if you have bipolar, or any similar condition, it may be a lifelong process.

So if I have to do my own research and studying to help out, then I will... I'm not saying I definetly have BP, I just read some of the symptoms and believe it to be a possibility.
No matter what, this is a good idea. One of the biggest problems with bipolar disorder is that people don't know enough about it. I recommend a trip to the bookstore; there are a lot of great resources at most, and you'll find the latest information there... and consider looking at a number of similar conditions, as a lot of symptoms of different disorders tend to overlap.

As I said, I just want to try and help out the doc because hopefully that will lead to a quicker, accurate diagnosis... I have a hard time telling him the things that happen in my life as far as emotions, reactions, etc. So obviously I can't blame him for a "wrong" diagnosis. All I know is that depression is definetly not the only problem I am having.
First, it's important that you try to focus on anything that might help, and don't try to fit your symptoms to any particular diagnosis. Keep in mind that you're also going through a lot of hormonal changes and stuff, which could complicate things. I began seeing psychologists & psychiatrists around your age, when my symptoms really blew up. One of the best things you can do is to keep a journal. If you're having trouble, write down your feelings or anything you can in it, because it can be really hard to recall things that happened when you were upset, or even when you've been upset.

I hope some of this helps. Keep us updated!

Polaris - you didn't miss anything. I hadn't mentioned until that last post that I had only been seeing the doctors for 3 and a half months. :)

It is kind of funny that both have you have mentioned keeping a journal because that is exactly what I decided to do. I actually started logging my days on 2/2/04. I am sure to make sure I write in it at least every couple hours. Careful to make sure I am writing my mood, reactions, and emotions at each time. And when I am angry I do my best to put into words why. (Which is very difficult because most the time there is no good reason!) And when I begin to cry I try to say why. Most of the time it is because I have just exploded on someone who did nothing to deserve it and now feel horrible about it, other times it is because I feel I can't do anything right to keep my life in order. The reason I decided to log all of this is because for some reason when I am sitting in front of the psychiatrist I can't remember a darn thing except that the drug(s) aren't helping. This way I can give these papers to him and he will know everything that has happened emotionally to me in the past week.

Grant - Oopps. Don't know if I said this clear enough before. I'm not 14. That is how old I was when I began to notice these problems. I'm now 21. I never went to any doctors before because my mom seemed to think everything was normal. I just now got my own insurance so I took it upon myself to see what the problem was.

I wouldn't say I am trying to "fit" my symptoms to a certain illness. BP just happens to be the only one I have had the time to research. (Plus, the docs had said they thought this was a possibility earlier on.) If they had said something else was a possibility (can't think of any other mental illnesses off the top of my head) I would have began me research there. I trust that the doctors know what they are talking about so that is why I didn't get into any reasearch about anything else yet. But I may just take your advice and hit up the local bookstore because I am aware that many illnesses' symptoms can be the same. That is why I have decided not to give my doc the info I have on depression, euphoric mania, and dysphoric mania where I highlighted moods, emotions, reactions, etc. that happened to me. I decided it would be enough to give him the journal I have been writing. Hopefully he will be able to figure some more things out just from that.

And when I am angry I do my best to put into words why.
Something else I thought of that I've tried is stream of consciousness writing. If I'm really screwed up and confused, I'll sit down at my computer, close my eyes, and just let my thoughts flow through my keyboard. Sometimes, I come up with some scary stuff, but it helps to reflect on it when you're feeling better. It's something I use to remind myself why I take meds. Another thing that helped me was keeping track of my sleep schedule, which in itself says a lot about my condition.
I'm now 21.
Right on, I'm 21 as well. I was about 13 when my symptoms started to interfere with my life, and by 15 I was on meds. I wasn't diagnosed as bipolar until I was 18 though.
I wouldn't say I am trying to "fit" my symptoms to a certain illness.
Sorry, didn't mean to suggest you were. I just was trying to relate some issues I've had. In the past, I've read stuff and said "ooh, just like me," but then I find that I start looking specifically for certain symptoms and ignoring some that don't fit the diagnosis. I used to work my old psychiatrists for whatever meds I thought I needed (with relative success unfortunately).
That is why I have decided not to give my doc the info I have on depression, euphoric mania, and dysphoric mania where I highlighted moods, emotions, reactions, etc. that happened to me.
Yeah, that's kinda a tough issue. I didn't want to make it seem like I was self-diagnosing, but the descriptions I read (and continue to read) were much more descriptive and accurate for how I felt than I could put into words.

i haven't read all of the threads in this subject but keep in mind the following:

usually pdocs don't dx a patient as bipolar until they have had an acute manic phase (or at least that's what happened to me and then I landed in the psych ward for a week).

problem being that if you ARE indeed bipolar and are taking an anti-depressant, sometimes this can make you more manic without taking a mood stabilizer like lithium or depakote.

but sounds like to me that you're possibly bipolar type II with hypomania. Mania brings upon severe irritability for me as does depression.

Ask your pdoc if he thinks it will be ok for you to try a mood-stabilizer. Sounds to me from the irrational and unpredictable angriness and crying about yelling at your b/f that you're moods are basically unstable.

hope that helps.

what does pdoc mean?

what does pdoc mean?

Psychiatrist

Hi! I'm a newbie to this board.

I've been depressed most of my life. I am in my second episode of what the pdocs call mania. Doesn't feel like mania to me because I mostly feel like cr~p from not being able to sleep. I am irritable, but don't have increased energy or racing thoughts. Both episodes have been the result of antidepressants. To me, the diagnosis of bipolar NOS seems a bit of a leap and I'm not completely comfortable with it. But, if the Depakote makes me sleep again - I'm sure it will - I guess I'll just have to deal with it.

Anyway, I'm wondering if you could direct me (in a "board friendly way") to some more reading on this subject of the different types of bipolar?
I'd REALLY appreciate it!
Also, I mentioned before that there are 6 types of bipolar disease:
Type I - depression plus mania
Type II - depression plus hypomania (hypomania isn't always bad...because it's a milder form of mania, often patients just feel good, and they're able to do more goal oriented activity, and they're disinhibited enough to function well in society, but not be overly intrusive. To be honest, a lot of the time, hypomanic patients can be very productive members of society! (i.e. Winston Churchill!) It's the depression that's the worst part.
Type III - cyclothymia (rapidly cycling bipolar)
Type IV - depression with antidepressant induced mania
Type V - depression with a strong family history of bipolarity
Type VI - unipolar mania