:confused:

Hi:

I wanted to introduce myself. I'm Angie. I've been diagnosed BP since I was about 15. At that time, I tried lithium for a while, got toxic on it several times, decided meds were over-rated and didn't take them anymore. The rest of highschool was chaotic. Things exploded in college, when I REALLY had to start on meds, and had my 1st lovely expereinces w/the mental helath system...they wre not good. Theer were a lot of ups and downs, then I met my husband, and we were married 1998. I had a seriosly rough time (on and off between 1996 and 2001?). Then the starangest thing...I did really well from 2002 on. We decided to have a baby....I went off all meds....I was fine. Shocked, but fine. Now, I am falling apart again, and so disappointed. As unrealistic as it was, I really thought, the worst was behind me. I mean, I am an educated person, I have a psych degree w/some masters work, I know BP shouldn't just go away, but I wasn't that bad off. I have to be on seizure meds for complex partail epilepsy anyway, so I had that safety net too. In April, we had an extremely premature (25 weeks gestation) baby, so I am not claiming I don't have stress. But, I really thought this wasn't coming back...not this bad, I know...silly girl.

I also have a host of other medical problems, my preemie has a few of his own as well, and we're in a financial bind (a few months in a NICU will do that).

I don't know. I don't want more meds, but I don't know what else to do. I've run the gamut, and I have some dyskinesia, so I have to be very careful w/meds. I'm on 200mg of topamax, 300 mg of trileptal (both initially for seizures, but my psych doc riased the topamax for BP), restoril prn for sleep, and klonopin prn for dykinesia. I guess I could ask for another topamax bump, but I don;t know. I am so sick of this.

I'm sorry this is so long and whiny,

Angie

Not long, not whiny...

Sounds like you need some medications to get ya back on track...

Some people need the meds for a life time! Even when you feel good, you only feel good because you have been taking the meds... I dunno... I would say visit the doctors and see what they say...

I know how you feel about having the disease. There are times when the side effects of my meds get to me and I think about just chucking them...but then I get a reality check remembering where I was before meds. And you have a lot of other side issues to deal with, so I can't blame you for feeling frustrated. I know that's not a lot of comfort, but there are other people out there who are dealing with this disease and all its attendant complications.
Don't apologize for the way you feel--we all have those times and it's just a part of dealing with our bipolar. When you're feeling that way, you can always do what you did--come on the board and post, and the really terrific people here will give you the support you need.
Blessings to you, hubby, and baby.