I'm a 33 year old woman. I haven't been officially diagnosed with H, but I believe I had my first outbreak in November. I experienced discharge, tingling, burning, itching and just the tiniest bumps...kind of like ingrown hairs, but no pain. I thought I had a yeast infection. By the time I finally went to the doctor and was tested for STD's, the symptoms were clearing up. The doc said she didn't think it could be H because I had no lesions. Since the first o/b, I've had one every month when I get my period. I experience tingling, burning, some muscle pain and just bumps, not open sores.

I've just recently started dating a guy and now I know that I have to tell him about it before we are intimate. I am extremely stressed about the possible rejection. I cry about it everyday. I just don't want to find myself attached to him and then have him reject me over this, but I need to get it out before I go insane. Can anyone tell me how they've dealt with this situation? When and how did you tell and what was the response? Any support would help.

The best thing I ever read on this board about telling someone was a series of threads by a man called Mr. Roper back in the fall. You might try doing a search for threads in his name. The search button (for the boards, not for just this thread) is along the very top of each page, a little right of center, above the ads.

Only one of the men I told many years ago minded, and we still stayed close friends. Most of them have said that it never bothered them. I know the younger generations (I'm 45) are more sensitive about std's, but it seems to me it's the type of person that matters, and how sympathetic and committed to the relationship he is. I just told them, and answered their questions (make sure you have good info--have you read the "Happy Couples" thread yet? If not, find it--it's not too far back yet--and read it!) and gave their fears and opinions the respect they deserve. I also let them know that what was important to me was the friendship, the privilege of knowing them and spending time talking to them--not whether we had sex or not. And wouldn't you want him to feel that way too? If he doesn't--if easy sex is what's important to him--you'll know soon enough, and hard as it is to face it, you're better off finding someone who cares more for the wonderful, lovable you. There are many good men and women who are looking for true love, not antiseptic sex.

Go to www.westoverheights.com. There is a page on how to tell. Also remember your frame of mind will greatly affect his attitude. But most of all, understand if he needs time to think it over...it might not be easy for him to accept initially just as it wasn't for you. If he's right for you, it will work out. Best of luck :)


I'm a 33 year old woman. I haven't been officially diagnosed with H, but I believe I had my first outbreak in November. I experienced discharge, tingling, burning, itching and just the tiniest bumps...kind of like ingrown hairs, but no pain. I thought I had a yeast infection. By the time I finally went to the doctor and was tested for STD's, the symptoms were clearing up. The doc said she didn't think it could be H because I had no lesions. Since the first o/b, I've had one every month when I get my period. I experience tingling, burning, some muscle pain and just bumps, not open sores.

I've just recently started dating a guy and now I know that I have to tell him about it before we are intimate. I am extremely stressed about the possible rejection. I cry about it everyday. I just don't want to find myself attached to him and then have him reject me over this, but I need to get it out before I go insane. Can anyone tell me how they've dealt with this situation? When and how did you tell and what was the response? Any support would help.

Hi Sunshine,
Thanks for posting that website. I just checked it out and it's the best site for Herpes info I've seen. Very comprehensive not just regarding medical info, but it's effects on the emotional and relationship side as well.

Thank you all so much for your thoughts, well-wishes, and advice. Since realizing that I have H, I've found this board to be an immense source of comfort and information to me. I don't feel so alone and I think I've come to terms with it. It makes a huge difference in how I go about getting to know someone before engaging in intimacy. It makes me feel as though I have a tool to weed out the bad guys that aren't really meant for me. Telling someone for the first time is still going to be extremely difficult, but I know if it were me, I'd want to know.

I have done a lot of reading and researching since realizing that I have H, and trying to learn more about it. The Westoverheights website is one of the best ones I've read. Again thanks for the great info! :)

Hi everyone. I was browsing around to get some support and confidence because I will be telling someone that i have H tomorrow. My situation is this. This guy (nick) and I have known each other for over 2 years now. But most of the time i was in a serious relationship. Well that serious relationship ended in october and Nick jumped at the chance to get to know me better. Things have been progressing slowly because of my fear of telling him and the fact that i just got out of a relationship. We have alot of the same friends and the rumor mill is strong. I trust that he would not tell anyone else, but i'm afraid it will get out somehow. He is so sweet and honest and has alot of good qualities. So, Wish me luck...I will keep everyone posted on how it went.

This is a great Board, I found it just in time. Thanks everyone!

So glad you found this board, it's a wealth of info and support.
Good Luck-- Let us know how it goes!

LReese...how long have you been dating this guy???? I would really be careful...especially if you guys are in the same circle...Nick may be the best and coolest person in the world...but u would b surprised at how people respond to "THE TALK". I had known the guy that I was seeing for years when I told him....we were really close...I told him...and he left tire tracks behind...something to think about...some people are cool...others are not...just be prepared for the reaction either way. Good Luck....what about the last guy...the one you were in the relationship with...is he the person that infected you????

LReese...how long have you been dating this guy???? I would really be careful...especially if you guys are in the same circle...Nick may be the best and coolest person in the world...but u would b surprised at how people respond to "THE TALK". I had known the guy that I was seeing for years when I told him....we were really close...I told him...and he left tire tracks behind...something to think about...some people are cool...others are not...just be prepared for the reaction either way. Good Luck....what about the last guy...the one you were in the relationship with...is he the person that infected you????

I'm aware of the potential consequences, but i Feel that he deserves as much honesty as he has shown me. And if i were to end things on a "it's not you it's me" basis that would hurt him. I would rather it be open and honest...especially before it gets physical. Which is where it is starting to go.
The last guy i was with was not the one who infected me. And he has been the only person that i've been physical with since i was infected and the only person i have had to tell. The 2 year relationship was great but he had a huge hang-up about my H. every disagreement would end up being my fault because he felt that he needed compensation for the potetial of getting H (which he never did). I felt that just because I have H doesn't mean that i can't have a relationship that is equal and with unconditional love.

So I'm making Dinner for Nick and I tonight and after the "OC" we will talk. Thanks for the advice and encouragment :)