Gotta_Escape
02-02-2004, 09:04 PM
In advance I would like to say that I'm sorry for this post and it's length!!!! Someone...please help me...like almost all of you, I have OCD...but my family and friends have NO idea...I have been hiding it from them for about six or seven months...before then, it wasn't bad enough...like it didn't take any effort to hide them...but ever since the summer and after a very traumatic thing happend to me, I have been getting worse and worse...I have recently started to become germophobic...like I WILL NOT touch anything that is open to the public...since I'm a teen and attend a public high school, I come into contact with things like door knobs and chairs and other things that other people touched very frequently. I FLIP out if forced to touch anything like that...on un-exsposed skin...like I cover my hand with my sleave if opening a door or something. (have gotten WAY too many weird looks from people when doing this) I also have been late to many classes because I wash my hands between classes...my anxiety level is up the roof!!! I'm so afraid to tell my family because my two sisters have autisim and with that comes a much more severe case of OCD than mine...so I'm afraid that they will be like...dissapointed that they really don't have the "normal" child they want...
I remember the other day...sitting in my math class, my hands shaking and my whole body trembling because I had gone to the bathroom before class and there wasn't any soap!!! NONE!!! I would have gone to the other bathroom, but I would have been late! So I had to wash my hands with scalding hot water, and it still didn't feel like enough!!! I was almost crying..I could barely breathe... That's only ONE of my problems...(I'm so sorry I'm rambling...but I have NEVER gotten to say anything about this!) Please give me some advice or something!!! I need help!!!!
I remember the other day...sitting in my math class, my hands shaking and my whole body trembling because I had gone to the bathroom before class and there wasn't any soap!!! NONE!!! I would have gone to the other bathroom, but I would have been late! So I had to wash my hands with scalding hot water, and it still didn't feel like enough!!! I was almost crying..I could barely breathe... That's only ONE of my problems...(I'm so sorry I'm rambling...but I have NEVER gotten to say anything about this!) Please give me some advice or something!!! I need help!!!!
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Always_Worrying
02-02-2004, 10:35 PM
Oh Sweetie, I really feel for you. I'm not in high school anymore, but I so know what you are going through. It really snow balled for me when my son was born 2 years ago. I know it was the added stress of someone else to worry about.
I won't touch public door knobs either. I also use my sleeve. Another big No-No is touching a public pen (like the kind a cashier has at the store that everyone uses). If I can't wash my hands right away (or use antibacterial hand sanitizer) I flip. That is ALL I can think about. The Germs on my hands.
I've been seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist. I've worked quite a bit with exposure therapy.
I strongly suggest you sit down and talk with your parents. This type of anxiety disorder is quite common. I know how you feel about not being able to talk with other people about your OCD. Growing up, I had no idea I had ocd. I thought I just worried A FREAKIN' LOT! My parents thought I was a hypochondriac and really didn't have an sympathy for me, besides, stop worrying, your fine.
I also suggest that you see a psychiatrist. They will help you deal with this so you are not alone.
Good Luck. Feel free to vent here anytime, and if you ever need an ear to talk to, I'm here.
Jaime
I won't touch public door knobs either. I also use my sleeve. Another big No-No is touching a public pen (like the kind a cashier has at the store that everyone uses). If I can't wash my hands right away (or use antibacterial hand sanitizer) I flip. That is ALL I can think about. The Germs on my hands.
I've been seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist. I've worked quite a bit with exposure therapy.
I strongly suggest you sit down and talk with your parents. This type of anxiety disorder is quite common. I know how you feel about not being able to talk with other people about your OCD. Growing up, I had no idea I had ocd. I thought I just worried A FREAKIN' LOT! My parents thought I was a hypochondriac and really didn't have an sympathy for me, besides, stop worrying, your fine.
I also suggest that you see a psychiatrist. They will help you deal with this so you are not alone.
Good Luck. Feel free to vent here anytime, and if you ever need an ear to talk to, I'm here.
Jaime
jason helmstein
02-03-2004, 12:59 AM
hey, sorry to hear you're having so much trouble. i think though that if you want to get better, it's important that you tell someone you can trust about your problem and if that means telling your parents and them feeling dissapointed, then that's what has to happen. hopefully, they'll understand and be able to get you help. i, myself, started out telling a close friend of mine about it. then, eventually, i told my brother and then eventually, i told my parents, who are now paying for me to see a psychologist. there are techniques for overcoming problems like yours. the best, as far as i know, is cognitive behavior therapy or exposure and prevention therapy or whatever it's called, but you've probably heard of it. good luck to you and remember that the problem has more to do with ocd than any germs on the doorknob but help is out there if you take the right steps. remember, ocd is a big pain, but don't get too upset over it. mostly, it's in your head and try to relax and have fun as much as you can.
Gotta_Escape
02-03-2004, 04:18 PM
Thanks you all...it really helps...I told one of my best friends...her reaction was "How do you know you really have it? I mean, it could all be in your head" I got SO mad at her..she is suposed to be there for me you know! I have listened to her problems for years now...she ALWAYS complains about her self, and her family..then like ONCE I tell her something, and I expect her to be there for me...well is she??? NO!!!!!! but thank you all for being there for me! Especially to Always_worrying ((((Hugs)))) thanks!
DrummerKev147
02-04-2004, 07:00 PM
Just go ahead and tell your parents when you feel ready, they'll probably get more worried if they know something's wrong and you're not saying anything.
gogocrazy
02-07-2004, 08:20 PM
Hey!
Sorry if I don't help much, but I'll try. I just feel like I can relate to you so much.
First off, I'm a 13 year old girl. I was in the same situation as you a few months ago, so I know how you feel. I had been doing things that weren't "normal" for a few years, but I only realized that it was OCD about a year ago. Before that, I figured something was wrong, but I had no idea what it was. Like many people, I thought that OCD was only when you have a phobia of germs, not counting, repeating, or anything of that sort. The only reason I knew what OCD was was because I knew someone who had OCD. If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't have had the slightest idea what OCD was.
The first people I told about it were on this website. I was too scared to tell anyone I knew about it in case I was wrong. However, I was in a similar situation as you because I was worried that if I did have it, my parents would be disappointed in me because they wouldn't have a "normal" child. I have an older brother and older sister and they were born 2 1/2 month premature; they nearly died at birth. The both have mild CP and my brother has ADD and severe asthma. My brother was also severely depressed and my sister was anorexic and bulimic. I was the only "normal" one and I felt like I had to fulfill that role. The fact is though, having OCD doesn't make someone "abnormal," it's just an obstacle they must overcome. People can't control whether they have OCD or not and you do not deserve to suffer in silence like this. Having OCD is not a fault of your own and you can't be concerned about how people will react. I know that's a lot harder than it sounds, I'm still trying to accept it, but right now the most important thing is telling your parents and getting help. It's not your responsiblity to fulfill the role of the "normal" child. I'm sure everyone is classified "abnormal" in some way. I'm assuming your parents accepted your sisters' autism, so there's a good possiblity they'll accept your OCD. Most parents don't care about how their child is defined medically, they love their child for who they are. You mentioned that autism is accompanied by a severe case of OCD. However, when OCD is left untreated, it generally gets worse. It has also been proven to get worse when there is an increased amount of stress in a person with OCD's life. My OCD follows that pattern and even now that I'm in treatment it's still getting worse. I believe this is due to stress and the fact that it was left so long untreated. I have also developed depression as a result of my OCD (at least I believe that to be the reason, it's what is causing me the most stress at this point in time). You are not defined by your OCD, but you do have it. If your parents can't accept that, don't worry about it. My parents haven't accepted my OCD or GAD, they constantly insist that I'm "normal," but I don't have to worry about that right now. Right now I have to concentrate on getting better. Please tell someone.
I know what you mean about the phobia of germs. I have recently picked up on that obsession as well. I will not touch any public door knobs on exposed skin. Like you, I cover my hand with my sleeve. I also classify other things, like a type of music stand for instance, as contaminated and I refuse to touch them. If I have to raise or lower it, I ask one of my friends to. I also get weird looks, but who cares what other people think. They have no idea what it's like to live with a mental illness.
At our age, it's not uncommon for friends to react the way your best friend did. I've had people that I considered friends tell me that what I do is "retarded." A few also feel very uncomfortable with me now. Some don't realize what a big deal it is and don't pay it any heed. I haven't even told all of my friends, only the ones I thought I could trust. I have a few however who have been extremely supportive and their opinion of me has not changed. Don't let the reaction of this friend discourage you because some people are kind and will help. I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have anyone to talk to.
Anyways, I have to go. I hope I helped at least a little and if you need anything, I'm here. I know what you're going through.
Daniela
Sorry if I don't help much, but I'll try. I just feel like I can relate to you so much.
First off, I'm a 13 year old girl. I was in the same situation as you a few months ago, so I know how you feel. I had been doing things that weren't "normal" for a few years, but I only realized that it was OCD about a year ago. Before that, I figured something was wrong, but I had no idea what it was. Like many people, I thought that OCD was only when you have a phobia of germs, not counting, repeating, or anything of that sort. The only reason I knew what OCD was was because I knew someone who had OCD. If it wasn't for that, I wouldn't have had the slightest idea what OCD was.
The first people I told about it were on this website. I was too scared to tell anyone I knew about it in case I was wrong. However, I was in a similar situation as you because I was worried that if I did have it, my parents would be disappointed in me because they wouldn't have a "normal" child. I have an older brother and older sister and they were born 2 1/2 month premature; they nearly died at birth. The both have mild CP and my brother has ADD and severe asthma. My brother was also severely depressed and my sister was anorexic and bulimic. I was the only "normal" one and I felt like I had to fulfill that role. The fact is though, having OCD doesn't make someone "abnormal," it's just an obstacle they must overcome. People can't control whether they have OCD or not and you do not deserve to suffer in silence like this. Having OCD is not a fault of your own and you can't be concerned about how people will react. I know that's a lot harder than it sounds, I'm still trying to accept it, but right now the most important thing is telling your parents and getting help. It's not your responsiblity to fulfill the role of the "normal" child. I'm sure everyone is classified "abnormal" in some way. I'm assuming your parents accepted your sisters' autism, so there's a good possiblity they'll accept your OCD. Most parents don't care about how their child is defined medically, they love their child for who they are. You mentioned that autism is accompanied by a severe case of OCD. However, when OCD is left untreated, it generally gets worse. It has also been proven to get worse when there is an increased amount of stress in a person with OCD's life. My OCD follows that pattern and even now that I'm in treatment it's still getting worse. I believe this is due to stress and the fact that it was left so long untreated. I have also developed depression as a result of my OCD (at least I believe that to be the reason, it's what is causing me the most stress at this point in time). You are not defined by your OCD, but you do have it. If your parents can't accept that, don't worry about it. My parents haven't accepted my OCD or GAD, they constantly insist that I'm "normal," but I don't have to worry about that right now. Right now I have to concentrate on getting better. Please tell someone.
I know what you mean about the phobia of germs. I have recently picked up on that obsession as well. I will not touch any public door knobs on exposed skin. Like you, I cover my hand with my sleeve. I also classify other things, like a type of music stand for instance, as contaminated and I refuse to touch them. If I have to raise or lower it, I ask one of my friends to. I also get weird looks, but who cares what other people think. They have no idea what it's like to live with a mental illness.
At our age, it's not uncommon for friends to react the way your best friend did. I've had people that I considered friends tell me that what I do is "retarded." A few also feel very uncomfortable with me now. Some don't realize what a big deal it is and don't pay it any heed. I haven't even told all of my friends, only the ones I thought I could trust. I have a few however who have been extremely supportive and their opinion of me has not changed. Don't let the reaction of this friend discourage you because some people are kind and will help. I don't know where I'd be if I didn't have anyone to talk to.
Anyways, I have to go. I hope I helped at least a little and if you need anything, I'm here. I know what you're going through.
Daniela
Gotta_Escape
02-07-2004, 10:08 PM
Thank you SOOO much gogocrazy!!!!!! Wow!!! You're right of course..I DO need to tell my parents...but it's a lot easier said then done.... an extreamly traumatic event happend to me over last summer...that was the event that triggered everything...my parents know about the event...but not the aftermath..I'm scared to death about telling them that...I want to but I already feel like such a burden to them...*sigh* I will tell them...I'm just not ready...I will tell them soon though...btw gogocrazy.please email me at [removed] it would be SO awesome hearing from you!