Can anyone tell me how long someone has when they start filling with fluids? My Mom has lung cancer that has spread to her bones, skull, adrenal glands, and we are not sure where else as it has been Thanksgiving that we were given this information and she has been too sick to get back to the doctor! We know we are getting close due to the fact we were told she had about 6 weeks left and that has expired but I wanted to know if anyone can tell me how long after a cancer patients ankles and face start getting swelled about how long do you think we will have before she passes? We have family that we need to be calling that live 1200 miles away! Thanks for all your help
May God Bless each and every one of you!

Can anyone tell me how long someone has when they start filling with fluids? My Mom has lung cancer that has spread to her bones, skull, adrenal glands, and we are not sure where else as it has been Thanksgiving that we were given this information and she has been too sick to get back to the doctor! We know we are getting close due to the fact we were told she had about 6 weeks left and that has expired but I wanted to know if anyone can tell me how long after a cancer patients ankles and face start getting swelled about how long do you think we will have before she passes? We have family that we need to be calling that live 1200 miles away! Thanks for all your help
May God Bless each and every one of you!


Hi ChazzyBear. I have been watching this board for a long time however this is my first time writing.

It sounds like you and I have the same questions and sounds like, too, that both our moms are at about the same symptoms. Her face, eyes, and toes are swollen, has glassy eyes (she sees you but doesn't really see you anymore) sleeps 95% of the time. However, has never had any pain, which is quite amazing. She was 'diagnosed' the beginning of March 2003, went through chemo, now nearing the end of her life.

The one thing I do know...we were told that she is swelling because the lumps are covering her lymph nodes therefore the natural secretions from the lymph nodes flows to where it can.

I live 1800 miles away and rely on my 2 sisters who are there to tell me what's going on (they do really great) and when it's time to come home again. Being so far away is really, really hard, harder than I ever imagined. I can't afford to keep flying back and forth.....as much as I want to be there, as much as I need to be there. I was there 2 weeks ago, she was tired and slept probably 50% of her day, but otherwise was up talking/interacting with us. Just 2 weeks later, she's basically in bed all the time, barely talks.

So, if any of you can tell us, give us some clues, it would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks for listening.....

Dear Faraway,
This may sound weird but it is nice to know there is someone out there that can relate to me. We are exactly in the same boat, my Mom was diagnosed in September of 2003 with stage 3 B which quickly turned to stage 4. My Mom is very very weak, about to the point of not walking and when she does we have to hold her legs and hips as there is not much left to hold them in. She is turning the "grey color" that I used to hear people talk about but now am experiancing. I have asked other family members if they see it (as sometimes I think maybe we see something one day and then not the next as the changes are so rapid) and they also see it.
I am scared to see my mom go, but am ready for she is in so much pain----IT HURTS.
I am glad to hear your Mom is in no pain.
My Mom often says that each day "THe sun will shine even on a rainy day" and she is right! Soon our Moms will be Angels and will warm our hearts every day .
May God Bless you and your family
I am sorry to hear that you are so far away...... how hard that must be on you.... i am 10 minutes away and some days that is just way to far!
I will pray for you to be able to spend more time with her befor she goes, but remember when she is gone you will be together every day... as she will be your "angel"
Chazzy

Dear Faraway,
This may sound weird but it is nice to know there is someone out there that can relate to me. We are exactly in the same boat, my Mom was diagnosed in September of 2003 with stage 3 B which quickly turned to stage 4. My Mom is very very weak, about to the point of not walking and when she does we have to hold her legs and hips as there is not much left to hold them in. She is turning the "grey color" that I used to hear people talk about but now am experiancing. I have asked other family members if they see it (as sometimes I think maybe we see something one day and then not the next as the changes are so rapid) and they also see it.
I am scared to see my mom go, but am ready for she is in so much pain----IT HURTS.
I am glad to hear your Mom is in no pain.
My Mom often says that each day "THe sun will shine even on a rainy day" and she is right! Soon our Moms will be Angels and will warm our hearts every day .
May God Bless you and your family
I am sorry to hear that you are so far away...... how hard that must be on you.... i am 10 minutes away and some days that is just way to far!
I will pray for you to be able to spend more time with her befor she goes, but remember when she is gone you will be together every day... as she will be your "angel"
Chazzy


ChazzyBear and Faraway,

I too know what you are both going through as my mom is about the same. She was diagonsed in August with Stage 111B and is now in Stage 4, we have done the raditation thing, etc. I live about 1200 miles away so is very hard to really know what is going on. I talk to my mom on the phone and via e-mail and set up a web cam when I was there last time but it isn't the same a begin there. I came to this site and read all the message (usually cry), however I don't post much as I just don't know what to say. Just reading these message seem to give me some comfort. I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you all for listening.

T

Chazzy and Trinker,

Thank you both for your encouragement. It doesn't sound weird at all that there is comfort in us going through this together, I thoroughly understand that now.

How are your moms doing? Mine seems to be changing daily. She's starting a 12 hr "time released" morphene starting today to help with her breathing and anxiety. Her skin around her lips are now discolored; most likely not from the lack of oxygen but rather just the desease itself; vomitting with blood; b/p up and down.

When I talked with my sister last night, I could hear my mom in the background, sounding confused, oh so weak, not like my mom.

Am playing it day by day in terms if I should go home or not. I ask God to spare her from going through this but then am angry at Him for putting her through this, for putting anyone through this. My faith is teetering right now (but thankfully I always come back to Him) but ultimately I know she will be with Him soon.

You know, before this all started I believed she would be here with me forever, that we would never be going through this, that I would never lose her. (A little non-reality based, I know but still the same, I never thought about losing her). Now I tell people to appreciate the life they have, and understand the importance of those around them, for that can, and will, change so quickly.

I know I would, like you Chazzy, appreciate info from people out there as to 'signs' that her death is closer. I want to hold her as she passes; I can't stand the thought of her being alone. If you have a moment, please reply.

God Bless us all.

Cathy

Dear Faraway,

It would be soooo much easier if we new a time line. That is why I was hoping that someone could help! Please do not loose faith in God... My Mom has put into perspective for me just how much faith she has..... she is in alot of pain and asked me to pray for her to be in less pain... then when we were finished she says "that was very selfish of me to ask for that when God took spikes in his hands and feet for me" That to me was such a strong comment.... I cry seeing her in this much pain and she feels it more than I and can make a comment like that! So be tough for your Mom! Hang in there and know there are people on this board that will listen and if you ever want to e-mail me direct you can at charlie@mheinc.com

I am going to give you kind of a run down of my Mom and what she has been thru as of this far so you may know what to expect or maybe you have been thru it already, but I will try and help!

she went from stage 3b to 4 fast. When we found out about this cancer she had it in her lungs, lympnodes, around her arota and heart then in less than 6 or 7 weeks it went into her bones. The bad parts were lower back, left shoulder, skull and pelvic area, the adrenal gland.........then from there things have just went down down down. She was put on 40 mg of oxycotton a day and liquid morphine for quick pain release. She was still walking and visiting family--with assistance from her kids. We called in hospice about 4 weeks ago when she could no longer leave home. She went to a walker, then a wheel chair and know is in bed! We could assist in showering her as she was to weak to do herself. She was using a walker to get around, but still needed us to hold her for assurance from being weak. THen we went to a back brace for her as her hips are gone---she does not have much control on if her legs stay in the sockets and her hip would go far from side to side. Then as that went down we had to hold in her hips even with the brace. THey doubled her oyecotton to 80 mg a day for pain and she can have morphine when needed for additional assistance. WE had noticed that her feet were turning a grey color and even her hands, back and neck. Then we found out that this was from poor circulation and we do massages that run with the direction of the veins---this helped alot. Then just this last week we found out that Hospice thinks that the skull mets have started growing into her brain---brain swelling---lots of pain and that maybe there is crushed bones in lower back from cancer eating at the bone. We have had problems with her stool---not working and we thought it was from the meds, but know they are thinking that the cancer is taking that over and she can not do that on her own they have her on 6 lax a day and still have to assist in this area as she has no "grunt" left. SHe has had a cath for about 30 days and we are monitoring that area---the kidnesy work one day and then the next they seem to take a break. Her feet are starting to swell. She gets weaker every day. Her voice is so frail and so is her body. It is almost like someone has shrunk her. The nurse has told us that things could get worse, and they probably will. I asked the nurse for a time line and of cource they will not give you a definate--as they do not have a direct line to the good lord, but she did say that she could see Mom here in another month! I am thankful for the big family that we have --as we all take part in her care. I could never do it alone as it is very exhausting mentally to see her like this. SHe was a very tough --on the go-- independant woman and know she depends on us for everything.... I do not mind, but Mom does.
Have you been this far or is there other things you can tell me to help assist me! Maybe we can help each other thru such trying times in our lives and our parents.
Thanks so much for your assistance.
You are in my prayers
May God Bless You
Chazzy

Dear Faraway,

It would be soooo much easier if we new a time line. That is why I was hoping that someone could help! Please do not loose faith in God... My Mom has put into perspective for me just how much faith she has..... she is in alot of pain and asked me to pray for her to be in less pain... then when we were finished she says "that was very selfish of me to ask for that when God took spikes in his hands and feet for me" That to me was such a strong comment.... I cry seeing her in this much pain and she feels it more than I and can make a comment like that! So be tough for your Mom! Hang in there and know there are people on this board that will listen and if you ever want to e-mail me direct you can at charlie@mheinc.com

I am going to give you kind of a run down of my Mom and what she has been thru as of this far so you may know what to expect or maybe you have been thru it already, but I will try and help!

she went from stage 3b to 4 fast. When we found out about this cancer she had it in her lungs, lympnodes, around her arota and heart then in less than 6 or 7 weeks it went into her bones. The bad parts were lower back, left shoulder, skull and pelvic area, the adrenal gland.........then from there things have just went down down down. She was put on 40 mg of oxycotton a day and liquid morphine for quick pain release. She was still walking and visiting family--with assistance from her kids. We called in hospice about 4 weeks ago when she could no longer leave home. She went to a walker, then a wheel chair and know is in bed! We could assist in showering her as she was to weak to do herself. She was using a walker to get around, but still needed us to hold her for assurance from being weak. THen we went to a back brace for her as her hips are gone---she does not have much control on if her legs stay in the sockets and her hip would go far from side to side. Then as that went down we had to hold in her hips even with the brace. THey doubled her oyecotton to 80 mg a day for pain and she can have morphine when needed for additional assistance. WE had noticed that her feet were turning a grey color and even her hands, back and neck. Then we found out that this was from poor circulation and we do massages that run with the direction of the veins---this helped alot. Then just this last week we found out that Hospice thinks that the skull mets have started growing into her brain---brain swelling---lots of pain and that maybe there is crushed bones in lower back from cancer eating at the bone. We have had problems with her stool---not working and we thought it was from the meds, but know they are thinking that the cancer is taking that over and she can not do that on her own they have her on 6 lax a day and still have to assist in this area as she has no "grunt" left. SHe has had a cath for about 30 days and we are monitoring that area---the kidnesy work one day and then the next they seem to take a break. Her feet are starting to swell. She gets weaker every day. Her voice is so frail and so is her body. It is almost like someone has shrunk her. The nurse has told us that things could get worse, and they probably will. I asked the nurse for a time line and of cource they will not give you a definate--as they do not have a direct line to the good lord, but she did say that she could see Mom here in another month! I am thankful for the big family that we have --as we all take part in her care. I could never do it alone as it is very exhausting mentally to see her like this. SHe was a very tough --on the go-- independant woman and know she depends on us for everything.... I do not mind, but Mom does.
Have you been this far or is there other things you can tell me to help assist me! Maybe we can help each other thru such trying times in our lives and our parents.
Thanks so much for your assistance.
You are in my prayers
May God Bless You
Chazzy

Chazzy and Trinker,

Thank you both for your encouragement. It doesn't sound weird at all that there is comfort in us going through this together, I thoroughly understand that now.

How are your moms doing? Mine seems to be changing daily. She's starting a 12 hr "time released" morphene starting today to help with her breathing and anxiety. Her skin around her lips are now discolored; most likely not from the lack of oxygen but rather just the desease itself; vomitting with blood; b/p up and down.

When I talked with my sister last night, I could hear my mom in the background, sounding confused, oh so weak, not like my mom.

Am playing it day by day in terms if I should go home or not. I ask God to spare her from going through this but then am angry at Him for putting her through this, for putting anyone through this. My faith is teetering right now (but thankfully I always come back to Him) but ultimately I know she will be with Him soon.

You know, before this all started I believed she would be here with me forever, that we would never be going through this, that I would never lose her. (A little non-reality based, I know but still the same, I never thought about losing her). Now I tell people to appreciate the life they have, and understand the importance of those around them, for that can, and will, change so quickly.

I know I would, like you Chazzy, appreciate info from people out there as to 'signs' that her death is closer. I want to hold her as she passes; I can't stand the thought of her being alone. If you have a moment, please reply.

God Bless us all.

Cathy


Cathy, I know excatly how you feel I too am playing it day by day in terms if I should go home or not. I am upset with God as well for wanting to take my mom who is my best friend away from us. I just wish the she didn't have to go through this at all but I keep coming back to the fact that it will be much better up there (no pain, heartache, etc) and she will be at peace. Don't let your faith go it will help you throught this as well as all the people that come to this board. I know would like to know the signs that her death is coming closer, that way I can make sure that we are there with her when her time comes. I'm going to miss her so very very much it is just much to soon for her to go, she is going to miss her greatgrand children going up, her grandchildrens weddings, things that we should be all planning together. I'm sitting here typing this and crying, I seem to do that alot these days (so sad). I hope that you get to spent the time with your mom before she goes, hold her close and tell her how much you love her, tell her about all the good times that you have all had and how you will keep these in your heart so she will always be there. Both you and ChazzyBear take care and god bless you both.

Trina

Hi Chazzybear and Trinker,

I just wanted to let you know that my mom passed away on Feb 9 at 10:35 am. I got a call at 4:40a Saturday morning from my sister saying she had just been told that mom was "actively dying". Well I was up, packed, at the airport in less than an hour. (For the bay area, that's a pretty amazing feat, even for that time of the morning!)

Mom, as my sister told me several times when I checked in with them, was "waiting for me". When you're sitting (trapped I think is a better discriptor) on a plane and can't call, all sorts of things run through your mind. Bottom line she was there when I finally got there late Saturday afternoon. She stayed with us until Moday morniing (and again waited for my brother to arrive from Dallas).

My two sisters, brother (and sister-in-law) and I were there holding her when she passed. We all had been telling her it was ok for her to go, had been telling her for awhile. Mom had had 24 hour Hospice care from the previous day. Crystal was the most amazing, helpful, spiritual person. A true angel. She made mom very comfortable, told her exactly what she was doing to do before doing it, gave mom much dignity and respect. And she took care of us too.

I have no regrets. Once I got there Saturday, I stayed continuously until she passed. She was afraid to be alone, and she was not. At least one of us was always with her, touching her, usually 2 or 3 of us.

Her memorial service is tomorrow night. I am not looking forward to it but hopefully it will bring some closure.

It is an odd feeling, not having a mom here with me anymore. I am having feelings I had never thought about.

I hope your moms are doing well. I will write more when I get home.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL!
Cathy

Hi Chazzybear and Trinker,

I just wanted to let you know that my mom passed away on Feb 9 at 10:35 am. I got a call at 4:40a Saturday morning from my sister saying she had just been told that mom was "actively dying". Well I was up, packed, at the airport in less than an hour. (For the bay area, that's a pretty amazing feat, even for that time of the morning!)

Mom, as my sister told me several times when I checked in with them, was "waiting for me". When you're sitting (trapped I think is a better discriptor) on a plane and can't call, all sorts of things run through your mind. Bottom line she was there when I finally got there late Saturday afternoon. She stayed with us until Moday morniing (and again waited for my brother to arrive from Dallas).

My two sisters, brother (and sister-in-law) and I were there holding her when she passed. We all had been telling her it was ok for her to go, had been telling her for awhile. Mom had had 24 hour Hospice care from the previous day. Crystal was the most amazing, helpful, spiritual person. A true angel. She made mom very comfortable, told her exactly what she was doing to do before doing it, gave mom much dignity and respect. And she took care of us too.

I have no regrets. Once I got there Saturday, I stayed continuously until she passed. She was afraid to be alone, and she was not. At least one of us was always with her, touching her, usually 2 or 3 of us.

Her memorial service is tomorrow night. I am not looking forward to it but hopefully it will bring some closure.

It is an odd feeling, not having a mom here with me anymore. I am having feelings I had never thought about.

I hope your moms are doing well. I will write more when I get home.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL!
Cathy

Cathy, what can we say but I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm so glad that you see your mom before she died. I'm sure that she knew that you were all there around her and she wasn't alone and she is now with the Angels herself. I will say a pray for your mom and one for your family as well. If you ever need to talk about your feelings we are hear to listen. My mom isn't at this stage as of yet, still a little bit of time and I hope when her time comes that I manage to get home before she goes. Take care and god bless you and your family.

T.

PS. ChazzyBear - how is your mom doing now?

Trina

swelling up

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Quote:
Originally Posted by farawaydaughter
Hi Chazzybear and Trinker,

I just wanted to let you know that my mom passed away on Feb 9 at 10:35 am. I got a call at 4:40a Saturday morning from my sister saying she had just been told that mom was "actively dying". Well I was up, packed, at the airport in less than an hour. (For the bay area, that's a pretty amazing feat, even for that time of the morning!)

Mom, as my sister told me several times when I checked in with them, was "waiting for me". When you're sitting (trapped I think is a better discriptor) on a plane and can't call, all sorts of things run through your mind. Bottom line she was there when I finally got there late Saturday afternoon. She stayed with us until Moday morniing (and again waited for my brother to arrive from Dallas).

My two sisters, brother (and sister-in-law) and I were there holding her when she passed. We all had been telling her it was ok for her to go, had been telling her for awhile. Mom had had 24 hour Hospice care from the previous day. Crystal was the most amazing, helpful, spiritual person. A true angel. She made mom very comfortable, told her exactly what she was doing to do before doing it, gave mom much dignity and respect. And she took care of us too.

I have no regrets. Once I got there Saturday, I stayed continuously until she passed. She was afraid to be alone, and she was not. At least one of us was always with her, touching her, usually 2 or 3 of us.

Her memorial service is tomorrow night. I am not looking forward to it but hopefully it will bring some closure.

It is an odd feeling, not having a mom here with me anymore. I am having feelings I had never thought about.

I hope your moms are doing well. I will write more when I get home.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL!
Cathy


Cathy, what can we say but I'm so very sorry for your loss. I'm so glad that you see your mom before she died. I'm sure that she knew that you were all there around her and she wasn't alone and she is now with the Angels herself. I will say a pray for your mom and one for your family as well. If you ever need to talk about your feelings we are hear to listen. My mom isn't at this stage as of yet, still a little bit of time and I hope when her time comes that I manage to get home before she goes. Take care and god bless you and your family.

T.

PS. ChazzyBear - how is your mom doing now?

Trina

Trina,
Thanks for asking about my Mom. SHe is taking one day at a time. She is on oxycotten, steroids and liquid morphine! She is in alot of pain and then they up the meds it regulates and then we start again until its too storng of pain and then again! She is getting grouchy some--but I would be too if I were in her shoes! She gets weaker every day! Her feet turn a bluish-black when she is put in her wheelchair, she has swets, then shes cold, now she is experiancing chest pain! I am not sure how much more she will have to go thru before God takes her home!

Its funny our prayer for her now is that God take her home. The prayer cycle is kinda funny how it works!

How is your Mom? You and your family are inmy prayers

Chazzy

Trina,
Thanks for asking about my Mom. SHe is taking one day at a time. She is on oxycotten, steroids and liquid morphine! She is in alot of pain and then they up the meds it regulates and then we start again until its too storng of pain and then again! She is getting grouchy some--but I would be too if I were in her shoes! She gets weaker every day! Her feet turn a bluish-black when she is put in her wheelchair, she has swets, then shes cold, now she is experiancing chest pain! I am not sure how much more she will have to go thru before God takes her home!

Its funny our prayer for her now is that God take her home. The prayer cycle is kinda funny how it works!

How is your Mom? You and your family are inmy prayers

Chazzy

ChazzyBear,

My mom is doing not to bad, we are not quite at the staff that your mom is as she can still get around on her own right now. However she is in pain and takes just the pills so far - no liquid yet. The hospic nurse only has to come once a week still which is good. MY mom seems to be in very good spirits but very very tired (has to sleep lots durning the day). Mom has swelling in the arm and neck (doc says that it is fluid), pain in the back by her shoulder blade. Mom and I talked and she said that she hopes that when her time is up that she goes very very quickly (I wish that for her as well so that she will not be in so much pain). This is such an ugly, painful disease, I hate it, sometimes I'm just so mad that sometimes I could just scream.

I went home an visit a few weeks ago and it was wonderful to see her (talking over the phone just isn't the same). It was a great visit we talked alot, sometimes about important stuff than other times about the good times we have had (that made us cry a little - knowing that we are going to miss so much more). I had a great visit with my dad as well - family is so very important.

I'm sorry to hear that your mom is in so much pain, I guess I would be grouchy as well. I hope that she doesn't have to go through very much more, hopefully God is listening and will take her soon. I know we all start out saying how much time we want so don't take them to soon, than when we see how much pain they are in we say "please God take them home soon so they don't have to suffer anymore."

How are YOU doing with all of this ChazzyBear?

Trina

I'm sorry for anyone going through this. I lost my mom last winter. January 31, 2003 to lung cancer which had spread to the brain. My mom and i were very close, I miss her so much. She was wonderful to my children, a day didn't go by that we didn't talk or see each other.

I feel very guilty. For about a month before she was diagnosed I knew she was sick but just thought it was the flu. She said she was too sick to do anything, etc, I told her to see the doc, but she didn't want to. I didn't push the issue, I was just frustrated with her. I thought, why would you lie around sick and not go to the doc. SHe was vomiting and having headaches. Anyway, during that time I didn't see her due to family life with four children being very busy. I called her everyday though. On Christmas I had her for dinner. I don't even know how she made it. I was shocked when I saw her and cried because I just knew she was dying. She was so out of it as well. On the 27th of December I finally got her to go to the emergency room with me where they told me she had lung cancer which had spread to her brain. It was only a month before she was gone. My brother came from florida and the two of us took care of her until the last week. She had to go into a hospice because she wouldn't let us give her the pain meds. Even a month was too long for someone to go through this ugly disease. I am so sorry for everyone here who has lost, or who is losing someone to this. I will pray that the end is peaceful. My mother was peaceful in the end. I miss her so much.