Ive struggled with an eating disorder for 2 years now. But i havent thrown up or starvedmyself for a year until just recently. And even nw it isnt alot. Like i did it once last week and once about 2 months ago. But i find myself obsessing over caloies and making sure i dont go over my bodly limit. Sure thats healthy, but im always afraid if i eat to much one weekend im gonna gain like 5 lbs. I just really need some help in getting over thi. Im not fat i know that but my anorexic me is saying im huge. Im 15 5'4 123 lbs. See i even have my weight down to the exact. Its just...grrrr

whenever you think "Oh my gosh, i can't eat this, i'll gain 10 lbs"... just try to remember that just isn't possible, not in one day or with one meal. even to gain 5 lbs... you would have to eat 17,500 more calories than you burn... that takes a while to do.

no, you're not fat. not fat by any means. you're not even overweight. try to think that what you see in the mirror is most likely not what other people see, so try not to be so hard on yourself. easier said than done, i know. :angel:

Your weight is great for your height... I am also 5'4" and I weigh more than you... irrelevant really... but the above post points out a good point... you would have to eat enough for almost 5 days calories in order to gain any amount of weight like that, at one meal.

Just when I think I am the only one feeling a certain way....one of you guys surprises me with a post that reads my mind.

I have been bulimic for a long time and have not B/P for a month. While I was b/p I weighed 118 5'4 and in that month I am now at 123 which scares me because it seems like its coming back so fast. I feel huge. I look in the mirror and feel sick. I hate feeling this way. So badly I want to be free of bulimia, but then I gain a pound and freak out. Im tired of fitiing in clothes one day and then not the next. I am getting my period in a day and am trying to convince myself I gained some water weight. Every month I get really nervous, bloated, depressed and convince myself it is NOT period related. Is it reality that woman put on weight during their periods? If so how much and when does it usually start? If I can accept my period knowing it will go away in a week maybe I can keep myself from purging.

i'm not a doctor, but i'm pretty sure that every woman gains water weight during that time... well, maybe not every woman, but i would guess that most...

maybe you should just try to stay away from the scale that week...?? you sound like you might be addicted to the scale anyways, which is not good, as weight fluctuates SO much. i would suggest that for those couple days before your period, you stay off the scale. maybe that will help!! :angel:

I just want to tell you that I am the exact same way as you about my weight. I too am 5'4" but weight 130 lbs. I'm obsessed with keeping the scale down, and although I've never purged to lose calories...I get happy after I drink too much and throw up because I know that means I lose weight. I weight myself at least 10 times a day...like when I wake up, after I eat Anything, before bed, before and after showers....basically way too much. I've been struggling like this for about nine months, because in May of 2003 and I weighed 190 lbs. I was heavy my whole life...and I was tired of it. I love being a size 4 or 6 instead of 14, but I'm constantly struggling with depression over gaining back any weight. If i step on the scale (say, if i drank a lot of water that day) and it was 2 lbs heavier than I expected, I freak out. I still feel disgusting and fat a lot of the time. Also, I feel like since I starved myself for so long that I will gain weight back faster than a normal person if I go back to eating normally. I don't know if that's possible but I feel like it is true, and people who don't have a problem don't understand that. Besides, anyone who thinks you have an eating disorder will never say anything except "NO, you're not fat, and it Won't make you gain weight to indulge on occassion." I think they're wrong. And I just wanted to let you know that you are So not the only person out there who feels like this, because I understand what it is like.

Alwaysgod
Im kind of in the same boat as you right now.I seem to be between anorexia and bulimia. Some days im ok but the thoughts are always there.I have the same anxiety about putting weight on and in my mind its like a massive amount.I seem to be carrying excess water right now which is really upsetting me also!Ive even thought about throwing the scales out or atleast getting my hubbie to hide them.I think i might cope better.Do you think we should both try that one?For a week?
It seems like you are definetely struggling and it seems you could do with some help with this one before you do get to the stage where you are b/p ing alot more.It sounds like you have done really well. It would be torture if you slipped back to square one again.

I know, and should have talked about all this sooner and it would have probably helped me top not have done it again in the first place. I dont have a scale at my house so i really cant try it with u. lol. Sarah i know exacltly what u mean! Just 1 pound and i freak out too. I wish i could be like my sis and just not care but its soooo hard not to. Its so hard just to stop watching the calories and fat and all that junk. Just be anormal kid. But i dont know. It just seems like i cant. Like this weekend i had 4 ribs. Not at one time tough. And at first i was ok with it. bUt then when i started realizing how many calories were in one rib..... i started freaking out! thanks for replying/
Ashley

ok well...umm i need a litle help right now. My feelings are all justcrazy and i just need to talk. Ive been counting my calories sooo much right now and today i had probably over 1600. Which is way over then my usual. I understand andi know that my body needs just 1300 just to function if i lied in bed all day, so 300 extra isnt really much seeings how im really activ...but i cant seem to forgetthat. Im dwelling on it and i ust wish i could be normal and not care. I keep picturing myself this huge blob in a month from now when swimming sytarts. And now im just beating myself up. I mean my mind is actually"feeling" the weight pack on. And of course that aint possible, but thats whatmy mind is saying. Does this make me crazy??? IS there neone else like this???
Ashley