Hi guys -- I've looked at this board and the weight loss board for about half a year now and i'ts weird to chart my progress. i started on the weight loss board last june cuz i wanted to lose the weight i gained from my freshman year of college. I did, and then I lost a lot more and by october was underweight. I always thought that an eating disorder meant anorexia or bulimia, and i really wasn't either, i just was obsessed with exercising and counting calories. i was never drastically underweight so i don't think most people noticed. i hit a low around november and sought help. i was diagnosed with a non-specific ED and now i'm in counseling and have essentially been forced to gain weight by my doctors cuz i developed a lot of medical problems.

i'm five feet tall and weight around 99 pounds, which i know isn't a lot, but it still bothers me so much. i know that gaining weight technically means you're recovering, but it's such an emotional battle. and if feel like because i never was severly anorexic or anything, no one really realizes how much serious emotional stress it's been. anyone else out there understand? sorry to write so much, i guess i just had to divulge somewhere. any advice? i have my good days and bad days, and i've never felt so alone in all of it. thanks for letting me share

I can totally understand.. and the fact that I do understand scares me. Over 5 months I have lost 15 pounds just by gradual weight loss. It annoys me so bad that I count every calorie that I consume each day in my head, and if I don't excersize I feel so guilty. I can't remember when my life started being like this....its really tough. So I can completely relate with you. Even though I dont have a true eating disorder, obsession isnt a good thing either. Sometimes when I really want to stop thinking about it I keep on telling myself that life is not all about how much you weigh. The day we can stop obsessing over something that is really not supposed to be under our control every second, is the day we will be able to focus on the things that make us truly happy in life.

I know it is such a rough battle, but I think it's wonderful you recognized the problem. Non-specific eating disorders can be just as deadly and harmful as the "text-book" disorders and need just as much attention. Not to mention they often do lead to anorexia and bulimia.

I started off non-specific, but now I am on the brink of anorexia. I am missing my "monthly" thing and a pound under my expected weight. It's a really hard concept to grasp, and I didn't put two and two together until over the past month with my therapist. It's so weird to open my eyes to my disorder for the first time. For so long it was just like I had a bad habit like biting my nails... I didn't realize I was doing it until people started questioning me, etc.

I wish you the best of luck in your recovery, it's not an easy journey and even though I am seeking help, I don't know if I have even accepted my disorder enough to even be able to start getting over it.

hi again -- thanks so much for the words of support. Epiphany, your situation sounds exactly like mine. I haven't had a "monthly" (nice term btw) since essentially june. i was about three pounds under the my weight minumum. i've been in therapy for a few months now and i have accepted that i have a problem and i know it's unhealthy, but a part of me just wishes i could be underweight again. i have my good days and my bad days and it's so painful.

just to let you know, you're far from alone. i'm glad to see that you're seeking help. so far the therapy has helped me emotionally quite a bit because it's helping me realize parts of my personality that i never took into account before. it's a long battle and i hope we can win in the end. good luck!

Virgochick
Yes i understand.I have been diagnosed as bulimic but since then ive lost more weight and also seem to display symptoms of anorexia also, but im not classed as underweight. I seem to swing between the two which i believe is quite common and therefore difficult to diagnose.
i know all about the emotional stuff though. It doesnt matter what weight you are. The pains still there.
take carexxx