Today is going good... so far... I am bulemic and a compulsive overeater. I live with my boyfriend of two years and he knows ALL about it.. Yeah. Lots of stress and fights in our relationship related to food. Lately I have been attending OA meetings and last night I approached someone for the first time to be my sponsor and I also talked in the meeting about my addiction. It was such a relief to say whatever was on my mind about my eating disorder and have people listen who knew what I was talking about! I have been binge/purging for the past two years atleast once a day.. I hate it. But I am caught up with my food cycle and I am struggling with breaking free from the control over my life it has. I start every day thinking, only today. Just get through today.. the evenings are the hardest times for me because that is when I am alone the most and the urge to be "bad" creeps up like an old friend... My bathroom becomes a foreboding place and the kitchen gleams, teasing me and taunting... I can hear it in my head now...'aren't you hungry? just come in here and eat because you know you are going to anyways... eat as much as you want because you can just get rid of it all in the magic toilet. the magic toilet makes all the bad stuff go away...'
Yeah.. so it's a daily struggle that so far today, I have yet to be approached by it.. and I know I will be. So I am working on my come back. My winning battle cry.. I own my life! I have no control over food! And I will ONLY eat when I am hungry! And purging is not an option today. Now I only need to belive in myself and that these things.. all these things ARE possible.. thanks for listening. it means the world.

good luck!! taking it one day at a time is the only way to go... otherwise, the task seems too daunting.

you're right, YOU are in control of your life, NOT food. if only it were that easy to really, truly believe.

the one thing that i try to say to myself to stop from overeating and stop the cravings, is "is it worth it?" meaning, is it worth the emotional stress you will endure when you do overeat and purge?? for me, i also use the technique of asking myself "who do you worship?" since i believe in God, i SHOULD worship God, but with all the time i spend thinking about food and my weight, it's more like i worship food instead.

hope your day ends as well as it started!! :)

thanks for your reply! You are so right and I like the way you think. I'm going to use that in my strategy. So far so good.. with half the day gone...Hopefully I can come back tomorrow and say, I MADE it!!!! one whole day without giving in! Are you a recovering binge/purger as well?

i'm actually not a b/p girl. i've gone through the motions a million times, but i rarely can actually make myself purge. it's sad because i want to so bad (how screwed up is that), so i go into the bathroom for a long time and convince myself i can do it, but i just can't. the only reason i do want to though, is because i definitely binge. and i feel SO guilty, that the only thing i think will make me feel better is to purge. since i can't, i normally just follow the binge day with a starve day.

sounds real healthy, eh?? :)

i hope that tomorrow you have another post... and it's a POSITIVE one!

Last night wasn't as good as I was planning for.. I sort of forgot all the positive stuff I had been feeding myself all day... I feel sooooo guilty after I eat, I wish I could just be full and not feel like I need to be hungry again... I get rid of it so I can feel hungry again and start the whole thing over.... sick. I just want to feel normal... I want to not be afraid to feel normal. I think that is what is holding me back... thank you for your posts. I used to just binge without going to the bathroom afterwards.. I used to stand in front of the toilet.. wanting to get sick, but unable to make it come.... now all I have to do is bend over.... why is this such an obstacle for us? Why is food ruling my life?!... ARRRRGGGGGHHHH!!!! much love to you... I am soooooo frustrated.. I need a nap now... :)

well, today is a new day and you can try it all over again. i think it's hard to actually make yourself stick to what you plan... i know that i have that problem too.

we have to realize that WE are in control. food does not control us. what sucks is that it's such an empty reward. we want to eat all that stuff that we think will "taste SO good" but then in the end we don't feel any different than we did before we ate it, ya know what i mean??

i'm getting so frustrated with myself because i'm getting worse and worse with just not eating. i ate what i felt was "too much" yesterday, so i made out a plan of how i won't have to really eat anything today... like i'm at work, so i won't have to eat until lunch, but at lunch time i'm going to take a half day, so i'll be driving to Dallas... so that means i won't have to eat at all. i'll have to eat dinner with my mom, but that won't be that much.

but i assume that like me, you think about food constantly. or at least your body image constantly... i think the 2 are intertwined, but maybe not.

bottom line... with the dawn of each new day, we get to try and overcome this. we can do it!! :wave:

Elizabeth and notoriousB
Believe me i know what you are going through right now. Food is constantly in my thoughts ALL day long, how much exercise, when to binge, how much will i fast,do i look slimmer today, do i look fatter........blah...blah...blah!Its SO distressing isnt it?But im so glad i can atleast come hear and know others have these problems too.
Take care
Nikkitaxxx

it is nice to know that there are people out there that go through what we go through, but it's hard because that can only take you so far... i wish that by coming to the boards, it was a cure! HA, wouldn't that be great?? that if we came and told everyone our stories, we would magically be free of our food/body consuming thoughts??

i know your posts, nikkita, have been pretty bad lately, are you doing any better the past couple days?? i'll be praying for you and for elizabeth...

as long as you pray for me today because i have to drive 180 miles and it's sleeting... which in Texas means ICE on the roads. EEKS.

I will definitly pray for you! Be careful! Tonight is supposed to be worse!... well, the boards are like an outlet for me.. things I feel I can't tell my boyfriend or I don't feel like discussing with my mom, again... because she seems to think I will be cures instantly and that antidepressants are the answer... Every day is a new day and a new chance to start over. I am thankful for each new day I wake up and there is someone I love next to me and there are people who love me that call and think about me and there are people out there who want to help me and see me get better.. Nikkita, I have been having a backwards slide lately, too... I feel out of control and I know what I am doing when I start thinking in the way that will lead to me consuming so much food I vomit... I choose not to interrupt these lunatic thoughts and I this doesn't help at all with my recovery. I have to believe in God and believe that my urge will be taken away from me. But first, I have to let go of my white knuckled grip I have on it... you too, darling. My therapist asked me one time, what would make you stop doing this?.. and I thought about it for a long time and I finally said, death. That is pretty scary to me. To give up my disease, I would have to die... I would choose death rather than all the love and beauty there is in this world, outside of food... Anyways... my cheeks are sollen today and so are the glands under my jaws... I feel like a blimp. anything to have an abstinent day... :angel: love to you both and many many prayers of safety and love...

Hi again
Sorry i cant be more positive but it just isnt there for me right now. My mood is so low and im having these really scary thoughts!I know i should be in hospital and i have a horrible feeling im gonna get sectioned or something which freaks me out but being inside my head is freaking me also!Its going to take something really drastic for me to stop all this.
Take care
hope you are feeling a little brighter today
Nikkitaxxx