hey,
I have this extremely brilliant mate, in fact he is my best male mate....and has been for over two years. Before he went out with his girlfriend...we were so unbelieveably close and did everything together. Now, it seems as though we aren't connectin as well. To make it worse..the other day..he told me that he has been 'avoidin' me coz everytime I speak or he sees me..it reminds me that I am 'suffering'. I just don't know what to do. I mean, I have tried being 'normal', but no matter what I do...it's gonna have this effect on him. Has anyone had this problem?? I just don't know what the hell to do. i told him I wanted to talk through this .....and we will soon...i just feel **** and completely responsible.

-Caroline_

Hiya :wave:
I just wanted to say that it is not your fault if your mate is finding it hard to deal with. If he is finding it hard, then what about how hard you are finding it.
One of my best friends has been quite distant with me lately and she said it is because I won't take her advice and get help. But she doesn't understand that it isn't as easy as that, and it is not me CHOOSING to ignore her advice, but me being currently UNABLE to take it.
Just try and talk this through and explain how hard you are finding it with him not being around as much. To you it feels like punishment for having a problem. He needs to realise how his actions are affecting you.
Take care,
Hugs from Aurora :angel:

Caroline,

First and foremost you need to realize that it is not your fault, I personally feel like he needs to be more supportive. Try to explain to him how hard this sickness is to deal with and that you need his understanding and compassion. And maybe its his new gf wanting him not to be so close to you so he made up that sad excuse, either way you have no responsibility for his actions or reactions. Just try to talk it through see what happens Good Luck !!! :) :)

Hi, Caroline.

So sorry you're having all these problems with your friend! :( It must be so frustrating for both of you!

I know it must seem so unfair and just bare with me while I say this, but I don't blame your friend at all. He obviously cares about you so much it's just breaking his heart so see you suffer like this! I don't want to sound cruel or unsupportive but I think you should give him some space as well. Talk to him by all means and tell him how much his friendship means to you and that you would really like his support thoughout this. Tell him that despite how much you've gone through you ARE trying to get better but it's a long and difficult struggle.

You obviously care a great deal about this person and he does for you, so try to see this from his point of view. Imagine how difficult it is for him. There's no way to tell how each individual will react when put in his possition - some will stand by your side thoughout the whole ordeal whereas others will run out of fear for you. If it's the latter, it's not because he doesn't care, it's because he cares so MUCH!

I don't know how many of you have watched a friend suffer from ED's and depression, but I have. More than once. And I can tell you it's at least as heart wrenching as it is when you go through it yourself. I've been there too. My friends and I would support each other in our recoveries, cry for each other, but sometimes even AVOID each other just because we felt at out wits end. Some of us would hide our illnesses - I was one of them - but really we all knew what every other one was going through. It's the most difficult thing to watch someone you care so deaply about go through such a terrible ordeal.

Please think twice before judging people like this...

Take care and best of luck to you, Caroline!

Ashlee

Hey Ashlee!!!
I totally agree with what ur saying...most of me is saying 'u can understand why...blah blah blah' and tellin me to keep my cool when I next talk to him..the other bit of me is saying 'what does he want from me??' I think this because it waas only a couple of months a go that he was saying that we can't be friends if u dont open up to me and tell me these things...so at least I cant support u. The next thing is that when I do open up (and it isnt that often) he avoids me..so it's a catch-22 situation in a way. I do care about him soooo sooo much....it just feels like I am clinging to him with my finger nails at the moment and it doesn't feel good. But, I am going to (hopefully) talk to him next Monday (he is away all week and he has a concert to do at the school next Tues). I do love the guy so so much...I just dont want to lose him completely all because of this stupid stuff, u know?

Thanks for ur point of view on it....does make me think twice what I am going to say to him (for the better!):D

Tonnes of love

Carolinexx

PS..Everything is OK at the moment....got my act together and stared taking anti-depressants again the other week. it made me feel sick for the first few days..and so it has kind of bounced me into my 'not eating much food' mode!! But, we will just see how things progressXX

Hey!!
Im sorry if it seems that I have been so rude for not replying to ur reply to my post....thanks to u both (Aurora & Ambernoel).....Im glad that my friend is away at the moment.....I can get some thinkin going on how i am going to handle this!!:D

xxx