I'm in the middle of a crying spell right now and I need to vent. I try to be positive. I try to ignore the pain and live a normal life. I don't push myself too hard. I try to get the sleep I need. I've learned not to overdue it. But sometimes I just get tired of being in pain all the time and I just break down. Sometimes I just need to let out all the pent up stress of bearing the pain (which has been pretty bad the past few days).

At the same time I get angry. I'm angry because I don't understand where this pain is coming from or what's causing it. I'm pissed off because no doctor can give me any answers and the dozens of tests I've had all come out negative. And what really enrages me is that my pain and other symptoms are constantly changing, like it's mocking me. One day it's my ankle or my wrist, then my lower back or right shoulder. Tonight it happens to be all of the above. It could be in my joints or it could be in my muscles. Maybe it's just tingling but the next day it's full blown sciatica shooting like a bullet all the way down my leg. Sometimes I feel like someone beat me with a baseball bat and I have bruises all over my body - only there is no black and blue or mark of any kind. They just feel like bruises. Then there are the less painful but sometimes more annoying symptoms like the dry mouth, swollen glands, overwhelming fatigue.

I'm sorry for sounding so negative. It's just that I'm having all this joint pain lately that I never really had before and I just don't understand what's going on. It used to be muscular. When I go to the doctor and they ask me what's wrong, I feel like I cannot possibly make them understand. When they ask where's the pain, how do I answer when it's different everyday. It's everywhere, it comes and goes - it's just so damn frustrating. I feel like nobody takes me seriously and nobody understands.

I know that all this negativity only makes things worse but I just had to let it out tonight. Hopefully after a good nights sleep (with the help of some muscle relaxers) I'll feel more positive in the morning.

Thanks to all for reading this.
Reneé

Dear Renee,

Bless your heart! You are really having a tough go of it. I know it probably doesn't help much to say this, but I've been there, many times, and I wish I could tell you an easy way to get through what you're feeling. It will pass, there will better days soon (hopefully when Spring comes we'll all feel better). I hope you're doing better today.

Renee
I sure hope you're feeling better. I was just diagnosed in
Dec. and currently feeling ok. Not great...just ok. Pain is tolerable I just keep taking my meds and plug along. But...having said that, I think I know how you feel to some degree anyhow. Some days are just bad and we all need to vent.
I can tell you a funny story...maybe a laugh at my expense will help.
The doctor told me that I need to start exercising so I've been trying. Went to water aerobics last week and have been walking on the treadmil.
Well, Sat. I went down to walk and when I was through I went to the weight bench. Started doing some leg lifts and somehow pinched my middle finger. Let me tell you...that sure brought me out of my "brain fog" :eek:
I still don't know how I did it. I've tried to tell people that sometimes I'm not all there! So anyway, after spending a couple hours in the er and getting my finger in a splint, I can laugh about it. Well, my finger still hurts but it could have been worse. I hope you're feeling better today!
mamu :wave:

oh hon so sorry for what youre going thru. It's ok to vent. Sometimes it's the only thing we can do and all venting is, is reaching out to someone who understands what youre going thru. Trust me, we do.

I am 49 yrs old and will turn 50 this July. My only son (27 yrs) is living on his own in austin and doing well. I really should have this time to take and concentrate on getting better and taking care of myself. Not working out that way. Im now my parents caretakers (do their finances, doctor appts , medicare paperwork, meds, etc). They live about 15 mins away from me but i have to check on them several times a day thru phone. Theyre not in good health so sometimes youre talking about up to 4 or 5 doctor visits for them a month PLUS lab work etc.
I'm trying to deal with my own health problems , fibro, cfs, degenerative disc disease, anemia and now abdominal adhesions that seem to be bothering me severely since Thanksgiving. Was hospitalized back in Dec during the holidays for it, totally dehydrated and in severe pain.
Just seems it never ends. I'm on pain pills that just take the edge off the pain but never take it away. My spine and lower back are killing me. I have been on a flareup since THanksgiving because of all the added stress from the adhesions and my moms health. I wonder and think to myself, im turning 50, no kids, i should FINALLY start having some time for myself, to travel, have a bit of fun maybe. I have a great husband who does so much for me and understands my illness. ON top of that , i have a sister and her husband and daughter who are staying with me. They had both lost their jobs (not in the same workplace) within a month of each other after having worked for their jobs for many years. They lost their home and moved in with my husband and me. They have now gotten other jobs, but my sisters job takes her out of town most of the time , so im left to do the housework for 2 others now. Some days I cant even get out of bed im so physically exhausted and emotionally drained from seeming to take care of EVERYONE but myself while im feeling like my body is fighting against me. Guess im ranting too hon, lol.
I hope things start looking up for us (you included) soon.
Love,
Jen

Thanks everyone for your replies. I am feeling much better today. The awful constant squeezing sciatica pain in my ankle has gone away at least.

I recently scheduled an appointment with a rheumatologist but it's not until April. I heard that this is the best type of doctor to see for Fibromyalgia. Also I wrote a letter today to my primary care physician stating that I was dissatisfied with his care and could not continue to keep him as my PMD. I haven't mailed it but it just felt good to write it. He is one of those doctors who believes that CFS & Fibro are merely forms of depression. He diagnosed with this and offered my no information on it or guidance for support what-so-ever. He never referred my to any specialists and only did a few run-of-the-mill blood tests to rule out other illnesses. Anyway, hopefully I'll get more info & answers from the rheumatologist.

Jenetti - I can relate to your degenerating discs and lower back pain. Do you have a lot of pain and stiffness at night and when you wake up? My DDD is caused by fusion surgery I had 20 yrs ago for scoliosis but you are very young to be having this. Sorry to hear about all your family obligations - it must not be easy on you. Hope everything works out for you.

Take care, all.
Reneé :angel: