I know this is the addiction recovery board, but I didn't really know where else to write this.

I met my absolute best friend about 3 years ago. In the years, she has drank herself into a stupor countless times and has exhibited awful, mean behavior. She'll go out to bars herself, latch on to some guy, get plastered with him, then takes him home and you can figure the rest. Not only is she 'loose', but she gets very, very mean.

I have been there for her and picked up the pieces... I don't even know how many times. On this past NYE, she finally went over the top. To make a long story short, the truth came out about her sleeping with a neighbor of mine. No big deal, I already knew, but it's really none of my business. Anyway, she flips. My friend/neighbor was out with us (or at the same club) and she hunted him down and punched him in the face. But not only did she punch him, she also punched another one of my friends that she had never met yet. Along with that, she spilled a drink all over another innocent couple and she took my drink and spilled it all over me. By the end of the night, she was screaming at me and attempted to slap me. I think the clincher was when she actually told me to go F*-- off. I didn't do anything and certainly didn't deserve that.

I have pretty much cut off communication with her because she needs to get help. I told her she needs to go somewhere for treatment and I cannot make/tell her what to do.

She has called twice. Both times completely wasted telling me how much she loves me and misses me.

I cannot handle it anymore. I miss her desperately, but I cannot be with someone who lies to me, hits my friends, and attempts to hit me.

But I don't want this to be about me. I want her to get the help she needs. I worry all the time about her. I cry about her all the time too. I'm afraid for her. That she drinks and drives and is going to kill herself or someone else. I worry that she is going to get raped by one of the random guys she picks up. I worry that she is killing herself with the drink. She already has major bladder problems.

I've been tossing the idea around of an intervention with her parents, but I haven't had the guts to do it yet. Nor have I had the guts to call her and talk to her.

She says she is in AA, but I honestly don't believe her, or think that she goes.

I know this is all up to her, but I feel so helpless. When she doesn't drink, she really is the most funny, kind, loving person that I know.

Any advise? (sorry so long)

-Trooper

Trooper,

I don't know much about alcoholism, and don't know quite what to tell you. If I were in your shoes, I may go to her and talk with her and ask her if the two of you could go to AA one night. That way, she won't feel as if you are "ganging up on her" by telling her you would like to go with her.

You sound like a good friend and she should realize that- if she continues this kind of behavior she will not have any friends left.

It does sound as if she has a problem, but the thing is, you cannot fix her problem, only she can. Again, talk to her and offer to go to AA with her!

Good luck to the both of you.
Michelle

Michelle,

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I think your idea is a really good one. I have to muster up the nerve to call her. Last time we 'spoke' was only through e-mail and she got really, really defensive about how "she doesn't need to answer to me and her sponsor doesn't make her feel like a loser, etc". That all came from me asking what she was doing to help herself.

You are right, she will have no friends left. I personally know that she has single handedly destroyed every relationship, male or female, with alchohol.

I know it's a disease, she knows she has it. She just won't do anything about it. Her parents know too.

Ultimately it is up to her, I know this. I just don't know if I should contact her or just let her be. I also know it's killing her not talking to me either.

Thanks again Michelle, I'll think about calling her and offering to go with her.

Hugs,
Trooper

Trooper,

You are in a "sticky situation," so keep me posted as to what you decide to do. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your friend.

She is lucky to still have you around!

Hope to talk with you again. Take care,
michelle

Being an alcoholic can be hard to get over from anyone. AA may work for her but also may not. What she needs is a good friend like you :) You seem to care a lot about her and that what friends are for. Talk to about AA and offer your services to be around her because she will need somone supportive to talk to when those classes are not in session. Also, speak to her family about this so they can cover the helpful role to. If you all pitch in she could get over this. I wish the best of luck to you and her. ;)

I found in my own personal experience that I had to want to quit before it actually happened.Like the old saying "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink" is the truth.With a friend like you she has a fighting chance so don't give up on her.

Stay Strong,
Ken

Being an alcoholic can be hard to get over from anyone. AA may work for her but also may not. What she needs is a good friend like you :) You seem to care a lot about her and that what friends are for. Talk to about AA and offer your services to be around her because she will need somone supportive to talk to when those classes are not in session. Also, speak to her family about this so they can cover the helpful role to. If you all pitch in she could get over this. I wish the best of luck to you and her. ;)

Thanks for the response Jeff. This is what I am worried about... that AA may not work for her. My 'now' ex knows what I've been through with her and we recently talked about the situation and he says that she can't do AA, she needs something more than that. Deep down, I know that she does not have the will power to only do AA. Obviously since she still calls me up drunk.

I want to talk to her family so bad, but I feel that isn't my place. But then again, my ex put it this way. She might be mad at you for going behind her back to her parents, but how are you going to feel when she winds up dead. He said that she will wind up dead.

I don't know how to be there for her without giving up my life. We live 45 minutes from each other and I work full time. Afterwards, I am working out due to my own health problem.

How do you get her to realize that she will never, ever, ever be able to have another drink in her life? When is it enough?

Trooper

I found in my own personal experience that I had to want to quit before it actually happened.Like the old saying "you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink" is the truth.With a friend like you she has a fighting chance so don't give up on her.

Stay Strong,
Ken

Thanks Ken,

I feel guilty because I think that not contacting her and distancing myself from the situation, that I already gave up on her. How selfish is this... I was actually 'mad' at her for taking away the beautiful friendship that we had. Like she has any control at this point...

If I know that AA isn't enough for her, and I want to call her parents, what are my options. I need to give them ideas as alternatives instead of AA. Like how do you find/research detox facilities?

She's only 30, she has her whole life ahead of her.

Thanks for all your replies, this is really helping me gain the courage to get back in touch with her.

Trooper

Trooper,

You are in a "sticky situation," so keep me posted as to what you decide to do. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your friend.

She is lucky to still have you around!

Hope to talk with you again. Take care,
michelle


Michelle,

I will definitely keep you posted on what I plan to do.

I miss her terribly. She was really the sister I never had.

I guess addiction in any form is hard.

You take care of yourself too,
Sky

I want to talk to her family so bad, but I feel that isn't my place.

Trooper


This is your place...As a good friend it is your duty to care for them like a family member would. By taking care of them you are showing you care and thats what she needs right night now.

You can talk to her parents while she is there or you can talk while she is not? That is your choice. But it is best her parents are into of giving a helping hand....being thier daughter.

She shouldn't be mad at you if she is willing to change things. Talk to her first about your concern. I am sure she will give you full contact and great input. If she gets testy don't get fustrated, just act like a responsible adult to her. If you have to walk out and lewt her cool off then approach her again later. She will finally realize that she has to do somthing about it but she has to be told all the time and talking with her parents may speed up the progress...

Jeff,

I don't think that I will tell her that I am going to talk to her parents. I mentioned that on NYE after she was screaming at me and that is when she attempted to slap me.

Anyway, I know her parents know. Her parents adore me and I know that they will listen to me. The problem is her. She has not admitted to them that she has a drinking problem. In fact, her mother took her on a trip to London for their birthdays last Nov. First night there, my friend gets completely tanked, ends up fighting with her mom, in turn, her mom refuses to talk to her the rest of the trip. From that, I know her mom and dad know.

But she keeps it so closed. She flat out refuses to them or anyone that she is an alcoholic. She says that her parents don't push the issue and they leave it at "if you want to talk to us, we are hear to listen". And that's that. They won't ask her questions or anything. I'm sure they don't even know why I've *disappeared* from the picture.

I have to call them. That's my only option at this point. Why am I so chicken?!

-Sky

Jeff,

I don't think that I will tell her that I am going to talk to her parents. I mentioned that on NYE after she was screaming at me and that is when she attempted to slap me.

Anyway, I know her parents know. Her parents adore me and I know that they will listen to me. The problem is her. She has not admitted to them that she has a drinking problem. In fact, her mother took her on a trip to London for their birthdays last Nov. First night there, my friend gets completely tanked, ends up fighting with her mom, in turn, her mom refuses to talk to her the rest of the trip. From that, I know her mom and dad know.

But she keeps it so closed. She flat out refuses to them or anyone that she is an alcoholic. She says that her parents don't push the issue and they leave it at "if you want to talk to us, we are hear to listen". And that's that. They won't ask her questions or anything. I'm sure they don't even know why I've *disappeared* from the picture.

I have to call them. That's my only option at this point. Why am I so chicken?!

-Sky


It's not your fault that she won't tell anyone. She is in the state of denial.

You may be chicken because you are afraid of her actions. She will eventually see past the hate "if you do it" and realize how caring you are. It is great that you are looking out for your friend and I do encourage you to try anything for her to calm down at least with drinking. The only flaw is if she doesn't quite then it will be up to her and not you. Just be tried that you tried everything. :)

It's not your fault that she won't tell anyone. She is in the state of denial.

Jeff, that is the understatement of the year! ;)

You said that you didn't stop until you were ready to... how did you overcome and/or get the help that you needed? Did you go to a Betty Ford type of clinic (I know, cliche, but I don't know too much about drug facilities). I really think she needs to be in one of those. She lives by herself and it's too easy for her to access alcohol. However, I knew that she's been close to losing her job due to her inability to get out doing what she's supposed to do... and I'm not sure if she's working now or not.

Anyway, if you could offer advise on what places I could offer her parents to help her get checked into, that would be great.

Thanks again for taking the time to respond to me. I really, really appreciate it.

Hugs,
Sky

My daughter has been living with an alcoholic for over a year. She says this sweet,
intelligent, hard working , super clean man gets so drunk 3 or 4 nights a week on beer that he drinks it until it runs out of his nose. I had Never heard of this in my life.
She says that his stomach will not hold 24 cans of beer so it comes out of his nose AND HE DOESN'T SEEM TO MIND IT. He isn't mean or violent; he just drinks 24 cans, takes a bubblebath then goes to bed. Next day he's up and working again. Never sleeps in, either. I won't even talk about the nicotine addiction. Have you Ever heard of letting beer run out of your nose?? OMG.

[QUOTE=Trooper]

Anyway, if you could offer advise on what places I could offer her parents to help her get checked into, that would be great.

Sky,
My advise would be to speak to the parents and ask them if they would go with you to Al-anon. It is an excellent program for friends and family of the affected. If she never goes to AA, well that's her choice. You and the parents can go and get a whale of an education about substance abuse and that is what you all need. I cannot recommend it highly enough. Any phone book has AA meetings listed and any AAer can help line you up with Al-anon.
This can be so hard but YOU take care of you first and then the parents and then her if she can be sober. If she is not sober.....you need to leave. But the meetings are terrific!
Meredith

Hi Meredith,

Al-anon... never really gave that much thought. But now you really have me thinking. I know my friend is going through an awful time, but my emotions are getting in the way of truly helping her. I'm angry, resentful, sad, etc. at her. Like this is all her fault and how could she do this to me. I know... VERY selfish thinking. Maybe I should go to Al-anon to help me with MY feelings first. I'm to the point where I have ZERO tolerance for her and her actions anymore. Like I mentioned, I've been dealing with this for 3 years now.

Food for thought, I will mention it to the parents (whom I plan to call tonight).

Thanks for the advise Meredith,
Sky

My daughter has been living with an alcoholic for over a year. She says this sweet,
intelligent, hard working , super clean man gets so drunk 3 or 4 nights a week on beer that he drinks it until it runs out of his nose. I had Never heard of this in my life.
She says that his stomach will not hold 24 cans of beer so it comes out of his nose AND HE DOESN'T SEEM TO MIND IT. He isn't mean or violent; he just drinks 24 cans, takes a bubblebath then goes to bed. Next day he's up and working again. Never sleeps in, either. I won't even talk about the nicotine addiction. Have you Ever heard of letting beer run out of your nose?? OMG.

Wow Susan, I couldn't imagine being in that situation. You said that he doesn't seem to mind how much he drinks, but what about your Daughter?

sky-
so sorry to hear about your friend. it sucks to watch someone you love destroy themselves. however, alanon would probably be good for you so that you can maintain your sanity. ya know the saying, you can't help someone if you can't help yourself. sounds like her parents definately know whats up (she probably thinks she's hiding really well. i know i did). they are doing what alanon teaches, "if you want help, we'll be there." i am an alcoholic and am married to a hydro/oxy addict. both of us are in recovery. it was and sometimes still is hard to remember to do my own thing and not get involved in his stuff.
as for her not being able to do aa, that is her choice to make, not anyone elses. for me, aa works. my life has gotten better over the last year, when i've done the work. aa is not hard. people tend to make it that way. anyway, off that soapbox....
maybe an intervention with an intervention specialist(check your local addictionolgists listings) and family and friends. from what i hear, be prepared to see her get extremely upset and angry. we active drunks don't like our disease thrown in our faces. too shameful and most of us are in denial anyway. whatever you do have a plan in place. you may have get her parents to declare her incompetant through probate court to force her into rehab. but you always have to remember, addicts are never "cured". and if she doesn't want to get sober, nothing you say or do will change that. the best thing is to be there if and when she falls and/or asks for help. your local phone book should have an AA hotline #. you could call that to get info on rehab/detox facilities in your area.
good luck :)
laney

Wow Susan, I couldn't imagine being in that situation. You said that he doesn't seem to mind how much he drinks, but what about your Daughter?

My daughter seems to be getting by; he is by far the most talented guy she has dated. He pays her bills which she can't do herself; or, she chooses to
take the easy road and let him do it. She seems to feel she's better off with him than without him due to his positive qualities she values. She is barely tolerating the drinking nights; she goes to bed early. Then I guess she hopes for a better day to come. My daughter is hard to live with; I'm actually surprised he has stayed as long as he has. Few of her many relationships have lasted this long, if any. Her feelings for him fluctuate. I think many people have fluctuating feelings for their partner. Men are all flawed on various levels. It's a matter of how many flaws we can stand. And who we can "get" with what we have to offer . A sad but I feel truism about relationships.

Jeff, that is the understatement of the year! ;)

You said that you didn't stop until you were ready to... how did you overcome and/or get the help that you needed? Did you go to a Betty Ford type of clinic (I know, cliche, but I don't know too much about drug facilities). I really think she needs to be in one of those. She lives by herself and it's too easy for her to access alcohol. However, I knew that she's been close to losing her job due to her inability to get out doing what she's supposed to do... and I'm not sure if she's working now or not.

Anyway, if you could offer advise on what places I could offer her parents to help her get checked into, that would be great.

Thanks again for taking the time to respond to me. I really, really appreciate it.

Hugs,
Sky


Hey Sky,


When I drank I though I was just being the average 21 yr. I was drinking around a 6-12 pack a night. ...yes a night :nono:

I started dated this girl that changed my life right around :bouncing: . Her dad was an an alcoholic and she told me if I didn't stop she was gone. I care for this girl a lot and didn't want to lose her over a drink so I made the decision to stop. It was hard but at least I still have her today :)

As said before if your friend really did care about you and her family she would let them help. It will take time but I can happen :D

I know this is the addiction recovery board, but I didn't really know where else to write this.

I met my absolute best friend about 3 years ago. In the years, she has drank herself into a stupor countless times and has exhibited awful, mean behavior. She'll go out to bars herself, latch on to some guy, get plastered with him, then takes him home and you can figure the rest. Not only is she 'loose', but she gets very, very mean.

I have been there for her and picked up the pieces... I don't even know how many times. On this past NYE, she finally went over the top. To make a long story short, the truth came out about her sleeping with a neighbor of mine. No big deal, I already knew, but it's really none of my business. Anyway, she flips. My friend/neighbor was out with us (or at the same club) and she hunted him down and punched him in the face. But not only did she punch him, she also punched another one of my friends that she had never met yet. Along with that, she spilled a drink all over another innocent couple and she took my drink and spilled it all over me. By the end of the night, she was screaming at me and attempted to slap me. I think the clincher was when she actually told me to go F*-- off. I didn't do anything and certainly didn't deserve that.

I have pretty much cut off communication with her because she needs to get help. I told her she needs to go somewhere for treatment and I cannot make/tell her what to do.

She has called twice. Both times completely wasted telling me how much she loves me and misses me.

I cannot handle it anymore. I miss her desperately, but I cannot be with someone who lies to me, hits my friends, and attempts to hit me.

But I don't want this to be about me. I want her to get the help she needs. I worry all the time about her. I cry about her all the time too. I'm afraid for her. That she drinks and drives and is going to kill herself or someone else. I worry that she is going to get raped by one of the random guys she picks up. I worry that she is killing herself with the drink. She already has major bladder problems.

I've been tossing the idea around of an intervention with her parents, but I haven't had the guts to do it yet. Nor have I had the guts to call her and talk to her.

She says she is in AA, but I honestly don't believe her, or think that she goes.

I know this is all up to her, but I feel so helpless. When she doesn't drink, she really is the most funny, kind, loving person that I know.

Any advise? (sorry so long)
-Trooper

Hi Trooper,
Sounds like you are having a tough time. If she does not think she has a problem she won't get the help she doesn't need. Knowing that she has a serious drinking problem and is older, if your going to get together, a pub or club can't be the venue that happens because she can't control her drinking and you know too well how that turns out. You can never drink together again. She is on a self destructive path & for some, rock bottom won't be a low enough point to change their lives. Some lose it all. Someone should speak to her parents on her behalf to make them aware of the depth of her addiction. A vacation when her drunkeness was displayed may be an inkling, but is still just a birds eye view. By her moms reaction, she was ignored. If nothing else came of that, it's an under the rug event. I don't think the folks have a clue as to how bad off she is. It may shock them. I don't know how capable they are but they will need to quick study this, get involved and figure it out. If they don't nobody will. She needs intervention because she is out of control, hurting herself and others and she will lie and do whatever it takes so she can preserve the habit, not herself. When she becomes a threat to society she will be locked up. She still has a chance & still her parents daughter. If nobody intervenes she'll continue and endanger-DWI. Some people drink through tragedy after another, blind to it, still drinking and that's how in dire need she is of help. She will have to make a choice. If she does not it will force you to. Self preservation is not selfish, it's a boundary. You have to protect yourself just like she needs to learn to do the same for herself. Senerio, a drinker friend says to you, help out your drinking friend no matter what the cost (a little self serving)...but I'd interject and say, no, it's not at whatever cost because I have a life too. This is not a bridge jumping free for all. What is selfish on her part is selfless on your part, don't feel guilty. That is a drinkers request to be enabled. Stay with me no matter what? No. It's not no matter what because you are a person too. Are they quitting for you? Turn that table right around.

Probably one of the hardest things is to see it happen right in front of you and somehow they are clueless to it. Bottom line, if she does not think there is a problem, there is no problem. If she says she was (did so or not) going to AA meetings would not be for her sake (in her own mind), it's to satisfy others and it's misleading because an addict will do and say whatever they need to maintain there habbit with least interference and resistance. For her to see there is a problem, she needs to stay in a sober state long enough to "see" what her life is as it is when she becomes drunken & out of control. Being strong for her means not enabling this in any way shape or form. She most likely will get angry and nasty (at someone coming between her and her fix), but if she gets better down the line, she would have an understanding without intervention, that would not have been possible, that you and her parents acted on her behalf to help her. It could get ugly but it's already been that. She may need to be admitted, she recklessly endangers herself and is a risk to others safety. It's tough love because you won't get a thank you or flowers and she may reject your friendship. If you think you have seen the worst of it, it's not. That is a risk but there are higher stakes. This drink is everything to her and anyone who gets in the way will be a threat to her addiction and she will react to preserve it. She's sick and in a lot of pain. Be strong and prepared psychologically for a long road ahead.

You did the right thing, not puting yourself in harms way knowing what could happen, you needed to be able to back off so you don't get dragged down. There is a line when helping a person because you have to preserve yourself at the same time. Helping does not mean at all costs. It's not all about them. Alnon could help you there. It's easy to get sucked in but you have to keep your head level and not get pulled down. She may not think or care to think she has anything to lose but you do so please be careful and don't get hurt in the process of helping another. I hope there will be peaceful resolve and an end to this soon.

Update:

I e-mailed her instead. I *thought* I was very nice in my e-mail explaining that I missed her and loved her, and even though I don't trust her and our relationship is strained, I will stand by her and give her all the support she needs.

Well... she lit into me. Her response was full of attitude and had the tone of talking to a 4 year old. She said that she could care less right now that I don't trust her, etc. She says that she is taking AA very seriously, etc. and that the only person she needs to worry about it her. Screw everyone else.

So, that's that.

I don't think I can handle going up against her abrasive behavior again.

Thanks for all of you that responeded and helped me.

Sky

Trooper,
I feel bad for you that you are being so abused by your friend that your only caring for.
The description of your friend really reminded me of me at one time in my life. I'm finally on the other side.
Your friend Will realize how good you are to her someday, only when she truly accepts her disease.
I didn't listen to anyone either, I didn't want to believe them, because that would mean not drinking.
Everyone is right in here, it has to be her choice and only hers.
Back then I had gone to two rehabs, naval rehabs. (real good ones). I was the only one who thought I did well and finally accepted my problem. But for some reason the results that were given to me by the councils were very low. They believed I was manipulating the system. I didn't understand then, but I really was. One of the alcoholic traits, I guess you can say. I remember in my head then, I still couldn't see myself not drinking, I just told my self I would try. I also went to many AA meetings.
When I started again, I only hung out with people that drank, people that didn't I stayed away from or got rid of as my friend.
It wasn't until I fell in love with my husband now, whom would work on my like you did with your friend but at the same time I couldn't imagine being without him. He threatened to leave me so many times, I made promises many times (but even I couldn't tell for sure).
I just kept thinking to myself that there was no way that this HAD me! How can I not have control over this dumb alcohol?? It was like a battle that I wasn't going to let the alcohol have this control, I was going to drink when I want and not go overboard. Well, I'd do it again, and Overboard I go. So then, I'd feel so depressed and low. A year would go by without drinking, then I'd try again, overboard I'd go.
Finally one day with one more try about a year or two later, I'm drunk again and feeling desperate to get in the car to get more. I'm driving in and out of blackness finding myself not caring, like I was the only one in the world, I must of been driving like a maniac, a cop finally pulls me over and I'm in his car, bleeding. He hands me 5 tickets, I'm handcuffed screaming and crying. It was the most awful feeling, kinda like I was able to see everything happening differently. I was taken to a hospital and 6 hrs later still there I was stitched up. The cop had told me that he had to slam me against my car cuz I was kicking and screaming.
My husband was out of town at the time. It was daylight and from Atlanta I had to take the train with this big swollen face, blood all over my clothes, a big bandage over the side of my face and looking like hell, feeling like hell and rode the train an hour to where I lived. I felt So low and scared! When I got to my apartments I had to go to the front office, lied and told them I was in an accident and lost my keys, they drove me in the gate to my apartment (luckily). So embarrassing!
I laid in bed thinking about it all, feeling like everything was spinning and moving so fast and feeling So hopeless and depressed. I had to pray out loud for God to help me cuz I was losing my mind just then and feeling really fragile.
It was hard telling my husband again. I felt So trashy!
I was able to get my head together with the help of hubby, and I called to speak to internal affairs about the slamming incident and also that I wasn't taken to jail and that while sitting in the back seat with the cuffs, he stopped and ate his lunch.
They were pissed.
At court that day, the officer took the two biggest tickets away (obstruction of an officer and wreckless driving), he talked to the judge and lucky for me I didnt have to go to the big jail, just paid over $650.
That last drunk was my "hit bottom", even though there's been worst times. I FINALLY accepted that I can't drink At All. It's going to be one year this April.
Now it's like a whole new struggle dealing with my emotions without drinking to avoid it, lots of work to do.
It's really important to accept (step one) of the 12 steps in Alcoholic Anonymous, otherwise everything else doesn't really work. That's why nothing worked for me then.
1) We admitted we were powerless over alcohol- that our lives had become unmanageable.
I think admitted should be accepted, actually.
Sorry that this is so long, I just wanted to share my story of when I changed, maybe to give you hope.
I wished that I had friends like you, to put a mirror in my face as much as possible would of helped me changed a lot sooner I believe. Maybe even a video recording of how I acted and looked while drunk would of helped me. Just hearing about it afterwards wasn't strong enough to penetrate in my head. Even the actual off and on in and out of blackness and remembering some of the unbelievable things was not enough.
I hope she survives her drinking and finally hits bottom for her good. There's a lot of work for her when she reaches that point which comes with the 12 steps.
I believe that you did your part, by constantly letting her know your concern for her regardless of her becoming upset. Offering to go with her to an AA meeting is a good idea also, but if she doesn't want to go there's nothing you can do. Just let her know that when she's ready, your there. Leave it open for her.

Take care, Pootsi-

hey pootsi!
i posted to you a while back. just wanted to say congrats on 11 months! that year is coming!!!! i will pick up 6 months by the grace of God this month after a year of trying and 2 one day relapses. your story reminded me of how i should be grateful i never physically hurt anyone and that i too still have my husband. you also reminded me that marriage is work and that we (me & my hubby) are not the only ones out there with problems. thank you!!!!!!
laney

lane,
I'm glad that you got something from my story:)
That really helps me to hear that.
Congrats to you to on your 6 mths!!:)
About Marriage, my husband must truly love me to have sacrificed himself like that with my drinking craziness!
I was Really Lucky that I didn't physically hurt or kill anyone or even myself! And there's been a lot of times that it came so close.
I really brought my husband down in the pit with me though during all that time we've been together (13 yrs).
He's been dealing with my emotions as well as his, alot for one person to handle.
Right now we've been simplifying our lives with less stress and planning to start exercising together, doing active things together, me going to AA meetings for women as much as I can. It's like we have to build a new healthy, deeper relationship. Learning to be romantic in a healthy way, listening to each other, etc.
Alot of that will come with me growing and changing, so I really have to get active with the 12 steps.
It's pretty much up to me mostly on whether this marriage is going to work, cuz I'm the one with the disease and the dysfunctional behaviors that bring me to want to drink. My husband has been a victim.
You sound like you have a caring husband also.
Remember that he loves you and he is hurt and scared about losing you and to see you in that altered condition, imagine what that does to him.
Take care of yourself! It's much better learning to be real with each other:)

Pootsi-

pootsi-
you are so cool! the hardest thing for me is learning to not lapse into old behavior. like knee jerk reactions to things that go wrong or not my way. thankfully, i have a wonderful sponsor who i can't believe has no problem listening to my BS and tells me that, not to mention my other true friends that i have made. it's funny how some of these people i never would have looked twice at.
have a great monday!

Thanks lane,
Your good that you have a sponsor, sounds like your working it:)
I just started working again, been off for a year (bad idea). Started my second day at work, and my old behaviors are Back. Not helping me at all. I keep finding myself thinking negative at times and wanting to have complete control over situations, over knowing my whole job right here and now without being patient and taking it easy.
I feel all scramble minded unless I have complete control of a situation. Then worrying about everyone else liking me, feeling all vulnerable, thinking they're not and all that.
This dealing with people stuff sucks without having confidence and all that good stuff.
If only I had a button to press to give me some of that to make it easier. It's been to long since I worked. I have lots of anxieties.
I really need to get going to the AA meetings. I'm feeling a little beat up and unloved.
Take care, Pootsi-

hey pootsi!
WE LOVE YOU!!!!! hope that made you smile. have a good day at work. i'm outta here early to chair a meeting at 5:30!!!! i think unmanageabilty drunk and sober is gonna be the topic. we'll see when i get there!
laney

Hi Meredith,
Al-anon... never really gave that much thought.Thanks for the advise Meredith,
Sky

Hi Sky,
Just an FYI-ALAnon has a message board "Miracles In Progress" you could join for help. Take Care, Gemi