So it's been almost 2 months since my negative test result and I still find myself obsessing over this disease. I feel like I am dying every day, and can't think of my future in the long run. I feel sorry for my family members not knowing that I have this terrible virus, and I feel sorry for myself because I really need some sympathy and reassurance from someone, and nobody believes anything I tell them. A part of me believes that I am really negative, but a bigger part can't let go of the possibility of being infected.

For the past few weeks I have been extremely fatigued and have no energy or desire to do anything. I have never been a very content person with my life, but I always looked forward to a brighter future. Now every aspect of my life is suffering because of my extreme obsession with HIV. I am not getting any work done for school, or making any progress towards my future goals. I really want to see a professional who can talk with me about these issues and possibly prescribe meds for my depression and anxiety, but I am a very introverted person and wouldn't know how to bring up the subject to a medical doctor who could refer me to mental health services.

I'm 19 years old, but I look like I'm about 14 and people who don't know the intimate details of my life would never guess that I have had a history which would lead me to worry about contracting HIV. It would be so much easier for me to get help for this if I was a known IV drug user, a homosexual male, or "looked" like a person who sleeps around. I know that's a horrible statement, but I don't know of any other way to put it. I have nothing against these types of people, but they happen to be the stereotypes of people with the HIV stigma attached to them.

At the moment, I have no medical insurance, but I do have an option of going to see a doctor at my university's health clinic, which offers lower fees for students. I just don't know how to bring up the subject of my fears and I have no physical symptoms to back them up. I guess it's just my guilty conscience that's really making me think that I have this virus. The doctors that I have seen at the clinic for other minor medical concerns have always treated me like I'm a little kid, since I look like one and I'm very shy and quiet.
I'm so lost on this and I really don't want to continue on this way for much longer.

I am new to this board and I completely understand what your going through.
I have spent this past week wondering about so many things and going through so many different sceranios wondering who I would tell and who I could trust, would I ever meet my goals in life because I am still young like you are. Perhaps you could provide somemore information about your risky encounter, because it sounds to me like you have only had one or two that you are not sure about. Also, I'm sure your aware that it can take 3-6 months for the antibody to HIV to appear in your bloodstream, so if your test is negative and you did it 3 months after your risky encounter, chances are your fine.

People need to realize that the human body is a very fragile machine that likes to live in a relatively homeostatic environment (equilibrium if you will), and when people start to get anxious and paranoid about things, this causes a whole bunch of hormones and chemicals to be secreted that normally aren't, and this destroys your bodies equilibrium, making you feel like there is something out to get you and that your going to die. Everybody has heard the story that stress causes your immune system to weaken, making you more susceptible to disease. You can read my post just above this one called "herpes zoster virus and HIV" and you can read my story. I know that its not easy and nobody can do this stuff on their own, that is why they have support groups and sites like these so people can share their emotions.

I have read through some of these threads and I know that no question should ever be considered stupid, but I couldn't believe some of the scerarios people came up with and asked if they had HIV. Anyways, that isn't my place, but I know how HIV is transfered and there is a bit of common sense involved when talking about things that some people seem to leave out.

Just know that your not alone in your struggle and if you tested negative before then I am sure that your fatigueness is due to your anxiety. Also, do not be afraid to confide in your family doctor because that is what he/she is their for, and I am sure they will test you again and recommend a cousillor for you to talk to.

Chris