Ok heres my story...

I have always known that I didnt quite feel right. I never knew exactly what it was though. I needed a reason to be happy, otherwise I would be depressed or "just there". My family has a history of depression, so I grew up with it and knowing what it is. Ive always been concidered high risk for it. Well, Ive always been scared to do anything about how Ive felt.

Well, I moved to Europe from the states in August. Moving here was a big change and I REALLY started to notice my depression after being out here a few months. I went back to the states to visit and saw the family doctor. He prescribed me Wellbutrin Xl and I was SO relieved to have finally found the "cure"! Well, I got samples of Wellbutrin but have yet to start them. I got these samples in December; and its now March. There are a few factors that have stopped me from starting the medication. For one, I like in Europe, so I will need to go through the process of finding an English speaking Dr out here, then having my files transfered from my DR in the states. I only have 6 weeks worth of samples, so Im scared I will start the meds and then run out and not be able to get any more.

Aside from that, I am just plain scared to take the meds. Im scared of the side effects, mostly weight gain and nausea/diahrrea. Although, I have heard very good things about Wellbutrin from this board, with few side effects and a lot of weight loss.

Im also scared to just admit that I have to actually take meds just to feel normal. I feel like Im at the breaking point and I desperately need to start taking the meds. I have been living like this for 21 years and I dont know how Ive done it. Recently Ive been feeling very stressed and frustrated, with no factors to cause me to feel that way. Im always tired and lazy, not interested in many activities. I always like to stay home and not go out, but when I stay home I get soooo bored and then end up getting mad that Im bored. I over exxagerate things completely and I dwell on the past and on what the future may bring. I cant seem to get my life on track. So I have decided tonight that I am going to start taking the Wellbutrin tomorrow. I cant live like this anymore, just not feeling "right". So I guess this is kinda just a message to vent, but Id also like any comments or encouraging words from people who have taken Wellbutrin. Has anyone else had trouble coming to terms with the fact that a pill is going to run their life for the rest of their life??
:confused:

Thanks

Your story could be mine. I lived with depression my whole life too & now that I've found out what it was & had treatment for it for the past 7 years, I feel my life up til then was a total waste. It was torture most of the time. I lived in my self imposed, obsessively worrying mind. In my own minds prison.
I don't care if I have to take a pill the rest of my life, it sure beats how my life was before meds. I have just been going thru a med change since last Oct. it has taken this long to finally get it right, well it's not even right yet, still have nausea, but I will continue to try to find the right combo of meds. I refuse to go back to the way I was before meds. I did not enjoy life, always felt there was something missing & a big empty spot in my life. I am not alone, have a great husband, kids, & gkids and still I couldn't be happy. Now I know I can be.
I have friends who live in England, check around & find a good doc & start on the meds. You won't be sorry you took control finally.

Greetings,

I just wanted to let you know that I agree wholeheartedly with Lori. I am 47 and have suffered with what I came to learn was depression. I did not know that I was even ill. I just thought it was 'how I was.' This illness was both chronic and longlasting, from my teens. And to emphasize this, this is also my wife's story. She is 44 and we met as teenagers and have been married for 26 years. Officially, I have been diagnosed as chronic major depressive with mild obsessive-compulsive disorder. My wife has been diagnosed as chronic major depressive with panic and anxiety attacks. With hindsight it is hard to believe we went so long before seeking help/treatment. Over 30 years in my case and 25 years for my wife.

She saw a psych and our family doc placed her on CELEXA 40mg in summer 2000. She had reached the end of her mental rope, so to speak. I reached my mental rope's end in spring 2004 and was placed on LEXAPRO 10mg by our family doc and it was later upped to 20mg by a psych.

These medications have changed our lives for the better. We are like two different people now. The change is like night to day in us. From all the symptoms (long ingrained) of depression and OCD/panic/anxiety, to mental normality. Happiness, patience, freedom from anger, now we know what joy is! The list of changes and benefits could go on and on.

Here is the point; we have been told by our family doc that because of the permanent, chronic depression, and chemical imbalance in our brains we both will be on medication for the rest of our lives. GOOD! GREAT! BRING IT ON! If taking a little white pill every day brings us both relief from the mental prison of depression in which we were prisoners for so long, FANTASTIC! If you could see the positive changes in our lives the meds make you, with us, would wonder why we would ever consider stopping the meds. We are quite comfortable with the thought of taking these drugs for the rest of our lives. My wife even calls the CELEXA/LEXAPRO our 'brain vitamins.'

There should be no stigma to an illness just because it happens to be in our brains and we will be on medications for the rest of our lives to treat it. I hope this helps you and anyone else that reads it.

Gustav