I am new to this board so if I ask a stupid question just overlook it. My wife of 19 years has is bipolar. That is a chemical imbalance that affects the brain causing all sorts of problems. She hears voices, sees things (cats, cockroaches, and other things), and has extreme paranoia, deep depression, and a host of other items.
She is on loads of meds and sees a therapist about once a month. At times, she may see a therapist more often. She is also in a day treatment program (5 hours a day) for 3 days a week. She has had this illness for 3-5 years now and most of her family just does NOT understand!
She requires supervision because left alone she will cut herself and do other things destructive. Currently she is so doped up that she can barely walk and go to the bathroom on her on. Also, she has been in and out of the hospital several times.
My basic question is this, how long do I hold on? I’m only 39 years old. She is just 38 years old. We do have a 17-year-old son too. I have done most if not all the caring for him all his life too.
I do love my wife and desire her to be well. Short of a miracle, she will never be well. She does receive ss.
I am the vice president of a local insurance agency and stand a good chance of losing my job due to the lost time and attention to my work. When do I call it quits?
By the way, I am now on meds for mild depression and anxiety. :confused:

If you love her,you won't quit! What about caregivers coming in the days you are at work,or maybe a day care program.
I have Alzheimer's,& have worried In the past about my hubby leaving.He told me absolutly no! Our Marriage vows are "To death do us part".He has seen men/women leave because the other person is a burden they don't want.Makes him madder than all get out,wondering why they got married in the first place.lol.
I'm 64,hubby 58,he's still working though only min.wage.He was let go due to downsizing friom his 30 yr.job,gets retirement so when the time comes he will care for me 24/7 with outside help from time to time so he doesn't go into burnout......

Mud hound Good morning I remember when I first got on the bipolar board you told me about NAMI. Recently while talking to a person from NAMI they told me they had caregivers available to help out in situations like yours. Just a thought maybe they could give you a hand. My heart goes out to you I think you are a wonderful person to be there for all this time. It is extremely hard to imagine how hard it is to take care of the person you love as your other half. It is hard to take care of my daughter also but thank god she is getting more stable. I do understand about the self-destuctive acts they are a weekly occurance at my house, just really writing to give you a little support
Cindy

I'm sorry that you are going through all that :( *hugs*

You have much more patience than I would have had with the situation. I would have bailed out a long time ago. I looked after a dying mother for a few years when I was a teenager, and that was more than enough.

When I was in my early 20's I met a guy and we dated a few times. I was really upset when my room mate flaunted herself to him and he ended up leaving me to date her. I found out while they were dating that he too was bipolar and would go off his medications at times and just flip out and then end up in the psychatric ward. I called her up one day and thanked her for having taken him off my hands. They've since broken up and she has a daughter by him who is also bipolar.

I don't have any advice to you, other than you have to do what is best for you. If that is leaving to get a better life for yourself, then do it guilt free. These are your prime years. You sound like you have a great career with more potential. Looking after a sick wife/husband/relative when there is no end in sight (IE: Terminal cancer with 6 months to live) can seem like a lifetime jail sentence; and it is in a way. Your wife is still a young woman, and is obviously mentally unstable even when on medications, and this will probably continue for several more decades. Is this what you want in 20 years time when you are nearing retirement and dreamed of minimal obligations and travelling with your spouse to far distant lands?

If you decide to stay then do it without remorse or resentment for having done so; but be prepared for the life long consequences of it, and a lot of lonely sad times.

No one can make the decision for you. It's something you have to decide for yourself. I know what I would do; and judging from the replies in this thread, I would not be supported in my decision. But we have to take care of ourselves too. Some of us forget to do that sometimes.

Best of luck to you no matter what you decide.

I am new to this board so if I ask a stupid question just overlook it. My wife of 19 years has is bipolar. That is a chemical imbalance that affects the brain causing all sorts of problems. She hears voices, sees things (cats, cockroaches, and other things), and has extreme paranoia, deep depression, and a host of other items.
She is on loads of meds and sees a therapist about once a month. At times, she may see a therapist more often. She is also in a day treatment program (5 hours a day) for 3 days a week. She has had this illness for 3-5 years now and most of her family just does NOT understand!
She requires supervision because left alone she will cut herself and do other things destructive. Currently she is so doped up that she can barely walk and go to the bathroom on her on. Also, she has been in and out of the hospital several times.
My basic question is this, how long do I hold on? I’m only 39 years old. She is just 38 years old. We do have a 17-year-old son too. I have done most if not all the caring for him all his life too.
I do love my wife and desire her to be well. Short of a miracle, she will never be well. She does receive ss.
I am the vice president of a local insurance agency and stand a good chance of losing my job due to the lost time and attention to my work. When do I call it quits?
By the way, I am now on meds for mild depression and anxiety. :confused:

I'm sorry that you are going through all that :( *hugs*

You have much more patience than I would have had with the situation. I would have bailed out a long time ago. I looked after a dying mother for a few years when I was a teenager, and that was more than enough.

When I was in my early 20's I met a guy and we dated a few times. I was really upset when my room mate flaunted herself to him and he ended up leaving me to date her. I found out while they were dating that he too was bipolar and would go off his medications at times and just flip out and then end up in the psychatric ward. I called her up one day and thanked her for having taken him off my hands. They've since broken up and she has a daughter by him who is also bipolar.

I don't have any advice to you, other than you have to do what is best for you. If that is leaving to get a better life for yourself, then do it guilt free. These are your prime years. You sound like you have a great career with more potential. Looking after a sick wife/husband/relative when there is no end in sight (IE: Terminal cancer with 6 months to live) can seem like a lifetime jail sentence; and it is in a way. Your wife is still a young woman, and is obviously mentally unstable even when on medications, and this will probably continue for several more decades. Is this what you want in 20 years time when you are nearing retirement and dreamed of minimal obligations and travelling with your spouse to far distant lands?

If you decide to stay then do it without remorse or resentment for having done so; but be prepared for the life long consequences of it, and a lot of lonely sad times.

No one can make the decision for you. It's something you have to decide for yourself. I know what I would do; and judging from the replies in this thread, I would not be supported in my decision. But we have to take care of ourselves too. Some of us forget to do that sometimes.

Best of luck to you no matter what you decide.

What a post! This is one of the best post i have seen. THANKS! I needed that. :)

Have a good day........:)

There comes a point where you just have to say enough is enough. It sounds like out of the 19 years they've been together, that he's been living in this worsening situation. He's a young man and deserves to have a life that isn't riddled with constant psychosis and worry. When he signed up for marriage, he certainly didn't sign up for that. This woman has been imbalanced and unstable for nearly 2 decades from the sounds of it. I doubt things will get any better. There are cases where the person can't be helped with medications; she sounds like one of them.

I wouldn't fault him at all and certainly not try and guilt him like some of you are doing here, into staying in this mess of a marriage.

The decision is ultimately his to make. Not yours and not mine. His. And he needs to do what he feels is best for himself, not because of some sense of moral obligation; and certainly not out of guilt.

He can be there for her as a friend, while still having a happy and NORMAL life with someone stable. His sense of responsibilty as a friend would be less than what it is now; but he could still be there to support her emotionally from time to time "as a friend", leaving the constant care up to her parents and their family.

He does not need to feel guilted into staying in a situation that he is obviously sad and unhappy with, and one that is not only affecting his job, but also his own health!



Hi Mudhound:)

Yes........it is okay to do for yourself, but what about your marriage vows? It's for the good and for the bad. Would she do this for you if your got sick or just leave you? Bi-Polar is very hard to deal with and I just want you to know what she is going through is also a lot for her to deal with too. I am not bi-polar, but I have dealt with depression and I now have panic/aniety. It is not at all fun to go through. It is not her fault that she has this. It is a chemical imbalance in her brain that she cannot fix without the proper medication. I suffered with panic attacks for a few months now and the first few months were the hardest. I thought I was going crazy. I was so glad that my husband stood by my side because I needed someone there that understood(even if he really didn't understand). He tried his best to help me. If she is too medicated now, she probably needs to be seen by another doctor. There are plenty of medications out there that can help her, she just has to find the right one. I have a friend who is bi-polar and she went through the same thing until she found the right medicine. Now she is a totally different person altogether. Please don't give up on her now.........she needs you. Take it from someone who has been down that road before. I don't think I would of survived without my husband. I would do the same for him. That is what love and marriage is all about. I have been married now for 10 years. Good luck to you in whatever choice you make. I just wanted to post what I went through to let you see another side of things.

Chantel

There comes a point where you just have to say enough is enough. It sounds like out of the 19 years they've been together, that he's been living in this worsening situation. He's a young man and deserves to have a life that isn't riddled with constant psychosis and worry. When he signed up for marriage, he certainly didn't sign up for that. This woman has been imbalanced and unstable for nearly 2 decades from the sounds of it. I doubt things will get any better. There are cases where the person can't be helped with medications; she sounds like one of them.

I wouldn't fault him at all and certainly not try and guilt him like some of you are doing here, into staying in this mess of a marriage.

The decision is ultimately his to make. Not yours and not mine. His. And he needs to do what he feels is best for himself, not because of some sense of moral obligation; and certainly not out of guilt.

He can be there for her as a friend, while still having a happy and NORMAL life with someone stable. His sense of responsibilty as a friend would be less than what it is now; but he could still be there to support her emotionally from time to time "as a friend", leaving the constant care up to her parents and their family.

He does not need to feel guilted into staying in a situation that he is obviously sad and unhappy with, and one that is not only affecting his job, but also his own health!


Hi,

I didn't mean to make it sound like guilt. I was trying to show him another side. I really don't know what he is going through right now, but I know what I went through. Sometimes I'm just not understandable enough. I would have to know his exact situation to see where he is coming from and of course, I cannot do that. I just know that I was glad my husband was there for me is all. Either way, I wish him the best of luck.

Chantel

Your situation also sounds vastly different than his. You were not in the position of care giver. And from your post, you don't sound as if you were as bad off as his wife seems to be. His wife is really messed up and can't even look after herself and is a walking zombie from the sounds of things. She needs 24/7 constant care not only for her protection but also for her daily living needs like toileting and washing. That's a huge burden to bear, especially when there is no end in sight, and this could carry on for 40 years or more. I would hate to see the poor guy miss out on life because he married the wrong person and had to be her "father" and care for her as one would an infant for his entire adult life, instead of living with her as a husband should live with his wife.... in an equal partnership.



Hi,

I didn't mean to make it sound like guilt. I was trying to show him another side. I really don't know what he is going through right now, but I know what I went through. Sometimes I'm just not understandable enough. I would have to know his exact situation to see where he is coming from and of course, I cannot do that. I just know that I was glad my husband was there for me is all. Either way, I wish him the best of luck.

Chantel

Your situation also sounds vastly different than his. You were not in the position of care giver. And from your post, you don't sound as if you were as bad off as his wife seems to be. His wife is really messed up and can't even look after herself and is a walking zombie from the sounds of things. She needs 24/7 constant care not only for her protection but also for her daily living needs like toileting and washing. That's a huge burden to bear, especially when there is no end in sight, and this could carry on for 40 years or more. I would hate to see the poor guy miss out on life because he married the wrong person and had to be her "father" and care for her as one would an infant for his entire adult life, instead of living with her as a husband should live with his wife.... in an equal partnership.


Yes, I guess it would be hard for him. I just have a different outlook on it than you is all. I really think that the medication is making her so zombie-like though. If she cannot use the bathroom on her own, it has to be that. I am not a doctor of course, but I would definetely take her to another doctor to have her checked out. She sounds overdosed to me. I am just basing my opinions on a friend of mine who is bi-polar. She went through almost the same things and she is now stable. It took her a while, but she is doing real good now. It's very hard to deal with chemical imbalances. It's hard to get back to normal so to speak. Like I said, I am not bi-polar, but I do have panic/anxiety and let me tell you.........I used to think I was losing my mind. I thought they were going to put me in a looney bin soon. It was just a chemical imbalance I had, and after taking medication.....I am doing good again. Anyway, I know it is different from what she is going through. I guess I just felt the hurt for her......and him too.

Chantel

Yes, I guess it would be hard for him. I just have a different outlook on it than you is all. I really think that the medication is making her so zombie-like though. If she cannot use the bathroom on her own, it has to be that. I am not a doctor of course, but I would definetely take her to another doctor to have her checked out. She sounds overdosed to me. I am just basing my opinions on a friend of mine who is bi-polar. She went through almost the same things and she is now stable. It took her a while, but she is doing real good now. It's very hard to deal with chemical imbalances. It's hard to get back to normal so to speak. Like I said, I am not bi-polar, but I do have panic/anxiety and let me tell you.........I used to think I was losing my mind. I thought they were going to put me in a looney bin soon. It was just a chemical imbalance I had, and after taking medication.....I am doing good again. Anyway, I know it is different from what she is going through. I guess I just felt the hurt for her......and him too.

Another thing I wanted to say was that I spent a week in the hospital and could not take care of myself. If they hadn't found out what I had, I would also have my husband taking care of me. I went through very bad withdrawls and leg shakes. Sometimes, I couldn't see straight and couldn't even remember my families names. It was that bad. I was a very independant person before.....not scared of anything so to speak. I became very dependant on my husband. I didn't want him to leave the house and I couldn't even get up the courage to leave the house. Thank God his work was understanding. That is what these chemical imbalances do. They literally make you crazy until you find the right medication to level you out again. I just wouldn't of been able to do it without my husband's support, but that is just me. Again, I didn't mean to come off ugly if I sounded that way. You have a good day:)

Chantel

A huge thanks to you all for your post. Allow me to clarify a few things. Yes, my wife is progressively getting worse. She went untreated and undiagnosed for the first 15 years of our marriage. Then she was diagnosed with depression. WOW, how I wish for the days of just depression (no offence to anyone). She would not bath, get out of bed, or go anywhere with me during these days. This lasted around a year or so. Then the suicide attempts started. It was in the hospital (psyche) that the Bipolar illness was caught.

As for seeing another dr., over the last 5 years she has seen 7 different physicists, 10-15 therapists (one long term and currently seeing), intensive group therapy, pastoral care from 2 different pastors, 30 or so different med combos, 5 hosp stays (ranging from 3-8 days each), a loving husband, and loads of prayers from our church and others.

The care she has had and is getting is the best some have ever seen. Also, I still love and care for her. I long for a wife again. The intimacy that we once shared is all but gone due to the meds. She has never been a mother to our child. For example, in 17 years she has taken him to the dr 2 times, to a haircut 2 times, been to his school for a parent teacher conference 0 times, and when he was a baby she maybe only gave him a bath around 20-30 times. I mean to say that she has and continues to be hampered by this illness.

I am at the end of my rope. My faith in God keeps me going along with a supportive family. My dad helps when he can. My sisters try to help when they can. Even people from church volunteer to watch her from time to time.

I do love her and need to find a way to be sure she is ok. If I was to divorce her and she killed herself, I would be devastated. My fear is that I would have blood on my hands by pushing her over the edge. I do not want that. Also, the thought of divorce brings on conviction (sin) for me. I do believe in our wedding vows.

HELP!

All I can say is that you have to think about yourself and your future. You already said you stand to lose your job. Could you see yourself working at a lesser job; or in a different position after all the hard work you put in to get where you are? Can you see yourself looking after an 80 year old bipolar woman when you are 80 years old yourself? Like I said, it sounds like her condition is ever worsening, and you are the one going to be left holding the bag in the end as her soul care giver. Friends and family are going to tire out and want to live their own lives and do the things they dreamed of doing (IE: travelling and retiring to do their own thing), you will be the one still obligated.

Like I said before. If you leave, do it guilt free. You can still be her friend and still care about her, without being her soul support system and care giver. Or if you stay, do it without remorse for having done so. I can tell you now, things don't look like they are going to be improving for you anytime soon; if ever. So I don't know what help you are wanting us to give you. You need to make a choice.

I don't mean to sound callous, but you have 2 choices:

1. Stay and live the life you are living now without any end in sight, perhaps no end at all until one of you dies from an illness, or she succeeds in her suicide attempts.

2. Leave and be happy, and assist her family when you can to look after her "as a friend". That way you aren't obligated. You will have a life. You can be happy. And you can find a partner that will love you and be able to support herself in a normal healthy adult relationship.

You say you would feel guilty if you left and she killed herself. She could very well succeed one of these days even if you don't leave. If a person really wants to kill themselves, they will. However, I doubt that she's serious about it. At any rate. She sounds like she needs to be institutionalized, and people who are suicidal are put under 24 hour surveilance for their protection.

What you decide to do is ultimately up to you. None of us can help you. :(



A huge thanks to you all for your post. Allow me to clarify a few things. Yes, my wife is progressively getting worse. She went untreated and undiagnosed for the first 15 years of our marriage. Then she was diagnosed with depression. WOW, how I wish for the days of just depression (no offence to anyone). She would not bath, get out of bed, or go anywhere with me during these days. This lasted around a year or so. Then the suicide attempts started. It was in the hospital (psyche) that the Bipolar illness was caught.

As for seeing another dr., over the last 5 years she has seen 7 different physicists, 10-15 therapists (one long term and currently seeing), intensive group therapy, pastoral care from 2 different pastors, 30 or so different med combos, 5 hosp stays (ranging from 3-8 days each), a loving husband, and loads of prayers from our church and others.

The care she has had and is getting is the best some have ever seen. Also, I still love and care for her. I long for a wife again. The intimacy that we once shared is all but gone due to the meds. She has never been a mother to our child. For example, in 17 years she has taken him to the dr 2 times, to a haircut 2 times, been to his school for a parent teacher conference 0 times, and when he was a baby she maybe only gave him a bath around 20-30 times. I mean to say that she has and continues to be hampered by this illness.

I am at the end of my rope. My faith in God keeps me going along with a supportive family. My dad helps when he can. My sisters try to help when they can. Even people from church volunteer to watch her from time to time.

I do love her and need to find a way to be sure she is ok. If I was to divorce her and she killed herself, I would be devastated. My fear is that I would have blood on my hands by pushing her over the edge. I do not want that. Also, the thought of divorce brings on conviction (sin) for me. I do believe in our wedding vows.

HELP!

Hi Mudhound,
I grew up with a mother who had /has bi-polar disorder. She had it for ten years before they even had a name for it. Growing up with this disease was hell...for her, for me, and for my father. They now live with my husband, daughter, and I and it is still hell. My mother is dying of COPD and other complications and a day doesn't go by when I don't think to myself that I have had enough. I am 50 and my daughter is 15 and we have been dealing with this for 2 years now. Because of her bi-polar disease, I am never dealing with a full deck when I am having a conversation with her and she is always unpredictable in her behavior. She has had an awful life and I have compassion for that but I have been the caretaker, along wiht my father for 40 odd years now and I am feeling incredibly resentful because as a result of her illness, I don't have any quality of life. I have VNA services and a private care nurse while I am at work but that is not an all day care situation, just bathing, checking in, etc. Perhaps your wife needs more than 3 days a week in a care facility...it kind of sounds like she does. Burnout and stress are killers, no matter what your age and you need to take care of yourself and your needs as well as hers, just try to remember that. I agree with Katyana, it can only be your decision but it has to come as a secure conviction. Best to you and your son adn good luck.

I'm sorry that you are going through all that :( *hugs*

You have much more patience than I would have had with the situation. I would have bailed out a long time ago. I looked after a dying mother for a few years when I was a teenager, and that was more than enough.

When I was in my early 20's I met a guy and we dated a few times. I was really upset when my room mate flaunted herself to him and he ended up leaving me to date her. I found out while they were dating that he too was bipolar and would go off his medications at times and just flip out and then end up in the psychatric ward. I called her up one day and thanked her for having taken him off my hands. They've since broken up and she has a daughter by him who is also bipolar.

I don't have any advice to you, other than you have to do what is best for you. If that is leaving to get a better life for yourself, then do it guilt free. These are your prime years. You sound like you have a great career with more potential. Looking after a sick wife/husband/relative when there is no end in sight (IE: Terminal cancer with 6 months to live) can seem like a lifetime jail sentence; and it is in a way. Your wife is still a young woman, and is obviously mentally unstable even when on medications, and this will probably continue for several more decades. Is this what you want in 20 years time when you are nearing retirement and dreamed of minimal obligations and travelling with your spouse to far distant lands?

If you decide to stay then do it without remorse or resentment for having done so; but be prepared for the life long consequences of it, and a lot of lonely sad times.

No one can make the decision for you. It's something you have to decide for yourself. I know what I would do; and judging from the replies in this thread, I would not be supported in my decision. But we have to take care of ourselves too. Some of us forget to do that sometimes.

Best of luck to you no matter what you decide.
Hang on ther buddy and get some outside help. You are better w/ a sick wife than being alone. Mother Theresa once said, lonliness is the worst social disease. It's true. I know. I left a marriage I should of held on to. I'm new here today w/ physical health problems of my own. "God Bless" Phoenix Barb

A huge thanks to you all for your post. Allow me to clarify a few things. Yes, my wife is progressively getting worse. She went untreated and undiagnosed for the first 15 years of our marriage. Then she was diagnosed with depression. WOW, how I wish for the days of just depression (no offence to anyone). She would not bath, get out of bed, or go anywhere with me during these days. This lasted around a year or so. Then the suicide attempts started. It was in the hospital (psyche) that the Bipolar illness was caught.

As for seeing another dr., over the last 5 years she has seen 7 different physicists, 10-15 therapists (one long term and currently seeing), intensive group therapy, pastoral care from 2 different pastors, 30 or so different med combos, 5 hosp stays (ranging from 3-8 days each), a loving husband, and loads of prayers from our church and others.

The care she has had and is getting is the best some have ever seen. Also, I still love and care for her. I long for a wife again. The intimacy that we once shared is all but gone due to the meds. She has never been a mother to our child. For example, in 17 years she has taken him to the dr 2 times, to a haircut 2 times, been to his school for a parent teacher conference 0 times, and when he was a baby she maybe only gave him a bath around 20-30 times. I mean to say that she has and continues to be hampered by this illness.

I am at the end of my rope. My faith in God keeps me going along with a supportive family. My dad helps when he can. My sisters try to help when they can. Even people from church volunteer to watch her from time to time.

I do love her and need to find a way to be sure she is ok. If I was to divorce her and she killed herself, I would be devastated. My fear is that I would have blood on my hands by pushing her over the edge. I do not want that. Also, the thought of divorce brings on conviction (sin) for me. I do believe in our wedding vows.

HELP!

Forgot what I wanted to say sorry.

Hi! I've never posted here before, i'm usually visiting the bipolar site, so i may be a biased to this subject since I do suffer from bipolar disorder and have since i was 12 years old. That is half my life. I'm 24. I have been on many many medications, unfortunately treatment is based so much on trial and error. I have a loving boyfriend who i have been with for four years. Half the time I am over ridden with guilt for making him suffer with me. He is a wonderful and laid back guy who is very supportive and I don't know what I'd do without him. When I am severly depressed, which lately has been quite frequently, I tell him to leave me because of the guilt. I feel so guilty about him staying with me. I know many bipolar sufferers feel this way. Do you guys communicate? Does she tell you how she is feeling? Or is she just shut off? I know I have my phases where I shut off completely because I can't take the pain anymore. Bipolar disorder is such a difficult disease to suffer from and to live with. My father is bipolar and i grew up with him self medicating through drug and alcohol abuse, i was soon to follow in his tracks but unlike him i did eventually seek medical help, currently my father refuses medical treatment and self medicates through marijuana but is still very difficult to be around. my stepmom has a hard time dealing with his moods sometimes because he takes a lot of things out on her, so to help herself she sees a therapist and is on antidepressants as well. it seems to help her. she loves him and i know will never leave him, they've been through a lot of rough times together. have you tried seeking therapy yourself so you can vent somewhere? well i can't tell you to stay and i can't tell you to leave. In your heart you already know the right answer. I just wanted to share a little bit of my history with you, hoping i could be helpful. you are a wonderful man for sticking around as you have, may every bipolar sufferer find someone as wonderful as you. thanks for giving me some hope!

QUOTE=mudhound]I am new to this board so if I ask a stupid question just overlook it. My wife of 19 years has is bipolar. She hears voices, sees things (cats, cockroaches, and other things), and has extreme paranoia, deep depression, and a host of other items. ....

My basic question is this, how long do I hold on? I’m only 39 years old. She is just 38 years old. We do have a 17-year-old son too. I have done most if not all the caring for him all his life too. ![/QUOTE]

Ok, I may not know all the folks with bi-polar, but I have never heard of one seeing things and hearing voices.... are not those symptoms of a medicine intolerance :confused, or a psychotic break?

You married her, but you created him- should be a simple choice as to whose needs should come first. Hopefully he is off to college soon? :confused:
You definitely need to take care of yourself, or you will be no good to anyone, whatever you decide to do.

I know I would not want my husband to spend the rest of his life with me if I were in such a state- because I do love him, want the best for him, etc-and vice-versa.

QUOTE=mudhound]I am new to this board so if I ask a stupid question just overlook it. My wife of 19 years has is bipolar. She hears voices, sees things (cats, cockroaches, and other things), and has extreme paranoia, deep depression, and a host of other items. ....

My basic question is this, how long do I hold on? I’m only 39 years old. She is just 38 years old. We do have a 17-year-old son too. I have done most if not all the caring for him all his life too. !

Ok, I may not know all the folks with bi-polar, but I have never heard of one seeing things and hearing voices.... are not those symptoms of a medicine intolerance :confused, or a psychotic break?

You married her, but you created him- should be a simple choice as to whose needs should come first. Hopefully he is off to college soon? :confused:
You definitely need to take care of yourself, or you will be no good to anyone, whatever you decide to do.

I know I would not want my husband to spend the rest of his life with me if I were in such a state- because I do love him, want the best for him, etc-and vice-versa.[/QUOTE]


Hi again all,

I have deleted my posts because I do not want to offend anyone. I will try to put this in better words. Sometimes I am not good at expressing myself with this typing stuff, so if I offened anyone......please forgive me:) I am a good hearted person and I don't like hurting anyone. Okay here is my side....

I know he has been through a whole lot with his wife, but having bi-polar disorder is not easy to deal with at all. I said this before and I do think she may be over medicated. I know he has brought her to many doctor's, but try some more. I guess I am just different. I love my husband and NO matter what he goes through, I would NEVER leave him! I would hope he would not do the same to me either. I know it is hard, but maybe this is a test for you..you know. You sound like you believe in God(this is for the poster, not you rids....sorry hun).......and I'm sure you know that God comes first, but he also wants you to be there for your family no matter what they go through. I know you have tried and tried, and I know it gets to a point where you just want to give up...but I say don't. Look for more help. Maybe you are looking in the wrong place. Bring her to a pastor in your church, have them pray for her. This is what got me through everything I went through in my first post to you. Pray for the doctor to have wisdom and find out what she has and to be able to give her the right meds to take. If she cannot use the bathroom on her own, she is over medicated. I know you long to have your wife back hun. Believe me, I was there. I've been through something similiar. I also felt guilty and wanted my husband to leave me because it was just too much. Well, I am so glad he stood by me because I think I would be dead by now......or insane. One of them for sure. I am not trying to make you feel guilty at all. If you love her......you will stay. Now.........if you do not love her anymore, well that is another thing. Then yes, I think you should leave. If you do not love her, then you should not torture yourself with this. But, if you love her, I say, find a caregiver to help you out. This will bring a lot of your stress down. Don't take NO for an answer. Push and push until you get the right care for her. She is disabled at the moment....have you filed for disability? There are many. many people and places that can help her out right now. Stop trying to do it on your own and go look for some help. I think this will help YOU out. There are MANY different medications that she can try. I would see another doctor and keep trying until you find one that will listen to you!! Don't give up yet......there is an answer somewhere out there hun.

May God bless you and your family and give you an answer soon,
Chantel

Hi, I to have a wife with Bi-polar disorder. My wife and I have been married now for 15 years. She to has been on a lot of medications. And by the way, this is my first time on this email thing. I don't know how to answer you but to say this. Like yourself, I have reached my limits. What makes this eaven tougher, we are both Christains. When I tell any ministers out there that I'm considering divorce well ...the response is you cannot. They do not understand the pain that one goes through when seeing someone with Bi-polar. Speaking of Bi-polar, she has depression and only shows anger toward myself and our kids. 19 years of marriage for you ? You must be burnt out ! I am curoius though, you said your wife receives SS. Why wife cannot get any type of benifit due to not working enough. She cannot get disability because I make to much. The only she can get help is if we divorce. At this point, it looks like I'm going to take this route. I don't know if you will read this , I do understand the painand frustration you feel. It has affected my friendships with other people and well as our finances. Today we are broke. It is very sad. I'd like to know what you have done recently ?

Very SAD

dra022 if you are following this post reply agian. I'd like to speak/share ideas with you.

dra022 if you are following this post reply agian. I'd like to speak/share ideas with you.

just looking