Hi everyone,

I've been lurking on this board for a little while now... finally decided to sign up.

I've been addicted to marijuana for about the past 4-5 years, pretty much smoking every day. I know some people say pot isn't addicting but in my case it is - at least mentally.

I've tried to quit many times and actually never went longer than 3 weeks without. I just quit again and am almost at the 3 week mark. I've just been taking it day by day and I also stopped hanging out with my pot smoker friends.

Pot had such a bad effect on me. Most people I've known have fun when high. I had fun as well but only if I was just with my best friend. If anyone else was around I felt weird and paranoid. I thought I acted so strange. I also always felt like there was a spotlight on me or something. I never wanted to go anywhere cuz I didn't want people to look at me and know I was high. It enhanced all of my insecurities so much.

On the flip side, it makes everything so much more interesting. You're not bored when you're stoned. It also enhanced my creativity a lot. I would also have major revelations about my life and life in general when stoned. I do miss those things. But I know it is ruining me as a person and I have to get back to who I used to be.

I still think about it every day and would love to smoke. But I really need to prove to myself that I can do this.

Thanks for listening to my little story. Hope everyone is well.

earthgirl

Hi Earthgirl -

I'm Kathi and I'm an alcoholic. You're in the right place! Whether or not marijuana is addictive or not, a mental addiction is just as bad if not worse because it lasts longer than physical withdrawal. Plus, you obviously feel there is an issue so good for you that you recognize it and want to make it better.

You made some good points that you are more insecure when you're high but you are also more creative. My partner will smoke every once in awhile and did so quite recently that ended up being a bad experience for me.

I find that even though she thinks she's more creative, she's really just more confusing! She gets into this philisophical talk that makes absolutely no sense.

I think you are probably serious this time since you mentioned that you made it three weeks the last time and this time it has been three weeks with this post. Seems to me you want the help and that's what we are all here for!

-Kathi

Hi-
im heather..addict..i used to smoke in my late teens /20s..all of a sudden..i got incrediably paranoid..and finally had a breakdown of sorts..i just couldn't smoke w/o getting really bad paranoia..so i quit!
I remained pot-free for 8 yrs..until i went on vacation.Someone sparked up-and it felt good again..
There is a strong mental addiction to weed..but you can do this..and feel more clear.Life is still fun..you'll see.You are doing great..keep it up.If you are freaking out..post..and post often.
We are here for you..
Heather

Hi Kathi & Heather,

Thanks so much for your responses and support! I really appreciate it.

Kathi - I totally know what you mean when you mentioned your partner becomes more confusing while thinking she's being philosophical. I don't think the things we "realize" or talk about while stoned are necessarily true or rational. But it can be fun! :)

Heather - I'm right there with ya on the paranoia. It makes me soo paranoid. Like if I'm out in public I feel like everyone knows I'm stoned. Or if I'm hanging out with a guy I like while stoned I feel like there's a spotlight on me and I can't bear for him to look at me! hahaha Or I'll misinterpret things people say and feel like they're being mean or deceitful when they're really not. But that's great you quit for 8 years! Wow!

I smoked a lot of the time alone and that's when it would really freak me out. My mind would race with so many thoughts and I would sit there almost unable to believe that I had allowed myself to become a total pothead, lost ambition to follow my dreams, have hardly any friends, etc. The guilt was the one thing I could never get away from. I was raised believing any drug was horrible. I had never even tried pot until I was 21 or so. My own mom would probably disown me if she had known how much I was smoking. I guess from here things can only get better.

Hope you're both doing well today :)

Luv,
earthgirl

Earthgirl,
I just wanted to welcome you to the forum and tell you that you have come to the right place for support. A lot of great listeners here! :wave:
-MJ

Thanks for the welcome MJ :)

Well today marks 3 weeks for me without smoking herb. I've been craving it so much. I don't really see much of a difference in myself so it's almost like why not? I don't know...

But I am determined to at least go one month. That will be longer than I've gone in years without. So I must prove it to myself. My original goal was 3 months and I still want to try and hit that but it almost seems pointless...

Hope everyone is doing good and staying strong!

Luv,
earthgirl

Hey earthgirl,

Good for you! You may not see a difference, but I bet other people do! One day at a time.......

-Kathi

Thanks for the welcome MJ :)

Well today marks 3 weeks for me without smoking herb. I've been craving it so much. I don't really see much of a difference in myself so it's almost like why not? I don't know...

But I am determined to at least go one month. That will be longer than I've gone in years without. So I must prove it to myself. My original goal was 3 months and I still want to try and hit that but it almost seems pointless...

Hope everyone is doing good and staying strong!

Luv,
earthgirl

Earthgirl,
I think it is great! Wow --- three weeks. I noticed you said that social situations are uncomfortable and you get paranoid when you smoke with a group of people. Have you noticed your interactions in groups to be more comfortable since you stopped smoking? To be honest in college I smoked a little and couldn't take it! (Believe me this was many years ago, I am now forty!) But, anyway, I would get so paranoid if I smoked around groups of people or people I didn't know very well. :confused: Anyway, it just got to the point where it wasn't worth it. :nono: Of course there were those times when it was okay (mainly when I was with my best friend), but otherwise; the paranoia really seemed to contradict any possible reason to smoke the stuff. So, I have never smoked it again. Just sharing my experience... I think you are doing are doing great. :) Please keep us posted on how you are doing. :angel:
-MJ