Poopsie
03-22-2004, 02:33 PM
I don’t normally go around thinking that just because someone acts very differently, it means they have a disorder, but my new bf exhibits such odd behaviors, that I started wondering. A friend of mine said that he sounds like her brother, who is autistic. These are my observations:
He has had a hard time keeping a steady job, and has been to 3 different colleges. He gets As in his 2 law classes, but asks very peculiar questions in class.
If I touch him, sometimes he gasps. Or if I touch him in a nice way, sometimes he says “ouch.” Whenever I hug him, he grimaces, but still hugs me back, although it feels a bit awkward.
He doesn’t like to wear jeans because they are uncomfortable. One time, he said that his stress level was high because he felt “trapped” in his clothing, so he took off his shirt. He likes when I wear soft clothes.
He doesn’t compliment me ever.
He doesn’t look directly at me, but seems to be getting better. :)
Once I pointed out to him that he had a big smile, and he told me not to tell him that. He then covered his ears and shut his eyes.
Sometimes he smiles at odd moments, and makes rude comments.
He told me that I talk really fast, and did an impression of it. I know I don’t sound that way, although it was funny, and I didn’t get mad at him for it. He says that when I talk close to him, he can feel the vibrations. He also said that I “move” fast. (Not meaning our relationship.) He said that my brain “moves” faster than his, and that I should not get all the advantages, or something like that.
General stuff like he seems really shy, has a messy apartment, has tummy problems, no friends. At times he seems normal, but others, somewhere else. I don’t have a problem with him as of yet, but I don’t know for absolutely sure if he has it, or if he even knows. He’s mentioned that he’s 31 and doesn’t know why he’s not farther ahead in life. I feel bad, but I don’t know if I can handle this long-term. Like the job thing, for example. I told him that he was very unique, and liked his abstract thinking, and he curled into a ball (we were sitting on my bed) and said, “No one has ever said that before, nope, no one.” He was laughing, and then I started laughing. I’m not sure why, but it was really funny. :D He’s really nice-looking, gets good grades, interesting to talk to, and really likes me. I like him, but sometimes I get a bit freaked out by his behavior and I don’t like his rude comments. What can I do, if anything? Maybe I just need some reassurance? I don’t want to point blank ask him, either. Can you tell I’m confused? (I hope no one is offended by this post.)
He has had a hard time keeping a steady job, and has been to 3 different colleges. He gets As in his 2 law classes, but asks very peculiar questions in class.
If I touch him, sometimes he gasps. Or if I touch him in a nice way, sometimes he says “ouch.” Whenever I hug him, he grimaces, but still hugs me back, although it feels a bit awkward.
He doesn’t like to wear jeans because they are uncomfortable. One time, he said that his stress level was high because he felt “trapped” in his clothing, so he took off his shirt. He likes when I wear soft clothes.
He doesn’t compliment me ever.
He doesn’t look directly at me, but seems to be getting better. :)
Once I pointed out to him that he had a big smile, and he told me not to tell him that. He then covered his ears and shut his eyes.
Sometimes he smiles at odd moments, and makes rude comments.
He told me that I talk really fast, and did an impression of it. I know I don’t sound that way, although it was funny, and I didn’t get mad at him for it. He says that when I talk close to him, he can feel the vibrations. He also said that I “move” fast. (Not meaning our relationship.) He said that my brain “moves” faster than his, and that I should not get all the advantages, or something like that.
General stuff like he seems really shy, has a messy apartment, has tummy problems, no friends. At times he seems normal, but others, somewhere else. I don’t have a problem with him as of yet, but I don’t know for absolutely sure if he has it, or if he even knows. He’s mentioned that he’s 31 and doesn’t know why he’s not farther ahead in life. I feel bad, but I don’t know if I can handle this long-term. Like the job thing, for example. I told him that he was very unique, and liked his abstract thinking, and he curled into a ball (we were sitting on my bed) and said, “No one has ever said that before, nope, no one.” He was laughing, and then I started laughing. I’m not sure why, but it was really funny. :D He’s really nice-looking, gets good grades, interesting to talk to, and really likes me. I like him, but sometimes I get a bit freaked out by his behavior and I don’t like his rude comments. What can I do, if anything? Maybe I just need some reassurance? I don’t want to point blank ask him, either. Can you tell I’m confused? (I hope no one is offended by this post.)
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wisegirl22
03-26-2004, 11:49 AM
Wow, I would have to say you're describing what I would imagine to be the perfect example of an autistic adult (who never received treatment, or at least not enough).
If he has gone through life without knowing why he is different, why he struggles with things that come easily to other people, and without receiving help for his problems, I feel so sorry for him. :( And I have to wonder what is up with his parents for not knowing. I honestly cannot advise you on how to ask him if he knows, though. I can't imagine asking someone that question. Hopefully, someone else will have some advice for you.
If he has gone through life without knowing why he is different, why he struggles with things that come easily to other people, and without receiving help for his problems, I feel so sorry for him. :( And I have to wonder what is up with his parents for not knowing. I honestly cannot advise you on how to ask him if he knows, though. I can't imagine asking someone that question. Hopefully, someone else will have some advice for you.
bigz213
03-28-2004, 01:49 PM
Hi,
It sounds like your boyfriend has what is called Asperger's Syndrome. This is a condition on the Autistic Spectrum where the person often has a very high level of functioning. I have had experience with this disorder as I am a care worker in the UK for a care organisation dedicated to autistic spectrum disorders. The home in which I work the most houses 4 guys with Asperger's and they range from quite severely impaired to very high funtioning. However, they are all vulnerable and often deceive outsiders as to how able they actually are.
The main chracteristic with this condition is high levels of anxiety. How this manifests itself in each person is different, it may be subtle (like obsessive-compulsive behaviour, rituals, routines) to explosive (tantrums, lashing out).
They lack empathy, usually completely, and this is why you may not get compliments - believe me, I've never had a thank you, but you must remember that this is not maliscious (forgive spelling), they just can't appreciate other people's opinions and needs.
There are many other characteristics with this disorder, but these two I've seen in almost every service-user, other documented symptoms may or may not be present in your boyf's behaviour. You will quite often see lesser forms of autistic behaviour, like hypo- or hyper-sensitivity, and your boyf clutching at his ears and closing his eyes is a way that autistics use to stop the sensory overload. The important thing is to seek out advice and support, there are many charities out there, and seeking advice does not necesarily mean him going into care. Some people do not get diagnosed until around 40 years old!
I hope this has been of help.
Dave.
It sounds like your boyfriend has what is called Asperger's Syndrome. This is a condition on the Autistic Spectrum where the person often has a very high level of functioning. I have had experience with this disorder as I am a care worker in the UK for a care organisation dedicated to autistic spectrum disorders. The home in which I work the most houses 4 guys with Asperger's and they range from quite severely impaired to very high funtioning. However, they are all vulnerable and often deceive outsiders as to how able they actually are.
The main chracteristic with this condition is high levels of anxiety. How this manifests itself in each person is different, it may be subtle (like obsessive-compulsive behaviour, rituals, routines) to explosive (tantrums, lashing out).
They lack empathy, usually completely, and this is why you may not get compliments - believe me, I've never had a thank you, but you must remember that this is not maliscious (forgive spelling), they just can't appreciate other people's opinions and needs.
There are many other characteristics with this disorder, but these two I've seen in almost every service-user, other documented symptoms may or may not be present in your boyf's behaviour. You will quite often see lesser forms of autistic behaviour, like hypo- or hyper-sensitivity, and your boyf clutching at his ears and closing his eyes is a way that autistics use to stop the sensory overload. The important thing is to seek out advice and support, there are many charities out there, and seeking advice does not necesarily mean him going into care. Some people do not get diagnosed until around 40 years old!
I hope this has been of help.
Dave.