Lime22
03-27-2004, 06:10 AM
I am a 22 yr old female. My ex boyfriend gave me herpes and never told me before hand that he had it.
:( I feel as though my chances of having a husband and family will be a slim chance. What are the chances that I can find someone that would want to be with me even though I have this?
Will some of you please at least say if you would even consider being with someone that has this?
(Even if you would not consider being with someone with this would you respond and say so)
I am so sad and I am afraid that I wont be able to have anyone to have a family with in the future because of this.
I appriciate any responces, Thank You
Lime22
:angel: Still hoping for the chance of a good and happy future :angel:
:( I feel as though my chances of having a husband and family will be a slim chance. What are the chances that I can find someone that would want to be with me even though I have this?
Will some of you please at least say if you would even consider being with someone that has this?
(Even if you would not consider being with someone with this would you respond and say so)
I am so sad and I am afraid that I wont be able to have anyone to have a family with in the future because of this.
I appriciate any responces, Thank You
Lime22
:angel: Still hoping for the chance of a good and happy future :angel:
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musicgirl00
03-27-2004, 12:48 PM
My sister is in the same situation as you (as far as how she got it) Shes had many boyfriends since then and has even been engaged. You need to build a relationship with someone first and then when the time is right before you get intimate let them know that you do have this and that it can only be spread during an outbreak and that you are on medicine. Let them know that you will tell them if you even think that you are starting to get one. I dont know about your particular case but i know people who have had one outbreak but never got one again. you just need to let them know about how to prevent it being spread and how it is possible to have intimate relations. You also can have a family. The doctor just needs to know that you have herpes so that they can do a C-section instead of natural childbirth, because this can cause the baby to come out blind. (This is what my sis's doctor told her) This has worked for my sister in past relationships.
Lonely810810
03-28-2004, 01:27 PM
Are you even aware of how many people currently have herpes or genital warts.....Please I went through the same situation.45 million people have warts and 45 million have herpes in hte united states alone.and 5 million new cases are added every year these are factual stats.......I know this is sad to say but these two stds are very common.....
aab77
03-29-2004, 11:19 AM
If I had real feelings for someone, yes, I would consider being with them if they had herpes. I would probably wait longer to have sex though.
KimRick
03-29-2004, 05:38 PM
Just so you know, herpes is also transmissable even when a sore / outbreak is not present. I believe it's called "viral shedding"....
devastated
03-30-2004, 10:40 AM
I contracted genital herpes last year from my boyfriend's mouth (and he didn't even have a visible coldsore). Before we started having sex, we both went to get STD tests done (they didn't even test for herpes type 1 because like 80% of the population has it), but even if he had tested positive for herpes type 2, or anything else for that matter, I would have stayed with him in a heart beat. It is estimated that at least 1 in 4 people have genital herpes, whether they are aware of having it or not. You are definately not alone, and love will still come! :)
desertdweller
03-30-2004, 12:42 PM
Unfortunately, this happens to many people, you are not alone. My first husband gave me herpes when I was 20. I am happy to say that I have never given it to anyone else in the 19 years that I have had it. But, I am lucky, not everyone can say that. There is a herpes board on this site that is very, very helpful. I would go over there and read some of the great stories and helpful advice that people have to offer.
Chin up! :)
Chin up! :)
siobhan
03-30-2004, 03:23 PM
Oh, man. Your post was hard to read, because it's so familiar.
It gets better, it really does. I was in the same place when I first found out. I thought that my whole "life plan," to eventually get married, have kids, even enjoying dating, was over. And I was quite adamant about it.
But it's not, it's really not. It's such a shock in the begining, it's understandable to feel that way. Since I've been diagnosed, I've had to tell two partners, neither reacted badly, nor did they say that they weren't interested in continuing things.
So far, it's a good track record, but I do expect that if I am in the position to share with a potential partner, I might not be as lucky -- but you can't control other's reactions, just the way that you deal with them.
Check out the herpes board, there are plenty of people that will tell you life goes on. It'll will get easier, I promise, once the initial shock wears off.
It gets better, it really does. I was in the same place when I first found out. I thought that my whole "life plan," to eventually get married, have kids, even enjoying dating, was over. And I was quite adamant about it.
But it's not, it's really not. It's such a shock in the begining, it's understandable to feel that way. Since I've been diagnosed, I've had to tell two partners, neither reacted badly, nor did they say that they weren't interested in continuing things.
So far, it's a good track record, but I do expect that if I am in the position to share with a potential partner, I might not be as lucky -- but you can't control other's reactions, just the way that you deal with them.
Check out the herpes board, there are plenty of people that will tell you life goes on. It'll will get easier, I promise, once the initial shock wears off.
Lime22
03-30-2004, 04:41 PM
Thank you all for your replies, It's helped me to feel a little better and know that there is a chance for some hope.
But then I start to think about how I am 22 now and I will still have this when I am 50. That is really discouraging to me. I have had H for 9 months now and there for a while I had myself thinking that everything was going to be alright and I accepted the fact that I have this and that I had to move on with my life.......
Well then I started to think of my long term plans, and then oh my, I think about how this can stand in my way and make someone not want to be with me for one reason, that I have this. Not to mention the fact that I am scared to even tell anyone I have this. I know I can't control their reactions, but boy I am scared of being rejected, But that is something that I will have to learn to live with.
But one of my biggest fears is that I am going to end up being 50 and all alone no kids because I have no man to be with. (I was thinking I could adopt if something like that happend and I started to get too old, But I don't know if they let single people adopt.) I guess Im just scared of the barriers that this may cause in my life.
But I guess that it will prove if someone truly cares if they accept you having this.
Thanks for your replies, like I said it gives me some hope, more than what I had before.
Lime22
But then I start to think about how I am 22 now and I will still have this when I am 50. That is really discouraging to me. I have had H for 9 months now and there for a while I had myself thinking that everything was going to be alright and I accepted the fact that I have this and that I had to move on with my life.......
Well then I started to think of my long term plans, and then oh my, I think about how this can stand in my way and make someone not want to be with me for one reason, that I have this. Not to mention the fact that I am scared to even tell anyone I have this. I know I can't control their reactions, but boy I am scared of being rejected, But that is something that I will have to learn to live with.
But one of my biggest fears is that I am going to end up being 50 and all alone no kids because I have no man to be with. (I was thinking I could adopt if something like that happend and I started to get too old, But I don't know if they let single people adopt.) I guess Im just scared of the barriers that this may cause in my life.
But I guess that it will prove if someone truly cares if they accept you having this.
Thanks for your replies, like I said it gives me some hope, more than what I had before.
Lime22
devastated
03-31-2004, 09:52 AM
If someone truly loves you, loves you enough to want to marry you and have children with you, herpes would be just a speck on the radar to them, a minor inconvenience that will just be delt with. If someone rejects you because of the herpes, they were not a viable life partner anyway, so good riddance! ;)
ecgberht
04-02-2004, 10:38 AM
Here's a little different perspective. My girlfriend has herpes, a gift from her ex-husband. She did not disclose it until after we had sex the first time (she was not broken out, we used a condom, though I did perform oral sex). She was afraid of rejection. At the time I thought I was a fool for not dumping her, but we worked past that and have been together for going on 5 years. We love each other and will probably be married some day. She controls it with meds and I have not contracted it. When she would have a break-out, we abstain or do other things, though she has not had a break-out for a long time (knock wood). My only encouragement to you would be to disclose the fact before your first sexual contact and be ready with information to allay any of your partner's fears. Will there ever be a chance for love for you? Absolutely. There is a guy who will love you for who you are and recognize that nobody's physically perfect. Unfortunately STDs have a special stigma in our society, but they're really no different than any other illness.
Weeping Willow
04-04-2004, 07:31 AM
Yes I would consider being w/ someone if they had herpes. Not for a one night stand type fling but if I loved and trusted them and knew they were going to be around for the long-haul it wouldn't bother me at all. Of course I would take all the precautions to protect myself but I would never shut someone out of my life because they had something that they had no control over. Noone is perfect and ppl should be more accepting of those around them.
Lime22
04-07-2004, 04:05 AM
Thank you all for replying you have helped me to feel that there is a chance for love, and when I tell someone it will prove if they really do love me for me. Thank you for helping me realize that there really still is a chance for love in the future :)