JoeSomebody
04-09-2004, 01:45 AM
Wow... I had typed up my whole message and it wouldn't go through! Gah! Well here's attempt number two.
I don't know who to talk to about my "issues" so I wanted to find a message board or chat room to see what others think and suggest. Here is my situation.
I'm currently deployed overseas in the Marines. I've been in for 3 1/2 years, and will be getting out in October. However, I've had a real tough time. Since day one, I haven't been able to enjoy what I'm doing here. Each day seems worse than the day before. If you've seen Office Space, I feel just like that. I love the Marine Corps, but I hate the people in it. They treat you like crap, and are (mostly) out to screw you. I've had things stolen from me, had people talk down to me (dozens of people) for various reasons (weight and so forth), and generally they've been pretty vicious.
I'm married to a WONDERFUL woman... but, I can't talk to her about my problems because it'll only bring her down as well which puts a dampner on our phone calls. I'm pretty sure I don't suffer from any depression (in the official sense) but I am depressed quite a bit. My marriage suffers... at least on my end. I worry that I never spent enough time with her, and that I'm going to screw up somewhere down the road. I'm pretty sure that I'm worried I'll follow in my dads footsteps. My dad and mother got divorced when I was 9, because he cheated on her. I would never cheat on my wife, but I don't want to lose her. I worry about that everyday.
To make matters worse... as if I already don't have a good time here, my command has started threatning me with "weight control". Since I'm 15lbs or so over my "max" (to their standards, and 2-3% over my bodyfat) they say I'm fat. Do, I think that? No... not at all... I was HUGE before I came into the Marines, and I think I look great, so does my wife. But that wont change anything. They say that if I don't improve they'll start up the weight control and I'll get out with a less than honorable discharge. I've never even gotten in trouble, and on my 3 year mark, I got a Good Conduct Medal. So, I don't understand that. But, I've tried everything. I've tried to eat 6 meals a day to boost my metabolism, I've tried just eat 1 or 2 meals. I've tried every supplement known to man, and have even gone to work out. The problem there is, I have 2 fractures in my left ankle... and I'm on light duty (no running, no jumping etc.). But, I STILL run... I run 3 or 4 miles every other or every 2 days. It hurts like hell but I know I HAVE to do something.
I've had a blood test done and they say I'm fine... no weight illness. I thought about talking to our chaplain about everything but I haven't for 2 reasons. One, he's a religious icon and I don't want to hear "God this" and "God that". I personally have no relationship with any god... if "He" wanted to he could solve all these problems for me... but I'm left to deal with it myself, so myself is who I believe in. Reason two, is I don't want him to go off and tell my command that I'm depressed all the time... I walk with my head down, and never feel I'm doing anything right... that all I want to do is curl up in my rack (bed) and stay there until we leave. My command will end up taking me off post, put a suicide watch on me, and document everything. WHICH, will follow me forever.
What can I do?! I need some help guys... anything at all.
I don't know who to talk to about my "issues" so I wanted to find a message board or chat room to see what others think and suggest. Here is my situation.
I'm currently deployed overseas in the Marines. I've been in for 3 1/2 years, and will be getting out in October. However, I've had a real tough time. Since day one, I haven't been able to enjoy what I'm doing here. Each day seems worse than the day before. If you've seen Office Space, I feel just like that. I love the Marine Corps, but I hate the people in it. They treat you like crap, and are (mostly) out to screw you. I've had things stolen from me, had people talk down to me (dozens of people) for various reasons (weight and so forth), and generally they've been pretty vicious.
I'm married to a WONDERFUL woman... but, I can't talk to her about my problems because it'll only bring her down as well which puts a dampner on our phone calls. I'm pretty sure I don't suffer from any depression (in the official sense) but I am depressed quite a bit. My marriage suffers... at least on my end. I worry that I never spent enough time with her, and that I'm going to screw up somewhere down the road. I'm pretty sure that I'm worried I'll follow in my dads footsteps. My dad and mother got divorced when I was 9, because he cheated on her. I would never cheat on my wife, but I don't want to lose her. I worry about that everyday.
To make matters worse... as if I already don't have a good time here, my command has started threatning me with "weight control". Since I'm 15lbs or so over my "max" (to their standards, and 2-3% over my bodyfat) they say I'm fat. Do, I think that? No... not at all... I was HUGE before I came into the Marines, and I think I look great, so does my wife. But that wont change anything. They say that if I don't improve they'll start up the weight control and I'll get out with a less than honorable discharge. I've never even gotten in trouble, and on my 3 year mark, I got a Good Conduct Medal. So, I don't understand that. But, I've tried everything. I've tried to eat 6 meals a day to boost my metabolism, I've tried just eat 1 or 2 meals. I've tried every supplement known to man, and have even gone to work out. The problem there is, I have 2 fractures in my left ankle... and I'm on light duty (no running, no jumping etc.). But, I STILL run... I run 3 or 4 miles every other or every 2 days. It hurts like hell but I know I HAVE to do something.
I've had a blood test done and they say I'm fine... no weight illness. I thought about talking to our chaplain about everything but I haven't for 2 reasons. One, he's a religious icon and I don't want to hear "God this" and "God that". I personally have no relationship with any god... if "He" wanted to he could solve all these problems for me... but I'm left to deal with it myself, so myself is who I believe in. Reason two, is I don't want him to go off and tell my command that I'm depressed all the time... I walk with my head down, and never feel I'm doing anything right... that all I want to do is curl up in my rack (bed) and stay there until we leave. My command will end up taking me off post, put a suicide watch on me, and document everything. WHICH, will follow me forever.
What can I do?! I need some help guys... anything at all.
Sponsor
cb50
04-09-2004, 01:54 AM
Umm, maybe I missed it in your letter.....but what is it you need help with?
JoeSomebody
04-09-2004, 08:46 AM
Yeah... I probably didn't actually post a question. I kind of ran out of time (we're limited). The point I was trying to make is here I am going through all this crap, putting up with all these people and everyday absolutely SUCKS. I wanted to know what I can do... to not feel so damn depressed.
You're going to say, just don't get depressed. But it's not that easy when it's one thing after another, after another. It just stacks up, and is so incredibly frustrating.
There's that issue... then what can I do about worrying in regard to losing my wife. I try not to... she tells me not to, that we'll be together forever (which I believe)... but it just comes to me. I can't shake it because I worry I'll end up like my father some day.
Also, what can I do about my weight issue... here I am running on a fractured ankle, and it's still not good enough for them. I've tried explaining it to them but, nothing. They tell me, go use the pool. They don't seem to get the fact that when my ankle bends, it hurts. In the pool I kick my feet and well, the ankle bends with it.
I'm never like this when I'm home... it's only when I come to work and in this case I'm STUCK here... I can't go home to see my wife. I call her, and it helps sometimes... but I don't want to drag her down. Is there any hope for me?
You're going to say, just don't get depressed. But it's not that easy when it's one thing after another, after another. It just stacks up, and is so incredibly frustrating.
There's that issue... then what can I do about worrying in regard to losing my wife. I try not to... she tells me not to, that we'll be together forever (which I believe)... but it just comes to me. I can't shake it because I worry I'll end up like my father some day.
Also, what can I do about my weight issue... here I am running on a fractured ankle, and it's still not good enough for them. I've tried explaining it to them but, nothing. They tell me, go use the pool. They don't seem to get the fact that when my ankle bends, it hurts. In the pool I kick my feet and well, the ankle bends with it.
I'm never like this when I'm home... it's only when I come to work and in this case I'm STUCK here... I can't go home to see my wife. I call her, and it helps sometimes... but I don't want to drag her down. Is there any hope for me?
quincy
04-09-2004, 08:36 PM
Go talk to the Chaplain. If he's the only support you have at this time, tell him you don't want to hear the God this and God that if that's how you feel. He's probably got the experience from what others are saying. It sounds as though he's the one you need to talk to first.
If you continue the way you are and don't deal with your feelings of anger, once you get out of there, you'll have to anyway. Those feelings don't just go away.
For your fractured ankle, if you can't swim...walk in the shallow end. If you can't kick...tread water. That way the foot works in a different circular movement and may be even work for you.
Talk to the Chaplain. He may give you options you never thought of before and possibly ways of coping until you are able to leave.
Best to you,
quincy
If you continue the way you are and don't deal with your feelings of anger, once you get out of there, you'll have to anyway. Those feelings don't just go away.
For your fractured ankle, if you can't swim...walk in the shallow end. If you can't kick...tread water. That way the foot works in a different circular movement and may be even work for you.
Talk to the Chaplain. He may give you options you never thought of before and possibly ways of coping until you are able to leave.
Best to you,
quincy
hanelo4
04-09-2004, 10:33 PM
Hi hun,
I am so sorry to hear you are going through all of this right now. 15 pounds over weight is not much. I wonder why they are on your butt so much? As an overweight person, I feel for you. I am trying very hard right now to lose weight myself. I think that maybe them being on you all the time is making you depressed. I know, for a lot of people, the low carb diet worked for them and got the weight off fast. Maybe you can look into that. That way, you can still eat good food like steaks and what not and lose weight. Also, I know you don't want to bring your wife down, but maybe you should talk with her about this. That is why she is married to you, for better or for worse. I know for me, when I talk to my husband, it makes me feel a whole lot better cause I know he won't judge me or belittle me in any way. If you still feel you shouldn't talk to her, I would try to talk to a psych. Aren't they supposed to keep everything private? Another thing, I know it is hard, but try to brush everything off of your shoulder. We all only have one life to live and being worried only makes it worse. I should know, I'm the best at worrying. It does weird things to your body and you don't need all of that right now. And, I'm wondering why you feel your wife will leave you? Believe me, my parents weren't the best and my dad was an alcoholic and everyone kept telling me it was in the genes and that I was going to become an alcoholic too. Well guess what? They were wrong. I don't even drink. So, you see where I'm going? Stop basing your outcome on what your father did. You are better than him and only YOU can make an outcome good or bad. No one can make you do anything you don't want to do. I'm sure you are a great husband hun. Remember all the good times you and your wife have done together. Keep that in mind and it will keep positive thoughts in your mind. Keep telling yourself that you are better and you will not let anyone or anything bring you down. It's all a mind thing and once you convince yourself, everything will be fine.
Chantel
I am so sorry to hear you are going through all of this right now. 15 pounds over weight is not much. I wonder why they are on your butt so much? As an overweight person, I feel for you. I am trying very hard right now to lose weight myself. I think that maybe them being on you all the time is making you depressed. I know, for a lot of people, the low carb diet worked for them and got the weight off fast. Maybe you can look into that. That way, you can still eat good food like steaks and what not and lose weight. Also, I know you don't want to bring your wife down, but maybe you should talk with her about this. That is why she is married to you, for better or for worse. I know for me, when I talk to my husband, it makes me feel a whole lot better cause I know he won't judge me or belittle me in any way. If you still feel you shouldn't talk to her, I would try to talk to a psych. Aren't they supposed to keep everything private? Another thing, I know it is hard, but try to brush everything off of your shoulder. We all only have one life to live and being worried only makes it worse. I should know, I'm the best at worrying. It does weird things to your body and you don't need all of that right now. And, I'm wondering why you feel your wife will leave you? Believe me, my parents weren't the best and my dad was an alcoholic and everyone kept telling me it was in the genes and that I was going to become an alcoholic too. Well guess what? They were wrong. I don't even drink. So, you see where I'm going? Stop basing your outcome on what your father did. You are better than him and only YOU can make an outcome good or bad. No one can make you do anything you don't want to do. I'm sure you are a great husband hun. Remember all the good times you and your wife have done together. Keep that in mind and it will keep positive thoughts in your mind. Keep telling yourself that you are better and you will not let anyone or anything bring you down. It's all a mind thing and once you convince yourself, everything will be fine.
Chantel