Hello friends...

I went to intake today and it seems my insurances covers outpatent detox where you go to the hospital every day and they monitor you while you are not getting any valium.

I should have been thrilled. In a way, I did think it was wonderful, the thing is, I'm afraid, I won't be able to get through it. I could "try" NOT take one tonight, but I don't want to do it. Typical addict behavior - again - I thought I got rid of that.

And another excuse. i could start tomorrow - I said Monday. I'm just so frightened of I won't be able to get through the feelings.

I still feel detached, loss of memory, sort of insane, wondering if I will ever come back to a normal state, and if I could not, could I live with myself this way, which is where this started in the first place. I wanted to die.

Well, I don't have too many valium left (till Monday) and as last time, maybe that readiness of a commitment will work once again. But I keep on thinking, why bother somettimes, I'm tired of all this sometimes.

I'm dyinjg to read some of your posts but I'm so drugged and tired from I guess those valiums. When I see a heading detoxing from suboxone, I think, I my god, I can't read this right now. Not yet.

Maybe each of you could write 1 sentence or so to me as to where you are in life with your addiction and your successes and struggles. Then I can read it in one post. I would really love to hear what you all are doing.

Warm hugs Murphy

Hi Murphy. This is quick like you asked. I am geting redy for detox from hydro on Monday. You are in my prayers and I am sending you lots of positive enrgy.

Murphy...I'll keep this shorter than I normally do--so you can rest your eyes! :-)

1. This is what I would do, if in your situation: Start a taper with what's left of your Valium, so you won't have to go cold turkey the day you start the program. Then...the day you finish the last one...go to the hospital and get started with the detox. This way you won't be tempted by having any Valiums left around in the house after you start. (I, personally, would find even a few days' taper easier than stopping cold turkey.)

2. Ask the organizers of the Outpatient program if they offer at least phone support if you're having problems during the day. Explain to them your "detached" feelings--tell them just what you've told us. (I do think, though, that the Valium is causing this detachment....and that you are not going to spend the rest of your life in this state! That's how I felt when I went thru it, too. That I'd never come out of it. But I did. But, while I waited to feel better, I'd honest-to-goodness look out my window at dogs being walked...and think...I'd rather be one of those dogs than be in my own brain!!! So, I think I can understand at least some of your own despair.)

3. Bring along a notebook describing your symptoms, suicidal feelings, etc. Be sure to tell them about the suicide thoughts....that is so important.

Forgive me if this all sounds so simplistic...I'm just trying to think what I would do if I were going through this. I am so glad that you found some program to monitor you, while you are going through this awful time.

(And, when you are back to "par"--just think of all the posts waiting for you!! Every one of them wishing you all good things!!!) :-) luv, Lynn

Hello friends...

Maybe each of you could write 1 sentence or so to me as to where you are in life with your addiction and your successes and struggles. Then I can read it in one post. I would really love to hear what you all are doing.

Warm hugs Murphy

Murph, I have started month two of quitting hydrocodone cold turkey. I haven't felt this good in 8 years. The people on this board have been the key to finding the will power to detox myself. Good luck to you.

Murphy....I used Hydrocodone for 7 years....a little over 2 months clean....went cold turkey, am currently taking Naltrexone (I opted for that instead of sub, because I wanted off opiates all together) It is an everyday struggle, but it gets easier. Best wishes to you
Lyn

Murph - you know where I am. On Suboxone and take xanax and did go up on xanax recently but had to drop it down before it got out of control. My tolerance is up on it anyway so I need to drop down even further for it to work. I'm thinking of you and SO very glad you are getting help. How are your babies?

Murphy....I used Hydrocodone for 7 years....a little over 2 months clean....went cold turkey, am currently taking Naltrexone (I opted for that instead of sub, because I wanted off opiates all together) It is an everyday struggle, but it gets easier. Best wishes to you
Lyn

Lyn, you have been a big inspiration for me (having the courage and fortitude to get off opioids completely), and I just wanted to let you know. Thanks.

Murphy,

Cold turkeying off of Valiums or any benzodiazepine is not wise. Ask any pharmacist. Been there, done that. These are psychoactive drugs that linger in the system for a very long time. Unlike opiate or cociane addicts and alcoholics, chances are not good that you will be up and running in week. My informed suggestion, if any medical staff suggests anything other than slow taper, run and do not look back. That is unless you have already tried slow tapering and it is clear you do not have the discipline to do it. Then all you can do is roll the dice...

BANKER - So sorry that you've been depressed. (And I had a TERRIBLE day at work yesterday..so I do sympathize with the job aspect!) But, you know, you probably did much better than you are imagining how you did. We are usually MUCH harder on judging ourselves than the incident actually calls for! We are our severest critics--we ask for ten out of ten for ourselves! LOL!! :-)

Anyway, will write more later to respond to other things you said. Got to get back to work. xxx Lynn xxx

Here Murph,short synopsis from me about my addictions-Long history with alcohol(about 23 years) and last nine with narcotics-mostly Vicodin and Ultram.Fifty plus pill a day habit then detox'ed with meds at home in the beginning of February(this year)-and even though life hasn't been all love and light after detoxing,it sure has been better than living like a marshmallow like I was for so long-completely useless-and I fight everyday to maintain sobriety.But the good days I have are worth going thru the bad days I have,so I keep fighting.
Peace,Stacie