Okay, I wrote my first post yesterday concerning my situation. Its almost 7:00 a full 36 hours since my last 3 vics. (I was eating up to 7.5's a day for about 6 months, but Ive been taking them for about 2 years--finally getting to the 20 a day the last six months) Here's my question... Today hasnt been HORRIBLE. In fact I've been up and out of the house. (I don't work) Doing normal things....like having my SUV detailed, picking up my daughter and running her around after school....being able to tolerate the LOUD music....actually eating some....okay yall get it. Well, trust me, its not good but its tolerable. NOw, when is it gonna hit full force? I know that this isnt the worst! NO way shape or form could it be. I've been out for a day or two in the past due to pharmacy's and I remember the pain....so what has happened? I will say that leading up to the pharmacy finding out I have been off the vics since the first of the month, see I ran thru 80,60,60,90 in a matter of a week or so, ya know 20+ a day goes fast...so then I started using Ultram to get me thru till I could get more vics...then I'd get like 30 which would last me like 1 day and 1/2....yall get the picture....could this be causing my body to not be in such shock (i.e. no real horrible w/d's yet" )? I almost called the sub doc in my area today but after reading all about the sub I just NEED to do this on my own. God Willing anway...so there is a NA meeting here in town at 8:00 and Im going to try and go. Anyway....thanks for anybody that responds and this board is wonderful, I never knew so many of us were around.

S, I have the same problem until I came on board. - Check out my posts. I taken only 2 so far today – I get up at 5:00am. –that is pretty good considering I was taking them like you. I made so many contacts that it was no problem for me to get my hands on them for a BIG price. If you are doing good on 3 that is great. There is one person on here that has helped immensely as well as others.
You have to want it. Or else you’re FIRED –sorry I watch too much TV.

I don't post a lot, but I saw yours and had to touch base with you. The same thing happened to me. I just take 5-6 a day, but have had withdrawal before. I felt wretched for days and days. Two weeks ago i ran out from just being greedy and stupid. I braced for a ride... but nothing much happened. Kind of like a headcold. Maybe it was a headcold. Then after 4 days I got a refill. I could kick myself. I want to stop taking these. Let me know how you are doing. I am just about out again and know I have to quit before I fall completely into the dark pit. Your post is an encouragement to me. I hope all is going well for you and that we both can stop this wicked little pill.

Hey Guys~Okay--HOw somebody would get encouragement from me is mindblowing....but you both have NO idea how much your posts mean to me. I read each post with horror...thinking okay, im gonna get to the part where they tell me the hell they paid at day 4 or 5....this is the FIRST time I have been completely out for longer than say 12 hours. I mean, Ive been out of the vics but I had something to throw down my throat like darvs, or butalbital, ultram, ultracet...yall know what I mean and Im still waiting....I keep telling myself I know this isnt the worst of it, I've had the horrible leg cramps and aching head and the runs from hell before....but ALWAYS had a doc's appt. that got me thru. Man, the pharmacist was BRUTAL. It was everything I always envisioned it would be. I knew it was coming, I mean you cant NOT get caught when you are seeing at least 10 docs and using every freakin drug store in town and within a 50 mile radius. Jeezzz, Im lucky Im not in jail. Its 7:25 and the meeting is at 8:00....it feels good to talk about this even here....NOBODY here at home has a clue of whats been going on. Thanks so much everybody~

S, we are here for you. Go to the meeting - I would like to hit one down the road. To be able to talk with people in person. You could say I am one of those people persons. Let us know how the meeting went. t

I went cold turkey from hydro's and the worst days I had was day 3 and 4.I was not able to get out of the bed at all and I was on about 30 a day once I did quit.The real trick is the mental part of the addiction which I found myself trying to convince myself that I can take just one and thats it.I have been clean awhile now(4 months) and I still find myself thinking about it every so often.I personally would'nt go the sub route if you are on day 3 and you say the w/d's are'nt that bad.I would try to get to as many meetings as possible to help you stay clean.Good Luck and Stay Strong!

Ken

SS, my story is basically the same as Everyday's, and I cold turkeyed from 30+ a day about 5 weeks ago. At 36 hours, the wd's were pretty intense, and they peaked at 48-72 hours. Day 4 was the beginnings of feeling somewhat normal, with improvement everyday thereafter. You are halfway there right now! I still functioned, worked, albeit uncomfortably, just as Everyday is. The busier I was, the better it went. For me, I just told myself that this is going be like a nasty case of the flu, which is exactly what it feels like, and it isn't going to kill me, and we have all had the flu. Continuing to do what I was doing would have killed me, no doubt, in addition to other consequences I don't even want think about now, as I now think back at some of the things I did to get what I needed. We could have all ended up in jail or worse, and LOST EVERYTHING IMPORTANT TO US. It is amazing how intellegent people can compromise their decision making process under the influence. As far as withdrawals, it sounds like you are already well into it, and it will probably only be a day or two more. No big deal in the grand scheme of things, right? Let us know how your meeting went. I'm not much of a meeting kind of guy, as I prefer the privacy of one on one, so this board has served as my meeting place, but everyone is different, and if they help you, then go. One difficult realization I made is that, like you, I assumed no one had a clue about my problem, but after I detoxed myself and confided in a few people I trusted, they ALL suspected something was up, and they were all concerned. I only wish they had confronted me, in retrospect. When we are under the influence of opiates, our perception is not reality. By the way, I agree with your instinct on the sub. From what I have read, I have not heard of much success of people getting off of it. Star, you can do this, too. We are here to help.

I went cold turkey from hydro's and the worst days I had was day 3 and 4.I was not able to get out of the bed at all and I was on about 30 a day once I did quit.The real trick is the mental part of the addiction which I found myself trying to convince myself that I can take just one and thats it.I have been clean awhile now(4 months) and I still find myself thinking about it every so often.I personally would'nt go the sub route if you are on day 3 and you say the w/d's are'nt that bad.I would try to get to as many meetings as possible to help you stay clean.Good Luck and Stay Strong!

Ken

Ken, my story is the same as yours, and I quit 5 weeks ago. Quick question: How do you feel at 4 months? thanks

Good Morning everybody that has responded. Well, I didnt go to the meeting, I drove around instead. I live in a pretty small town and everybody loves to talk. I have already been the "talk" of the town Im sure with using every Doc and Pharm. in town so I don't know why I would/should care. Anyway, I woke up this morning at 7:00 and was actually surprized once again that I slept. This is really confusing me. The more I think about it the more I feel I've gone thru the wd's all month. You know I told yall that I ran out after I'd say the 7th or 8th this month. I medicated with Ultram (now thinking back I wasnt really doing so good with that--I feel better today (today being the 3rd day of nothing) than I did the entire week I was doing the ultrams. I don't know guys, I just want all this to end. I have another doc appt monday, but hell no....Im not doing this again, sure I could run out of the 50 mile radius to get another script filled but this is NO freakin way to live and Im thru...God Willing I'll just get better everyday. I can't complain about these small discomforts Im feeling because like we are all saying, I could be in Jail....I never tried to forge a script or call anything in but I still think that if they wanted to they could get me for doc shopping. I just feel lucky in some small way. I worry about the depression. I don't know about yall but everything I did was tied to the pills. Its hard to think past that right now. Why does everything seem so much more enjoyable when we are using? If I could figure that out I don't believe I would ever relapse. See, this is my 2nd time, I detoxed off of 20 a day Fiorinal #3 and a 15+ a day Benzo habit. Now you wanta talk about hell.....I will NEVER touch a Xanax as long as I live. Isnt that strange? Why is that? I had to have some dental work 2 and 1/2 years after I was clean and that started the spiral with the pain meds......it amazes me at how I can be so ignorant. Talk about humbling...it does do that to you...the shame is what is keeping me from telling anybody that yes, its happened again. I havent got the nerve to do that to my husband. Im sorry for typing so much.....I really am. thanks to everybody that has helped me see Im not alone. S~

Simply - how are you feeling? I'm going to be honest - I always had it bad on day 3 but tried to just lay around and be under a blanket. Then, on the fourth day I always felt so much better. Just hang in there. I'm really glad you are going to meetings! This is the key to STAYING clean!

I just read your post. To stay clean (and you know this already) you've got to attend those meetings. Let us know how you are.

S, Glad to hear you are doing well. Your story could be mine. I know the people at the pharmacies just laugh every time I call or come in. I live in a small town too. I have had to change pharmacies lots of times because they start to question every script, narcotics or not. Two weeks ago I was getting off easy. Not much withdrawal and I know I should have quit then. But no. I had to have one more refill. It's always one more. I am down to three pills and they are calling my name. I told my husband I am going to try to quit, so at least he will know what is wrong with me although I'm sure he won't be very sympathetic. Keep up your good work! You are such an encouragement to me. By Monday I will be in deep water, so I will be checking to see how you are doing. Hang in there! You can do this and I can too!

StarToo~I so know what you mean when you say come Monday....that's what was getting to me. I'd get the script and the pills then it would only be like a day or so that I didnt have to spend every waking hour trying to get more. That life is no fun. Yeah, I remember when 30 pills would last awhile, then when I got a doc to give me 60, oh I was sailing then...then one of my docs was in a hurry one visit and I caught him just right and he increased me to 90~ what a feeling walking out of that office getting my car....Man~ 90....Im set for awhile....what a freakin JOKE. I began to eat them...I'd say okay~ today Im just gonna really binge~ I DESERVE it....yeah you got that right I DESERVED it alright. The story goes on and on. Today Im just trying to find something that has to be done. Yesterday I had to go out today~ my head is trying to hurt and NO energy is creepin up on me, I can feel it. I've actually controlled the runs with Immodium. Im eating them~regardless of what the label says...you think an addict will actually read something and abide by it? My husband is gone for the day~ so is my daughter....but Im not going to sit here and dwell...Im gonna go wash my hair and look as normal as I can. It may take me longer than normal to get ready but Im determined to get out. Music helps me....but as we all know its better when you are buzzing. You know I totally get what people say when they explain the relationship between the pills and oneself. I was a better wife/mother/person to the pills. They turn on you quick. They are non-forgiving and could careless the damage they do. I HATE them.
Ken~how are you now....because the mental part I have yet to figure out. It scares the **** out of me. I still beleive that I am a BETTER person on the drugs...if you could take away the things I've done to get them....i still think Im better off on them...How rediculous is that. Im being honest everybody~Dont confuse the fact that I know I cant live with them though, but if they were like ciggs (wich I hate) and you could purchase them OTC...I would prolly die due to it. Thanks so much everybody and I feel for you Star but I also know EXACTLY what you mean. ~S

simplystupid you are an addict addicted to opiates and until you try to get clean your not goin anywhere...i used to think i could work better on 40 lortab 10's...i wasnt foolin anyone but myself...soon youll start doin stupid stuff to get the beans...the w/d's will hit ya soon enough here...you might be lured into that sense of havin no w/d's but they are there and they will creep up on ya...i guarantee it..its a bad excuse not goin to a meeting to cause you live in a small town...whats of more concern to you...your health and family?...to me it sounds like and im sure your more content with the drugs...they were more important at a time in my life to me then my family and now i have no wife and dont get to wake up in the a.m. with my two girls cause i screwed up...with the opiates...i did the same thing your doin and youll end up in the same drink as me...its inevitable....after awhile your husband isnt goin to be so tolerant and understanding....you need a attitude adjustment and im sorry to say its gonna come when you least expect it...my advice is start thinking about how your gonna get sober and stay that way even if it means goin to meetings 90days like they say....chef

ps...keep your monday appointment with the doc and tell him youve got some issues and you need his help....the no narc route is clonidine and trazadone....the narc route is sub/methadone/naletrxone.....the question is how are you goin to change your life and get off the opiates?cant be done by yourself either..........you need a plan and alot of guidance and know youve got a problem.....chef

The sub route is just not an option for many of us due to the fact that there are just no sub doctors within 400 miles. I called every doctor on the sub website that I could possibly get to and EVERY ONE said they knew nothing about it, didn't offer it, one said it was still in trial phase. And S, I understand what you are saying. Being in a small town is different that being in a large city. We all need to admit our problem, but there may be different ways to deal with it.

Hey User 20500,I feel much better and realizing how screwed up those damn pills made me feel.I used it so much that it I am still not at 100% but my energy is almost back to normal but I still have my momemts.Congratulations on 5 weeks and dont give in!When you hit around 8 weeks its gonna be alittle tough with the cravings but after that its not bad at all,at least in my case.Good Luck and Stay Strong!

Ken

Ken, good to hear you are feeling well. I feel the same way right now. I've come too far to give in to a craving, at this point. It would be a slippery slope, and I've been there, done that, thank you very much, and don't care to do it again. As I look back now (with a clear head), I can't believe I was so f@cking stupid for so long. You stay strong, too. G

Okay Chef---have you missed one of MY points here? Let me remind you~ Im on day 3 of NO FREAKIN DRUGS OF ANYKIND....so I've read your post and I know you shoot from the hip but you missed your mark this time. I don't know who it is you have me confused with but....I KNOW Im an addict...reread ALL of my post. I have NO desire to go thru what I've gone thru this month over and over again. Basically I dont think I have a choice...lol...they are on to me~ again reread my post. I appreciate your knowledge and I agree with you concerning the Sub~ thats just trading as far as Im concerned~ but then again i have NO problem with peoples choice...I totally respect that. I'm not offended by your frankness either~ but get one thing straight~ I AM A DRUG ADDICT~ i know THAT. Be Good~ SS
To everybody else~ ITs 5:30 and I just got home~ Like I promised myself, I got ready went out...went to the ballfield and watched some bball....went and picked my daughter up and took her shopping at the mall for a shirt to wear tonight to a party i Just took her too~ AND YA KNOW WHAT???????? i was sober!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I dont remember the last time I went shopping withouyt my pills~ It was different...not as fun~ but I did without them. As far as going to the Doc. on Monday, yep, I need to but I'll address my allergies that are killing me and if this is all the wd's Ive got, then Im gonna be okay~ See.....I KNOW I've already gone thru the worst part when I thought the Ultram was helping me earlier this month....thats got to be what has happened~ Unless they are gonna come on me 2-morrow with a vengance~ who knows....Im just taking 1 hour at a time. Chef--really no hard feelings.

Way to go SS! I'm right behind you. I went to a ballgame today myself. No pills. WD's haven't hit me yet, but when they do, I'm going to get through it. I think you must be right about the Ultrams. So... you are on your way!

Well I dont know about you but the weather here in GA. is just beautiful! (Were we at the same game??) Would that not be a hoot and a half? Anyway~ I have to add this too....its been bothering me that I havent actually given "somebody" credit for helping me these last couple of days. Aight~ so Thurs. is when the Pharm. so kindly told me I was caught and wouldnt refill my vics and I had taken 3 that morning at 7:00am (NONE - NOTHING - ZIPPO) since Thurs at 7:00 and as I rode home in shell shock and got to my house and caved in on the bed I begged, I mean begged for GOD to help me this time and ya know~ he has. Im not a religious freak, but I do believe in God and know he has the power to help me and I do think he's been with me these last couple of days. So There~ I said it....and ya know~if it can be like this, I mean, to where I can get out and resume some sort of normal life its just gonna have to be. I know now that I can never handle taking just 1 ever again. That was my down fall. I thought I could when I had the dental work done. One thing led to another and when I kicked my vaccuum cleaner and broke my foot you should have seen the smile on my face! Is that not stupid or what? I knew I would get something then! Oh well, those days are over and while it lasted it was good~ dont get me wrong, I know the buzz is what I loved....Im just the same as yall, I could get so much done with a lil help and please EVERYbody. How odd it is to be 44~married~w~female and a Heavy Duty Drug Addict. I don't live on the street in the gutter or have to steal from anybody. I live in a very nice subperb(sp) with what looks to be the American Dream....how deceptive is that? Yall take care and I hope everybody has a good night and I'll check in tomorrow. I keep waiting on the wd's. ~SS

Im doing fine now SS and thank you for asking.You can do this and dont let your mind(addiction) kid you on that because it will try.You made a comment in your last post that you dont live in the street and your married,if you continue to use everything eventually goes down the toilet.I personally let alot go by the ways of bills and created some debt for myself but nothing I cant handle.The point is you start loosing your grip on reality and you only realize it once you are clean and can look back on how screwed up you really were.Once you get past 2 weeks it gets alot better and you will notice a difference every week but just keep in mind its a slow process for your body to recover but it will so be patient!Good Luck and Stay Strong!!!!

Ken

Hi SS and all who have been posting,
Hope you are all doing well this morning. At noon I will start 48 hours with no hydro. Not too much WD yet. Sneezing, runny nose, but no stomach stuff. I'm going to work and stay busy. When do you think this will be over? I've CT'd from oxy, which was hell, but not from hydro without running right back for more. Wish me luck and lots of prayers. I believe in it too. Thanks y'all.

I'm very proud of you guys for doing this. You are saving your lives here... It's a big deal, needless to say! Stay strong and I just cannot say enough about attending meetings. If you are going to STAY clean - you've got to attend meetings or at minimum, counseling. Remember, the reason we are addicts is we are powerless over the drug. I always did really well during the withdrawals but once I felt good, it was all over with and I was back to using so please, please attend meetings! K? Have a great day today and I hope you feel better and better by the moment. Star - you only have about one day left to feel REALLY bad but then usually by day four, you will start to feel better. At least, that's the way I was!

sometimes we beg god for help in that crisis mode of addiction and a week later forget what we had did or dont ask for anything else unitl that time comes around again where we beg for help...only cause we ran out of pills again.....and then a month later we beg again.....cant do it like that...it wont work "all the time"....chef............ps..ya know what i mean?understand where im comin from?......

Chef, I don't disagree with you in that we beg God over and over. I think though He is always there, our prayers just aren't always answered in the way we think they should be. I know that I have to pull the strength to stop from within myself. I just choose to think that God will help me in whatever that way may be. I don't have to understand it.

I KNOW ITS NOT THE SAME DRUG BUT I REMEMBER DETOXING OFF METHADONE AND I WOKE UP AND SAID WOW THIS ISNT SO BAD I CAN HANDLE THIS DAY2 HMM STILL NOT TO BAD DAY3 OH MY F-ING WORD THE W/DS FROM HELL SKIN HURTING DRAGGING MY SELF UPSTAIRS WITH MY HANDS MY BACK HAD CHARLIE HORSES ALL THE WAY UP IT RLS EVERYNIGHT MY LEGS WOULD JUMP AND SO ON JUST READING THESE STORIES IT BROUGHT IT ALL BACK SO I HAD TO GET MY 2 CENTS IN HOPE NOBODY MINDS OH AND HOW COULD I FOR GET IT BE 70 DEGREES AND ID CARRY A BLANKET AROUND AND WRAP UP IN IT AND I LOVE HOW STATISTICS CALL THE CHRONIC FATIGUE OF IT ALL YAWNING :eek:

SS, Where are ya?!!! I'm worried about you and wonder how you are doing. If you have relapsed, it's okay. We've all done it. Just start again. I'm here for you if you want to talk. Take care!