okay this is the first time I've asked anything on this website. but yesterday i went over to my ex's house to hang out. we've been broken up for about a year&1/2 now but we stayed friends. well we got kinda drunk and ended up having sex. the thing is he has a girlfriend. i know it was a mistake, and i feel horrible about it. my question is should he tell his girlfriend about it. i know it wont ever happen agian. and i cant start a relationship with him. and i know he really cares about her dispite what happened. should he ruin his relationship with her over something that was nothing.
I would be thankful for any feed back.

You shouldn't even be concerned about it, what he does is HIS decision. Granted you both had a role in the events and you've just proven you can no longer even be friends without jeopardizing any of either of your relationships in the future. Alcohol doesn't just kill germs and bacteria, it also kills relationships and families. Next time you decide you are "kinda drunk", you may want to decide if you will ever be "kinda pregnant". Fact is, you either are or you're not, plain and simple yet you will still be held accountable for your actions. Break away before that "nothing" happens again.

This is totally his decision... Yes, you both were in the wrong. Now you did say that he really cares for her but how can you explain that with him cheating on her??? If he cares as much as you say he does then he should automatically tell her about it and if he doesn't then that just shows how much he does care. Anyway, I know you said that you don't want a relationship with him which is good because why would you want a guy like this??

Dark Angel, stop feeling horrible and beating yourself up. You didn't do anything wrong. Your ex is the one who chose to cheat on his current girlfriend. He is the one who should feel horrible and wonder if he should tell the gf or not. It's really not your problem. Just be happy you don't date him anymore because he's obviously not a faithful guy.

ive known this guy for almost 7 years i know how he is. i know he does care for this girl. and i cant stop being friends with him. hes benn one of my best friends during everythinf else ive been going through lately. i know im not pregnent. it is his fault but it feels like mostly mine.

Listen, it's not your fault. Nobody forced him to have sex with you. Doesn't matter how long you've known him. He had a choice and he made it. Why should it be "mostly your fault"? That's just irrational. Stop beating yourself up. It's nice to see someone has such a moral consciousnessness like you do, but in this case it's really misplaced. YOU were single and he's the one with a gf. If you still want to remain friends with the guy but not get yourself in this kind of situation, only see him in public and never hang out at his or your place alone.

Hey Dark Angel -
Look, you two have a history together being married and maintained your friendship. What's done is done..If he really really cares for his girlfriend he wouldn't have agreed to making love to you. You can go on and blame yourself all you want but would good will it do you? If you end up telling the girlfriend, you run the risk of ruining your ex's relationship with this girl and You will be blamed for it and may lose your ex-husband's friendship along the way. This decision is up to your exhusband to tell his girlfriend not you.

Stay out of it unless this is what you want to do - cause more trouble then it's worth...

look, I know where your coming from - when I was separated from my exhusband - we too were good friends - we fooled around and I DID get pregant.YEP!..WE got back together again and tried to make our marriage work for the sake of our beautiful son...Well, we divorced a year after my son turned 1 - (14+years ago) but my ex and I are still on good friendly terms with NO MORE SEX.... :)

ive known this guy for almost 7 years i know how he is. i know he does care for this girl. and i cant stop being friends with him. hes benn one of my best friends during everythinf else ive been going through lately. i know im not pregnent. it is his fault but it feels like mostly mine.


You don't have to stop being friends with him but this is something he has to tell his girlfriend. You did say twice that he cares for her but how can he if he cheated on her. I understand that mistakes happen but if he doesn't say anything then that goes to show that he doesn't.

NO, if you want to be on remotely speaking terms with your ex, then he should not tell his gf about the encounter. What good would that do? If you're sure it was a mistake and you'll never do it again, don't tell the girlfriend. Most likely she would end up being extremely hurt and would hate you for sleeping with the guy. Plus, if he tells her, you can forget right there about staying friends with him. She will NEVER tolerate it.

NO, if you want to be on remotely speaking terms with your ex, then he should not tell his gf about the encounter.

That is why we have many people out there wondering why thier is alot id distrust, hate, and jealousy in this world. We have many people here talking about cheating and we tell them they did a good job with being open about la la la. You coming out saying don't say anything is raw.....

He cheated and thats the point. If he really cared he would have never done. Don't blame the alcohol :nono: it takes to then they both did it. His girlfriend is the innocent part and she needs to know. If they don't remain friends that is there fault, but caring has to do with being honest and trustworthy.

I disagree. Telling his girlfriend will accomplish two things: 1) it is VERY likely to end the relationship between him and the gf; 2) even if the gf decides to forgive and stay, she will definitly hate the poster with a passion and there is no way she would allow any friendship between the poster and the guy. I am not excusing the guy's behavior. I do think he's responsible, regardless of the alcohol. But, if he regrets it deeply and it was this one time and he has no intention of ever doing it again, what would telling his girlfriend accomplish, except making their relationship strained?

I disagree. Telling his girlfriend will accomplish two things: 1) it is VERY likely to end the relationship between him and the gf; 2) even if the gf decides to forgive and stay, she will definitly hate the poster with a passion and there is no way she would allow any friendship between the poster and the guy. I am not excusing the guy's behavior. I do think he's responsible, regardless of the alcohol. But, if he regrets it deeply and it was this one time and he has no intention of ever doing it again, what would telling his girlfriend accomplish, except making their relationship strained?

Well maybe so but remember him and the poster are the ones that did wrong. If his GF leaves she did the right thing because if he cared for her like the poster mentioned then this would have never happen. Its ok to be friends and drink with friend but not cheat with friends.

If she stays and doesn't want to this girl to be his friend then thats those terms. This guy did wrong and went outside of his relationship. That looses trust and if he want to regain it he has to do somthing about it like loose her.

No matter what he doesn't win either way. This was wrong to happen and if he wants to make it right then he should do the right thing...And thats be honest~ (you know on of those things that are important to a successful relationship).

okay, just my thoughts...i think it's only right that he tell his new girlfriend what happened...relationships are about honesty and it's only right that she knows so she can decide if he's worth her time...he doesn't deserve her...

yes, it might break up the friendship between you two....and since it accidentally happened once what is going to stop it from happening again...i would make sure to never get kinda drunk with him again...

[QUOTE=excaliburgrl]relationships are about honesty

/QUOTE]


And Excal you are 100% right ;)

LOL... :)

Here we "all" go again...I'm sorry if I'm laughing but we all have given advise on this board from one time or another about Cheating...At least every week someone comes on the board and either has been cheated on or was the cheater and Our answers vary from week to week.

None of us Approve of Cheating. and None of Us wants to get cheated on.
I think we can ALL agree to that, but it's the format on how one is cheating on and with whom or who is writing the post for answers...That is when our responses...including mine get different..

The POST asked the question if she should Tell her exhusband's girlfriend that they slept together...I say NO, it is not her place to tell the girlfriend but the ex-husband. and I explained why it would be better that she did not tell.
NOW, the ex didn't come on board and ask the question and if he did - our response would be TO TELL his girlfriend...But he is not here. MY opionion is if this girlfriend was an important part of his life, he would not be having his exwife over for cocktails and then head off to bed...Does this make his actions any better? NO...It will be HIS place to tell his girlfriend...question is will he? This is one of those fears in being involved with an exhusband who is friendly with his exwife...This is not the first time this has happend nor will it be the last, I'm not talking about just the post but people in general. I did it too w/my own exhusband..I slept with him after we were divorced.....serveral times.BUT...niether one of us were involved with anyone else.

I think we can all agree - it's up to the guy if he wants to tell and if he doesn't he doesn't and who's to say,,,the girlfriend does find out?

LOL... :)



The POST asked the question if she should Tell her exhusband's girlfriend that they slept together...?

The poster actually ask if "he" meaning the her ex. tell his girlfriend. In that case I say he should. But if it was the poster then he should be reliable to still say it not her. He broke the trust circle.

Personally I think the girlfriend should know by all means. Isnt it one of everyones worst nightmares to be cheated on and then lied to about it? It was mine,and it happened to me. I found out a year and a half later. I felt SO foolish and betrayed, not only because I was cheated on, but hurt MORE so because I was lied to for that long, and I believed it, I cannot describe to you , how stupid I felt. It also deeply hurt me that he chose to remain friends with her after what had happened. ( They didnt have a real friendship, they had only met once, when this happened)
SO I guess I am just biased, because I am putting myself in HER position. I think she should know, because the truth always has a way of coming out in the end. Its just so sad that it's always in the innocent party that has to suffer for someone elses decisions and actions.

I am going to have to disagree with my dear Sophia, if my girl did that to me, and I trust her, I need to know. What if I find out somehow way down the line? Then I could never trust her again. Does he want that hanging over his head the whole relationship. Relationship=trust and Loyalty. She knew he had a boyfriend and she did it anyway, she was in the wrong as well. Here we go.

The poster actually ask if "he" meaning the her ex. tell his girlfriend. In that case I say he should. But if it was the poster then he should be reliable to still say it not her. He broke the trust circle.

OPPS! :o I stand corrected...I did NOT read that or I Overlook it... :confused:
damn, now do I need to change my post again? :)

OK, well...Now I'm curious as to why the post feels the need to ask if her exhusband should tell his current girlfriend? Did she want for this to happen?
and how will our answers help? If I said yeah, tell your exhusband to tell his girlfriend he slept w/you...what will that do to you and your relationship w/your ex? Will you still be on friendly terms? Do you like this girl?
I'm confused to say the least....

I am going to have to disagree with my dear Sophia, if my girl did that to me, and I trust her, I need to know. What if I find out somehow way down the line? Then I could never trust her again. Does he want that hanging over his head the whole relationship. Relationship=trust and Loyalty. She knew he had a boyfriend and she did it anyway, she was in the wrong as well. Here we go.

You mean she knew he had a gf. Well, I don't advocate cheating and lying, but the poster is not the one who's cheated and it is NOT her responsibility to inform the girlfriend. Things are not always black and white, and I think if this was a one time only thing, it would be better for everyone involved if he doesn't tell the girlfriend. Just don't cheat AGAIN! And I sure hope they used protection because that would just be SO irresponsible if they didn't. If they didn't, then he definitely needs to tell her. Cheaters suck.

Sophia, She knowingly assisted a cheater. Why would she sleep with a cheater?

OPPS! :o I stand corrected...I did NOT read that or I Overlook it... :confused:
damn, now do I need to change my post again? :)



Thats ok Harley I do that all the time :D

You mean she knew he had a gf. Well, I don't advocate cheating and lying, but the poster is not the one who's cheated and it is NOT her responsibility to inform the girlfriend. Things are not always black and white, and I think if this was a one time only thing, it would be better for everyone involved if he doesn't tell the girlfriend. Just don't cheat AGAIN! And I sure hope they used protection because that would just be SO irresponsible if they didn't. If they didn't, then he definitely needs to tell her. Cheaters suck.

Cheaters do stink.... :p

The poster is not responsible for the actions of decision making for her ex. but she did ask the question "should her tell her" which entitles to our responses that he should tell her and not lie about it.

Should he tell her? Only if he wants to be honest with his girlfriend, Or he can not tell her and hope his conscience isn't there.

and hope she never finds out down the road...things have a way of coming out eventually...i feel more betrayed that i found out down the road instead of back then, but everyone is different i guess...

Well I think I'll be in the minority here but I think he SHOULD tell his girl friend. The truth always comes out in the end anyway so better she learn about it now from him.

And the sex with you wasn't "nothing" it was something. It was a sign that he's either not completely over his feelings for you and/or he has commitment issues, or he's a jerk who'd cheat on his girl friend!

Fact is whatever it does mean his girlfriend needs to know about it. She should not be in a relationship without knowing this. What she decides to do with this information is up to her. But she needs to know about this. It is SOOO wrong for him to continue a relationship with her while keeping this from her.

Yes you are going to risk loosing your ex as a friend because I'm willing to bet she's not going want you coming around him much now but honestly that's her right. And I think it'll do you some good in the long run as well. Some day you might want a relationship again and having your ex around as temptation isn't a good idea when you've just proven that you and he aren't able to keep your hands off each other. :) No offense meant there. But seriously you need to look at your feelings in regards to him. I don't buy it this idea that it was just sex and meant nothing. It always ALWAYS means something.

just to clear one thing up hes not my exhusband hes my exboyfriend. and we did use protection i woulndt be that stupid just because im a lot younger than you all think i am. i know how to be safe even if im doing something stupid. but i think that he should tell her because ive been in her position not that long ago, actually a month ago, but thats not the point. i also think he shouldnt tell her cause i know he would never do it agian. so why ruin something if it wont happen agian?

I'm sorry, but when honesty only serves to hurt someone, it loses any virtue. There is absolutely no reason to tell her.

i also think he shouldnt tell her cause i know he would never do it agian. so why ruin something if it wont happen agian?

I agree.

i know how to be safe even if im doing something stupid.

So you just said that you knew it was wrong, so then did you do it?


but i think that he should tell her because ive been in her position not that long ago, actually a month ago, but thats not the point. i also think he shouldnt tell her cause i know he would never do it agian. so why ruin something if it wont happen agian?

Now when you say you were in that position are you saying he did the same to you or was it another guy?

To me this guy seems to be a dog and one way or another she needs to know and split fast. No girl out there needs to be treated like this.

I kiss every step that my girlfriend walk on because I don't want to do anything to lose her. That means I am respectful, honest, and trust worthy. How hard is it to do that.

I am still sticking with it and he needs to tell her. How do you know he won't do it again? He did it with you? You are not him so you don't know how many other girls he invites over for drinks.

Sometimes the truth hurts, in this case it will. But she does have a right to know who her boyfriend is sleeping with.

Well, I think this discussion is pretty moot, because it's ultimately the guy's decision and he is not here asking for advice.

I agree. I wonder where he is????

when i said ive been in that position i ment with another guy. and i know it wont happen agian at least not with me. but i think the reason he did this with me was because he still has feelings for me. and i know now that i dont have the same feelings for him any more. so thats how i know it wont happen agian.

damn it...sorry everyone...Your all right and I have completely misread this entire post...Again!
She is not the ex-wife..don't know how I missed that...where's my glasses..

Well to the post...I'm Old as you can see I didn't read your post correctly.
So your the ex girlfriend who is still friends with the ex boyfriend who has a girlfriend and you slept with your ex boyfriend and are promising to never do it again...I think NOT, once that new girlfriend finds out..all hell will break lose.

What you did was wrong, what the boyfriend did was wrong, NOW you decide you want to make it right. You should have thought of that before hand not now...Well as we say here on this board and in life....How would you feel if you had a boyfriend who was friends with his exgirlfriend and then he slept with her? How would be the best way for you to find out? How will you handle it? You should both feel horrible but what's done is done...
Now, it's the Girlfriend who will feel horrible once she finds out...
Hope you can handle it and the outcome...

Well, I think this discussion is pretty moot, because it's ultimately the guy's decision and he is not here asking for advice.

But she is!!! simply we are explaining what the best thing for "him' to do. She is asking for "him".

I think Jeff hit the nail on the head... it's about respect! He didn't respect her enough to be faithful and now he's compounding that lack of respect by not telling her. If he really cares about her he'll be honest about this.

Dark_Angel the fact that he still has feelings for you is even MORE of a reason why he should tell his girl friend... or just break up with her. He should not be with someone if he's mind (and his pants) are still with someone else.

Ok, so we told her. We differed in opinions, but we tried to give the best advice. Now he can take it or leave it, it's all up to him. Besides, again, it's not her problem and I think she's spending too much of her energy thinking about it. We don't even know if he feels remotely remorseful for what he did. End of discussion, at least as far as I'm concerned.

but i think the reason he did this with me was because he still has feelings for me. and i know now that i dont have the same feelings for him any more. so thats how i know it wont happen agian.


Feelings or no feelings he still cheated on a girlfriend which make him dishonest no matter how you look at it. You are a threat to the relationship and if you want them to get over thing then you may need to stand back. But as a person she needs to know about her husband dishonesty.

Ok, so we told her. We differed in opinions, but we tried to give the best advice. Now he can take it or leave it, it's all up to him. Besides, again, it's not her problem and I think she's spending too much of her energy thinking about it. We don't even know if he feels remotely remorseful for what he did. End of discussion, at least as far as I'm concerned.

I'm with you... :wave:

Ok, so we told her. We differed in opinions, but we tried to give the best advice. Now he can take it or leave it, it's all up to him. Besides, again, it's not her problem and I think she's spending too much of her energy thinking about it. We don't even know if he feels remotely remorseful for what he did. End of discussion, at least as far as I'm concerned.

Frankly I think it is her problem. In my opinion she is just as guilty as he is. She knew this guy was involved and she did it anyway. She decided to be "the other woman" and now has to take some responsibility for it. I'm not saying she should tell the girl friend but I think she should strongly encourage the guy too. That is if she is remorseful about it.

The way I see it is if you know someone is married or in a serious relationship and you sleep with them anyway then YOU have cheated too. You have made a conscious choice to screw someone over by sleeping with their partner.

I'm sure many will disagree with me but I just don't agree with this "it's not my problem, I'm not the one in a relationship" crap.

Listen, there's always going to be SOMEONE willing to sleep with someone else's boyfriend or husband. If not this girl, then it would be another. It IS up to the person who is in a relationship to NOT make themselves available to someone else. Nobody was twisting his arm.

I am 100 percent with you on that one. See we agree sometimes. There would be a lot less cheating if everyone had respect for relationships.

Doesn't anyone have any morals when it when it comes to knowing whats right and whats wrong???? :confused:

I am 100 percent with you on that one. See we agree sometimes. There would be a lot less cheating if everyone had respect for relationships.

That would be an ideal situation. Unfortunately, we do not live in an ideal world..

That would be an ideal situation. Unfortunately, we do not live in an ideal world..



The more people that have strong morals, the better the world will be. Whats wrong is wrong. You could use that quote for every discussion.

Listen, there's always going to be SOMEONE willing to sleep with someone else's boyfriend or husband. If not this girl, then it would be another. It IS up to the person who is in a relationship to NOT make themselves available to someone else. Nobody was twisting his arm.

So?! That does not get the person off the hook! Yeah it is up to the person in the relationship to not do it but that doesn't make the other person guilt free or responsibility free!

Fact is dark_angel here screwed over this girl. SHE helped to hurt this girl and SHE is responsible for that too. Yes it is ultimately the guy in this senerio who is mostly to blame and the one who needs to tell the girl friend but that doesn't change dark angels responsility in this.

I just can't believe there aren't more here who feel this way? I mean ask yourself this... if your boyfriend (or girlfriend depending on your prefrence) cheated would you or would you not want to kick the crap out of the other woman? (after you kicked the crap out of your boy friend first of course)

The more people that have strong morals, the better the world will be. Whats wrong is wrong. You could use that quote for every discussion.

Maybe i'm a pessimist but when I look around me, I do not see the morals improving. That's why I think it's the responsibility of the person who is in a relationship to guard that relationship and not consider any options outside of it. When I was with my ex, guys did hit on me, but since it was not in my set of values to cheat, I knew i would never allow myself to do it. They can try, but ultimately, I am the one who has the power to accept or reject their advances. Right?

I just can't believe there aren't more here who feel this way? I mean ask yourself this... if your boyfriend (or girlfriend depending on your prefrence) cheated would you or would you not want to kick the crap out of the other woman? (after you kicked the crap out of your boy friend first of course)

Well, only if she was a friend of mine, because I would consider this a huge betrayal. Otherwise, I would entirely blame my boyfriend. I mean, how do I know if he didn't tell the other woman he was single? ( not the case in this thread, but still).

So then what right??? Are you saying that keeing it a secret and not telling which creates dishonesty is right?

Well, only if she was a friend of mine, because I would consider this a huge betrayal. Otherwise, I would entirely blame my boyfriend. I mean, how do I know if he didn't tell the other woman he was single? ( not the case in this thread, but still).

Well I'm only talking about in cases where the woman knows the man is married or in a relationship. If the woman doesn't know then she is blame free in my opinion. And in fact I'd say she was taken advantage of too. But that's another topic.

It doesn't matter if the woman knows the wife or girl friend or not from my point of view. It is NOT okay to screw over a stranger any more then it is okay to screw over a friend. Sure it is worse to do it to a friend but it's still wrong to do it with a strangers husband or boyfriend.

It's like saying it's okay to steal as long as it's not from your friends! Bologna! What's wrong is wrong.

So then what right??? Are you saying that keeing it a secret and not telling which creates dishonesty is right?

As I said, we don't know enough of the situation. If the guy still has feelings for dark angel, then the right thing to do would be to break up with the girlfriend because she deserves someone who has enough feelings for her to stay faithful. Another possibility is that the guy is not really in love with the new girl, regardless of whether Dark Angel were in the picture or not. In that case he should also break up with her. But, if he really screwed up this ONE TIME and genuinely regrets it and knows he won't do it again, THEN I think there's no point in telling his girlfriend because it would do more harm than good. You don't have to agree with my opinion. That's just what I think and nobody is obligated to take my advice.

Well I'm only talking about in cases where the woman knows the man is married or in a relationship. If the woman doesn't know then she is blame free in my opinion. And in fact I'd say she was taken advantage of too. But that's another topic.

It doesn't matter if the woman knows the wife or girl friend or not from my point of view. It is NOT okay to screw over a stranger any more then it is okay to screw over a friend. Sure it is worse to do it to a friend but it's still wrong to do it with a strangers husband or boyfriend.

It's like saying it's okay to steal as long as it's not from your friends! Bologna! What's wrong is wrong.

You're right, it's wrong. But still, the person in a committed relationship is more guilty because they are the one cheating and lying to their partner. And in the case of a married person, they're also breaking the vow of marriage.

As I said, we don't know enough of the situation. If the guy still has feelings for dark angel, then the right thing to do would be to break up with the girlfriend because she deserves someone who has enough feelings for her to stay faithful.

Well if he has feeling for her he shouldn't have never cheated. He should have just broke it off like an honest person does.



Another possibility is that the guy is not really in love with the new girl, regardless of whether Dark Angel were in the picture or not. In that case he should also break up with her. But, if he really screwed up this ONE TIME and genuinely regrets it and knows he won't do it again, THEN I think there's no point in telling his girlfriend because it would do more harm than good. You don't have to agree with my opinion. That's just what I think and nobody is obligated to take my advice [/QUOTE]


Even if this as just once he should tell because that is the most manly and honest thing he can do. He/they screwed up and why does she have to suffer and not be told that her BF is dirt. Its her decision if she stays not his.

Also if he was not in love with this new girl then what the point of being in the relation??? Thats what a break up is for... Now that he cheated his is a dog.

You're right, it's wrong. But still, the person in a committed relationship is more guilty because they are the one cheating and lying to their partner. And in the case of a married person, they're also breaking the vow of marriage.



& that why he need to tell her because he cheated, lied, or may even broke the vow if they were married.

You're right, it's wrong. But still, the person in a committed relationship is more guilty because they are the one cheating and lying to their partner. And in the case of a married person, they're also breaking the vow of marriage.

Absolutely! The person in the relationship isn't just more guilty but they are also more stupid to have done it! :) I mean THEY are the ones with the most to loose.

My only reason for getting into this is cause I disagreed with the statement that it's not dark_angels' problem. I think it is and I think she does have to do something here BUT that's just me and ultimately she will do what she likes and so will this guy.

Man, I feel so bad for this girl friend out there... not knowing all of us here on this message board are influencing wether or not she finds out about her cheating boy friend. :rolleyes: No I know we're not really that big of an influence in this... :)

Man, I feel so bad for this girl friend out there... not knowing all of us here on this message board are influencing wether or not she finds out about her cheating boy friend. :rolleyes: No I know we're not really that big of an influence in this... :)


It is sad this girl doesn't anything about us or what happen but hopefully the right is done and she gets told.

That's why I think that in most cases former lovers should not remain close friends. If you had romantic history with someone, it's very hard not to fall back into being attracted to them. Add alcohol into the mixture and inhibitions start to loosen up. Dark angel, if you're really concerned about your ex's new relationship, I would back off and not spend any time alone with him. I might actually drop out of the picture completely, at least for a while. That's the best you can do in this situation. Leave the rest to him and his girlfriend.

That's why I think that in most cases former lovers should not remain close friends. If you had romantic history with someone, it's very hard not to fall back into being attracted to them. Add alcohol into the mixture and inhibitions start to loosen up. Dark angel, if you're really concerned about your ex's new relationship, I would back off and not spend any time alone with him. I might actually drop out of the picture completely, at least for a while. That's the best you can do in this situation. Leave the rest to him and his girlfriend.

Now that is advice I can agree with! :) She definately should just fall off the radar with him. Leave him alone and cut all ties if she can. I know this sucks if you're friends with him but think of it as the price you pay and think of it as a kindness to him. If you care about him do him a favor and stay away from him.

I can also agree with your statement about exes not staying friends and why. The ONLY time in my life I ever came close to cheating was with an ex. Granted this was a very very VERY different situation, there were massive mind games going on from his end and he was trying to get me back, but I wont' get into it. Point is the only reason he almost got me to cheat was because oh our past history. If he'd just been some joker in a bar or something it never would have even come close. So yeah, anyone you have a romantic relationship with and you break up I suggest staying away from for good or for at least many many many many years. :) ... let me put one more "many" in there. And yes there is always exceptions to this but in most cases if for no other reason then the comfort of your new significgant other it's best to end relationships completely.

That's why I think that in most cases former lovers should not remain close friends. If you had romantic history with someone, it's very hard not to fall back into being attracted to them. Add alcohol into the mixture and inhibitions start to loosen up.

;) & I am 100% with you on that.




Dark angel, if you're really concerned about your ex's new relationship, I would back off and not spend any time alone with him. I might actually drop out of the picture completely, at least for a while. That's the best you can do in this situation. Leave the rest to him and his girlfriend.

It is good if she strayed away from him but that still won't fix what happen. :rolleyes: Hopefully things do work out for the BF & GF but I am still hoping he says somthing.

It is good if she strayed away from him but that still won't fix what happen. :rolleyes: Hopefully things do work out for the BF & GF but I am still hoping he says somthing.

I agree but I think the point here was that all dark_angel can do other then encourage the guy to tell his girl friend is leave the scene! She can't force him to tell the girl. She could tell her herself and that is an option but... well honestly I'm not sure what I think about that. Anyway, point is whatever happens she needs to stay away from this guy.

I agree but I think the point here was that all dark_angel can do other then encourage the guy to tell his girl friend is leave the scene! She can't force him to tell the girl. She could tell her herself and that is an option but... well honestly I'm not sure what I think about that. Anyway, point is whatever happens she needs to stay away from this guy.


Its true and all in the guys hands at this time. She was just asking should he tell her about it. My thoughts are yes and some thoughts are no but when cheating is envolved its very rare a win/win situation, usually one fails. In this case I think she should just leave it alone and back off. She allready did her share and knows it was wrong and now he has to be man enough to face what he did...Will he tell or will he not??? We may never know :confused:

If we speak purely on the ethical or moral grounds, of course she is wrong. But, and this is a big but...her wrong is between her God or her conscious or her whatever and herself.

His wrong must be made right to his girlfriend. He must tell her. However, the ex has no obligation to tell anyone. While it was wrong of her, does it really matter in this context? What matters is that the girlfriend was cheated on and it is the boyfriends sole responsibility to tell her. Dark angel should not. Not because she is not wrong as well, but because the relationship that was betrayed was between the boyfriend and girlfriend. They have the implicit contract to be faithful, not dark angel and the girl.

Yeah, they are both "wrong", but I am not sure what practical issue that bears here.

If we speak purely on the ethical or moral grounds, of course she is wrong. But, and this is a big but...her wrong is between her God or her conscious or her whatever and herself.

His wrong must be made right to his girlfriend. He must tell her. However, the ex has no obligation to tell anyone. While it was wrong of her, does it really matter in this context? What matters is that the girlfriend was cheated on and it is the boyfriends sole responsibility to tell her. Dark angel should not. Not because she is not wrong as well, but because the relationship that was betrayed was between the boyfriend and girlfriend. They have the implicit contract to be faithful, not dark angel and the girl.

Yeah, they are both "wrong", but I am not sure what practical issue that bears here.

I waver on this one... but I guess in this case I would agree that it is not dark_angel who should tell the girl. IF dark_angel and the girl were close friends or something then I might advice differently.

His wrong must be made right to his girlfriend. He must tell her.

I dont understand :confused: You just contradicted yourself from what you said previous. You agreed with dark_angel that he shouldn't tell because he wouldn't do it again but then now you are say he should. What made you change your mind? Did you realize that would be the moral thing to do?

I dont understand :confused: You just contradicted yourself from what you said previous. You agreed with dark_angel that he shouldn't tell because he wouldn't do it again but then now you are say he should. What made you change your mind? Did you realize that would be the moral thing to do?
Jeff, you must be confusing my post with someone else’s. I have only made one response to this long thread. In it I said that they are both wrong and that it was immoral/unethical for both of them. However, I said that it is his responsibility to tell his girlfriend and that it is not her (the ex) responsibility to tell his girlfriend.

In my only post I didn't mention anything about whether he woudl do it again or not. What specifically were you thinking was contradictory?

Salinas, I think he confused it with my post. I take the blame ;) I am the one who thinks that girlfriend finding out will bring more harm than good to everyone involved.

Salinas, I think he confused it with my post. I take the blame ;) I am the one who thinks that girlfriend finding out will bring more harm than good to everyone involved.
I certainly understand your reasoning. My position is that as a “girlfriend”, she is much freer to make a decision about how she feels about moving forward with a cheater. If she is kept in the dark and they get married, and then she finds out - which she will someday - it will be multiple times more difficult and her animosity could be justifiably great for him not having given her the chance to make a decision prior to the commitment of marriage. She will find out. Better now than later. If they were married, had kids, and it was a one-nighter, and the circumstances were such that it would just be impossible that he would do it again, I may - may be willing to agree that there would be no good from telling a wife. But a girlfriend that may enter into a legal commitment to him has a right to know before accepting that commitment.

Jeff, you must be confusing my post with someone else’s. I have only made one response to this long thread. In it I said that they are both wrong and that it was immoral/unethical for both of them. However, I said that it is his responsibility to tell his girlfriend and that it is not her (the ex) responsibility to tell his girlfriend.

In my only post I didn't mention anything about whether he woudl do it again or not. What specifically were you thinking was contradictory?


I am sorry.... :rolleyes: I had a rough moring and I am still having my true blond moment(I am a blond) :D

Anyways, Yes I did mean that to SophiaM

Sorry girls...please forgive me ;)

Sophia, changed her mind a little bit, (i think) You have to love a smart girl, that isn't stubborn enough to see it a different way.

You have to love a smart girl,

Being blond is hard so I try to learn from smart people but as you see it never work out to my benefit :D

Let him tell his girlfriend. The relationship is between him and his girlfriend not you, him, and his girlfriend. Stay away from the whole situation. Make sure you don't make the same mistake twice and move on with your life. Telling his girlfriend would cause enough drama for you for the next year. Its his obligation to tell her.

Sophia, changed her mind a little bit, (i think) You have to love a smart girl, that isn't stubborn enough to see it a different way.

Thank you sweetie :) I changed my mind a little in that I now admit what the poster did was wrong, but not nearly as wrong as what the poster's ex-boyfriend did. Ain't I flexible? ;)

You are the best. I agree that the ex-boyfriend was much more to blame. I had to argue with something.

You are the best. I agree that the ex-boyfriend was much more to blame. I had to argue with something.


Argueing makes it all interesting...doesn't it?

Sometimes at my work, there is nothing else to do. You don't want to argue with Salinas though, you may end up going up crying yourself to sleep. Pick your battles wisely.

Argueing makes it all interesting...doesn't it?

Yes, dear blondie. Life would be completely boring if everyone agreed on everything. Arguing is an art, though. The trick is to present your argument in a way that is clear and convincing, yet not (too) offensive to anyone. Which we are doing here quite successfully, I think.

I am sorry.... :rolleyes: I had a rough moring and I am still having my true blond moment(I am a blond) :D

Anyways, Yes I did mean that to SophiaM

Sorry girls...please forgive me ;)


I'll forgive you....Since I completely screwed up this post yesterday and changed my post around once, twice, ? maybe even a third. :)
Yeah, blame it on a blond moment...but i'm a bottled blonde. :)

Sometimes at my work, there is nothing else to do. You don't want to argue with Salinas though, you may end up going up crying yourself to sleep. Pick your battles wisely.

Ha, ha, that's true. I have a very healthy dose of respect for Salinas. I suspect she's a lawyer--she beats us all with her quick thinking!

Yes, dear blondie. Life would be completely boring if everyone agreed on everything. Arguing is an art, though. The trick is to present your argument in a way that is clear and convincing, yet not (too) offensive to anyone. Which we are doing here quite successfully, I think.


I don't think there is nothing offensive here...She ask the question should he tell. We clearly stated the reason why he should and why he shouldn't tell his GF. Nothing offensive (to me) was approached here. We didn't down anyone or hurt feelings. We just answered the questing with a little on going interest :D

I don't think there is nothing offensive here...She ask the question should he tell. We clearly stated the reason why he should and why he shouldn't tell his GF. Nothing offensive (to me) was approached here. We didn't down anyone or hurt feelings. We just answered the questing with a little on going interest :D

ARrrrgh, I was just making a general statement, praising the virtues of good argument, and giving us all a collective compliment. Oh, well, nevermind..

We understand, dear Sophia. Jeff we are joking around here, there was nothing offensive.

You don't want to argue with Salinas though, you may end up going up crying yourself to sleep. Pick your battles wisely.
Ouch, my sensitivites are conflicted. I think it's a good idea to read these responses, probably especailly from me, as not worth much thought beyond the next mouse click. Sorry if I have ever caused anyone even a moment of anxiety.

I was, in my own way, complimenting your debating skills. You are very skilled and obviously very intelligent.

We understand, dear Sophia. Jeff we are joking around here, there was nothing offensive.


I told you both that I am a real natural blond :D I miss it all :rolleyes:

I told you both that I am a real natural blond :D I miss it all :rolleyes:

Hey, I am a blonde too and so is Corey. A-Ha, now you have NO excuse! :D

Hey, I am a blonde too and so is Corey. A-Ha, now you have NO excuse! :D


I do :p I am younger and learning from my peers...You both :D

I do :p I am younger and learning from my peers...You both :D

Hmm, you must not be THAT blonde ;)

Hmm, you must not be THAT blonde ;)

Trust me I am a blond as it get. You couldn't see me next to a light bulb :D

lol...am i the only one here who's not a blond...whew, i had like 6 pages of posts to catch up on...

Trust me I am a blond as it get. You couldn't see me next to a light bulb :D

You could be a cheap source of lighting :) One day we should throw a "dumb blonde" party, what do you think Corey (a.k.a. Val Kilmer)? Bottled blondes are welcome, as are wig wearers. Lamp shades not included. Remember to bring some good red wine!

i'll wear a wig then...i've been asked numerous times if i'm naturally a blond...hehe

It"s both your faults that you had sex.He cheated on her ,not you.
You say what you did was "nothing",typical cure all answer,ask her if it was "nothing".She might think otherwise. At least you could say it was both of you thinking alike and not blame alcohol.

It"s both your faults that you had sex.He cheated on her ,not you.
You say what you did was "nothing",typical cure all answer,ask her if it was "nothing".She might think otherwise. At least you could say it was both of you thinking alike and not blame alcohol.

& thats what I have been trying to say all along... but of course you did it in one post and to the point :D

thank you all for your coments. i figure i would ask you guys since your all probly alot older than I. and know best for bad situations. im glad i gave you all a good source of converstion amongst yourselves. and as for this post i think its one of the longest on this site that ive seen, none the less about me. plus its the first that ive ever posted. i feel so special (lol)

thank you all for your coments. i figure i would ask you guys since your all probly alot older than I. and know best for bad situations. im glad i gave you all a good source of converstion amongst yourselves. and as for this post i think its one of the longest on this site that ive seen, none the less about me. plus its the first that ive ever posted. i feel so special (lol)


Well I am only 21 years of age so I am less experienced :D but think about our comments and and figure out what is best for you to do in this situation. Overall, its best that he tells her while you keep you distence for some time and see how they can work thing out. If he doesn't then that will be his decision but please don't let that happen again.