I'll be happy when...
>>
>>We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have
>>a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old
>>enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're
>>frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy
>>when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be
>>complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer
>>car, when we are able to go on a nice vacation or when we retire. The
>>truth is there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now,
>>when? Your life will always be filled with challenges.
>>
>>It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway.
>>Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure
>>it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to
>>spend your time with ... and remember that time waits for no one.
>>
>>
>>So, stop waiting.
>>Until your car or home is paid off.
>>Until you get a new car or home.
>>Until your kids leave the house.
>>Until you go back to school.
>>Until you finish school.
>>Until you lose 10 lbs.
>>Until you gain 10 lbs.
>>Until you get married.
>>Until you get a divorce.
>>Until you have kids.
>>Until you retire.
>>Until summer..
>>Until spring.
>>Until winter.
>>Until fall.
>>Until you die.
>>
>>There is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is a
>>journey, not a destination. So work like you don't need money, love like
>>you've never been hurt, and, dance like no one's watching.
>>
>>
>> If you want to brighten someone's day, pass this on to someone special.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> I just did!

sometimes it takes a bit more than a hallmark card spungy
your intent is good - but the don't worry be happy diatribe
only makes me want to scream outloud.

Hey...my friend sent it to me....it made me feel better...i suffer depression/panic/anxiety....so you don't have to tell me.
Sorry you cant find happiness in words.

spungy I wasn't finding fault in you - and I am sorry I can't find happiness in words either - so many have been handed to me - which ones are the real ones and which ones are false - when I read cute little tight carefully selected words organized by someone who was playing directly with the concise configurations of blue light specials - where emotional interaction and obvious cause and effect are dictated - ya it leaves me cold - because such things are like a ruler to measure how short my own life is to the generic overtures of what main stream society says good mental health is..
spungy the true value of these words comes in your second posting when you say a friend sent them to you.. now that is the good thing - someone loving you or caring enough about you to send you something with an upbeat flavor to it - so that is good - that I can find meaning too - in my own thinking those who send me such things don't have clue how really dead I am to so many words created to be upbeat - but I never tell them.. because they found meaning in the act of sending - so while I can't find happiness in words I can find happiness in the fact you have a friend who has taken the time to do something nice for you.
please accept my apology if you think me a blowfish - I was not reacting to you spungy - only to the words that I can find no happiness in.. and not those particular words but all the wanna be philosophers who are working at the third grade level and believe if you pay your taxes and pray to god and listen to the song don't worry be happy - you will advance to go and be trouble free. - the actuality is - there are no payoffs in life - no rewards for doing your best - and while god does answer prayers - he don't care if you like how he answers them or not..
spungy - be cool - I love you.. okay..

Spungy, I happen to like what you said. Society has us believe that self worth and happiness depend on these "goals" that have been prescribed for us. It's a shame that the genuine things which can bring joy are not viewed as any reflection of self value. And those who attempt to sell you their claimed "truth" about religion and God are only searching like the rest of us.

Spungy, I happen to like what you said. Society has us believe that self worth and happiness depend on these "goals" that have been prescribed for us. It's a shame that the genuine things which can bring joy are not viewed as any reflection of self value. And those who attempt to sell you their claimed "truth" about religion and God are only searching like the rest of us.

I think this is where the mental health profession sort of goes off base. Most psychological schools of thought are based on the premise that at the bottom of everything, you can simply decide to be happy, even if you don't have any of the "things" that society tells us will make us happy, like a happy marriage or children. But let's face facts and be honest, here. Ask anyone who's married with kids, and I'll bet you a year's pay they all answer the same way:knock wood and God forbid, but let's say that you wake up feeling sort of sick and out of sorts. Fluish, achy, tired, a sore throat, etc. Then you start getting weak and easily winded during the day, then your fever spikes to 104. You go to a doctor and he does a battary of tests and discovers you have some weird, rare, incurable disease and your finctions are ceasing, your organs are shutting down and they can't stop it. You have 24 to 48 hours to live on this earth. How do you spend those last 2 days of your life, knowing they will be your last? Do you go for long walks by yourself, read a book by yourself in a corner somewhere, go to a movie, watch sunsets by yourself, spending quality time with yourself, being happy in self discovery and enjoying being alone, or do you spend those last 2 days holding your babies in your arms, lying in the arms of your loving spouse, taking their face in your hands, telling them how much you love them? LET'S GET REAL - no contest. I think that all the "find happiness within yourself, be content to be alone, alone doesn't equal lonely" bs fails to take into account that we all NEED certain things to be happy. We all need to be seen, to be heard, to be valued, to know that we have a place in this world, a place in the life and heart of someone special. We can love ourselves till the cows come home, but if no none agrees, what does it matter? It takes at least 2 to make a miracle. Otherwise God would have given each of us our own little solitary private island. We were built, designed and hardwired to need each other. Just look at the recent study from UCLA that shows social rejection registers in the anterior cingulate cortex, the same place in the brain where physical pain registers. God created us to hurt when we are rejected by each other the same way we do when we are cut or hit or slapped, and it wasn't so we could figure out how to go it alone. Remember when we used to love and comfort each other through hard times and through the blues? If a family member or friend felt bad or had hard times, we'd rally around them, hugged them, loved them until they got back on their feet? Now we're all too busy to be bothered with each other's problems. We say "go see a shrink, take a prozac, and take care if it yourself." The first thing that the mental health industry needs to do if they really want to help people lost in depression is to quit peddling their drugs and acknowledge the fact that nothing cures a heavy heart like a hand to hold. and then solve the problem from there. This "you just have to find contentment in being alone" malarchey is just that.

sometimes it takes a bit more than a hallmark card spungy
your intent is good - but the don't worry be happy diatribe
only makes me want to scream outloud.

I'm right there with ya! :wave:

For those who couldn't find any bit of happiness in the words of the first post perhaps are a bit narrowminded. It wasn't about the words, it was about the meaning. And perhaps the message isn't for everyone either. Especially those stuck in a depression where meaning to words can't help them.

But for some of us that can actually "see" what the words meant can actually help us in our "thinking" during our daily lives. If we actually applied this to our thinking (the mind is a powerful thing) daily I'll bet we would see life differently. It is messages like this that we need to be reminded of to take our focus to different directions...usually out of the direction of negativity...which is constanly surrounded someone who is depressed.

Anyway, this message, I believe, is for those who are not stuck in a depression but fight going into depression...(like myself)...it's nice to be reminded that I can "choose" to be happy now..and stop thinking that I will be happy when "x" will happen in the future. (Give it a try =p)

It is very common for people to wait for something to make them happy and what people don't understand is we do have the power to "choose" to be happy in the present for no particular reason. (Except for those stuck in a depression ..as I've been there). But so many people are waiting for the next step to be happy....it never happens because something else will always be just over the bend.

A lot of our emotions are controlled by our thoughts and beliefs...if you believe words can't help you well ..they never will.

Anyway, this message, I believe, is for those who are not stuck in a depression but fight going into depression...(like myself)...it's nice to be reminded that I can "choose" to be happy now..and stop thinking that I will be happy when "x" will happen in the future. (Give it a try =p)

It is very common for people to wait for something to make them happy and what people don't understand is we do have the power to "choose" to be happy in the present for no particular reason. (Except for those stuck in a depression ..as I've been there). But so many people are waiting for the next step to be happy....it never happens because something else will always be just over the bend.


I think it can work for some people, and if it helps you then I'm glad, but I think we also need to keep in mind that there are some people out there who need more help than that. And the idea that all we as fellow human beings need to do is throw a few flowery words at them and if that doesn't help then it's all their fault because they didn't "choose" to be happy, then that does a disservice. It's naive and narrowminded to think that everyone is in the position to just "choose" to be happy. To use an extreme example, Martin Luther King, Jr. could have "chosen" to be happy despite the fact that he had to witness his children being oppressed and discriminated against, his people not being allowed their right to vote, etc etc etc. But he knew that it was wrong and it needed to change. What I'm saying is that sometimes, it's not reasonable to sit and settle for the way life is and just decide to be happy about it. Sometimes it's necessary to wish and strive for something better, because what you have now isn't really worth being happy about. I think the "just choose happy" stuff is fine for people who have a loving spouse, a nice family, kids, friends, a decent job and are depressed anyway. But what about the people who have no one to talk to at all? The people who have never been loved by anyone their whole life? The people who are struggling to get by, just enduring life day after day? They need more than just sunny greeting card words, and to say they don't is cold and does more harm than good.

"But what about the people who have no one to talk to at all? The people who have never been loved by anyone their whole life? The people who are struggling to get by, just enduring life day after day? They need more than just sunny greeting card words, and to say they don't is cold and does more harm than good."

But the last thing those people need is to be told over and over again by society that you WILL be happy when: (and here comes a big checklist) 1. you find the right spouse 2. you have kids 3. you get your own home 4. you get a good car 5. you get a great job 6. you lose 10 pounds 7. you get a big retirement account 8. you go to Europe 9. you get a second car, preferably a Jag 10. your house gets featured in "House and Gardens" magazine etc. etc. etc. -- some people really think that happiness has to do with achieving these types of goals. And it doesn't. You don't need to be married or have kids to be happy, you just need a special someone. And for some people, their higher power is enough so that those people are content in solitude at times. The rest of the stuff is a load of you-know-what. Show me someone who went from unhappy to happy just because they took on a $100,000+ mortgage. More likely they are happy for about one day, then they start saying, oh, now I need a BIGGER home to be happy OR they say, oh, I can't wait until I retire, I'll buy an RV and never worry about a home again! The original message was specifically about the fallacy of resting your happiness on obtaining some conventional goal; I did not read into it the message that people should be happy even if they are lonely.

[QUOTE=Keen17] And perhaps the message isn't for everyone either. Especially those stuck in a depression where meaning to words can't help them.


Like I said, it's not for everyone...and to think that a message like the one posted here could be a "cure your depression" message is ridiculous. No one said that was its purpose.

It's meant to lift your mood for a minute, to help you think differently, change your perspective for a moment.

I think it's funny that someone puts a "positive" message on a board and people have something negative to say about it.

"
But the last thing those people need is to be told over and over again by society that you WILL be happy when: (and here comes a big checklist) 1. you find the right spouse 2. you have kids 3. you get your own home 4. you get a good car 5. you get a great job 6. you lose 10 pounds 7. you get a big retirement account 8. you go to Europe 9. you get a second car, preferably a Jag 10. your house gets featured in "House and Gardens" magazine etc. etc. etc. -- some people really think that happiness has to do with achieving these types of goals. And it doesn't. You don't need to be married or have kids to be happy, you just need a special someone. And for some people, their higher power is enough so that those people are content in solitude at times. The rest of the stuff is a load of you-know-what. Show me someone who went from unhappy to happy just because they took on a $100,000+ mortgage. More likely they are happy for about one day, then they start saying, oh, now I need a BIGGER home to be happy OR they say, oh, I can't wait until I retire, I'll buy an RV and never worry about a home again! The original message was specifically about the fallacy of resting your happiness on obtaining some conventional goal; I did not read into it the message that people should be happy even if they are lonely.

Yes, you make some good points, such as happiness does not lie in possessions. And yes society, advertising, etc. does lay a big trip on us to a large degree about the things one is supposed to have in order to call their life "good" and in order to not be considered a "loser." If you don't have kids, you're selfish and cold, if you're over 35 and never married, especially if you're a woman, you're an unloveable dired up worthless spinster. What I'm saying is that there's a flipside to that coin. The fact is some people DO NEED to have children in order to be happy, otherwise the fertility business would not be a multi-billion dollar industry. There are millions of couples out there frantically scrambling about hopping from sperm bank to fertility clinic, shooting themselves in the rear with hormones every month, desperately trying to scrape together enough money to pay off someother woman to carry and give birth to their child, because they MUST HAVE a child. I'm saying it's not our business to try to understand why their desire to have a child is so strong, and it's not our business to tell them they're wrong. All we need to know is that for whatever reason, they cannot be happy unless they have a child, and just telling them to "choose" to be happy even though it may become apparent they will never know the joy of parenthood, just isn't going to cut it. They are going to need something more. It isn't always possible to just "choose" to be happy. I think everyone has to come to their own conclusion or their own time in figuring out how to be happy despite the fact they will never have the things they thought they needed to be happy, but I don't think it's something anyone can force on anyone else. I just think instead of just saying "well, I dont' have kids and I"M HAPPY, why can't you be too, just choose it!" I think a more constructive, helpful response would be "life is short, every day is precious and filled with its own possibilities. You must live in the moment and make the most of what's been given you at this moment. Choose to enjoy the blessings you have right now, no matter how small, for blessing counted are blessings that multiply, and choose to hope and strive for tomorrow, but not at the expense of today. Remember to take pleasure in the journey. It may not take where you first wanted to go, but if you keep your mind and heart open to the good in every day and everyone, it can still take you somewhere good. And who knows? There's no law that says that tomorrow's blessing can't be your heart's desire after all."

Then I think we agree on a lot of things.

For instance, I think the co-dependency movement was taken way overboard. What started as a legitimate recognition of the mental/emotional breakdown of people (co-dependents), who were progressively harmed by being in a relationship with an unhealthy person (ex. alcoholic), ended up with women telling other women that they didn't need a man. yes, this even extended to women who were married to and in love with the father of their children, who, when the schmuck forgot to bring flowers on the anniversary or spent too much time on the computer last night, came to the therapy meeting quite unhappy -- the counselors would ask "WELL WHAT DO YOU NEED HIM FOR? Can't you just be happy with your kids and women friends?" They were kind of saying that romance and marriage were just artificial constructs and that we could & should be perfectly happy without them. :nono: Errr, I would not be happy without those things!

Then I think we agree on a lot of things. Still, although I know it is none of my business, still I want sometimes to jump in and ask people WHY they are so fixated on a certain goal. Does the fixation last into middle age? I got over my career success fixation over the past couple of years, when I saw what a load it all was.

Well, I think there may be a difference between a goal and a need/desire. Just speaking from my own experience, I always dreamed of being married, having a husband, a family and a nice little home. But I never got asked out at all in high school or college and went a good chunk of my adult life alone. Just when I thought I was getting used the idea that I was meant to live my life alone, I met a man that seemed to be my soul mate, but it didnt' work out. At first I felt it was probably for the best, but then I found out he married a woman who was the exact opposite of the woman he said he wanted, the opposite of the woman he said he was leaving me to find. That was a year ago and I still haven't been able to stop crying. I long for someone to talk to, walk with, laugh with, share my life with, to have what I used to have with him and it tears me up inside that some other woman has what I had, and what I could have had, and I'm so alone. I've tried shrinks, prozac, I've tried diving into work, diving into hobbies, I've tried everything I can think of, everything all the professionals say you should do to embrace your aloneness and nothing helps. Is having a companion a goal, a desire or a need? I don't know. It sure feels like a need. Every morning when I wake up and cry for about 10 minutes before I can drag myself out of bed I'm amazed that someone can hurt this much and still be alive. All I know is, if I could "choose" to not feel like this anymore, I would. I guess I'm a little sappy and quixotic, but I just don't feel that a life lived alone is worth living. that's just how I feel. I haven't got the foggiest notion how I would even begin to choose to be happy knowing that I will never again feel arms around me holding me, I will never again have someone to kiss, to hold, to hold hands with, to talk with, to share with, to wake up with, etc.

I edited my response -- I too feel I would not be happy if romance/marriage were denied me for an extended period of time. The grief that comes from a break-up is very specific, and I hope you first get over the pain, and then find a good partner.

All I know is, if I could "choose" to not feel like this anymore, I wouldn't. I guess I'm a little sappy and quixotic, but I just don't feel that a life lived alone is worth living. that's just how I feel.

When I wrote about "choosing" to be happy, it was in context of the first post. It wasn't in the context of people in pain and hurting over broken relationships. You can't walk up to woman who is at their spouses funeral and say, "choose to be happy". That's not what the original post of this thread meant. It meant if you, the person, who is chasing happiness, you're never going to get there! It didn't say, "hey you, the person who is down in the dumps and so depressed they can't get out of bed, just choose to be happy"!

The original point of the post which started this thread has slowly been lost but at least Keen17 and Mouse62 see what it's really about. It has nothing to do with saying you're going to be happy by just reading words. It's about the assumptions we have been taught that prescribed goals set by society are the way to happiness. They are not. That is the message.

The original point of the post which started this thread has slowly been lost but at least Keen17 and Mouse62 see what it's really about. It has nothing to do with saying you're going to be happy by just reading words. It's about the assumptions we have been taught that prescribed goals set by society are the way to happiness. They are not. That is the message.

I must say I've very offended and upset by this post. I understand perfectly the message of the original post. But I never saw anyone post on this board "gee, I don't have the right car and my house isn't big enough, I'm so depressed." I agree that society puts a lot of false expectations on us and it is possible to be happy even though you don't have the "right" car or house or job or spouse, or even kids, depending on who you are, and a big part of finding happiness is learning how to love what you have, instead of wishing to have what you love, which I think was also a large part of the gist of the original post. I think most people today find it hard to live in the moment and to not put off happiness until everything's "right," and in most cases, the original post is a nice, uplifting eye-opener for the masses. But that's not the kind of people that visit this board. The people on this board are struggling with deep depression and very difficult life problems and crises, and like enoch said, simply saying "enjoy what you've got now, choose to be happy" can feel like an insult, a belittling of the heartbreaking experiences most of the people on this board are going through, and like enoch, it made me want to scream out loud. I stand by my posts, and it's terribly unfair of you to tell me I didn't "get" what was being said. Perhaps it's you who doesn't get what I'm trying to say. I never said "you can't be happy by reading words" as you suggest. I said that sometimes it takes more than just telling someone to choose to be happy to fully acknowledge, validate and understand what they're going through and offer comfort or assistance with it.

Don't be happy - worry? the anti bobby mc ferrin crusades....

discussion of philosophies is useless - those who would tell the lame they can walk or tell the blind they could see if they wanted to - just dust in the wind.
there is the depression you feel when your twisted sister gets sprayed with black flag and henry rollins laughs - and then theres the kind of depression that is your life and in your blood and in your genes and in your dreams - and like the man said - this places is called health boards and this section is about depression - and there are many forms and flavors - do we get to choose what flavor we get? my grandfather spent nine years locked up on a psych ward my father collects 100 percent for his own private garden of psych titles - and me? well I feel lucky I can walk around and do stuff - and even interact and communicate on some level.. I do not fault anyone for finding joy in simple things - or being happy or trying to be happy or picking their nose in public and enjoying it - I like shiny cars and interesting diatribes too - but philosophical confrontations of thought dynamics regarding the self actualization of pop psychology and the intricate word play of psycho babble leaves me here at the end of this sentence that just did what I am referring to. Word play? weaving intelligent sunshine up the hind end of a 55 buick in a junk yard - having not lost touch with reality to the extent of seeing it works as a means of control for a whole host of zombies roaming the earth I can only say depression -clinical- major- situational -can be used as a tool - to see past the offerings of new car commercials and their subliminal suggestions that ownership of such is soul changing communion with the god of capitalism - into a more real reality of what life actually is- and baby theres a lot more here than meets most of your eyes. most folks are living in the matrix - and I like to think (and remember opinions vary) that those who are depressed are them living outside the matrix - which is so heavy to wear many don't make it through to a natural end - which is bad because suicide is way past death - now here on this thread who is put out by who? whose paradigm is the real pardigm? probably none because they all have a common bond and that is they are connected to perception of individuals that live with a mind tainted by brainwashiing deluxe - everything handed to us from before we could even form a thought on our own.. with that - an ownership of expectation comes - we have expected certain realities to be useful - but satisfactions are not attached - unless you climb into the paradigm all the way and assume its identity as you own.. everything stated in the very first post on this tread is right - but its all based on being hypnotized into believing that the results mean something.. when in reality even if that post was your own personal - to the letter - bio - big deal.. poster child for pretense.. all of us read books and listen to others and from the stew of it all we select digest and become what our wisdom or understanding of that mandates or dictates - seldom to we discover a new thought within ourself that is new or original or cannot be found in a book or someone elses mouth someplace in time. somebody on this tread said something about god and about people who preach it are just looking for him like everyone else - now that was a truth - a simple truth - and the reality is no one can know god - no one can know anything about anything on that level of wisdom - and in truth can we even know ourselves on any level of perception beyond measurement of society? unless we detach from pretense and accept the smell of our armpits and the weight on our souls? Rose and Valerie screaming from the gallery say he must go free - the judge does not agree - we are here in time - are we serving time? opinions vary.. now show me a puppy running after you rescue him from a dog pound and I will smile just as much as you.. you have given him life. and he don't care if your driving a new hummer or you take him home in a beat up chevy truck - all he cares about is being in your arms -his tail can't dance enough.. and it dances for you.
I love everyone on this thread because you tried with some heavy thoughts to answer questions that can never be answered - and in that we are all together - whats not to love about you - even if like me you need a shower and your teeth are falling out because you don't care if they do? We still cared enough to wonder about it...

There's not just one "kind" of people who take part in this forum. The extent of depression varies from mild to severe. AGAIN, the original point of this thread doesn't suggest one can choose to be happy. What it says is that one can choose to use their own mind to understand that we've been conditioned to subscribe to goals in life which bring about false expectations of happiness. It's a very basic point.

so isolated one whats your point?


relax - just joking with you - can we do that here? lol

so isolated one whats your point?
.....

What's my point? What? I just made it in my last post. Sorry if I'm not one of those people who comes here with the attitude that this is just another social affair. It's a place to share genuine insight on a serious issue (or so I would think).


Ouote:
relax - just joking with you - can we do that here? lol....



Joking is fine in this forum when the time is right but I believe what's happened here is more a case of messing with people's heads, even if no harm was intended. I feel sorry for the one who started this thread and had to be scared away. I read in a different board this person's comment about getting such a harsh reply here. Some people are just truly sincere with their thoughts. I've noticed these qualities are not very welcome in any social setting and it's no wonder such people are misunderstood.

I must say I've very offended and upset by this post. I understand perfectly the message of the original post. But I never saw anyone post on this board "gee, I don't have the right car and my house isn't big enough, I'm so depressed." I agree that society puts a lot of false expectations on us and it is possible to be happy even though you don't have the "right" car or house or job or spouse, or even kids, depending on who you are, and a big part of finding happiness is learning how to love what you have, instead of wishing to have what you love, which I think was also a large part of the gist of the original post. I think most people today find it hard to live in the moment and to not put off happiness until everything's "right," and in most cases, the original post is a nice, uplifting eye-opener for the masses. But that's not the kind of people that visit this board. The people on this board are struggling with deep depression and very difficult life problems and crises, and like enoch said, simply saying "enjoy what you've got now, choose to be happy" can feel like an insult, a belittling of the heartbreaking experiences most of the people on this board are going through, and like enoch, it made me want to scream out loud. I stand by my posts, and it's terribly unfair of you to tell me I didn't "get" what was being said. Perhaps it's you who doesn't get what I'm trying to say. I never said "you can't be happy by reading words" as you suggest. I said that sometimes it takes more than just telling someone to choose to be happy to fully acknowledge, validate and understand what they're going through and offer comfort or assistance with it.

Ya know what? You're right...you made me realize I have graduated from this board...gonna go find a more positive one...good luck!

The whole point of that "Hallmark Diatribe" wasn't "dont' worry,be happy," it was that you CAN'T be happy as long as you measure your happiness/success by society's expectations.

Disregarding the expectations does not make you happy, BUT holding yourself to those expectations will make you miserable.

K?

Wow...this post went on fire.
I never intended to offend anyone..but i'm glad some can see my perpose.
I have problems finding Joy in my own life.That just helped remind me i should not look at whats wrong with my life but whats right.The thing is you may think i'll be happy when...but the truth is your not.Nothing but your own exeptance can make you happy.I have so many great things in my life..but i sometimes fail to see that.I am a mom of 2 great kids...should i ask for more?
The thing is...along time ago i had alot of money..i don't now.I wasn't any happier with money than i am now...sometimes the struggles in life..are what make it so great.I'm just trying to be positive...maybe we should all be happy that we don't live in Iraq..that we live in a free country.I broke my legs 10 years ago in a car accident...i sometimes have pain when i walk...but really I should be happy I can walk.This board use to be a positive place to come...lots of fun...we would all joke around and make up different stories to play along with.It's a place for support...and thats all I was trying to do was support..Because I truely understand what it's like to suffer depression...but I also understand we have to change are thinking...if we are ever going to truely be happy.
Spungy :)

Ya know what? You're right...you made me realize I have graduated from this board...gonna go find a more positive one...good luck!

I think it's great if your life is going so well that you don't need this board anymore. Congratulations! Perhaps it is best you find a board where you can better relate to what the people on it are going through. If you're looking for upbeat and positive, then a board where people discuss serious depression is probably not the place for you.

Wow...this post went on fire.
I never intended to offend anyone..but i'm glad some can see my perpose.
I have problems finding Joy in my own life.That just helped remind me i should not look at whats wrong with my life but whats right.The thing is you may think i'll be happy when...but the truth is your not.Nothing but your own exeptance can make you happy.I have so many great things in my life..but i sometimes fail to see that.I am a mom of 2 great kids...should i ask for more?
The thing is...along time ago i had alot of money..i don't now.I wasn't any happier with money than i am now...sometimes the struggles in life..are what make it so great.I'm just trying to be positive...maybe we should all be happy that we don't live in Iraq..that we live in a free country.I broke my legs 10 years ago in a car accident...i sometimes have pain when i walk...but really I should be happy I can walk.This board use to be a positive place to come...lots of fun...we would all joke around and make up different stories to play along with.It's a place for support...and thats all I was trying to do was support..Because I truely understand what it's like to suffer depression...but I also understand we have to change are thinking...if we are ever going to truely be happy.
Spungy :)

I do think it's not only a good thing but necessary to stay positive about the good things we dohave in life. Actually, every day I say a little prayer to thank the Lord that I'm healthy, I can walk and dance and conduct my daily business and that I haven't been the victim of a violent crime. Perhaps I took it too personally, but I'm just thinking of people who may be in my situation. For example, being 39 single and childless, when the only thing I ever really wanted was to be married, have a home and children. Now, everyone from my parents to Dr. Phil tells me I'm supposed to find a way to be happy despite the very likely prospect of never having companionship, never knowing what it feels like to love someone and have them love me, and all the stuff that goes along with it blah blah blah and never know the joy of having children and all the stuff that goes along with that etc etc. But that's just not going to happen. It's too big a desire, it's too deep a need down deep inside me for me to ever be ok if it never happens. I couldnt' even begin to know how I would even start to try to lie to myself and tell myself I can be happy if I never find love. etc. So then what? Plan B. If that's the case, then I need to figure out a way to go out and make it happen if I need it so bad. I guess I got so upset at the original post because it didn't include a plan B and sort of left out the people like me who need a plan B and who need support in formulating and implementing it.

I edited my response -- I too feel I would not be happy if romance/marriage were denied me for an extended period of time. The grief that comes from a break-up is very specific, and I hope you first get over the pain, and then find a good partner.

Just read your edited post and it's true, it has evolved to a rather, I don't know if stoic is the right word, but the whole "I don't need love and marriage" thing has evolved to a rather unrealistic place, I agree. Thanks for the kind words, and I hope you can get out there and find what you're looking for, too.

I didn't realize there were guidelines as to how you had to think when depressed. thought the 100 percent disability received was the guideline - will work harder on being serious and sucking down all the psycho babble from you who know so much about it.

I didn't realize there were guidelines as to how you had to think when depressed. thought the 100 percent disability received was the guideline - will work harder on being serious and sucking down all the psycho babble from you who know so much about it. ......

If you truly comprehended what I last said, you would see that I implied there should be no "guidelines" and that this person should be able to make a statement with out being misunderstood and jumped on for sharing a unique and honest thought. I also see that Spungy finally came back to make a reply which helps to confirm this. The "guidelines" which seem to be the unwritten rule in any social situation today are those which reward comformity and punish those who are simply themselves. It's not a blatant thing but it can be observed in the way people group with those like themselves and tend to give the cold shoulder to people who don't follow the same "set" way of thinking or behaving. This or any other forum is not immune to these unwritten rules.

sorry if in your mind I don't get your point - or now according to you last post comprehend. I think you think I care about all the conversation that preceeded my original post.. I don't - philosophy and psychology are worthless when they come from somebody elses mouth.. The original post made me want to scream and still does - what part of that don't you understand - I don't have to reexamine the context or comprehend the juxatpositioning of society along side depression - I do not have to seek the deep mystery or complexities regarding my decision in wanting to scream - and I suffer no deep seated feelings or remorse nor harbor any issues of believing my thoughts or reactions are rational or mainstream in nature - if everyone in the world was dancing around that original post like it was god I guess I would be burned at the stake for non servitude to its premise. I don' t care about the explanations about well it really means this or it really meant that - or anyone defending my stance or finding fault with my stance


I care about spungy feelings - but I wouldn't eat lima beans if the pope himself handed them to me.. and I think quite possibly she is mature enough to allow reaction and not take it personal just like you isolated one..

Enoch, it seems that you talk alot but don't really say very much and even contradict yourself. Take a look back. You made the first reply to Spungy's post, putting it down. You then come right back with a long winded reply, as if you've suddenly changed your opinion or at least not wanted to appear bad in the eyes of others. Being sincere, to the point, and not changing your attitude just to "fit in" may not be the norm these days but some of us are still loyal to our own conscience. That appears to make some people very uncomfortable.

is there any reason why you go by the name of isolated one?

is there any reason why you go by the name of isolated one?
....

No, I just happen to call myself Isolated One because it has nothing to do with my life. LOL! Geez, I can't think you'd be that stupid as to ask such an obvious question. I can see where this is going and I have better things to spend my time on.

Maybe this one is more to our liking:

"Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family, Choose a *********** big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin openers.


Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends.

Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of *********** fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing sprit-crushing game shows, stuffing *********** junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing you last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, **********-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life."

This CAN BE the end result of pinning your happiness on all of the things mentioned in opening verse.

isolated one - surrounding yourself with sound wisdom and painfully detailed factual expansions that provide the appearance of insight and knowledge might be very gratifying on an intellectual level - but isn't it better to lose a game of hearts than win a game of solitaire? who are you to judge me and say I don't comprehend? who are you to say I don't undestand the point? who are you to say I write in a long winded diatribe? you don' t know me - all you have is yourself - isolated one? do you prefer that? the being intelligent and in control of your own realms of perspective and care nothing for coming out and not being isolated.. you say you see where this going? well if you have made up your mind thats were it will go.. I do not come to the board to be a medicine man or a philosopher erudicating book learned thoughts - I come here as myself -some may like some may not - I come here to drain my brain instead of my veins. now it might seem like a pompus impossibility to you but lets make an attempt at friendship - no I don't want to high five or suck brewskies with you - but I want to at least try to understand why your isolated - are you so earnest in your quest for truth and understanding that others can not keep up with you -do you alienate people with your stands on subject matter? I am not analyzing you I am only asking not trying to be a wise acre or prolong this dispute into more trauma for either of us. if it seems to you I am contradicting myself I can only say I am human -and validation for me regarding my perception is not based on just one understanding from any given moment - for me perception and understanding change everyday. I do not mind shifting or changing or saying I was wrong or that I have seen something new today that I did not see yesterday.

my attempts of humor with you early on were misguided - I was not trying to stir you up. I apologize to you for that - that was my bad - but at the same time coming back at me and flaming me and telling me what I am - that didn't serve much of a purpose either - sisyphus syndrome's shared are pointless.

I am not concerned with what others think of me - my post here right now is for you and you alone - and I will not cry if you do not respond - nor will I feel good - if I have caused you - well anything. not my intent to add to anyones weight.

I might actually be a long winded blowfish - but I am not nor ever have been an intellectual bottom feeder. I understood every point you made three times over - but that was lost in translation when I seen you bully others with your intellect.