CassCalvin
05-24-2004, 07:32 PM
I posted this under a seperate thread somewhere else, but thought maybe more people would see it if I started a new thread. I would like as much input as possible. I have what I think is violent OCD. I haven't been diagnosed because I haven't built up the courage to tell my parents (I'm still a teenager). For about the past six years I have struggled with horrible thoughts about killing my family. I can't sleep with sharp objects in my bedroom, and at dinner times I often put all my concentration into fighting the impulse to pick up the butterknife and stab someone. Sometimes I stay up late into the night crying and contemplating tying my hands to the bed so I wont get up and harm someone. The thoughts about harming others are by far the worst, but a couple years ago I watched a movie where a boy commited suicide and I suddenly became horrified that I might do the same thing. Sometimes when I am on the second story or higher in a building I have to stay away from the windows because I am scared that I won't be able to control myself and I will jump. I am not old enough to get my liscence yet, but I don't think I ever will because when i think about it I am petrified that I will cause a crash on purpose or run over pedestrians. I tried telling my best friend about this, but she didn't understand and told me that if I knew it wasn't logical i should be able to get over it, because I should just think that I never really could harm someone so obvioulsy I wouldn't. And for some reason I just can't bring myself to tell my parents. I think it is partially because I am afraid to dissapoint them and because I don't want them to think of me differently, as someone weird or crazy. I wrote my mom a letter explaining everything but I just couldn't bring myself to give it to her. I don't think I can handle this on my own anymore and I very badly want to get help. Do any of you have suggestions on how I can tell my parents?
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Alwayz Stressed
05-24-2004, 07:53 PM
You're in a tough position, but at least you recognize that there are some issues here. Talking to people such as your friend can become very frustrating because they don't understand that these kind of emotions cannot be turned off and on. As for telling your parents, that's a hard one. On one hand, they have they right to know and the ability to help you seek resources. They are instruments of growth and nourishment in your life so perhaps they could help you get through it. On the other hand however, that might be a little too much for them to handle in which case they may become uncomfortable living in their own home with you. You don't want your parents to become afraid of you, but that might happen and you really won't know unless you decide to tell them. Have you talked to a school counselor or perhaps another adult you can trust? You might also want to simply tell your parents that you'd like to seek therapy for personal things you'd like to deal with. Hopefully they'll respect and trust that you know what's best for you and in this case for them.
I am in no way, shape or form, educationally or professionally trained in this area, so this is COMPLETELY MY OPINION. Nonetheless, I hope it helps.....
I am in no way, shape or form, educationally or professionally trained in this area, so this is COMPLETELY MY OPINION. Nonetheless, I hope it helps.....
jete23
05-24-2004, 08:06 PM
I think you really need to tell your parents. I am sure if you sit down and talk to them they will be more than willing to do whatever it takes to help you get through this. I suffer from panic disorder, and I would not have been able to do it w/o my mom's love and support. :)
I also think by keeping this all in you are only hurting yourself, b/c you are causing yourself more anxiety. You are currently afraid to sleep, drive, go by windows. If you don't address this situation, you will end up developing agrophobia. This is when you are afraid to leave the house. :eek:
I know it is hard, especially since you are a teenager, and you are dealing with all kinds of other changes, you feel like this is the last thing you need. :mad: I can definitely relate to all this, as I am only 23 myself.
But, my honest opinion is that you should sit down and talk to your 'rents, and then the 3 of you can come up w/ an appropriate plan of attack.
best of luck, and let us know what you decide. :wave:
I also think by keeping this all in you are only hurting yourself, b/c you are causing yourself more anxiety. You are currently afraid to sleep, drive, go by windows. If you don't address this situation, you will end up developing agrophobia. This is when you are afraid to leave the house. :eek:
I know it is hard, especially since you are a teenager, and you are dealing with all kinds of other changes, you feel like this is the last thing you need. :mad: I can definitely relate to all this, as I am only 23 myself.
But, my honest opinion is that you should sit down and talk to your 'rents, and then the 3 of you can come up w/ an appropriate plan of attack.
best of luck, and let us know what you decide. :wave:
CassCalvin
05-24-2004, 08:39 PM
Thanks for your input guys. I appreciate it more than you know I think. I still haven't figured out what I am going to do, especially since I have never felt comfotrable talking to people, even my own parents. I think in some ways my OCD is keeping me from telling them because I have constant overwhelming worries about how they will react and I obsess about them hating me or turning against me if I told them, even though the rational part of me knows that they love me unconditionally. And I have noticed ever since I started even seriously contemplating telling them about this a few days ago my anxiety has gone through the roof and it seems like the other components of my OCD are going into overdrive to keep me from telling them. Does this make any sense at all? I think it is kind of like your first time on a diving board though, and I think soon enough I will get the courage to leap....
Thanks again for taking the time to care,
Cass
Thanks again for taking the time to care,
Cass
FroBoyPeaceGuy
05-24-2004, 10:38 PM
Sup CassCalvin, :wave:
I agree w/ Jete23 in that you need to sit your folks down and have a heart to heart w/ them. I do understand what you said bout why you feel you can't, but I learned from personal experiance that keeping stuff bottled up with only cause you more stress than you already have inside. If you do decide to tell them, start off with telling them to have an open mind on what you are going to tell them, cause you really need their support at this point due to you still being a teenager, which means there is still hope for you to get this under control b4 you start acting on these compultions.
I had a friend little while back when I was a teenager (I'm 25 now) who sometimes did some stupid things to himself, but his folks never knew he was doing this, they seen him as a respectable boy. One day he woke up with the conpulsion that he wanted to go to this store and beat up this old guy who worked there. I don't know what caused him to want to do this, I think it was cause he kicked him out of the store cause the guy @ the store thought he was stealing. He called me up and asked me to come over. When I got there he told me of this idea of doing this, I went back and forth with him to get this idea out of his head. Finally, after a hour or so, he asked me what would I do if I had these urges to do this.......my response was to first off not act on them, cause back then I serious feared the police for some reason, I think it was from the Rodney King thing, anyways back on the subject at hand, I told him to talk to his parents on this idea, he did that night after I left. The next day I called his place, he said he was glad that I convinced him not to do it, and instead talk to his folks about it, cause he found out that his parents heard our (his and mine) lil dispute, and were worried that he was going to become a juvenile dilinquent (how ever it's spelled) and were suggesting military school if he did go thru w/ this.
My moral to this is this, you have problems going on inside of you, why not confide in someone TRUST, your parents. I feel that if I didn't let my folks in on some of the stuff I've done in life, I would have done some very dumb things in my life. They understood my thoughts, and convade me to see things from all sides before attempting my actions, and since that day I've helped prevent some friends from doing very stupid stuff, even some from killing themselves.
I feel thru time you will find the conclusion you seek on what to do for your situation. Sorry for the long typing, sometimes I type like I talk.
I will say a prayer for you tonight for a wise decision on what to do. God Bless :angel:
I agree w/ Jete23 in that you need to sit your folks down and have a heart to heart w/ them. I do understand what you said bout why you feel you can't, but I learned from personal experiance that keeping stuff bottled up with only cause you more stress than you already have inside. If you do decide to tell them, start off with telling them to have an open mind on what you are going to tell them, cause you really need their support at this point due to you still being a teenager, which means there is still hope for you to get this under control b4 you start acting on these compultions.
I had a friend little while back when I was a teenager (I'm 25 now) who sometimes did some stupid things to himself, but his folks never knew he was doing this, they seen him as a respectable boy. One day he woke up with the conpulsion that he wanted to go to this store and beat up this old guy who worked there. I don't know what caused him to want to do this, I think it was cause he kicked him out of the store cause the guy @ the store thought he was stealing. He called me up and asked me to come over. When I got there he told me of this idea of doing this, I went back and forth with him to get this idea out of his head. Finally, after a hour or so, he asked me what would I do if I had these urges to do this.......my response was to first off not act on them, cause back then I serious feared the police for some reason, I think it was from the Rodney King thing, anyways back on the subject at hand, I told him to talk to his parents on this idea, he did that night after I left. The next day I called his place, he said he was glad that I convinced him not to do it, and instead talk to his folks about it, cause he found out that his parents heard our (his and mine) lil dispute, and were worried that he was going to become a juvenile dilinquent (how ever it's spelled) and were suggesting military school if he did go thru w/ this.
My moral to this is this, you have problems going on inside of you, why not confide in someone TRUST, your parents. I feel that if I didn't let my folks in on some of the stuff I've done in life, I would have done some very dumb things in my life. They understood my thoughts, and convade me to see things from all sides before attempting my actions, and since that day I've helped prevent some friends from doing very stupid stuff, even some from killing themselves.
I feel thru time you will find the conclusion you seek on what to do for your situation. Sorry for the long typing, sometimes I type like I talk.
I will say a prayer for you tonight for a wise decision on what to do. God Bless :angel:
CassCalvin
05-24-2004, 10:42 PM
I finally did it! I sat my mom down and explained everything to her. And she is being more supportive than I ever could have imagined. Something just came over me all of a sudden and I decided I had to do it then and there. She promised to make some phone calls and figure out where I can get help. I am so ecstatic right now! It is like this huge weight has been lifted off my chest. I know this is just temporary of course, and the anxiety will seep back in soon enough, but I have a feeling the OCD will be a little easier to handle now with the help of my parents. Thanks so much for all your help!
Alwayz Stressed
05-25-2004, 11:15 AM
Good Job Cass! I'm am so happy that you finally got to talk to your Mom and that you feel better about doing so. Her love and support will definately help you through this.
Good Luck & please keep us posted. Prayers are with you.
Good Luck & please keep us posted. Prayers are with you.
brandii9
05-25-2004, 12:04 PM
Mom's are great people and very understanding... kids just don't realise that some times .. *wink* ..