I'm going to the nutritionist on Friday, and I'm pretty scared. My psychologist is making me go because she found out I was throwing up, and starving myself. I'm supposed to keep a food journal for the next three days (I'm pretty good at that!) and it scares me to death. I don't want to show someone what I'm eating. I'm only 17, so she can do whatever she wants.

What I'm afraid of is that she'll show my mom how little I'm eating and freak her out. She already worries enough about me, I don't want her to worry more. So I'm thinking about lying and putting more food on there than I already eat, or eating a lot then throwing it up. I just don't want my mom to worry, or start watching me even more (if that's possible). I need some support, so I'd appreciate anything you can give me! Thanks and God bless,

~Ana

do NOT lie to ur nutritionist... tht is NOT going to get u anywhere!!

u need to tell the absolute truth so that u can get 'cured' soon, and then ur mum wont have to worry for such a long time!!

chances are, she may have noticed anyway, but just hasnt brought it up with u because she doesnt konw how..

however, isnt it true if ur over 16, any treatment is confidential?? thats what i was told. i was supposed to go see a dietician, without my parents knowing...

u just need to take responsiblity for urself and do the right thing. which is, telling the truth and helping urself.#

good luck

Jen xxxxxx

In England, if you're under the age of eighteen you are not responsible for yourself yet, they can do pretty much what they feel is best for your health.
I had to keep a food diary for my doctor for about three years.....and yeah I tried to cheat them - and it doesn't get you anywhere hun. They're are professionals in the ed area, and basically they're not stupid. All you will get out of lying is a little more time, if they believe you in the first place that is. Try not to panic, all they want to do is make sure your body is getting the nutrients it needs, they may just suggest that to begin with you take some vitamins or other supplements. The important thing to remember is that they do understand that you struggle with the amount of food you allow yourself, and they're not there to 'feed you up', just to try and give you some alternative ways to prevent things like osteoperosis etc.

Stay strong hun, and let me know how it goes.

dulci xxx

Thanks for the support guys, it's great knowing there are people out there who care, and know what I'm going through. I haven't told any of my friends, so it's nice to have someone to talk to besides my parents (I won't talk to them about it EVER!)

Do you think I need to write down the stuff I eat before I purge? I don't think any of it's left after I'm through, so I don't know if it's necissary or not...This is so annoying! Gracias,

~Ana

i think you should write down whatever u eat before you purge yes. because, the dietician/nutritionist wil want to adapt your diet so its the healthiest, this includes looking at your food, and of course, stopping the bulemia traits.

why dont u feel like telling ur parents? i can tell you now, its much harder tryin to do this stuff alone, even if u get no support emotionally from them, they're good for practical reasons, like getting places e.t.c.

keep us contacted on how ur going.

Jen xxxxx

i know this must be hard. but you need to think about your health. i am sure you dont want to get better, but do you wanna keep living this way? dont lie to your nutritionist, they will be able to see right past it. please take care of urself. PM me if you wanna talk. i am here for you anytime. *hug*

That's the thing, I don't want to get better! If I thought it was really bad what I was doing, I wouldn't be doing it. At least that's what I keep telling myself. I purged three times today, and I didn't even want to really. I felt like I just *had* to, or else...it came after I binged unvoluntarily too. I don't know why I keep doing that, it makes me so mad! If I could stop binging, I would stop purging too. I don't eat very much, so I wouldn't need to purge if I didn't eat unhealthily occasionally. I'm really careful about what I eat ( I think I'm anorexic too...can you be both?) so I wouldn't do it if it wasn't for that.

I guess I will tell the nutritionist the truth, I hate lying. I've found I'm doing it more to hide what I'm doing though, and I don't like it. I don't care if I don't "get better", I just want my parents to stop worrying. Oh well, I'll let you guys know what happens Friday...I'm already nervous...Thanks for listening!

~Ana

well, I went to the nutritionist and all she said was, "you need to eat more and stop throwing up so much." I'm only allowed to throw up once a day now :rolleyes: and I can only weigh myself twice a week :mad: My parents even hid the scale!

Today was a weigh in day, and I feel so fat. I was afraid to look at the scale, I just knew I had gained three or four pounds. But it turns out that I've lost a pound! That just made my day. I'm to my first weight goal, but I've already made a new one, five pounds lighter.

I'm going to try and not eat so that I don't have to throw up. I know purging is really dangerous, but I can't stop doing it if I keep eating "normally". My brother said he'd prefer that I was anorexic anyway. Frankly, I would too, it's easier to keep people from noticing. I already have anorexic tendancies, like starving all day, then eating and vomiting at night. I'm going to try and stop the night part though. We'll see how it goes.

Thanks for the support Kitty, Jenneh, and Bella, I hope you are all doing okay! PM me any time if you need anything *hugs*

~Ana

I'm sorry you're struggling. I know it's really really tough but please try not to set yourself low weight goals; if your weight gets very low your body will go into starvation mode and then you are physically in serious danger - your kidneys could be affected, and your heart. It must be hard to stop the purging, but try to do what the dietician says and limit to once a day, just for a week to see how it goes. You say you want your parents to stop worrying, but if they see you going downhill they are just going to get more worried.

I only purged once today, and that was it. I have decided to stop *completely*. Not by my own choice of course, but I have to.

My parents were told (by my dietician, councellor, and psychologist) that I can't do marching band next season if I keep purging. So I promised not to do it anymore, because I CAN'T live w/o marching band! So I'm trying to eat less (like I do most of the day, just w/o the b&p I throw in) and stop purging. My folks said they'd be happy if I'd eat less (however much I'm comfortable with, to be exact) and kept it down. So I'm on my way to stop binging. I can do it! I know I can, with marching band in mind. I'm not missing out my senior year!

Please give me any advice on how to stop purging, I need all the motivation and support I can get. I just get so hungry after not eating all day. Would I be considered anorexic after losing 14 lbs in 3 weeks? I've been not eating much and running each day, so that's why. I've also lost 2.5 inches on my butt (my awful, huge butt!!!) so I'm a bit more satisfied. But not completely satisfied, I'd still like to lose about 5 lbs. Anyway, I'm rambling, sorry to be a bore.

If anyone else needs a prayer or a thought, let me know, and I'll be sure to give you all the support I can give! God Bless,

~Ana

Anarlin, it does sound as though you have lost a lot of weight in the last three weeks. If you don't eat all day and go running it's not surprising that you feel really hungry at night, and then binge, which then makes you feel so guilty you feel you have to throw up. There's no easy way round this, but eating less isn't going to help. It would be best if you could eat small regular meals throughout the day - start with some cereal and toast for breakfast, a sandwich and yoghurt for lunch, with snacks in between if you can manage it. You would then need a smaller dinner, and perhaps feel less guilty afterwards? Try to do what the nutritionist says, they do know their stuff.

It's good that you are really motivated by wanting to carry on with the marching band. Try and make that something to work towards - you've got so much going for you, don't let the e.d. take it away from you. Believe me, it will try to. Good luck, thinking of you.