I am sooo frustrated with myself, I had been purge free for 58 days then for no reason, or no reason that I knew about I b/p today. I didn't even want to, but it was like I coudn't stop myself.. I'm so afraid I'm gonna fall back down and I don't know if I can keep standing back up, I'm so tired of dealing with this disorder (7 yrs) I don't know if I can keep hoping I might get better.. Why is this such a hard thing to get past?? This past weekend I'm not sure if this is relavent to this board but, I found out I was molested when I was 3 and I guess I was wondering can something like that effect you if you can't remember it?? The reason I asked is because in the ed hospital they asked if I had ever been sexual assaulted.. because evidently alot of people with an ed have.. Is that true?? Anyway I just wanted to vent some so thanx for listening...... What to do now. but get up and try to be better again and again and again....

I think you've done really well hun, 58 days is a long time and you should focus on what you have achieved. It's a difficult thing to do, and there are times along the way where you might slip-up, but the important thing is not to let this get in the way of how far you've come. You CAN do it again.
I was sexually abused when I was between the ages of about 4-6yrs. I didn't realise this until last year when I started getting some memories of things that had happend. I still don't remember the majority of what happend. Sometimes when we're young and something happens that hurts us or we can't make sense of, our brain can block this out to try and protect us....unfortionately this can lead to feelings we don't understand later on, therefore we can't express the way it made us feel back then, not until we can face up to it when we do remember. So yes, it is possible to not remember having been abused. I developed my eating disorder 8yrs ago, age 12......I had no idea why, or that the abuse had played a part in my illness. Many people with eating disorders have been abused in some way, I am sure you are talking to many of them here on this board. It's nothing to be ashamed of hun, it's a subject that people are scared to talk about, and that needs to change. I hope you know that it's not your fault, it really isn't. I hope this helped in some way. Stay strong hun, and don't whatever you do, give up.

love Ali xxx

XOXOXO dulci,

Thanx you so much I needed to hear that today.. Sometimes I just don't know what to do with myself and my husband can't understand at all.. Bless you for being so postive on such a negative day for me. I beleive the worse thing about finding out I was abused was because it was from a female cousin for yrs I thought really bad things about her brother with out ever acusing him and come to find out her guilty feelings caused her to open up to my husband.. She still hasn't spoken to me about it.. I don't know if I want to broach the subject.. but I did want to say your post helped me gain the will to want to try again tommorow...... Thanks lots....

amber