I'm pretty sure I have herpes. I got incredibly sick last week, swollen glands, laryngitis, cough, aches etc. A few days into it I noticed two red bumps on my labia. Now I have more red spots, some flat, some raised. I find this crazy since I haven't had sex in a year, but I understand the initial doesn't always have to happen the first month.

And I know exactly who did this to me, and he also GAVE ME WARTS. After I got the warts I took it relatively well and thought - ok well everyone makes mistakes, I want to be abstinent for a while and come to terms with it. In my mind I forgave the guy because it was a hard situation and maybe he didn't even know.

But now I'm PISSED. How could he give me two STDs without any mention of it, and no regard for my well being or health? I'm thinking of suing him, or trying to settle this and get some money. I've researched this online and some people have settled out of court for herpes. He is the only one I've had sex with in the past 2.5 years and only the 3rd on my list.

So my questions are:

First, what do you think I should do about the guy? I haven't really talked to him about it, but now I feel I cannot go on without confronting him. I want him to feel my pain. I don't think I can forgive him this time.

Second, how do you cope with this sort of situation? I was fine a year ago, but now I'm feeling extremely sexually frustrated. I wouldn't dare harm someone the way I was harmed. I'm terrified to ever have sex again or even a boyfriend.

Thanks everyone, I know a lot of what I posted has probably been said a million times, but it was good to get off my chest.

Lynn

Hi Linny
First of all, make sure that herpes is what you have. Are you sure it's not a reoccurence of warts? Did you have them externally before? or did have HPV that you detected through an abnormal pap? It could be a number of things, so try and get checked out ASAP, while you still have the symptoms. It may be herpes, it may be something else.

Thanks. Yeah I'm not positive that it is herpes. But it happened when I got sick, with all the right symptoms, and warts don't look like this (mine were external and BAD). I actually am praying they somehow turn into warts! I should go to the gyno. Does the initial OB give any indication of the way the OBs will be in the future? Mine is pretty mild now, does that mean perhaps I will have a mild case of herpes for my life?

Usually the first is the worst. If you go through a high-stress, no-sleep time in your life, you may find it comes back worse.

The problem with herpes is, not only can it stay dormant for a year, it can stay dormant for a decade or more. Therefore, you can never be absolutely sure he was the one, unless you had never had sex (even then--there was a woman on the board whose baby got it in her diaper region--imagine that!) And many people have it with such mild symptoms that they never figure it out. So he might have it and be completely unaware. Or you may have been carrying it, have been unaware and symptomless, and have given it to him! This is a strange, tricky disease that doesn't act the same for everyone, and the more you read on this board (try reading older posts sometime), the more you will realize that. It's better to deal with what you can learn about it and how you can take care of yourself to avoid ob's than to dwell on blame and revenge.