dulcibella000
05-27-2004, 07:32 PM
:yawn: !
Today I've travelled for nearly eight hours home from uni.....I had forgotten what a horrible journey it was. Now I'm simply knackered but still can't sleep! I've had a nice evening though, catching up with people I haven't seen for a long time - it's been good. I was just waiting for someone to comment on how I looked - it's the whole, "You look healthier!" thing. It drives me crazy. I know that they're trying to be nice, but they may aswell just call me fat. Anyway, no-one said it....So I'm okay lol.
I'm sat in my old room at home right now, it feels so strange being back here. It's full of memories - mostly of being ill. I came up here earlier with my bags, and they've set up the exercise bike and ski machine in here. My step-dad is a little obsessed with exercise I think. He's a PE teacher and feels he needs to look like one.....Just as unhappy as me I think. There's a new abdominal workout bench thing downstairs too......and I know now that as soon as my mum and him leave on saturday for Greece, I'm gonna wanna try it out. There are almost too many triggers here at home, everytime I come back it makes me worse - and yet I miss home so much?! The people here tend to trigger me too for some reason. I feel like they're all judging me the whole time, and watching every little bit of weight that goes on or falls off. Because I was so young when I developed my ed, everyone knows, it's almost as if that's all I am when I'm here - except with my familly which is good.
I've got a box under my bed here, that I keep loads of photos and letters and old diaries and stuff, I end up going through it everytime, and it just depresses me even more - I don't understand why I do it. It's almost like something is trying to make me worse, and right now I'm at a stage where it could go either way. I have been feeling myself slipping back down over the last month or so, and I'm really scared it's gonna happen. I don't know. Anyway, I'm gonna try and make the most of the break - and enjoy it!
I hope everyone is well x
Take care
love Ali xxx
Today I've travelled for nearly eight hours home from uni.....I had forgotten what a horrible journey it was. Now I'm simply knackered but still can't sleep! I've had a nice evening though, catching up with people I haven't seen for a long time - it's been good. I was just waiting for someone to comment on how I looked - it's the whole, "You look healthier!" thing. It drives me crazy. I know that they're trying to be nice, but they may aswell just call me fat. Anyway, no-one said it....So I'm okay lol.
I'm sat in my old room at home right now, it feels so strange being back here. It's full of memories - mostly of being ill. I came up here earlier with my bags, and they've set up the exercise bike and ski machine in here. My step-dad is a little obsessed with exercise I think. He's a PE teacher and feels he needs to look like one.....Just as unhappy as me I think. There's a new abdominal workout bench thing downstairs too......and I know now that as soon as my mum and him leave on saturday for Greece, I'm gonna wanna try it out. There are almost too many triggers here at home, everytime I come back it makes me worse - and yet I miss home so much?! The people here tend to trigger me too for some reason. I feel like they're all judging me the whole time, and watching every little bit of weight that goes on or falls off. Because I was so young when I developed my ed, everyone knows, it's almost as if that's all I am when I'm here - except with my familly which is good.
I've got a box under my bed here, that I keep loads of photos and letters and old diaries and stuff, I end up going through it everytime, and it just depresses me even more - I don't understand why I do it. It's almost like something is trying to make me worse, and right now I'm at a stage where it could go either way. I have been feeling myself slipping back down over the last month or so, and I'm really scared it's gonna happen. I don't know. Anyway, I'm gonna try and make the most of the break - and enjoy it!
I hope everyone is well x
Take care
love Ali xxx