I have been taking diet pills for 4 years straight. I can't stop. I obsess about calories and about getting fat. I have only lost 20 pounds over the last 4 years, but I never really thought I was overweight. Now I think that every day of my life. I made some changes over the last two weeks. I ran out of my last pill of choice "Stacker 2" and decided to execise instead. I look better. I have more definition, butthe muscle I am gaining is making me gain weight. I gained about a pound and a half in 2 weeks and I can't stand it. But, I have been off pills for 2 weeks and I even look better in a bikini now that I am not just skin and bones. I guess why I'm writing is to know if I really have an eating disorder. I usually don't try to starve myself (I like food too much) and I can't make myself purge either. Other than that my views about food and gain weight seem to be the same and I did try to use laxatves before, but they made my stomach upset. Are diet pills the same? I don't know what to do. Please tell me what you think.

You could have disordered eating, which means it's not as serious as an eating disorder, but still not "normal". Congratulations on the new look, muscle is great! You said you look better in a bikini, so you should be happy. I know gaining weight is hard (really, I do) but it sounds like it's a positive thing for you.

Try and make looking and feeling good, instead of weight loss, be your goal. It's healthier, and you'll look better and feel happier too! You might get rid of your scale, because it sounds like it's dampening your mood on your improvements!

I know I'm being a hypocrite here, but it's the truth. You don't want your body to eat your muscle just to lose weight. That's what I'm fighting right now, but for some twisted reason it makes me happy. You don't want that. Good luck, and congrats!

~Ana