deluxe designs
06-08-2004, 01:26 AM
My mother is ill and I know I have to be understanding, but her entire topic of conversation is about meds, drs and pain she is having.
She has Fibromalgia,Gerd, Heart Disease(mild heart), Vertigo, high blood pressure etc. She is 70.
I try to be empathatic, but since I am healthy is it hard to understand and I look to God for answers.I cannot listen to it anymore and have told her I am not a DR and the professionals need to address this.
Sometimes I feel selfish for even thinking of myself, I am all she has, but because she is so focused on her situation, she has no other interests or life, she could be making her constant stomach pain worse.
I am a true believer that the mind can cause pain as well.
What do I do and how do I handle her.
Even the Dr's seem not to find what is causing her pain and we are now again with proceeding with another 2nd 3rd opinion.
She has Fibromalgia,Gerd, Heart Disease(mild heart), Vertigo, high blood pressure etc. She is 70.
I try to be empathatic, but since I am healthy is it hard to understand and I look to God for answers.I cannot listen to it anymore and have told her I am not a DR and the professionals need to address this.
Sometimes I feel selfish for even thinking of myself, I am all she has, but because she is so focused on her situation, she has no other interests or life, she could be making her constant stomach pain worse.
I am a true believer that the mind can cause pain as well.
What do I do and how do I handle her.
Even the Dr's seem not to find what is causing her pain and we are now again with proceeding with another 2nd 3rd opinion.
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whatamess@35
06-08-2004, 09:58 AM
First off ..I mean no harm i n what i am about to say!!! My dad is 69..My mom will be 67 this year!!! My mom especially drives me insane at times!!!!
There are 6 of us kids..I am the baby...I often feel as if "i am the only child"
when it comes to their care.My parents arent in the best of health these days either...Many times i have been over there and wondered..am i gonna be talking about bowel movements and indigestion someday too???The answer is YES!!! I also took care of older people in their homes for 3 years..They talked of health problems as well ..most of the time!!! When you dont get out and socialize anymore and your health isnt the greatest..What else CAN you talk about???There will come a time when you wish you could hear your moms voice..see her face..This is what i tell myself when my mom is making me crazy!!! When we are children we all went through a "why mommy" stage...Our parents had to go through alot of ups and dpwns with us..Now its our turn!!! Thats how i look at it!!! Get your mom a puter then she will switch to talking about her puter friends..Its just the way life is!!! We speak of what we know and what we are surrounded by!!! Complaints or not enjoy your time with her..someday it will all be memories!!!! Make them good ones not ones you will feel guilt over!!! Thats my 2 cents!!!
There are 6 of us kids..I am the baby...I often feel as if "i am the only child"
when it comes to their care.My parents arent in the best of health these days either...Many times i have been over there and wondered..am i gonna be talking about bowel movements and indigestion someday too???The answer is YES!!! I also took care of older people in their homes for 3 years..They talked of health problems as well ..most of the time!!! When you dont get out and socialize anymore and your health isnt the greatest..What else CAN you talk about???There will come a time when you wish you could hear your moms voice..see her face..This is what i tell myself when my mom is making me crazy!!! When we are children we all went through a "why mommy" stage...Our parents had to go through alot of ups and dpwns with us..Now its our turn!!! Thats how i look at it!!! Get your mom a puter then she will switch to talking about her puter friends..Its just the way life is!!! We speak of what we know and what we are surrounded by!!! Complaints or not enjoy your time with her..someday it will all be memories!!!! Make them good ones not ones you will feel guilt over!!! Thats my 2 cents!!!
kvn60640
06-08-2004, 03:32 PM
One thing you have to understand is that people always talk about things which are going on in hteir lives. Unfortunately for your mom pain is about all she has going on probably. You should take a long look at what you wrote and ask yourself if there is some way you may learn to be less shallow and self-absorbed. How ironic it would be if you were suffering the pain your poor mom is and then I'll bet you talk all about it too. Sound like a jerk to me.
lindao1
06-08-2004, 03:52 PM
Hi there,
I just wanted to offer my experience to you as I've been where you're at now. I've been a caregiver for my entire adult life: my father (bedridden for 6 years due to six strokes), my grandmother (bedridden for 3 years with ALS), and lastly my beloved mother (whom I took care of for the last 15 years of her life).
Being the sole caregiver to an elderly parent is one of the toughest, yet most rewarding jobs you'll ever do even though now it doesnt appear that way. My mother died 8 years ago this month and I would give anything to be able to talk with her today, whether about the weather or her physical problems or whatever.
There is a very simple solution in dealing with elderly parents: make them feel needed! That's it. They have loss their independence, their ability to do for themselves, their livelihood. How would you feel if you loss all of that? They struggle to get up in the morning from pain (real pain, not perceived pain), they walk feeling like they're on a tightrope and could fall any minute with bones that are peanut brittle, they see thru eyes fogged by cataracts and hardened arteries, they hear thru ears that may as well be covered with earmuffs. That's just the beginning of their day. The rest of their day is dependent on someone else. They had to give up driving, they can't cook anymore because they left the burner on, they can't make it to the bathroom in time, they can't eat the things they enjoy, they fall asleep (if they're lucky) from the sheer exhaustion of existing. And then... it starts all over the next day.
When I was caring for my mother I had no social life. (I even turned down two marriage proposals during these 15 years and in the end it worked out so well cause now I have my current husband and could not imagine anyone else in my life!). It was no sacrifice to me as I felt it was the least I could do for what she has done for me. Sure, there were days I wanted to scream and just run out of the house. My faith was faltering terribly. But she meant too much to me. My days were filled with dr. appts, hospitalizations, changing diaper pads, cleaning up poop, cooking two meals each time because she had a hard time chewing, and yes listening to her complaints day in and day out. But I understood that she had every reason to complain. Her life was not her own. What I finally (!) figured out was her dignity was the only thing I could control and that is what I focused on. Just asking her questions (even though I knew the answer), asking her opinion on something (even if her answer didn't make sense), allowing her to reminenese (sp?) about the past which she knew much more about than the present day, reading to her in the quiet of the evening, letting her vent her frustrations that I, as a 30-45 year old, couldn't possibly understand. All these things not only made her feel valuable and worth something in this world, but it made it so easy for me to continue to be the daughter I wanted to be. It gave her enough self-respect and worthiness to better cope with the myriad of struggles she had to endure. And it was so simple.
Dear, with your mother being 70, I believe her pain is real. Just the fibromyalgia is a tough road for anyone, much worse for someone her age. I have it so I know and I'm only 51. I'm on strong pain medicine for it and a few other problems. I can't imagine having to deal with it without something for the pain. Trust me on this. It's a devastating syndrome to have. I do understand so completely your frustration. But your mother has a bigger right to be frustrated. How is it that the drs don't have any answers? You need to not search for just any 2nd or 3rd opinion, but find a dr. who is experienced in geriatric medicine (my mother's was a geriatric/internal med guy). Believe me, it will make a world of difference in your mother and YOU. They understand all the things I've offered here and much more. They know how to interpret the distinct complaints of the elderly and to turn those complaints into acceptance and answers. Something new that was not available to me for a long time is respite care. Places where your mother can be taken well cared for while you reward yourself with something that is important to you. Also, now they have elder daycares which do the same thing. And the Visiting Nurses' Assc. and Companion Care are worth their weight in gold! I used these services toward the very end as I was determined not to put my mom in a nursing home as long as I had breath in me). I feel I was a pioneer in this elder care "business", since 1972. Things really are much better now. You just have to be willing to seek out the help available. Granted your mother may be reluctant at first to accept these kinds of assistance. But please be patient. Just as a child needs constant nurturing, comfort and a feeling of security, so does your mother.
I'm sorry this post was so long. It's just that this is a sensitive and important subject to me and I wanted to let you know what worked for me. You will have some really difficult days ahead. It's important that whenever possible, even if it's just 30 minutes, "steal" those 30 minutes for yourself. You must remember that you are committing yourself to one of the most selfless acts of love a human can give another. Just remember to listen to your mother, really listen and put her dignity above all else and both you and her will get thru this with no regrets. I wish you the best dear. You really are a wonderful daughter and thru all of your mother's complaints, I'm sure she knows that and knows how blessed she is to have you. Take care sweetie. Linda :D
I just wanted to offer my experience to you as I've been where you're at now. I've been a caregiver for my entire adult life: my father (bedridden for 6 years due to six strokes), my grandmother (bedridden for 3 years with ALS), and lastly my beloved mother (whom I took care of for the last 15 years of her life).
Being the sole caregiver to an elderly parent is one of the toughest, yet most rewarding jobs you'll ever do even though now it doesnt appear that way. My mother died 8 years ago this month and I would give anything to be able to talk with her today, whether about the weather or her physical problems or whatever.
There is a very simple solution in dealing with elderly parents: make them feel needed! That's it. They have loss their independence, their ability to do for themselves, their livelihood. How would you feel if you loss all of that? They struggle to get up in the morning from pain (real pain, not perceived pain), they walk feeling like they're on a tightrope and could fall any minute with bones that are peanut brittle, they see thru eyes fogged by cataracts and hardened arteries, they hear thru ears that may as well be covered with earmuffs. That's just the beginning of their day. The rest of their day is dependent on someone else. They had to give up driving, they can't cook anymore because they left the burner on, they can't make it to the bathroom in time, they can't eat the things they enjoy, they fall asleep (if they're lucky) from the sheer exhaustion of existing. And then... it starts all over the next day.
When I was caring for my mother I had no social life. (I even turned down two marriage proposals during these 15 years and in the end it worked out so well cause now I have my current husband and could not imagine anyone else in my life!). It was no sacrifice to me as I felt it was the least I could do for what she has done for me. Sure, there were days I wanted to scream and just run out of the house. My faith was faltering terribly. But she meant too much to me. My days were filled with dr. appts, hospitalizations, changing diaper pads, cleaning up poop, cooking two meals each time because she had a hard time chewing, and yes listening to her complaints day in and day out. But I understood that she had every reason to complain. Her life was not her own. What I finally (!) figured out was her dignity was the only thing I could control and that is what I focused on. Just asking her questions (even though I knew the answer), asking her opinion on something (even if her answer didn't make sense), allowing her to reminenese (sp?) about the past which she knew much more about than the present day, reading to her in the quiet of the evening, letting her vent her frustrations that I, as a 30-45 year old, couldn't possibly understand. All these things not only made her feel valuable and worth something in this world, but it made it so easy for me to continue to be the daughter I wanted to be. It gave her enough self-respect and worthiness to better cope with the myriad of struggles she had to endure. And it was so simple.
Dear, with your mother being 70, I believe her pain is real. Just the fibromyalgia is a tough road for anyone, much worse for someone her age. I have it so I know and I'm only 51. I'm on strong pain medicine for it and a few other problems. I can't imagine having to deal with it without something for the pain. Trust me on this. It's a devastating syndrome to have. I do understand so completely your frustration. But your mother has a bigger right to be frustrated. How is it that the drs don't have any answers? You need to not search for just any 2nd or 3rd opinion, but find a dr. who is experienced in geriatric medicine (my mother's was a geriatric/internal med guy). Believe me, it will make a world of difference in your mother and YOU. They understand all the things I've offered here and much more. They know how to interpret the distinct complaints of the elderly and to turn those complaints into acceptance and answers. Something new that was not available to me for a long time is respite care. Places where your mother can be taken well cared for while you reward yourself with something that is important to you. Also, now they have elder daycares which do the same thing. And the Visiting Nurses' Assc. and Companion Care are worth their weight in gold! I used these services toward the very end as I was determined not to put my mom in a nursing home as long as I had breath in me). I feel I was a pioneer in this elder care "business", since 1972. Things really are much better now. You just have to be willing to seek out the help available. Granted your mother may be reluctant at first to accept these kinds of assistance. But please be patient. Just as a child needs constant nurturing, comfort and a feeling of security, so does your mother.
I'm sorry this post was so long. It's just that this is a sensitive and important subject to me and I wanted to let you know what worked for me. You will have some really difficult days ahead. It's important that whenever possible, even if it's just 30 minutes, "steal" those 30 minutes for yourself. You must remember that you are committing yourself to one of the most selfless acts of love a human can give another. Just remember to listen to your mother, really listen and put her dignity above all else and both you and her will get thru this with no regrets. I wish you the best dear. You really are a wonderful daughter and thru all of your mother's complaints, I'm sure she knows that and knows how blessed she is to have you. Take care sweetie. Linda :D
scotty12
06-08-2004, 04:16 PM
sometimes when living with pain for a long time,the pain becomes the focus.which is unfortunate because it is the thing from which we are trying to escape.it is one of the pschyological aspects of chronic pain.anyway thats my 2 cents..scott
Shoreline
06-08-2004, 05:07 PM
Thanks guys, I've been biting my tongue on this one. I guess the first 18 years of this persons life where they were the center of the universe and parents attended every sporting event, PTA, scouting,etc etc etc and supported every endeavor however ridiculous it mat have been.
This selfish person you call mother only sacrificed things you will never know so that you have the life you do and don't have to sacrifice the way she did. Obviously you have no children of your own or you would be horrified of what is waiting for you in your final years or days. I sure hope her problems aren't hereditary. They say fibro is. :eek:
If it turned out to be cancer could you then feel empathy and help without the feeling of being used or conned. What other conditions do you have no empethy for? Anything a doc up on a pedistal can't put his finger on. You are aware there are such things as false positives and false negatives in diagnostics.There are things that we don't have the technology to see or understand, obviously you are a perfect example.
Deluxe designs must think folks are just waiting to hear what words of wisdom come from the true center of the universe. Which obviously has something to do with design, I know my day isn't complete unless I've talked to someone in the design biz, Especially ungrateful people whose parents have been there for 70 years and now in the failing years of life, you complain about having to sit with her in a docs office. How do you manage such a burden? :rolleyes:
You say you try to be empathetic, Imagine being sick, Imagine not being able to find out why, then imagine your own family complaining about having to give you a ride to the doctor. Many of us hear don't have to imagine. You can't put your finger on every medical condition or why one persons surgery is succesful and anothers failed. :nono:
I would give pretty good odds mom has sat in the waiting room for a broken finger, soar throat, slight fever, ear infection,sprained ankle, chicked pocks and whole lot more, without the whining about having to actually help someone they claim to love and apreciate and have looked to the bible for answers, Please.
If you keep the Bible in the john it's pretty easy to figure out what you are really concentrating on, It's not godly, If it was you wouldn't flush when your done.
They do make nursing homes for children that don't have time for their parents, sign every penny she gets over to the nursing home, including any inheritance and they will gladly dope her up on Halidol so she doesn't call you during your busy day asking for a ride to the pharmacy or doctor. :yawn:
To bring God into such an incredibly selfish post is amazing. You need to be thinking about Karma, It's that thing that comes back around to bite you in the backside. When nobody wants to listen to you complain about pain or life, there will be a bed in the same hospital you want to put your mom in.
There are actually support groups for such insensitive people, only the name of these groups must be somewhat of an oxymoron, That's why you haven't found one to whine at.
The decent people that do this for their loved ones without the selfeshness in your post , call themselves "caregivers" :angel: most are not pissed they couldn't get the back 9 in, without interuption from someone that spent their life making you the center of the universe. Sacrificing the latest trends and fancy clothes and cars in order to provide you with the best and the most they could offer.
I'm sure your mom would be proud to know she raised a human of such compassion, that when the income is no longer there to help with braces or that late mortgage" the true center of the universe" has no need for them any more.
IF you were ever a member of this forum you would know that most of us have had friends and family that find it easier to say we just want attn, drugs or some other gratifying selfish reason to be sick or disabled and this justifies no longer being a friend or communicating with a family member.
You have a choice DD, Through her in the nut hut and use call block and pay someone else to handle your moral obligations.Or be a careing compassionate child of god who would never think such thoughts of the person that gave them life.
But lets not bring god into this, You know what Gods position is about your mother. Do you really need a stranger to tell you what page of the bible you need to read today and who is being selfish and who has made her illness all about who? and how it effect you?
You can walk away at anytime the pain of hearing your mother suffer gets to great, Or you could learn everything you could about her conditions, the latest treatment options, the best surgeons and specialist in the field. Rather than suggesting it's all in her head.
But why spend your time on the internet doing that type of research when you have twisted this into such an inconvenience that you think you would get support from other people disabled by pain to say it's OK to be tired of your mothers whining.
How much whining did you do growing from toddler to teenager and into your adulthood, not that I'm sure you made it passed the teenage mentality where everything revolves around how it effects you.
You should look up the word empathy and then pray there is no such thing as Karma, Because you will be a guest in that same nursing home you wish you mom would check into.
There I go again, talking about how hard this must be on you.There is always that call block feature so she won't inconvenience you more with such ridiculous requests as driving her to the doctor or pharmacist. How dare she think the child she raised and sacrificed for would help her or even be interested in her suffering. It must be tough.
Do you really think people that aren't in the graphic arts business have the slightest interest in what your day is like and how burdensome your sick mother is. Being the first to ever have to deal with a sick parent you can blaze the moral trail on the proper way to through mommy from the train. You have all my empathy that you stopped maturing at the age of 12 and haven't learned how to be a human in 40 years.
With all your biblical study, you somehow missed the parts about honoring your parents. But why honor them with respect and kindness when you can just pay someone else to pretend to care when in the presence of other such wonderful children on visiting day.
There are support groups for people in your position, so called caregivers, your post was entirely about you , how her problems effect you and how you know she is creating her own pain some how. Perhaps it's the pain when she looks deep into your eyes and sees what truly lies behind them.
Not to worry, she's 70 and won't be around long to inconvenience you more or see the true nature of the child she sacrificed for.
Be sure to say goodbye because I doubt you will both end up in the same place.
Best of luck finding folks to feel sorry for your burden you calll mother.
This selfish person you call mother only sacrificed things you will never know so that you have the life you do and don't have to sacrifice the way she did. Obviously you have no children of your own or you would be horrified of what is waiting for you in your final years or days. I sure hope her problems aren't hereditary. They say fibro is. :eek:
If it turned out to be cancer could you then feel empathy and help without the feeling of being used or conned. What other conditions do you have no empethy for? Anything a doc up on a pedistal can't put his finger on. You are aware there are such things as false positives and false negatives in diagnostics.There are things that we don't have the technology to see or understand, obviously you are a perfect example.
Deluxe designs must think folks are just waiting to hear what words of wisdom come from the true center of the universe. Which obviously has something to do with design, I know my day isn't complete unless I've talked to someone in the design biz, Especially ungrateful people whose parents have been there for 70 years and now in the failing years of life, you complain about having to sit with her in a docs office. How do you manage such a burden? :rolleyes:
You say you try to be empathetic, Imagine being sick, Imagine not being able to find out why, then imagine your own family complaining about having to give you a ride to the doctor. Many of us hear don't have to imagine. You can't put your finger on every medical condition or why one persons surgery is succesful and anothers failed. :nono:
I would give pretty good odds mom has sat in the waiting room for a broken finger, soar throat, slight fever, ear infection,sprained ankle, chicked pocks and whole lot more, without the whining about having to actually help someone they claim to love and apreciate and have looked to the bible for answers, Please.
If you keep the Bible in the john it's pretty easy to figure out what you are really concentrating on, It's not godly, If it was you wouldn't flush when your done.
They do make nursing homes for children that don't have time for their parents, sign every penny she gets over to the nursing home, including any inheritance and they will gladly dope her up on Halidol so she doesn't call you during your busy day asking for a ride to the pharmacy or doctor. :yawn:
To bring God into such an incredibly selfish post is amazing. You need to be thinking about Karma, It's that thing that comes back around to bite you in the backside. When nobody wants to listen to you complain about pain or life, there will be a bed in the same hospital you want to put your mom in.
There are actually support groups for such insensitive people, only the name of these groups must be somewhat of an oxymoron, That's why you haven't found one to whine at.
The decent people that do this for their loved ones without the selfeshness in your post , call themselves "caregivers" :angel: most are not pissed they couldn't get the back 9 in, without interuption from someone that spent their life making you the center of the universe. Sacrificing the latest trends and fancy clothes and cars in order to provide you with the best and the most they could offer.
I'm sure your mom would be proud to know she raised a human of such compassion, that when the income is no longer there to help with braces or that late mortgage" the true center of the universe" has no need for them any more.
IF you were ever a member of this forum you would know that most of us have had friends and family that find it easier to say we just want attn, drugs or some other gratifying selfish reason to be sick or disabled and this justifies no longer being a friend or communicating with a family member.
You have a choice DD, Through her in the nut hut and use call block and pay someone else to handle your moral obligations.Or be a careing compassionate child of god who would never think such thoughts of the person that gave them life.
But lets not bring god into this, You know what Gods position is about your mother. Do you really need a stranger to tell you what page of the bible you need to read today and who is being selfish and who has made her illness all about who? and how it effect you?
You can walk away at anytime the pain of hearing your mother suffer gets to great, Or you could learn everything you could about her conditions, the latest treatment options, the best surgeons and specialist in the field. Rather than suggesting it's all in her head.
But why spend your time on the internet doing that type of research when you have twisted this into such an inconvenience that you think you would get support from other people disabled by pain to say it's OK to be tired of your mothers whining.
How much whining did you do growing from toddler to teenager and into your adulthood, not that I'm sure you made it passed the teenage mentality where everything revolves around how it effects you.
You should look up the word empathy and then pray there is no such thing as Karma, Because you will be a guest in that same nursing home you wish you mom would check into.
There I go again, talking about how hard this must be on you.There is always that call block feature so she won't inconvenience you more with such ridiculous requests as driving her to the doctor or pharmacist. How dare she think the child she raised and sacrificed for would help her or even be interested in her suffering. It must be tough.
Do you really think people that aren't in the graphic arts business have the slightest interest in what your day is like and how burdensome your sick mother is. Being the first to ever have to deal with a sick parent you can blaze the moral trail on the proper way to through mommy from the train. You have all my empathy that you stopped maturing at the age of 12 and haven't learned how to be a human in 40 years.
With all your biblical study, you somehow missed the parts about honoring your parents. But why honor them with respect and kindness when you can just pay someone else to pretend to care when in the presence of other such wonderful children on visiting day.
There are support groups for people in your position, so called caregivers, your post was entirely about you , how her problems effect you and how you know she is creating her own pain some how. Perhaps it's the pain when she looks deep into your eyes and sees what truly lies behind them.
Not to worry, she's 70 and won't be around long to inconvenience you more or see the true nature of the child she sacrificed for.
Be sure to say goodbye because I doubt you will both end up in the same place.
Best of luck finding folks to feel sorry for your burden you calll mother.
MaryT
06-08-2004, 05:59 PM
Hi, Deluxe,
At first I thought Shoreline was a little harsh in his posting, but then I went back and read your other posts.
You live in California and your mother is in the hospital in New York?! :confused: Is there anyone in New York with your mother? :(
If you are calling from California and expecting doctors and nurses to call you back, it's probably not going to happen. Unless your mother is unable to make her own healthcare decisions, i.e. you have power of attorney or are in some way responsible for her, the medical staff is not going to take the time to talk to you when you have no control or say in the situation anyway.
Call the hospital's social worker or patient advocate and explain the situation and your concerns. In these days of managed care, outpatient surgery and 24-hour maternity stays your mother must be very ill or she wouldn't be in the hospital for 2 weeks!
Further, she is probably undermedicated for pain. It is impossible to assess and manage the situation from across the country. If you are unable to travel to New York and take charge, you need to find someone who is trustworthy, able and willing to do so.
At first I thought Shoreline was a little harsh in his posting, but then I went back and read your other posts.
You live in California and your mother is in the hospital in New York?! :confused: Is there anyone in New York with your mother? :(
If you are calling from California and expecting doctors and nurses to call you back, it's probably not going to happen. Unless your mother is unable to make her own healthcare decisions, i.e. you have power of attorney or are in some way responsible for her, the medical staff is not going to take the time to talk to you when you have no control or say in the situation anyway.
Call the hospital's social worker or patient advocate and explain the situation and your concerns. In these days of managed care, outpatient surgery and 24-hour maternity stays your mother must be very ill or she wouldn't be in the hospital for 2 weeks!
Further, she is probably undermedicated for pain. It is impossible to assess and manage the situation from across the country. If you are unable to travel to New York and take charge, you need to find someone who is trustworthy, able and willing to do so.
Fiona_Jo_324
06-08-2004, 06:50 PM
This is a rough topic. I have another story to tell. My parents are 74 and 75. My dad still hikes mountains; my mom takes daily walks. Currently, the worst ailment that has fallen on them is mild osteoarthritis. But, they are both incredibly healthy and by looking at them you wouldn't think they are a day over 60. I feel so blessed to have such healthy and vibrant parents. Now, for my story; when I was pregnant with my twins; I developed many complications; first premature contractions; second kidney complications. After spending the last few months of the pregnancy in bed I gave birth to two healthy babies. I was blessed. Unfortunately, I never regained my health; I went from a healthy vibrant women who road a bike 30-40 miles every weekend and hiked with her dad, to a woman who was in so much pain and fatigued that it was a struggle to get out of bed. After many lab tests, and many perplexed Doctors, I was diagnosed with EDS and Systemic Lupus. My kidneys almost failed. I was put in the hospital on high doses of prednisone and chemo therepy. It saved my life; but I also ended up looking like a characature of myself (I was so bloated from the prednisone). Who were the people right by my side the whole time besides my husband and children? My parents; I can still remember my dad sitting next to my bed in the hospital and crying and asking God, why this is happening to his baby and not to him. It broke my heart.
The good news is that I have regained much of my health (my kidneys are healthy again), and I am only on low maintenance doses of prednisone. Still over the last few years I have struggled with joint paint, fatigue, and back problems (I have had two back surgeries), due to lumbar spine issues that were causing nerve damage. I just got out of the hospital from my second back surgery. Once again who were the people who took me home to care me for the first week after surgery; so I wouldn't have to worry about things at my home (my husband took time off work to be home with our children), my parents - I had to practically beg for them to let me come home. They have always been there for me -- and have listened when I didn't want to burden my husband with my pain. I know my health has been so hard on my husband and children the way it is and I don't want to make things harder on them then it already is. I try so hard at home to not let my pain "define" me, stay involved with my children's activities and be an attentive mom. But, some days it so hard.
I'm sharing this because; maybe your mom talks to you about her pain because she trusts and loves you. The same way I feel about my parents, I know they will never judge me or think less of me. They love me unconditionally. Where, I know if I talk to my husband it makes him depressed. Just a thought. I know I owe my parents a lot and I'm sure your mother is as grateful to you as I am to my parents. :angel:
Jo
The good news is that I have regained much of my health (my kidneys are healthy again), and I am only on low maintenance doses of prednisone. Still over the last few years I have struggled with joint paint, fatigue, and back problems (I have had two back surgeries), due to lumbar spine issues that were causing nerve damage. I just got out of the hospital from my second back surgery. Once again who were the people who took me home to care me for the first week after surgery; so I wouldn't have to worry about things at my home (my husband took time off work to be home with our children), my parents - I had to practically beg for them to let me come home. They have always been there for me -- and have listened when I didn't want to burden my husband with my pain. I know my health has been so hard on my husband and children the way it is and I don't want to make things harder on them then it already is. I try so hard at home to not let my pain "define" me, stay involved with my children's activities and be an attentive mom. But, some days it so hard.
I'm sharing this because; maybe your mom talks to you about her pain because she trusts and loves you. The same way I feel about my parents, I know they will never judge me or think less of me. They love me unconditionally. Where, I know if I talk to my husband it makes him depressed. Just a thought. I know I owe my parents a lot and I'm sure your mother is as grateful to you as I am to my parents. :angel:
Jo
StarfieldJane
06-08-2004, 11:33 PM
Sorry Deluxe Design but I think you need a reality check..I took care of my Alzheimer's mother for 7 years, at her side 24/7..I gave up what life I had including living with my husband, my job, my home, my friends, everything, and moved 600 miles to take care of her. And then after about a year all of my physical problems started partly from the constant lifting (she weiged in at 260 then), moving her and all that being a fulltime cargiver demands. But I would do it all over again if I could. It came down to I could not physically take care of her any longer, I did until I just collapsed. So, when I was put into the hospital which started a myriad of surgeries, my Aunt's put her in the nursing home, they were to "busy" to watch after her. Now, everyday I have to know where my mom is, alone, her mind going more every day, pretty soon she won't even know me, and I can't help her. It is the most horrible pain I have ever experienced, even worse than my terrible physical pain. I would triple all my pain just to have her back. Actually I really think it's killing me, I now believe people can die of a broken heart. So I'm sorry but how dare you complain? You have a chance to really do something that matters in this rotten world, and most of all it will make your mom's last days so much better for her. Get over yourself, and do the right thing without making yourself a martyr and causing her more pain. Whatever happened to that simple phrase, I love my mother..?
StarfieldJane
StarfieldJane
sgibson
06-09-2004, 10:13 AM
Deluxe Designs,
I hope you didn't think you would come here and find validation of your feelings. You are asking the very people who suffer from chronic intractable pain day in and day out to feel sorry for you? You made your post sound like you are there taking care of your mother when in fact you are across the country. You see we are here to support each other because of people like you who do not understand and do not WANT to understand what we deal with. I think you would be better served to find a euthenasia society to whine to about your poor mother.
I am so blessed to have my family. I have been with both of my parents during their struggles with cancer and other ailments. And they have been by my side during my surgeries and recoveries. My parents (both in their 60's) have discussed moving next to me to help take care of me because of my failing health. My mom and I talk every day several times a day. She also has osteoarthritis. Some days when she is hurting really bad she will say something to the effect that she hates to complain to me because she feels selfish because she "knows" she doesn't hurt as badly as I do. I tell her to complain to me all she wants because I know what she is going through and I'm not trying to somehow "out trump" her by who hurts the worse. The point is we both love each other and truly empathize with each other. I also feel I must point out that we don't "only" talk about our pain. We talk about everything going on in our lives. The reason we can talk about everything else is because when one of us truly needs to talk about the pain, the other one truly listens. Maybe your mom keeps talking about these things because you won't listen. She is probably looking for some human decency from the one person she shouldn't have to convince she is in pain. You honestly disgust me with your selfishness.
You mention praying in your post, what is it you are praying for? someone to find out what is really wrong with mom? someone to finally be able to help mom? mom to stop "bothering" you with her problems because yours are so much larger than hers? or is it simply for mom to die so you can stop being bothered by her or go on and collect that insurance or inheritance money?
I won't apologize for my post being harsh. I find it incredibly hard to understand how anyone could post such a thing about their own mother. I think you are so self centered and callous that none of our posts will affect you in the least.
Take your pity party somewhere else. We aren't interested in how this affects you.
God Bless,
Sherry
After cooling down some, I went back and read some of your other posts. In my opinion, I think your mother could have some serious health problems. If your mother in fact has adhesions, they are very painful. I think perhaps these doctors have convinced you that your mother is only seeking pain medications. They have pulled your mother's pain medications, no wonder all she talks about is the pain. I would suggest you catch the next plane to the east coast and sit down with those doctors in person. Sometimes people think doctors are never wrong and if they say something it must be the gospel truth. I think you are probably listening more to what the doctors are saying than to what your mom is saying. I'm sure that when you were a child your mother would have never let a doctor tell her that you didn't need treatment when you were sick. It's hard when you aren't there to assess the situation yourself. I would demand to see those doctors and find one that will listen to your mother and treat her accordingly. Please find her some help and let us know how she is doing.
I hope you didn't think you would come here and find validation of your feelings. You are asking the very people who suffer from chronic intractable pain day in and day out to feel sorry for you? You made your post sound like you are there taking care of your mother when in fact you are across the country. You see we are here to support each other because of people like you who do not understand and do not WANT to understand what we deal with. I think you would be better served to find a euthenasia society to whine to about your poor mother.
I am so blessed to have my family. I have been with both of my parents during their struggles with cancer and other ailments. And they have been by my side during my surgeries and recoveries. My parents (both in their 60's) have discussed moving next to me to help take care of me because of my failing health. My mom and I talk every day several times a day. She also has osteoarthritis. Some days when she is hurting really bad she will say something to the effect that she hates to complain to me because she feels selfish because she "knows" she doesn't hurt as badly as I do. I tell her to complain to me all she wants because I know what she is going through and I'm not trying to somehow "out trump" her by who hurts the worse. The point is we both love each other and truly empathize with each other. I also feel I must point out that we don't "only" talk about our pain. We talk about everything going on in our lives. The reason we can talk about everything else is because when one of us truly needs to talk about the pain, the other one truly listens. Maybe your mom keeps talking about these things because you won't listen. She is probably looking for some human decency from the one person she shouldn't have to convince she is in pain. You honestly disgust me with your selfishness.
You mention praying in your post, what is it you are praying for? someone to find out what is really wrong with mom? someone to finally be able to help mom? mom to stop "bothering" you with her problems because yours are so much larger than hers? or is it simply for mom to die so you can stop being bothered by her or go on and collect that insurance or inheritance money?
I won't apologize for my post being harsh. I find it incredibly hard to understand how anyone could post such a thing about their own mother. I think you are so self centered and callous that none of our posts will affect you in the least.
Take your pity party somewhere else. We aren't interested in how this affects you.
God Bless,
Sherry
After cooling down some, I went back and read some of your other posts. In my opinion, I think your mother could have some serious health problems. If your mother in fact has adhesions, they are very painful. I think perhaps these doctors have convinced you that your mother is only seeking pain medications. They have pulled your mother's pain medications, no wonder all she talks about is the pain. I would suggest you catch the next plane to the east coast and sit down with those doctors in person. Sometimes people think doctors are never wrong and if they say something it must be the gospel truth. I think you are probably listening more to what the doctors are saying than to what your mom is saying. I'm sure that when you were a child your mother would have never let a doctor tell her that you didn't need treatment when you were sick. It's hard when you aren't there to assess the situation yourself. I would demand to see those doctors and find one that will listen to your mother and treat her accordingly. Please find her some help and let us know how she is doing.
no patience
06-09-2004, 07:51 PM
MY MOTHER ALWAYS TALKED ABOUT ALL THE DIFFERENT THINGS SHE HAD AND I JUST DID'NT WANT TO LISTEN BECAUSE I DID'NT WANT TO ADMIT THAT SHE HAD ALL OF THESE SERIOUS THINGS GOING ON SHE PASSED AWAY AT 56 AND I WOULD GIVE ANY THING TO HEAR HER TALK ABOUT IT ALL OVER AGAIN I KNOW IT'S KIND OF A DIFFERENT SITUATION BUT I WISH I LISTENED MORE LUV KELLEIGH :angel: :angel: :angel: :angel:
surgicaldisaster
06-10-2004, 11:41 AM
Well, we are all different, but I would not trade the opportunity to help my parents for anything in the world. They have always given me their all...they raised me as a pretty sick child(always in/out of the hospital, ALWAYS), then as a not so easy to deal with teenager, then put me through college(which I look at as a gift not a God given right), then they helped me with a down payment on a home(which I paid back, but no bank would ever have done that), they clothed me as a child, fed me, and loved me unconditionally no matter how hard I made their lives or how good. I talk to my mom every day, and live minutes away and dread the day when they are not here. In the meantime, I will be there for them no matter what they need. They could crap the bed pee on the floor and complain all day and I would not trade being there for them for anything. I love them and God has given me the gift of still having them in my life. Yes they are starting to get some pretty major problems....and yes my husband and kids come running to stand behind/with them no matter what. I am deeply saddened that you feel the way you do, not angry, but sad. I for one, will lose a part of myself when my parents are no longer here and so, I cherish every moment we can have together good or bad. Good luck to you, and may God bless your mother......I can only imagine how she must feel. Surgical Disaster
kim32
06-11-2004, 02:41 PM
I've got to add my 2 cents, I have been in chronic pain for over 18 months now since I had my gallbladder surgery (gallbladder removed) I was in extreme pain after the surgery (not just the incisions) but way deep inside.
I had all kinds of tests done, seen all kinds of doctors and not ONE doctor
could tell me what was causing me this much pain, well one doctor (a Neurologist) said that it's probably caused by nerve damage from the surgery, he told me that there's no kind of tests to determine if my chronic 24/7 pain is caused by nerve damage (the pain is in my upper abdomen) but just by me explaining my symptoms that's what he suggested that it is.
So you see just because all of the tests doesn't prove what's causing you alot of pain doesn't mean that you really aren't in pain. Kim
I had all kinds of tests done, seen all kinds of doctors and not ONE doctor
could tell me what was causing me this much pain, well one doctor (a Neurologist) said that it's probably caused by nerve damage from the surgery, he told me that there's no kind of tests to determine if my chronic 24/7 pain is caused by nerve damage (the pain is in my upper abdomen) but just by me explaining my symptoms that's what he suggested that it is.
So you see just because all of the tests doesn't prove what's causing you alot of pain doesn't mean that you really aren't in pain. Kim
sgibson
06-12-2004, 02:07 PM
Kim,
You are so right. That is what I was trying to say. The tests don't always show why we are in pain and unfortunately if the doctors can't find a reason for it, then they say it's all in your head. I think this womans poor mother is suffering because the doctors cannot pinpoint her pain and because of that have pulled all of her pain medications. So on top of being in pain the poor thing is probably suffering withdrawals to boot. I guess I am one of the lucky ones because my CT Myleogram and Diskogram both pinpointed my pain. Plus my x-rays showed the arthritis behind my spine and the degeneration of my disks. People who have never experienced pain the way we have cannot understand it. I read somewhere where doctors are taught in medical school that no one ever died from pain. I beg to differ with that because if a chronic pain patients pain levels aren't dealt with they can become depressed to the point of suicide. I know this first hand. I have experienced it within the last couple of months. My pain levels have exceeded my pain medication and I was at the point of suicide to end the suffering. I could not see any further than the pain I was in. I worry about this womans mother coming to that same point. She has no pain medications to help her. I at least had some help. I am on Duragesic and Oxy for BT. I'm almost positive if I had not been on these medications to help me I probably would have commited suicide. I am going to a new PM doctor on the 17th. My husband is going to go with me for the first time. I've been in PM for almost 3 years and this is the first time he is going to any of my appointments. He was there when I had my fusion in Jan., but has never gone to any of the other appointments. He said he wants a chance to tell the doctors how bad I am suffering. I thinks that what this mom needs. She needs someone to go in face to face with these doctors and tell them how bad she is suffering and that this pain is not "in her head".
It's so sad that people have to suffer chronic pain without any support or help.
God Bless,
Sherry :wave:
You are so right. That is what I was trying to say. The tests don't always show why we are in pain and unfortunately if the doctors can't find a reason for it, then they say it's all in your head. I think this womans poor mother is suffering because the doctors cannot pinpoint her pain and because of that have pulled all of her pain medications. So on top of being in pain the poor thing is probably suffering withdrawals to boot. I guess I am one of the lucky ones because my CT Myleogram and Diskogram both pinpointed my pain. Plus my x-rays showed the arthritis behind my spine and the degeneration of my disks. People who have never experienced pain the way we have cannot understand it. I read somewhere where doctors are taught in medical school that no one ever died from pain. I beg to differ with that because if a chronic pain patients pain levels aren't dealt with they can become depressed to the point of suicide. I know this first hand. I have experienced it within the last couple of months. My pain levels have exceeded my pain medication and I was at the point of suicide to end the suffering. I could not see any further than the pain I was in. I worry about this womans mother coming to that same point. She has no pain medications to help her. I at least had some help. I am on Duragesic and Oxy for BT. I'm almost positive if I had not been on these medications to help me I probably would have commited suicide. I am going to a new PM doctor on the 17th. My husband is going to go with me for the first time. I've been in PM for almost 3 years and this is the first time he is going to any of my appointments. He was there when I had my fusion in Jan., but has never gone to any of the other appointments. He said he wants a chance to tell the doctors how bad I am suffering. I thinks that what this mom needs. She needs someone to go in face to face with these doctors and tell them how bad she is suffering and that this pain is not "in her head".
It's so sad that people have to suffer chronic pain without any support or help.
God Bless,
Sherry :wave:
Fiona_Jo_324
06-12-2004, 05:14 PM
Sherry,
I totally agree with you, that was what I was trying to say; but wasn't as effective. After the birth of my twins and I never bounced back to my former energetic self. It was horrible. I was in so much pain .. my joints hurt so bad and I was so exhausted that I literally walked like I was 90 old years or more and spent my days sleeping (when I wasn't trying to care for new babies, again thank goodness for my parents). Of course initially my Doctor told me it was "Postpartum" depression and put be on antidepressant medication. It wasn't until my kidneys started failing that they made the diagnosis of lupus. It was a horrible time for me and my family, because prior to being hospitalized I was being told "it's all in your head." That's the worst feeling to know something wrong and no one will take you seriously. :confused:
Jo :)
I totally agree with you, that was what I was trying to say; but wasn't as effective. After the birth of my twins and I never bounced back to my former energetic self. It was horrible. I was in so much pain .. my joints hurt so bad and I was so exhausted that I literally walked like I was 90 old years or more and spent my days sleeping (when I wasn't trying to care for new babies, again thank goodness for my parents). Of course initially my Doctor told me it was "Postpartum" depression and put be on antidepressant medication. It wasn't until my kidneys started failing that they made the diagnosis of lupus. It was a horrible time for me and my family, because prior to being hospitalized I was being told "it's all in your head." That's the worst feeling to know something wrong and no one will take you seriously. :confused:
Jo :)
sgibson
06-12-2004, 08:32 PM
Hi Jo,
I think you got your point across very well. :) I totally understood where you were coming from because our lives sound so similar. My parents are just like you described yours. I love my parents so much that I don't know what I will do when their time is up. That's why I cherish every minute with them. You know I just don't understand some people. I did not have a perfect childhood. My parents were human. They made very human mistakes. I choose not to sit back and remember all the bad times. I choose to remember all the good times. Once we become adults we can no longer "blame" our parents for everything thats wrong in our lives.
I am like you in a lot of ways. I do as much as I can with my children even though I'm suffering with my back and several other issues. I want my children to remember the good times, not that momma was sick all the time.
You know, this is just my opinion, but I think it has to do with being able to love unconditionally. Some people just can't do that. They are too selfish and self absorbed. Maybe its something missing in their chemical makeup. I don't know, it's just the way I feel.
By the way, it's nice to meet you Jo. When I read your post originally I thought how similar we are. Maybe with one exception though, I tend to get up on my soap box when something "gets" to me. Yall can just knock me off if I get too annoying. LOL :D
God Bless,
Sherry :wave:
I think you got your point across very well. :) I totally understood where you were coming from because our lives sound so similar. My parents are just like you described yours. I love my parents so much that I don't know what I will do when their time is up. That's why I cherish every minute with them. You know I just don't understand some people. I did not have a perfect childhood. My parents were human. They made very human mistakes. I choose not to sit back and remember all the bad times. I choose to remember all the good times. Once we become adults we can no longer "blame" our parents for everything thats wrong in our lives.
I am like you in a lot of ways. I do as much as I can with my children even though I'm suffering with my back and several other issues. I want my children to remember the good times, not that momma was sick all the time.
You know, this is just my opinion, but I think it has to do with being able to love unconditionally. Some people just can't do that. They are too selfish and self absorbed. Maybe its something missing in their chemical makeup. I don't know, it's just the way I feel.
By the way, it's nice to meet you Jo. When I read your post originally I thought how similar we are. Maybe with one exception though, I tend to get up on my soap box when something "gets" to me. Yall can just knock me off if I get too annoying. LOL :D
God Bless,
Sherry :wave:
Fiona_Jo_324
06-12-2004, 11:15 PM
Hi Sherry,
I appreciate your post. Since I've been layed up from my surgery I have been reading a lot of the posts and I have read many of yours. I agree we have a lot in common. I think that has been the hardest part of living with a chronic illness and pain is the guilt that "creeps" in about my children. Like you before my health problems I was so active; long bike rides with my husband and son and I just haven't been the same since the health issues that arose during and after the pregnancy with my twins. But I completely agree with you it is the quality of time we spend with our children. There was a point with my lupus that I was virtually bedridden and my twins were just tiny, well they spent a lot of time with me in my room; we would play our games and have our little clubs right in my room and they just loved it and still remember that time (even though they were only three years old at the time). Also, my older son has grown into such a sensitive and understanding young man; he just amazes me. Of course I have been spending a lot more time "resting" again since my back surgery; but I have been blessed, because I have actually been relatively active for the last four years (nothing in comparison to how I was before), but a definite improvement from my early years living with lupus and EDS. It is ironic; because the lupus went into virtual remission and that is when I started having back problems. I agree; my parents are so precious and I will do anything for them if one day they need me there for them. I don't know if I can ever completely repay the love and support they have given me. I appreciate your comments and enjoy reading your posts! :angel:
Jo :wave:
I appreciate your post. Since I've been layed up from my surgery I have been reading a lot of the posts and I have read many of yours. I agree we have a lot in common. I think that has been the hardest part of living with a chronic illness and pain is the guilt that "creeps" in about my children. Like you before my health problems I was so active; long bike rides with my husband and son and I just haven't been the same since the health issues that arose during and after the pregnancy with my twins. But I completely agree with you it is the quality of time we spend with our children. There was a point with my lupus that I was virtually bedridden and my twins were just tiny, well they spent a lot of time with me in my room; we would play our games and have our little clubs right in my room and they just loved it and still remember that time (even though they were only three years old at the time). Also, my older son has grown into such a sensitive and understanding young man; he just amazes me. Of course I have been spending a lot more time "resting" again since my back surgery; but I have been blessed, because I have actually been relatively active for the last four years (nothing in comparison to how I was before), but a definite improvement from my early years living with lupus and EDS. It is ironic; because the lupus went into virtual remission and that is when I started having back problems. I agree; my parents are so precious and I will do anything for them if one day they need me there for them. I don't know if I can ever completely repay the love and support they have given me. I appreciate your comments and enjoy reading your posts! :angel:
Jo :wave:
waiting4acure
06-13-2004, 02:48 AM
Sounds like you got some pretty punishing remarks concerning your post. I will not comment on how you should feel about supporting or understanding what is going on with your mom, only you can feel and understand that. But do let me share with you what is going on with me very similiar as your mom. I am 47 years old and have 3 children, 25 year old son, 22 year old daughter and 17 year old daughter. The two elder live away and the 17 year old lives at home with me as a single mother. Almost 2 years ago I slipped on the ice and landed completely on my back. 2 weeks later my father pasted away of cancer. 3 mos suffering a very difficult cancer and took him very fast, the stress and worry apparently combined with the fall brought on the fibromyalgia. Before that my children always saw me as a on the go, healthy, happy and energetic mom. Fibromyalgia completely changes your life and turns it into one that few understand. You can't see the pain nor can many understand why you can have something that cannot be diagnoised. The pain is chronic and many times you simply wish you could die. It gets that bad, truly. It's not just the pain, its the "fibro fog", meaning mom forgets so many things, or when talking to someone on a bad day, I cannot get my complete thoughts out because after 1 minute of speaking I lose my train of thought. It also comes with IBS, terrible headaches, gum and teeth problems, but you fear going to the dentist because the pain of what the dentist offers is 10 times worse than what a "normal" person would experience. The bottom of feet start to hurt within 15 minutes of being at the male with my daughter. I could go on and on....but my point is this....my 17 year old daughter often tells me everything is about fibromyalgia and shes right. I do my very best to silent my mouth when the pain is excruciating, but sometimes when she wants to go and it hurts to bad to move. I will purposely not say a word for days no matter how bad the pain. She will be 18 next year and "I" am trying to make every day special while she is still living at home. I don't want her to always remember mom moaning about the pain or the frustrating doctors who don't believe in it or doesn't know what to give you for the terrible pain. My son seems to understand and very compassionate. He will listen, but I try to balance the "whiney attitude." Nicely putting it :rolleyes: It means so much for him to listen and try and suggest things and help. Just listening warms my heart and makes me feel like I am nut losing it. My 22 year old daughter doesn't want to hear it and feels I need to just get up and get out more....and I would be fine. Don't be a drama queen, mom this can't be that bad. This is when you almost wish it were something that had a "REAL" name like cancer. At least than there would be understanding and compassion.
Believe me, this is the worse thing that could have ever been given to us. I'm sure your mom would much rather be talking about something else and not have the pain. I would give anything to have my past back. This is awful. I have balanced my complaining when the pain is terrible, to a very minimal with children and others. I know most do not want to constantly here it, it must get annoying. I'm doing my best to balance this. It's hard, but it's better than stressing myself out trying to explain the pain at that moment and wonder or hear what my daughters or mother or someone else may voice. The stress is will bring on the worse flare ups.
Enough from me....I am only trying to speak from your mothers side and my childrens side. Keep reading these boards, especially the FIBROMYALGIA board. You will get a better perspective on how others with it are dealing with it and maybe get some ideas to help your mother. Something you may be able to do to help her will lesson the pain and maybe bring on another topic :jester: Try it ;) If you could possibly get her the availability to have the "Healthboards" access everyday it would be most helpful to her. It is a god sent to me. Most of my venting and hurt moves through that board. Everyone understands, supports and helps each other. They are the most COMPASSIONATE, KINDESS and most WONDERFUL friends I have ever met. That would be a wonderful and compassionate gift you could share with her.
Take care and help your mom help you :wave:
Believe me, this is the worse thing that could have ever been given to us. I'm sure your mom would much rather be talking about something else and not have the pain. I would give anything to have my past back. This is awful. I have balanced my complaining when the pain is terrible, to a very minimal with children and others. I know most do not want to constantly here it, it must get annoying. I'm doing my best to balance this. It's hard, but it's better than stressing myself out trying to explain the pain at that moment and wonder or hear what my daughters or mother or someone else may voice. The stress is will bring on the worse flare ups.
Enough from me....I am only trying to speak from your mothers side and my childrens side. Keep reading these boards, especially the FIBROMYALGIA board. You will get a better perspective on how others with it are dealing with it and maybe get some ideas to help your mother. Something you may be able to do to help her will lesson the pain and maybe bring on another topic :jester: Try it ;) If you could possibly get her the availability to have the "Healthboards" access everyday it would be most helpful to her. It is a god sent to me. Most of my venting and hurt moves through that board. Everyone understands, supports and helps each other. They are the most COMPASSIONATE, KINDESS and most WONDERFUL friends I have ever met. That would be a wonderful and compassionate gift you could share with her.
Take care and help your mom help you :wave:
marich101
06-14-2004, 01:10 AM
Gonna have to agree with Shoreline on this one..............Karma is definitely the answer here...........what goes around does come around and I can think of no better way for someone to appreciate something as to go thru it themselves. Then you'll really understand why it comsumes her conversation.
barteel
06-14-2004, 10:51 AM
This post has been deleted.
barteel
06-14-2004, 10:55 AM
This post has been deleted.
sgibson
06-14-2004, 11:23 AM
Fandango,
I am slightly confused :confused: , okay, it's my natural state, but anyway, what is board trolling? Remember there are no stupid questions. :)
God Bless,
Sherry :wave:
I am slightly confused :confused: , okay, it's my natural state, but anyway, what is board trolling? Remember there are no stupid questions. :)
God Bless,
Sherry :wave:
barteel
06-14-2004, 09:18 PM
Fandango,
I am slightly confused :confused: , okay, it's my natural state, but anyway, what is board trolling? Remember there are no stupid questions. :)
God Bless,
Sherry :wave:
Trolling... well .. it's a message board thing, basically it means, a person that goes onto a board and says something thats so unbelieveably charged that people have to react to it. something like if i were to come on here and say "people that have chronic pain, really have aliens in them, named marvin." usually its something stupid, and said just to provoke.
after reading this persons other posts though, i take back what i said about them being a troll, i think they're really just cold hearted and... well i just feel sorry for their mom :rolleyes:
make sense ?
:) Fandango
I am slightly confused :confused: , okay, it's my natural state, but anyway, what is board trolling? Remember there are no stupid questions. :)
God Bless,
Sherry :wave:
Trolling... well .. it's a message board thing, basically it means, a person that goes onto a board and says something thats so unbelieveably charged that people have to react to it. something like if i were to come on here and say "people that have chronic pain, really have aliens in them, named marvin." usually its something stupid, and said just to provoke.
after reading this persons other posts though, i take back what i said about them being a troll, i think they're really just cold hearted and... well i just feel sorry for their mom :rolleyes:
make sense ?
:) Fandango
sgibson
06-15-2004, 10:58 PM
Fandango,
Thanks for clearing that up for me. :) I went back and read some of her other posts also after I had made my first reply. I couldn't believe someone would be so callous about their own mother. It is sad.
By the way, my martians name isn't Marvin, it's Miss Kitty. :eek:
God Bless,
Sherry :wave:
Thanks for clearing that up for me. :) I went back and read some of her other posts also after I had made my first reply. I couldn't believe someone would be so callous about their own mother. It is sad.
By the way, my martians name isn't Marvin, it's Miss Kitty. :eek:
God Bless,
Sherry :wave: