SnowBnny
06-12-2004, 11:21 AM
Hi everyone !
Last night I was so sick because of the restriction on calories that I have. Instead of eating a salmon dinner, I had oatmeal for dinner. During the night, I got up and I was really sick. I said to myself that is it. I need to eat. I went to the kitchen at 11 pm and ate the salmon. Then I promised myself to eat normally the next day.
Today is the first day of eating normally. I ate oatmeal (yep again) but with a cut up banana in it. I ate ice cream too and this is all before lunch. And because of this, I actually feel happy. I haven't been happy in a long time and that was because of the way I was eating. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am even going out to dinner tonight. And for lunch, I am going to get some fast food eats. Yeah, not exactly healthy, but I am not going stop myself. Today is my day and I am going to town. woowoo!!
You see, I am 93 lbs. I am constantly dropping weight, constantly counting calories. I know the way I am eating today will not make me gain weight but the sad thing is, I know tomorrow, I will go back to my old restricting habits.
Maybe this is the first step who knows. I just wish I can make the 2nd step.
I wish I could allow myself get back to a healthy weight too and not have that fear that gaining weight is a bad thing when in reality it would be the best for me.
Deep down I know the answers, but why can't I get myself to realize they are the right answers? Why do I continue on a path of destruction when I know where I am headed?
Last night I was so sick because of the restriction on calories that I have. Instead of eating a salmon dinner, I had oatmeal for dinner. During the night, I got up and I was really sick. I said to myself that is it. I need to eat. I went to the kitchen at 11 pm and ate the salmon. Then I promised myself to eat normally the next day.
Today is the first day of eating normally. I ate oatmeal (yep again) but with a cut up banana in it. I ate ice cream too and this is all before lunch. And because of this, I actually feel happy. I haven't been happy in a long time and that was because of the way I was eating. I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am even going out to dinner tonight. And for lunch, I am going to get some fast food eats. Yeah, not exactly healthy, but I am not going stop myself. Today is my day and I am going to town. woowoo!!
You see, I am 93 lbs. I am constantly dropping weight, constantly counting calories. I know the way I am eating today will not make me gain weight but the sad thing is, I know tomorrow, I will go back to my old restricting habits.
Maybe this is the first step who knows. I just wish I can make the 2nd step.
I wish I could allow myself get back to a healthy weight too and not have that fear that gaining weight is a bad thing when in reality it would be the best for me.
Deep down I know the answers, but why can't I get myself to realize they are the right answers? Why do I continue on a path of destruction when I know where I am headed?