I am a concerned mother of a 14 year old daughter who is BP and ADD. We have only known about the BP for less then a year and I am trying to learn all I can about her dx.

I realize that the teen years for girls are VERY Difficult and girls are just mean to each other. My daughter has had a difficult time developing any long lasting close friendships. I think that because she is so impulsive her friends parents don't feel that she is suitable for their daughters. I think this THIS one of the reasons why she feel so inferior to her peers.

My daughter is beautiful and not just because she is my daughter. She doesn't wear makeup and she doesn't need to either. She is tall and blond with blue eyes, a heartshaped face, beautiful skin, and a size 4. She always sells herself short by hanging around with the "hardcore" kids who talk tuff. When it comes to guys she is interested in the "badboy types". She has written many guys names on her body with pen, fingernail polish, and even carved the initials into her arm with a pencil once.

I wish that I could help her see herself the way in which I see her. I would like her to be successful in life and in a healthy relationship when she is older. Is there anything I can do now to help on her this path?

hi....i read your post with amazement....she is me 30 years ago....except for the blonde hair and i carved boys initials in my arms and legs w/ a razor blade....i did have one very close girlfriend but she was just as out of control as i was....i, however, wasn't diagnosed bipolar until 7 years ago (at 39) and diagnosed add also 3 years ago...
i wish i had some good advise for you other than just be there for support and let her know she is loved....my life did turn around at 23 when i met and married an extremely stable man....i had grown tired of all the "bad boys"....had about 21 "good" years, had a wonderful daughter myself and thought my life was on track....now i have been a basketcase because my husband filed for divorce and moved out of state...needless to say, this has sent my bipolar into a nosedive, i've even started the cutting again....
i'm thinking maybe your daughter has a better chance of regaining a more "normal" life due to the fact she has been diagnosed and on meds...i'm assuming she's on meds right??just keep an eye on her and make sure she takes her meds and if they seem to be the wrong meds, keep trying to find a good fit for her...took me several tries to find the right meds and then they have stopped working at times...then the med-go-round starts all over again....
i wish you and your daughter the best of luck....i can relate to her struggle as i too lived it almost exactly....
PPP~~~

Polly knows of what she speaks!!
I've had Bipolar disorder since i was 13 - not diagnosed until I was 30. I had very few friends but only because I was very depressed and missed alot of school with stomach problems (more like it was schoolphobia since I was undiagnosed and couldn't handle the stress of school without the right meds)
KNOWING that something was wrong with me, that I wasn't like the rest of the kids, set me apart in my own mind. Instant low self-esteem since "belonging is the #1 thing in school, right?
If possible see if you can find an interest or a talent that you can encourage. Many bipolars are very creative - artistically, writing, photography etc. See if you can get her into an extra club or class or summer seminar on something she enjoys and can excel at (apart from her friends...)
At the very least find ANYthing to praise her for. Even though they had no clue what was wrong with me my parents never left any doubt in my mind that I was loved, supported, unconditionally safe...
I think that that solid foundation (they got all us kids to church all thru school also) made a BIG difference in how I turned out as an adult.
Stabilized on lithium for 20 years, able to work at a job, married to a wonderful man for 15 years.
I don't think my parents would have believed that my life would have turned out this way if you had asked them while I was catatonic or bouncing off the walls!!!

Come back anytime for support. There are many people who check in here who have children your daughter's age w/Bipolar Disorder...

:angel:

hi....i read your post with amazement....she is me 30 years ago....except for the blonde hair and i carved boys initials in my arms and legs w/ a razor blade....i did have one very close girlfriend but she was just as out of control as i was....i, however, wasn't diagnosed bipolar until 7 years ago (at 39) and diagnosed add also 3 years ago...
i wish i had some good advise for you other than just be there for support and let her know she is loved....my life did turn around at 23 when i met and married an extremely stable man....i had grown tired of all the "bad boys"....had about 21 "good" years, had a wonderful daughter myself and thought my life was on track....now i have been a basketcase because my husband filed for divorce and moved out of state...needless to say, this has sent my bipolar into a nosedive, i've even started the cutting again....
i'm thinking maybe your daughter has a better chance of regaining a more "normal" life due to the fact she has been diagnosed and on meds...i'm assuming she's on meds right??just keep an eye on her and make sure she takes her meds and if they seem to be the wrong meds, keep trying to find a good fit for her...took me several tries to find the right meds and then they have stopped working at times...then the med-go-round starts all over again....
i wish you and your daughter the best of luck....i can relate to her struggle as i too lived it almost exactly....
PPP~~~

Thanks for your reply. :)

I am sorry to hear about your marriage and the distress it is causing you. I think that the cutting is very dangerous and you should talk to someone about it right away.

Yes she is on meds. trilep.. and concerta. They are helping quite a bit and they don't seem to have the side effects that some do. She loves to stay up into the night and sleep a good part of the morning. It is hard during long periods of togetherness (her and I) because she loves to attack me physically. Most of the time she is just teasing but then she gets carried away and doesn't quit, then I get mad.

I do love her unconditionally and we are very close. I have asked her therapist to help her learn what she needs to do to take care of herself. I want her to learn that she also has some responsiability and control in her moods by taking her meds.

Best of Luck to You~

you do need support. Try finding a local support group that meets together. I found NAMI for me. It is the wife that has BP and I need the person to person stuff too.

I am a concerned mother of a 14 year old daughter who is BP and ADD. We have only known about the BP for less then a year and I am trying to learn all I can about her dx.

I realize that the teen years for girls are VERY Difficult and girls are just mean to each other. My daughter has had a difficult time developing any long lasting close friendships. I think that because she is so impulsive her friends parents don't feel that she is suitable for their daughters. I think this THIS one of the reasons why she feel so inferior to her peers.

My daughter is beautiful and not just because she is my daughter. She doesn't wear makeup and she doesn't need to either. She is tall and blond with blue eyes, a heartshaped face, beautiful skin, and a size 4. She always sells herself short by hanging around with the "hardcore" kids who talk tuff. When it comes to guys she is interested in the "badboy types". She has written many guys names on her body with pen, fingernail polish, and even carved the initials into her arm with a pencil once.

I wish that I could help her see herself the way in which I see her. I would like her to be successful in life and in a healthy relationship when she is older. Is there anything I can do now to help on her this path?
Hi Twisted,
My name is Toni and I am a 20 yr old female diagnosed bi-polar at age 13. I hear your daughter's story and I have to speak because it sounds so much like my own. I was at one time so obsessed over a "bad-boy" that I tried to slit my wrists when I was told I could no longer see him. I spent three months in an inpatient psychiatric treatment center where I was finally diagnosed.(I had been having issues for about 3 yrs.) My life took a tumultous path following the hospital stay, including my deciding to move out of my mother's home and 500 miles away to live with my father. I only stayed a year, and that year taught me so much. The advice I can offer is to stay strong, keep your daughter under close watch, don't let her have all the freedom she wants. My mom was probably too overprotective, and although I rebelled once or twice, her mother-bear instinct kept me out of trouble many times. I resented her for the lack of freedom at the time, and we fought like cats and dogs, but after my year away, I came back and realized I had been hating my best friend. I learned that she was there for me no matter what, no matter how horrible I could be to her. Just let your daughter know that she is number one in your life and that you're there for her always. Hope this advice helps you, as I hope she can learn to see what a great gift a mother is!

Can you be bi-polar if you'd never think of cutting yourself but have threatened suicide over five hundred times in twenty years? "Manipulative threats" I think it's called. My daughter has a sense of entitlement. She expects no, demands that someone pay her bills while she drives around six days a week from friends' house to friends' house from store and to next store to drive up hamburger joints then home.
Then she'll drive 400 miles to visit her ex husband then next week another 300 miles to visit an ex boyfriend charging her gas and food to her "boyfriends'" pulse card he left with her for her convenience. One day she's calm, most days she's angry. Only friends she has sell * or # and they're nasty to her. She feels like an outcast, quits every job she gets after raving to me how thrilled she is to have a job. And all this with my six yr old grandson in tow. Heartbreaking. And to top it all off she says most people are JEALOUS of her!

Hundtoft,

Your post brought tears to my eyes. I am hoping that I can help her in that way because there is nothing I wouldn't do for her. Most often it is our trials in life that teach us the most like it was for you. I think the painful relationships that she has had with friends has taught her so much too. Knowing her dx and witnessing her in a manic sexual phase has her under close watch at every turn.

Mudhound,

How did you find your support group locally?

SusanGene,

I wish I knew what to tell you about your daughter being BP or not but I don't know. I can feel your pain when you speak of her lifestyle. With her age I think she will have to be the one that wants to seek help...I mean I don't think that you can take her kicking and screaming. Can you offer some stability for her son?

Hugs to all of you~

Yes, we can offer plenty of stability but without the courts she won't let us. She says, "he's fine downstairs watching tv" as of an hour ago. This is a huge maze of
low self esteem, quitting jobs when one girl in the office looks at her sideways, wanting someone to pick up her tab, her insisting she can live a free lifestyle of taking trips and eating out while her bf kills himself working, saying she is "mentally ill and cannot keep from using the phone" to saying she has free long distance (?) , blaming her father for her entire life of errors and poor decisions, having no guilt nor accepting any blame for her mistakes but blaming her dad who she sees twice yearly, having a bf who has tremendous debts and sort of takes it out on her (he keeps working while she cries and whines), on ad nauseum. So I do not have what many other older women have: peace of mind in old age. I have continual phone calls from her for 2 decades threatening suicide, wanting me to fix her life for her. It is never ending.
She cannot find a decent guy (she says there are none) and she is the most verbally abusive person imaginable if crossed. Impossible to live with. She was partly responsible for her dad and I splitting up because of her craziness. So my new husband fixed it so she'd have NO RENT and a brand new place; it wasn't enough.SG