Hi All, I thought I would write a post because I really need to vent. I am 22 yrs. old and live @ home. (had my own place for 2 years but due to finances I'm back home for @ least another year) My mom has been bi-polar and manic depressive since as far back as I can remember. She has never ' technically' been diagnosed with it because she thinks she has no problem. In fact, after her manic episodes, she doesn't remember them (or she pretends not to). Talking her into getting help is not an option, she won't (me and my brother have brought up things she has done, she doesn't remember doing them, but claims she will try and change some things) The only thing she will agree to, is that when she gets angry, "she gets angry". One of her friends also has break downs, but instead of seeing a little of herself in her friend's stories, she just talks behind her back and calls her crazy. Guess I just need to vent and see if anyone has any advice...it get's really bad at times and I feel like I'm going to have a mental breakdown! Every Holiday we are tip-toeing around glass, because every single national holiday she looses it. (although it's on other days as well) One Christmas when I was 12, my mother declared Christmas was "over" at midnight, knocked the christmas tree over, opened the sliding door and dragged the tree onto the deck in the backyard. She proceeded with throwing all the presents ouside in the snow. After my dad dragged the tree back in the house, she tried throwing lit matches on it, and told us she would shoot us all with a shotgun! Later that night when we were all sleeping, my brother woke up smelling gas. He went downstairs to find that all the burners on the stove turned on, with the flames blown out. (thank god she didn't lite a ciggarette) I had to explain this story so all of you understand just how extremely angry she is, and how bad it gets. I'm tired of this and I don't think it's o.k. for her to think that it's alright to treat people like this. I've debated calling the police sometimes, but that will do nothing, they would just put her in a ward for a few days and we would be back at square one in no time at all. Are there any options for me? She will never admit to having a problem- in fact sometimes when shes going through one of her episodes one of her friends will call, and she will act like everything is perfect (like little miss suesie homemaker) but when the phone call ends, it's back to the 'mania'. I guess I'm just so tired of dealing with this and talking to her doesn't work.

Heya!! Im sorry about ur mom, n how its been for u. I think my mom is bi-polar...but she would never ever even come close too admitting it. She isnt as severe as ur mom...im not sure if there r different levels or severities...but she owuld wake up and come into the living room yelling(Screaming) and throwing stuff because we'd left something on the floor or not cleaned up. I dont live with her ne more, i couldnt take it. She'd flip out like that all the time then just come up too our room and be sweet as pie saying "i love u girls u know that bla bla bla" constant ups and downs it drove me nuts. youre not alone and there really isnt ne thing can do.... My sister is bi-polar also(at least she thinks she is) she doesnt have those episodes where she doesnt remember what just happend, but she does the same things my mom used too(with the ups and downs) and going from one extreme too the other like ebing really hapy, then one person says one wrong thing and shes the exact opposite....i dunno...well i hope u dont get too stressed out about this!! take it easy

Just as an FYI - Bipolar *is* Manic Depressive. (Manic Depression was the old term used for what is now called Bipolar)

Amen, Ruth. Summerbreezer, if alcohol is driving your mom's behavior, this would be literally like pouring gas/alcohol on a smoldering fire/BPbrain. If it is, then it seems to me that that's the one that has to get dealt with first, and maybe that's what makes her more resistant to 'giving [it] up', or surrendering to the notion that she has a 'problem'. If is isn't, then it would seem from your examples of her behavior, that she can become acutely imbalanced, maybe spontaneously, but certainly 'phasically' (or coming-and-going or 'waxing and waning' [as in phases of the moon]), which is characteristic of BP (but also other disorders, since they are similar in that respect, at least).
But as much as you love your mom and want to help her, you are not qualified to take on Dx/Rx and extended therapy for her, especially since she's your mom. That's not to say, don't help, but keep your limits well in mind; and I think like Ruth advised, see if you can get back out on your own, even at a reduction of standard of living; it will probably be worth it to your own psycho-emotional well-being and maybe to hers, esp. if you would try to push back on her behavior at close quarters like living in the same house with her. And I think you must not feel 'guilty' or 'inadequate' or 'less loving' for this. You have to take care of yourself, and have a right to. She is your mother, not vice versa. This is probably the most difficult part of dealing with a loved one in this situation. I have been doing it with my son for several years, and it has been hard for me to accept, but once I did it was alot better for me and for him too because I could separate out the dad from the helper and so could he. Best wishes, and hang in there and keep faith in your self and your instincts here- it seems to me that you have very good instincts on this one.

Thank you all for the advice and support....it helps to know people take the time & thought to respond. Getting out of the house has been on my mind from the week that I first moved back home, but it will still take a few months to clear my credit and get a new place. Thanks again!

I was diagnosed with bipolar last year and my mother has bipolar but is in denial.....When i was a small child my mother also had outburst like that....She became very physical with me and my sisters, to the point where children services where called in by the school....She use to hit us with a leather belt and if you didn't stand still you would get it where ever it landed....When she hit you it wasn't a smack or a mark that would stay with you for a day, it was a mark that would stay with you for weeks to a month....She was out to hurt us....I would take most of the beatings so that my younger sisters wouldn't have to, they would run and hide under their beds or in their closets....It came to a point in our lives where we thought she didn't like us and couldn't figure out why.....She dislocated my jaw by punching me when i was about fifteen....Still today as adults we are not close to our mother....
Unfortunatley if she isn't willing to help herself there is not much you can do to help....She has to reconize that there is a problem....When i started to have my emotional outburst and moods swings...I notice as i got older that there was similiar moods to my mother....When i had children i knew that i never want to put my children through what i went through so i went for help....Now my family is loving and supportive of each other through the good and the bad...My twelve year old son is now having some signs of bipolar, it's heart breaking but i would be there for him in any way i could to help him...My heart isn't cold though i love my children i may have my mood swings but my children always come first....My dad side of the family are great people that's where that gene comes in and i'm greatful for that..They show love and affection i never recieved from my mother...

As a rule, Ruth has a GREAT insite on these things. I hearby second her reply. Esp the NAMI group.

I third!