I am so frustrated with everything!!! I have stopped purging every day, and try to limit it to once every other day. Today was a no-purge day, so I was so careful. I ate a few small meals, what I was comfortable with. I exercised, and talked with friends to distract myself after meals. But when I got home around 12 tonight, I had half a box of ice cream and half a box of cereal. I purged after, but I'm so mad at my lack of self control!

To make things worse, I've gained weight. I've gained I think three pounds in a week or so :eek: . I don't know what to do!!! I've been careful not to eat too terribly much, but I'm still gaining weight. Everyone was all happy when I told them, but I'm devistated. I was almost to my goal of 95 lbs, but now I weigh 102 lbs. I don't know what to do, I'm fighting the urge to take Ipecac syrup. I hate the stuff, it makes you sick for hours, but I don't know what else to do. Please help!!! I feel out of control.

~Ana

what is ipecac syrup??

It's a poison that people give their children to make them throw up and have terrible dihirrea if they've taken od'ed on medecine or something. If you haven't eaten/drank poison or medecine, it's even worse, and makes you sick for hours, until you have no food or liquid (or energy) left in you. If you use it too much, you can die of a heart attack, but I've only used it once so far, so it's not that serious... If you're thinking about trying it, DON'T, because it's terrible stuff!

I binged again tonight too. I tried cookies and chips while out grocery shopping, I had a salad and a sweet potato for dinner, 3 corn muffins, and 3 Huge chocolate chip cookies. I threw it all up too, and now I'm going to go run several miles in case I didn't throw it all up... Augh, I thought I was getting better!!! :rolleyes:
~Ana

binge? that sounds like a snack to me. have you sought professional help yet? it sounds like you know you need it.

Yeah that really isn't a binge- i agree with ducttape1000. It sounds like your "binges" are just meals and snacks, but you feel so guilty after eating anything that you call it a binge to justify purging. I also agree that you need to seek help, because its hard to work through it alone. And your weight seems pretty low to me- how tall are you?

Gaining 3 lbs in a week isnt really possible- I mean it IS, but you would have to eat a LOT more than youre used to (even with "binges" im pretty sure you wouldnt top it). If i were a doctor, based on what you've told me, I would diagnose you as anorexic and bulimic- You seem to eat small meals/snacks (not enough), are scared of gaining weight, AND binge/purge. This is a serious problem. If you haven't talked to your parents already, I would really consider that. If you cant approach them for whatever reason, tell SOMEONE- a teacher, a relative, your doctor, etc. They arent going to "make you fat" but they will help you overcome this.

girlygirl11~ I have told my parents (well, they found out, and I agreed), and now I'm getting help. At least, they're trying to help me. I don't think eating as much as I do is a problem most days, but recently I've been hungry constantly. I don't eat when I am though. I'm 5' 2", and now I'm down to 99 lbs. That's what I was before, and after weighing myself and weighing 102, I didn't eat much for a week.

ducttape1000~ I know it seems kinda weird, everyone else tells me I don't eat enough too. I am going to a nutritionist now, but she's not helping me at all. All she says is, "eat more!" Well, duh, but I don't feel like it.

How are you guys doing? It's nice to be able to talk to someone who kinda knows what you're going through. Nobody else seems to understand.

~Ana

It's great that you're getting help. I found when I was going to a nutritionist it didn't really help me much either...mind you she specialized in weight LOSS (haha).

Honestly, I know this is so cliched, but it really is an internal battle. You need to find it within YOU to get better. You need to be self movtivated and work through things on your own (of course, you DO need a jump start to get you started in the right direction). However I only really found that starter when i was admitted to hospital! i hope you dont get to that point.

You ARE underweight and really have to try hard and see that to be the TRUTH (yes, unbelievable as it may be...you think that everyone would lie to you?..dont answer that..). Think hard about why you are doing what youre doing and whether youre doing it for the RIGHT reasons.

If you died tomorrow, would they remember you for being thin? Or for your personality, the things youve done and said and your smile? Sure, you say, ive never met you, but everyone has a great smile, when they smile (its true! have you ever seen an ugly smile?) and everyone is memorable in their own way, with good qualities and bad. You cant focus on the bad-focus on the good.

In 30 years, do you want to remember your teen years as being filled with cookbooks, calories, purging and hunger? Or as nights out with your best pals, dressing up for cool restaurants, sleepovers, boys and gossip?
Thiiiiiiiiiiink about it...

I tried to "be normal" tonight. I ate an energy bar so I would have the energy to play soccer with my younger brother, and I was going to eat a normal (for me) dinner too. I managed to keep all 200 calories of that down, but come dinner, I didn't eat the fish that was 200 cals to make up for the energy bar. So I did restrict like I usually do, but same ol' same ol', right?

But...when I was making tomorrow's meals, I ate one homemade energy bar, w/ about 150 cals apeice. By the time I was done, I had eaten 6 energy bars, or 900 calories. I just got back from running, but my calorie counter says I only burned 218 calories!!! :eek: I don't know what to do. So I layed down and cried, but that didn't help. I think I'm going to drink some green tea (caffine to help me keep going) and exercise for an hour or two tonight, until I've burned off the other 678 calories. I HATE calorie counting!!!!!!!!! But I'm addicted to it, and I can't seem to stop.

I know what you mean about the calorie counting, and how it drives you crazy. It can feel like its taking over your life. I know you probably know this, and I don't know how much it'll help to hear it again, but here it goes:

900 Calories, in one day is nothing. I promise you anything that you will maintain your weight by eatin 1800-2200 Calories (each person is different, but that IS the range). You may feel bloated for a day or two, but that ISNT fat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's just because your system has to get used to eating more again. It'll pass if you keep giving it food. But in the meantime, you don't have to burn off everything you eat. People (especially women) need at least 1200 Calories per day to SURVIVE. This means breathing, moving, talking, pumping blood, heart beats, etc. BASIC things your body does. 1200 Calories would be burned if you layed in bed all day, not moving a muscle (really, I promise you!)

I was in you position around this time last year. It took me a hospitalization, truthful friends and 6 months of thinking to smarten up. I now see that really, at 1200 Calories, it's not enough. I know you probably don't want to understand or hear that. But it's true, really. So even if you had had 1200 Calories in Energy Bars you wouldn't have to run for 2 hours to burn it off. Heck, crying for a good half hour burns calories too! Even if you had 2000 Calories in energy bars you wouldnt have to excersise to burn it off!!! REALLY!!! YES it may FEEL like you "gained weight" but this "weight" isn't really "weight" it will leave your body within a couple of hours! (I found it easiest to not look at my tummy especially during these first couple days). I hope that you get help and can fight this. It hurts everyone around you..including your brother.