OK. my girlfriend makes herself throw up, I'm damn near positive. I heard her from the other room the other day... She s let me see writings of hers where she mentions it indirectly as well. I don't know whether to confront her about it or wait until she trusts me enough to tell me... What to do? I really care about her and don't want to push her away but at the same time I really want to help.

I understand how difficult it is for you being in this position..because it IS difficult to approach. But, if she is letting you see her writings etc..maybe it is a sign that she DOES want to talk. When there's no distractions..spend some time with her.....don't directly go on to the subject right away (so she becomes comfortable)...then try talkin to her. You need to make sure that you are as sensitive as possible towards her....avoid 'why's alot- I often got angry when people asked me that because I was just like 'I DONT KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!'......use questions like 'Im really concerned.....I want to help you....is there anything I can do?'..as long as your honest and open..things should be fine. If you start getting angry...it'll just make things work. But, you neer to tackle the problem now before it gets even more out-of-hand.

Caroline

I understand how difficult it is for you being in this position..because it IS difficult to approach. But, if she is letting you see her writings etc..maybe it is a sign that she DOES want to talk. When there's no distractions..spend some time with her.....don't directly go on to the subject right away (so she becomes comfortable)...then try talkin to her. You need to make sure that you are as sensitive as possible towards her....avoid 'why's alot- I often got angry when people asked me that because I was just like 'I DONT KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!'......use questions like 'Im really concerned.....I want to help you....is there anything I can do?'..as long as your honest and open..things should be fine. If you start getting angry...it'll just make things work. But, you neer to tackle the problem now before it gets even more out-of-hand.

Carolineyeah but Im pretty sure it's already been out of hand. She was in hospital for 2 months a couple of years back before I knew her because of an ED. Still... I don't know whether or not to confront her. All I want to do is help but I realise in this situation I'm probably not going to affect her decisions to throw up or not. This situation has me really worried.

Talk to her openly, like mentioned, and just be encouraging, supportive, and DONT get angry. Use the "i'm so concerned for you" angle. Talk to her about talking to someone, whether it be a therapist, a teacher, a parent, a doctor, etc. If she refuses, tell her you may have to go yourself, out of concern for her health. If she still refuses, wait a couple days-a week and after that, if nothing has changed (or things get worse), tell someone yourself. She MAY be mad at you at first (probably will be), but after she gets help of some sort (the point of telling someone else), she'll be grateful that you did!

You may not affect her decisions..but you'll reassure her that u DO care....that's what I needed to be told a few times...otherwise Id think 'well, I have no reason to stop'. My ex had a 'talk'...and because I loved him...i did it for him (as well as for me)..so u need to make your feelings obvious to her about things.

hi,

It will be hard to confront your girlfriend. But it is the best way. She will probably denie it. I did the same thing to many people that I love. But once she admits it, she will be very emotional but you will help her I am sure.

If you know for sure that she is making herself throw up..you should confront her..but don't push her. Just simply ask and that you are very worry about her. I hope this helps.

smiles
Liana Rose :angel:

OK. my girlfriend makes herself throw up, I'm damn near positive. I heard her from the other room the other day... She s let me see writings of hers where she mentions it indirectly as well. I don't know whether to confront her about it or wait until she trusts me enough to tell me... What to do? I really care about her and don't want to push her away but at the same time I really want to help.



Hi vc -

Hope it's OK if I throw my 2c in for whatever it's worth!? I do understand your discomfort at saying anything at all to your girlfriend, not knowing exactly how to approach it, etc. Well, what you COULD do is play dumb - you know, "Gee, are you OK?? I couldn't help but hear....", and then see what she says. And let what she says dictate what you say next. The next time you hear her, "Are you SURE you're OK????? This is twice now, so I'm wondering...." Sometimes people want someone else to bring it up, sometimes they don't, and so there's only one way to find out which one she is, you know? I understand that you don't want to push her away...so a direct confrontation may make her close up altogether. Just keep using the "I'm baffled and don't know what to make of this" approach, as I'm sure sooner or later she'll figure you might be catching on, and may finally bring it up to you. Just a thought, and I could be wrong, too! Take care.

Char :wave:

yeah I like this ambiguous let the other person think you know but not know you know approach! it's worked so far in hooking up with this girl so Im figuring it's the apporach that would prolly be best here.
thanks for the 2 cents

yeah I like this ambiguous let the other person think you know but not know you know approach! it's worked so far in hooking up with this girl so Im figuring it's the apporach that would prolly be best here.
thanks for the 2 cents


:) You're very welcome...and good luck!!!

Char :wave:

If you really care about this girl, just letting her know that you are there to support her and to be her personal cheerleader will help a lot. If you're having a meal together, let her decide what it is, so that it's something "safe" for her, and then right after eating, suggest that the two of you go for a walk, or whatever, to coffee or something, and just talk. Often the distraction and being with someone who cares helps more than you can imagine.

-tt

hey my g/f has an eating disorder but the difference is that she came to me and my friend... she doesn't want help but i think it helps that she can talk to someone about it instead of keeping it inside or just writing about... if u let her kno u care and ur not angre and that u want to help her then she will be more open to talk to you about it... if u get mad at her she might be scared to tell u about anything... dont push her to do anything dont make her mad at u but try to get her to get help. as long as u are clam and dont over react she should be more open if u make a huge deal when ur talking to her she might get scared to tell u.. it is a serious thing and it is huge but u cant scare her away from u.

Heya

Just something else, and I don't know if its a good idea because I've never been in your situation but I thought I'd say anyway. Do you have any idea what her 'underlying issues' are? Maybe you could try and get her to talk about them?

Sorry I can't help very much!
Love Emily x x x

Hi there,

You said right at the beginning of this post that your friend has let you read things of hers that "indirectly" admitted to her problem.

That to me sounds like a cry for help.

Confront her, gently. Just tell her you understand that there are things going on for her and that if she wants to, she can come to you. Don't push her too hard as it will make her back away and not want to talk to you at all. And understand that she may be angry or defensive, but in the end she will understand why you needed to talk to her.

Maybe offer to come with her to the school counsellor or her parents or some other trusted adult.

Good luck and stay strong for you and your friend. :) :angel:

I too need some advice on what to do...

My boyfriend has been making himself throw up for quite some time now. I did confront him a few months ago, and he just got way defensive and thought I was attacking his character since he claims to hate vomitting more than anything. He said I should know he would never stoop to that level.

The severity of this condition seems to be out of control at this point. He lies about only eating once a day which I know to be untrue when things are suddenly missing out of the fridge, and there are dirty dishes in the dishwasher. He uses the bathroom every time he eats. As of late, he "takes a shower" now after dinner, and when I just recently commented on his frequent shower visits after eating, he got paranoid and instead of throwing up in the toilet, he did it in the shower. I heard him doing it, and he didn't do a good job of washing it all down before he got out.

Also, he will vomit after eating a healthy meal, but later will munch on snack food and ice cream, but doesnt vomit after that...

The sad part is, I dont see any weight loss at all, so making himself vomit doesnt seem to be helping him out at all.

He also complains of hair loss, which I have read is a side effect from vomitting so much. It makes it hard for me to sympathize with him because I know the real reason behind his hair loss.

I just dont know what to do at this point. I try to find things to do immediately after dinner so that he wont vomit, but he will do it anyway even after an hour or so.

I know what is going to happen if I tell him I know he's doing it. He is just going to deny it and get mad that I would accuse him of it.

Any suggestions?

Thanks :)