happyfillmore
06-25-2004, 10:39 PM
I Want to start this post by saying i have been a nervouse wreck over something stupid dont let what happened to me happen to you letting my stress get to me.
.......................PLEASE READ THIS HOPEFULLY IT HELPS..........................
I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU TO CATHERINE A DOC WHO TOLD ME I WAS OK SHE HEARD MY WHOLE STORY ALL SYMPTOMS ETC AND NOW I FEEL BETTER.
Heres a post from ***** From me over a week of excruciating anxiety worry and guilt i have had it bad very bad as you can see by reading on thank you....
isten to me ok even tho i had just oral with a condom what if she did scratch me thru condom or poked hole im scared these things should not of happened i have never had anxiety like this im gonna die now i know it im finished my life is over i dont wanna go out like this.
my left calf msucle has been aching since last wedesnday and continues to ache plus today under my knee got a sharp pain and now aches as well on the left side im infected arent i just admit it im finished i cant live like this why did i do this my family loves me i have nephews and a niece ohh god why.Its always the ones who have these syptoms who end up positive why me ohh god why me.
last monday i had recieved oral from a escort in boston.I had a condom on and the day after i felt weird i went to bed early but woke up late and still felt tired the next day all day and i was light headed my palms would get sweaty sometimes i would sweat and i couldnt concentrate at all this went on to the next day again i was exhausted and my dads friend needed me to help him move so i lifted stuff for him and i had to work that night.
I work security all night long so i was there still feeling terrible and i couldnt eat becuase i just felt like i wanted to eat but i couldnt enjoy the food.I fell asleep in my car at work and i was crying before i did asking god why i feel this way and praying i didnt catch anything.I woke up three hours after shaking and my left arm muscle hurt earlier that day i had a culture schwab done for std's so i was scared i guess.
I ended up falling back to sleep and woke up feeling horrible and just wanted to sleep not to mention it was my 21st birthday.Then when i got home i fell asleep and slept all day my sister called to wish me a happy birthday and said she was giving me a present some new clubbing clothes.So she came by and i felt terrible still i tryed on the pants and went back to sleep two hours later my cousin came by.He wanted to go to a local bar for a few beers.
I didnt feel up to it but it was my birthday thinking it might make me feel better i went and i felt awfull i was telling my cousins firend my story and he said i was fine i had nothing to worry about.I had about 7 beers and a pack of ciggeretes and went home after three hours.I was exhausted and decided to lay down next to my father and talk to him as i did i felt like my whole bottom from my waste down was tingling my genitile area.So i knew that that ment there was no blood flow i thought so i went in my room to see if i could get a hard on and i couldnt.I read something online about that being bad so i went to the hospital and told another doctor my story.
He said i had nothing to worry about and gave me some pill called marzapam it ened with pam any way lol.So i went home and the next day i was supposed to get my std test results back but they werent finished so it was on my mind all day long.I felt tired and nauseated couldnt eat and my sister was having a barbecue that day so i tryed to eat and i forced myself in a way but i ate less than i usualy do if i wasnt feeling so sick i could have clean the place out lol.
My sister asked me my problem and my dad told me not to say but i felt comfort in telling her so i did.I felt better but was still tired at that time my right arm was achy too and my left calf muscle as well.My sister said i was fine but that night i felt pain in my groin area while in bed and i noticed below my penis hole on my head was a little purple and it got me thinking that night i had the escort.She did come down hard on my penis once i think with a toothe not sure.I was thinking that it couldve poked a hole in the condom and scraped me.
I went to bed freaking out and woke up tired again and went to the hospital for my results.They all came back negative but i still felt tired and light headed.That day i went to my sisters and i was still upset and stuff after i calmed down i didnt feel any pain on my penis that night so i went to bed monday woke up today and felt a little groggy until about4:30 at my cousins i felt better but then started to think my vision was blury like when i tried to watch tv it was at a distance i coudnt fix myself to it and like i couldnt read small letters in a good distance and i started to think it wasnt normal.Now i feel relaxed a bit as i type my hands are sweaty is that normal ? and last night in bed my nose and face tingled for a sec and i thought i heard a pussing sound and i felt my nose it was all oily.
I drank a tropicana detoxifying drink before that you know its got tons a of vitamins and it scared me a bit.Today i felt tired earlier but i feel a bit better now.I went to go talk with my family doctor and he was busy so he sent me to a mental health facility i didnt know till i got there i was like ***.
I bounced outta there fast.Another thing i freaked over was i banged my arm on my cousins window and like 5 minutes later there was a bruise and then last night at my aunts i banged my other arm and there was another bruise is it normal to get a bruise so fast ? am i just paranoid is this anxiety i dont know but i hate it and want this all to stop.I dont feel excited about stuff i feel groggy and i am not as talkative.
I called the escort back and she said she was clean and that i was scaring her making her think i had something.My doctors told me i am fine and i had nothing to worry about and when ever it gets late around midnight i feel calm but during the day im a nervouse wreck thats how its been all week.I dont wanna look at porn and i am not excited about girls when i see them now im scared i think is this anxiety ?
if you have anxiety does it make you clear your throat often becuase mine is flemy right now im nervouse.
plus my kneck feels achey sometimes off and on.
and last night my throat was wicked dry too. like u know when u have like a lump in yout throat
Last night under my knee like u know those to stringy things started to suck and hurt i dont know the diffrence from ache and pain in muscles it went on for a while and i started to calm down a bit and relax then my whole leg was tingley and cold and then it sorta stopped but today when i walk i can kinda feel a light sensation of pulling under my knee.
What the hell is going on with me.
Dear bob
As I read your post my heart hurts a little. I'm reading the words of someone who is truly feeling horrible and frustrated and doesn't know what to think about the changes happening to his body. I would like you to take a deep breath and lean back in your chair as you read my words.
I'm not going to lecture you that you don't have HIV. I'll just say it real clearly - YOU DO NOT HAVE HIV. The virus just is not inside your body. All these weird changes you're experiencing have nothing to do with the HIV. So let that thought go completely. Truly, you need to do this.
Now, anoter deep breath for the important message I have to share with you. You need to regain control of your thoughts before you'll be able to help your body heal.
It's a mind-body partnership you need my friend. The anxiety and frustration you truly feel are causing your symptoms to be worse. It's very true, the stress hormones being released really prevent your body from being able to heal itself as effectively as it knows how to do.
It's time to become your own best friend. It's time to focus on creating things in your lifestyle that you can do to make the healing you need happen. I'm talking about really good nutrition, aoiding alcohol, caffeine, and junk food. Really increase the amont of fluids you drink to help your body release toxins. Try to get outside and get some exercise to increase your circulation. Keep your skin clean using a mild glycerin soap and wear non irritating clothing - such as natural fibers (cotton or silk).
In other words, turn this around. Don't be afraid of what's happening to your body, be with your body for the healing. There's an old saying, "if you can't get away from it, get into it". It's so true when we're alienated from our bodies.
You do need to continue working with your doctor. Hopefully the problem with your health card can be resolved. Sometimes things just seem to gang up on us. Please be your own best friend.
Treat yourself to the things you enjoy, such as music, time with a good friend, movies...whatever makes you feel good and turns the negative mind-body talk into pleasant relaxing talk. You need this. You deserve this.
We're rooting for you. Do eliminate HIV from your worry list.
Best to you
Catherine
.......................PLEASE READ THIS HOPEFULLY IT HELPS..........................
I WANT TO SAY THANK YOU TO CATHERINE A DOC WHO TOLD ME I WAS OK SHE HEARD MY WHOLE STORY ALL SYMPTOMS ETC AND NOW I FEEL BETTER.
Heres a post from ***** From me over a week of excruciating anxiety worry and guilt i have had it bad very bad as you can see by reading on thank you....
isten to me ok even tho i had just oral with a condom what if she did scratch me thru condom or poked hole im scared these things should not of happened i have never had anxiety like this im gonna die now i know it im finished my life is over i dont wanna go out like this.
my left calf msucle has been aching since last wedesnday and continues to ache plus today under my knee got a sharp pain and now aches as well on the left side im infected arent i just admit it im finished i cant live like this why did i do this my family loves me i have nephews and a niece ohh god why.Its always the ones who have these syptoms who end up positive why me ohh god why me.
last monday i had recieved oral from a escort in boston.I had a condom on and the day after i felt weird i went to bed early but woke up late and still felt tired the next day all day and i was light headed my palms would get sweaty sometimes i would sweat and i couldnt concentrate at all this went on to the next day again i was exhausted and my dads friend needed me to help him move so i lifted stuff for him and i had to work that night.
I work security all night long so i was there still feeling terrible and i couldnt eat becuase i just felt like i wanted to eat but i couldnt enjoy the food.I fell asleep in my car at work and i was crying before i did asking god why i feel this way and praying i didnt catch anything.I woke up three hours after shaking and my left arm muscle hurt earlier that day i had a culture schwab done for std's so i was scared i guess.
I ended up falling back to sleep and woke up feeling horrible and just wanted to sleep not to mention it was my 21st birthday.Then when i got home i fell asleep and slept all day my sister called to wish me a happy birthday and said she was giving me a present some new clubbing clothes.So she came by and i felt terrible still i tryed on the pants and went back to sleep two hours later my cousin came by.He wanted to go to a local bar for a few beers.
I didnt feel up to it but it was my birthday thinking it might make me feel better i went and i felt awfull i was telling my cousins firend my story and he said i was fine i had nothing to worry about.I had about 7 beers and a pack of ciggeretes and went home after three hours.I was exhausted and decided to lay down next to my father and talk to him as i did i felt like my whole bottom from my waste down was tingling my genitile area.So i knew that that ment there was no blood flow i thought so i went in my room to see if i could get a hard on and i couldnt.I read something online about that being bad so i went to the hospital and told another doctor my story.
He said i had nothing to worry about and gave me some pill called marzapam it ened with pam any way lol.So i went home and the next day i was supposed to get my std test results back but they werent finished so it was on my mind all day long.I felt tired and nauseated couldnt eat and my sister was having a barbecue that day so i tryed to eat and i forced myself in a way but i ate less than i usualy do if i wasnt feeling so sick i could have clean the place out lol.
My sister asked me my problem and my dad told me not to say but i felt comfort in telling her so i did.I felt better but was still tired at that time my right arm was achy too and my left calf muscle as well.My sister said i was fine but that night i felt pain in my groin area while in bed and i noticed below my penis hole on my head was a little purple and it got me thinking that night i had the escort.She did come down hard on my penis once i think with a toothe not sure.I was thinking that it couldve poked a hole in the condom and scraped me.
I went to bed freaking out and woke up tired again and went to the hospital for my results.They all came back negative but i still felt tired and light headed.That day i went to my sisters and i was still upset and stuff after i calmed down i didnt feel any pain on my penis that night so i went to bed monday woke up today and felt a little groggy until about4:30 at my cousins i felt better but then started to think my vision was blury like when i tried to watch tv it was at a distance i coudnt fix myself to it and like i couldnt read small letters in a good distance and i started to think it wasnt normal.Now i feel relaxed a bit as i type my hands are sweaty is that normal ? and last night in bed my nose and face tingled for a sec and i thought i heard a pussing sound and i felt my nose it was all oily.
I drank a tropicana detoxifying drink before that you know its got tons a of vitamins and it scared me a bit.Today i felt tired earlier but i feel a bit better now.I went to go talk with my family doctor and he was busy so he sent me to a mental health facility i didnt know till i got there i was like ***.
I bounced outta there fast.Another thing i freaked over was i banged my arm on my cousins window and like 5 minutes later there was a bruise and then last night at my aunts i banged my other arm and there was another bruise is it normal to get a bruise so fast ? am i just paranoid is this anxiety i dont know but i hate it and want this all to stop.I dont feel excited about stuff i feel groggy and i am not as talkative.
I called the escort back and she said she was clean and that i was scaring her making her think i had something.My doctors told me i am fine and i had nothing to worry about and when ever it gets late around midnight i feel calm but during the day im a nervouse wreck thats how its been all week.I dont wanna look at porn and i am not excited about girls when i see them now im scared i think is this anxiety ?
if you have anxiety does it make you clear your throat often becuase mine is flemy right now im nervouse.
plus my kneck feels achey sometimes off and on.
and last night my throat was wicked dry too. like u know when u have like a lump in yout throat
Last night under my knee like u know those to stringy things started to suck and hurt i dont know the diffrence from ache and pain in muscles it went on for a while and i started to calm down a bit and relax then my whole leg was tingley and cold and then it sorta stopped but today when i walk i can kinda feel a light sensation of pulling under my knee.
What the hell is going on with me.
Dear bob
As I read your post my heart hurts a little. I'm reading the words of someone who is truly feeling horrible and frustrated and doesn't know what to think about the changes happening to his body. I would like you to take a deep breath and lean back in your chair as you read my words.
I'm not going to lecture you that you don't have HIV. I'll just say it real clearly - YOU DO NOT HAVE HIV. The virus just is not inside your body. All these weird changes you're experiencing have nothing to do with the HIV. So let that thought go completely. Truly, you need to do this.
Now, anoter deep breath for the important message I have to share with you. You need to regain control of your thoughts before you'll be able to help your body heal.
It's a mind-body partnership you need my friend. The anxiety and frustration you truly feel are causing your symptoms to be worse. It's very true, the stress hormones being released really prevent your body from being able to heal itself as effectively as it knows how to do.
It's time to become your own best friend. It's time to focus on creating things in your lifestyle that you can do to make the healing you need happen. I'm talking about really good nutrition, aoiding alcohol, caffeine, and junk food. Really increase the amont of fluids you drink to help your body release toxins. Try to get outside and get some exercise to increase your circulation. Keep your skin clean using a mild glycerin soap and wear non irritating clothing - such as natural fibers (cotton or silk).
In other words, turn this around. Don't be afraid of what's happening to your body, be with your body for the healing. There's an old saying, "if you can't get away from it, get into it". It's so true when we're alienated from our bodies.
You do need to continue working with your doctor. Hopefully the problem with your health card can be resolved. Sometimes things just seem to gang up on us. Please be your own best friend.
Treat yourself to the things you enjoy, such as music, time with a good friend, movies...whatever makes you feel good and turns the negative mind-body talk into pleasant relaxing talk. You need this. You deserve this.
We're rooting for you. Do eliminate HIV from your worry list.
Best to you
Catherine