Hi everyone,
My name is Lauren and I just joined this board yesterday. I have only been dealing with anorexia for about 1yr, only having admitted it a few months ago. It's so hard to stop playing the game. I have a great therapist and some really great support behind me but god it's just so frustrating. My therapist keeps telling me that I know what I am supposed to do. But frankly I don't. Yeah I know I'm supposed to keep eating but it just doesn't interest me. I want to get better, I don't want to be like this for the rest of my life but I am not sure what to do. She says to use my tools. Well what the heck tools am I supposed to be using is my question? I also have a friend who is in recovery from her eating disorder who tells me the same thing. I said to her once "I feel like I have my craftsman toolbox full of tools but I don't know whether to use the phillips or flat head screwdriver or the wrench or plyers" She said to take them all out and try each one. Well I thought it was a great metaphor but I have no freakin' clue what to do with that. Does anyone have any ideas? I'm scared, I don't want to end up in the hospital or be like this forever. I have so much in my life yet I'm still not happy. I just don't understand. Help?

Thanks
Lauren :confused:

Hi Lauren - I just came yesterday, and I have to say I think this looks like a pretty supportive place... I posted to a similar board for a long while when "recovery" was new to me, and I found it to be an excellent "tool"... I think we all have such different tools, it's hard to say what someone else's might be - you have to search and find what works for you (big help - I know you must be thinking). My two little boys are currently my biggest incentive to keep going, especially when the need to restrict, lose weight, etc. become strong. I've also learned that I'm not as alone as I once thought - and I thought I was pretty much the only person on the planet who thought or felt like I did. People are smart, and can be a big help if you let them. I also found that the self discipline it took to NOT eat could be focused on learning to eat normally again - sort of "using the power for good, and not for evil" as my 5 year old might say. In other words - I guess I'm sort of a "control freak" and I had to learn to control my life positively instead of negatively. Your friend is right - try the wrench, and if it doesn't work, pull out the pliers... Good luck - I'm pullin' for ya'!

D.

Welcome to the boards! This really is a great place...I've been here for like three years! Anyway, I think that some tools to overcoming ED's are family support, loving yourself, a journal to express your feelings, a therapist (definitey a good tool!), friends, God (if you are religious), goals. These are the most important tools I have to controling my ED everyday. GOod luck and I hope you realize that you are on the right path and that you are important.

Love, Jen

Hi everyone,
My name is Lauren and I just joined this board yesterday. I have only been dealing with anorexia for about 1yr, only having admitted it a few months ago. It's so hard to stop playing the game. I have a great therapist and some really great support behind me but god it's just so frustrating. My therapist keeps telling me that I know what I am supposed to do. But frankly I don't. Yeah I know I'm supposed to keep eating but it just doesn't interest me. I want to get better, I don't want to be like this for the rest of my life but I am not sure what to do. She says to use my tools. Well what the heck tools am I supposed to be using is my question? I also have a friend who is in recovery from her eating disorder who tells me the same thing. I said to her once "I feel like I have my craftsman toolbox full of tools but I don't know whether to use the phillips or flat head screwdriver or the wrench or plyers" She said to take them all out and try each one. Well I thought it was a great metaphor but I have no freakin' clue what to do with that. Does anyone have any ideas? I'm scared, I don't want to end up in the hospital or be like this forever. I have so much in my life yet I'm still not happy. I just don't understand. Help?

Thanks
Lauren :confused:


Hi, Lauren!

And a hearty welcome!! Therapists can be very different, I have found, having had one myself, and talking to otherpeople who have. Does your therapist specialize in eating disorders? Also, is it possible she told you before
"what you are supposed to do" and also about the "tools", and maybe you have forgotten? I would be point blank with her and disallow her to be vague. You are there to be helped, and if there is ANY confusion, about ANYTHING....how can you truly be helped?? When next you see her, bring note paper and pen and tell her right away that you're "not sure" what she means by these things, and to please reiterate. Then, have her do any explaing of these things so that you DO fully understand. You are there for her to help you, and how can she help if there are things you don't understand, right? I also do hope she's very knowledgable about eds. Part of the problem I had with my therapist...who I no longer go to!!...is that she had me discuss things that were irrelevant - consequently, we got nowhere in a dozen sessions. Do you truly feel you are being helped by her? I had to have a talk with my therapist about these things and sometimes that is what you need to do. You should both be able to communicate well with each other, and if you can, then she will understand why you are asking her these questions. Good luck and take care!

Hugs!
Char :wave:

Thanks for the support from everyone so far. Char I have to say my therapist is great and thankfully eating disorders are one of her specialties. I think I really do need to take in paper and pen and write them down. I have this horrible habit of not remembering once we have gone over something. She is very supportive but she definitely sets boundaries so that I don't go too far. I am going to have to be more direct I think and perhaps go over my tools with her more in depth. It just gets frustrating, not only for me, but for those around me who are watching this. That includes my partner. I've been with her for 6yrs and she has dealt with my anxiety, depression and now my ed for 5 of those years. She definitely loves me, I can say that. As for loving myself, which I know was also mentioned, that is really important. I meditate and that helps me a lot with that piece and learning to use love and light in my life instead of fear and darkness. That's my spirituality and it really is important in staying grounded among all this chaos. I'm really glad that I found this place. I'll have to thank my friend Penny that I met from my anxiety message board that I joined 5yrs ago. :)
Thanks again to all
Lauren

Hi!

I'm so glad you're here, too! This is a wonderful and supportive place to be, for sure. I am glad you have a therapist with whom you have a great relationship. When I was intherapy I often had to take notes or I feared I'd forget key points...not that anything ever did any good. LOL

You seem to be on the right track and that is wonderful! Keep letting us know how it's going! You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs!!
Char :wave: