Hi all :wave:

I need help with my (almost) 11 yr old son. He's the most unhygenic child that I know. I hate to say this about my own flesh and blood, but he can seriously be disgusting. It takes all that I have to get him to bathe even if it's just every other day. When he does, he won't use soap, he won't use shampoo. He just stands around. I know this for a fact because I check the positioning of the shampoo bottles and where the soap is (if it's even wet at all) every time he gets out of the shower. And he lies about it... he swears up and down that he did CLEAN himself. When I call him out on the lie, then he'll finally admit it and I have to make him get back in again. But even though we've (hubby and I) shown him how to use soap and shampoo MANY MANY times, he still does a ho hum job with it.

There have been times that I've checked his scalp to see how clean he is (yes I'm a cleanliness FREAK). He'll have crusty dried up dirt that I literally have to scrub off myself. It'll be behind his ears, and everywhere else that dirt can hide. I have to keep his hair in a buzz cut just to make it easier for him to clean, but nooooo he still can't do it. Now instead of the dirt and dandruff looking stuff flaking off into his hair, it just sticks to his scalp. YUCK!

He's at the point that he NEEDS antiperspirant. Yet he won't use it. I have to ask him every day if he put some on. Of course he'll say no, go upstairs, pretend to put some on, then try to rush out the door before I yell "STOP". Then of course I have to actually check to make sure.. and noooo he lied again. So I have to stand there and watch him put it on just to make sure that he does. I DON'T GET IT!!

There are other things too.. like he'll try to run out of the house in dirty clothes that were worn just yesterday when he has tons of clean clothes in the closet/drawers. They could be full of dirt, covered in cow dung, smelling up the house, and by god he'd still try to wear them. He just doesn't care! And don't even get me started about his toothbrushing habits.. ugh.

I've talked to his doctor about this, and he just says that sometimes it takes a while for kids to catch on about the importance of hygeine. I understand that, but still.. I'm tired of fighting him every single day. I don't have this problem with my 6 yr old girl. She's a clean freak.. maybe it's a girl thing. I don't know.

I don't know what else to do. I've talked to him calmly about it, his father has talked to him.. even sat there by the shower many times showing him how to use products, you name it. I've sat a timer by the sink so that he knows how long to brush his teeth.. of course then he won't put toothpaste on it no matter how many different kinds I've bought (yes we've tried about 20 different flavors, still doesn't matter).

Eventually, if it's not happening already, he's GOING to be teased. He's going to be ridiculed if someone sees that nasty dirt residing his hair.

Um HELP????? How long DOES it take for them to "get it"?

I dont know how long it takes because all of my children are younger and have yet to reach this stage lol but I have a 14 year old step brother and I know my mom and stepdad are having the same problem with him and it started about the time he was 11 or so I dont understand it and neither does my mom they bought him all different kinds of deoderants cause they werent sure what he would like and all sorts of tooth paste and shampoo but he just wont use it they only have him on the weekends so I dont know if that is whats wrong there or what but his mom has problems with him at home too. Maybe if you try letting him go to the store and pick out his own kind of everything Deoderant shampoo ect.

I can gaurantee you that the issue here isn't about what type of flavor, color, smell, brand etc you buy. It's a boy thing and I hate to say that, as I have two myself. My 11.5 year old has to still be told to take a shower and it's a battle royal too. I can remember my best friend's dad chasing her brother around the house hollering at him to take a shower. [removed] Frequently, I'd have to leave the room because the teenage/preteen boy in the room was making me sick from not bathing.

My only suggestion is watch him shower...maybe that will help. Get a see through shower curtain and sit there and make sure he does what he's supposed to while in there. He won't want to be naked in front of you...and maybe having you watching him every second will make him realize that if he just does it..you won't be breathing down his neck about it. Weak idea, but the only one I have. It's a pain for you, but anything is worth a bit of work if it helps keep them from being made fun of and ridiculed.

My niece is the same way. She's 11 and my sister has to stand in the bathroom and supervise. I was in the car the other day with my parents and opened up the glove compartment to find it filled with breath freshening gum. My dad laughed and said when they take my niece places, her breath is so bad 'cuz she won't brush her teeth that they give her sticks of gum. Apparently this all resolves itself when they discover the opposite sex. Then you'll have to deal with several LONG showers every day, the house stinking of perfume or aftershave...

Ok wheeeeeeeeew at least I know this isn't just a thing with my kiddo. So apparently most boys go through this? My daughter is a neat freak. She's gonna be little miss priss (I'm sure I've got quite a few battles on the way with that one lol). I think I said before that she was 6, but she's not, she just turned 7, I just haven't gotten it into my brain yet is all lol!

So he'll grow out of this on his own? I have thought many times about sitting in there while he showers, but uhhhh I just can't do it. I have a pretty messed up past involving abuse (to me) and I just don't feel comfortable watching my naked OLDER child bathe. Maybe I can talk the hubby into it.. not sure though. He's not his natural father and isn't too comfortable with the thought either. We were both a bit weirded out when we've had to go in there for a little bit to show him how to use the products correctly. What's funny about that is that when he was younger, before we let him bathe alone, he did everything himself anyway, I just supervised it all. Which is how I knew he was ready to be on his own.

Let me clarify that I don't have a massive problem with nudity.. it's not like I can't bring myself to check things out if the kiddos have a problem in "certain areas" or anything.. nor did I have a problem when they were babies. It's just that shower time is a personal thing to me.

I wonder if the fact that he IS going to be teased will be enough to kick him into it?? Maybe WHEN he gets picked on?

That was going to be my next statement...as much as I hate to see any kid picked on...sometimes that's all it takes. I hate to see him have to go through that and if it can be avoided, please do. If you are like me, and you are because you are a caring mother, it breaks your heart to have them picked on. Mine is starting middle school in the fall and I'm having a nervous breakdown. I hope your guy gets it together and starts taking care of himself and no mom, it's not you...it's most boys at this age. ;o) Hang in there!!!

I say leave him be. Do you think this is rebelious thing? Do you think something happened to him that he is making himself ugly so that someone will leave him alone? Ask him what it is about bathing that makes him not want to do it? Would he rather have a bath than a shower? Would he rather be able to use the same soap oh his head that he uses on his body?

Since you are a neat freak maybe he wants to do the opposite. Let him be gross. But place limits. If he is going to wear the same clothes, not bathe, etc... then he loses privelages. If he gets made fun of, then he will have to deal with it. Tell him he is on his own from now on. He can bathe when he wants to. I bet as soon as you make it a non-issue he will start taking better care of himself. This might not work, but I don't think watching him bathe and taking away his dignity are a good choice either. He is old enough to bathe alone.

Boys are gross at any age a lot of the time. I have 3 boys and have learned more than I ever wanted to about what they do.

I don't blame you about the shower thing. You're right, it really is a personal thing, especially for a boy of his age. He's kind of old to have to watch at this point anyway. I'd say that the only way I'd do it is if you had a shower curtain that gave him some privacy. Not see through. You could walk him through verbally on how to take a shower again. You wouldn't be able to visually see that he's washing, but he still might get sick of a parent coming in there routinely to explain over and over again how to take a shower.

Also, at some point you have to just let go and let natural consequences take place. I really think he will reach a point where kids will comment on some aspect of his uncleanliness, whether it be bad breath, body odor, etc.. I think peer pressure (or girls) will be enough to change him at that point.

i can remember having a hard time getting my boys into the shower. as teenagers i couldn't get them out of it. i wonder if standing over these boys will only escalate things if they are getting attention by not cleaning themselves. for me the answer was to make hygiene more fun rather than a chore. my boys were asked to have baths rather than a shower. the bathroom was full of things like bubble bath, swimming goggles, snorkels, bubble blowing wands & bubble juice, spiderman toys, big fat sponges and plastic cups. my boys ended up in the bath so long that any trace of dirt and grime had well and truly disintegrated. hair was given a good wash on the weekends by mum in the sink. and as the boys got a little older i showed them magnified pictures of head lice (that scared them into washing their hair properly). tooth care was solved by putting electric toothbrushes in christmas stockings. just an idea, perhaps you could give your son a choice. i always found that giving kids choices worked wonders. he could have the choice to have a thorough shower then watch tv. or he can have a quick shower and go straight to bed. i wish you luck finding something that works for you.

I have a 9 year old daughter who is starting to care more about playing than washing up in the shower too. She is great too, moves stuff around in the shower to throw me off, even puts shampoo on her head but doesn't wash, because I smell her hair when she comes out. I think it is a rebellion thing. They want to do what they want to do. What I started doing is actually washing my daughter. This lasted 3 times and now she cleans herself good. She felt even more young with me actually doing it for her. It is a part of growing up, they want to do things their way but she realized that to wash up in the shower on her own was actually becoming independant in itself. I know you have a thing about the showers. I think it might be strange to have your husband wash him since he is not his biological father, but I think the clear curtain and a little supervision might help him to want to do it correctly independantly.

Sounds like a rebellion thing to me. Maybe your son doesn't realize this is disgusting behavior that other people are bound to notice? I can imagine how this must bother you cause it would bug me too! I have a 5 month old boy and hope he doesn't do this to me! I think you have to let it go and he will finally get embarrassed and start cleaning himself up. If you don't control it he will probably lose interest in rebelling. I do wonder why he would want to be dirt though lol.